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1
Hi.
You look nice.
What was that?
If you care then why did you
*** my best friend? Mins!
When did it all get so *** hard?
That's what happens.
Guess what I just did.
With Grace?
Of course with Grace!
You're actually all right.
Yeah?
I'm all right?
I love you quite a bit, Rich.
(# STARS: Wasted Daylight)
Oh-oh
Oh oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh oh-oh ♪
(ALARM RINGS)
Heat is a heavy head
Keeps me in my bed
Push aside the pillow
The whole room just turned
yellow ♪
Morning.
Uh.
Three in the afternoon
We still haven't moved
Siren sighs ♪
Oh, my God! We're at my house!
Why are we at my house?
Er, we came here
cos it was closer or something.
Rich, you can't be here - my dad!
I don't mind
I don't mind ♪
- Hurry up, Rich, come on!
- I'm trying.
WOMAN: Grace, you're going to be
late.
Stay behind me and be quiet.
- Are you coming with me?
- No.
Dad drives me every day.
Fine.
- I'll see you in college.
- ***! It's locked.
There's only one other way.
You'll have to go out
the back through the kitchen.
- And Rich I trust you, OK?
- OK.
(MUSIC PLAYS)
Ow!
(# KATRINA & THE WAVES:
Walking On Sunshine)
***!
I used to think maybe you loved me
Now, baby, I'm sure ♪
What the ***?
He's your dad?
Why didn't you tell me?
I'll explain later,
just don't let them see you.
- It's the only way out.
- Are you *** crazy?
Now go!
I go for the mail box
I gotta hold myself down
Cos I just can't wait
till you write me you're comin'
around
I'm walking on sunshine
Whoa-oh!
I'm walking on sunshine
Whoa-oh ♪
- Morning, dear.
- All right, princess?
(TURNS MUSIC DOWN)
You look a bit peaky.
Actually, I'm not feeling too
great
Maybe I'm sick or something.
Um Dad, why don't you
come over here and feel my head too?
Feels all right to me.
Are you sure you're getting
enough iron in your diet?
Maybe not.
I
Um
- Check her head again, David.
- (BARKING AND SCREAMING)
Who on earth is in the garden?
- (GROWLING)
- Help me! Please! Get off me!
Burke! Down.
Burke!
You remember Rich from college?
Er
Erm Hi.
Well, um I'd best be off now.
Side gate unlocked? Great.
See you later, then.
He seems nice.
(HUMS ALONG TO MUSIC)
Walking on sunshine ♪
- Your drop-off point.
- Dad.
I can explain.
There's no need.
I think
our little experiment may be over.
It's time you returned to Mayberry's
College For Young Ladies.
No! You can't send me back there!
It's in the middle of nowhere
and everyone's horrible
and smells of horses!
This place is bad for you.
These friends I see you with,
they distract you from your studies.
But you don't know Rich.
Or my friends!
And I get As for everything!
Everything!
Grace, calm down, please.
How about this?
You may live your life as you want.
But the moment - the moment -
you achieve a grade less than an A,
starting with your AS drama
examination, you will
return to Mayberry's College.
O-OK.
Good.
Have a productive morning.
- David bloody Blood?!
- Shh.
He doesn't want people to
know.
Why not?
He thinks it will compromise his
position if people know
he has a daughter in college.
He made me promise.
So you just did what he said
and didn't even tell me?
He's my dad.
I didn't have a choice.
We're late for rehearsal.
Andrew Aguecheek.
Come on.
Give me my veil.
Come, throw it o'er my face!
- (SNIGGERING)
- We'll once more hear Orsino's
embassy.
The honourable lady of the house,
which is she?
Speak to me
GRACE: OK, hold it there.
We're going to skip down a few scenes
and come back to you later.
Mini, sit down.
Matty, we'll do Act IV Scene II.
Thine eye hath
Stay'd upon some favour that it
loves
Hath it not, boy?
A little, by your favour.
Remember, Franky,
you're talking about him.
You're completely in love.
What kind of woman is't?
- Of
- # It's been days now
- And you change
your mind again ♪
- Of your complexion.
It feels like years ♪
Actually, Grace, we need to talk.
- Can't it wait?
- No.
Matty and I have decided
- we don't want to be in the play.
- What?
- But you're the leads! We need you.
- Not really bothered.
Right?
Sorry, yeah?
Hey, I'm still Toby Belch, right?
Cos I learnt all the *** lines!
Liv Please!
You can't do this.
I need this play to work.
I've got to get an A.
It's really,
really, really important.
I'm just I'm not feeling the
love.
From Mini, Franky or you.
I think you're all still
*** off with me for what I did.
No! We're not!
It's fine! Everybody's over it.
We're all good.
Listen, come over mine tonight.
Let me prove it.
We'll do a girls' night in.
It'll be just like old times.
You'll feel the love.
I promise.
It'll be magic.
And I could tell you
that I won't hurt you this time ♪
KNOCK AT DOOR
Enter.
Ah.
Grace.
What can I do for you?
I was wondering if I could have
some friends round tonight?
Out of the question.
Why? Because education is war?
Education is war,
against inefficiency,
ignorance, idleness and chewing gum.
And our relationship
must remain secret.
But you're my dad.
And you've got to meet my friends.
That's what you do.
They won't tell anyone.
And Rich already knows.
Dad, I want to have my friends
round for tea, and that's that!
Fine.
But they must not breathe a word
of what they see or hear.
And Rich?
I want him to come to dinner.
Yes.
I will meet him too.
Oh, thanks, Dad! Thanks so much!
You're going to love him.
Grace
Remember, to stay, we must get As.
(ALL CHATTER)
Hello, everyone.
We've got two days till the exam
and we're still not ready.
So can I have Mini and Franky up
here to run through Act I Scene V?
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
'Performing Shakespeare'smore
than reading words from a script,
'It's about catharsis.
'The outpouring of emotion
you feel as the play finishes.
'A play is a promise
to deliver that.
'And the only way to make sure
that happens is to always remember
'the most important thing
about Shakespeare
'that he knows more about you
than you do.
'You've got to let his wisdom
fill your soul.
'He makes us better people.
'
That is your record
of academic achievement.
Plus a couple of other things.
Your father's employment record,
including the results
of his last appraisal.
It's not, as you can see, glowing.
How did you get this?
That's unimportant.
I can tell
from that information that your life,
just like your father's, will add up
to very little.
Very little indeed.
So what?
I can make things easier for you.
I can make them easier
for your father.
I know people.
And I will not be a principal
forever.
What are you talking about?
These drama examinations
are externally moderated.
I cannot influence the result.
But if someone who I am told
is very good on stage
were, say, to perform very badly
on purpose
You want Grace to fail
her examination.
Why?
Because, Richard,
she is too good for you.
Now.
I trust that
you will you do what I ask?
She's not for you, Richard.
She's my little girl.
See you tonight.
DOORBELL RINGS
Um This is really good, Mrs
Blood.
What do you call it again?
Chicken.
Yeah, of course.
Chicken.
(DOG GROWLS)
So are you enjoying
performing Shakespeare, Richard?
Rich is really good playing
Aguecheek.
Really funny.
Reminds me of
a young, not-black Sidney Poitier.
Er, yeah.
So, Richard, tell me
What does your father do?
Rich's dad works
in the civil service.
Oh, really?
How conscientious of him.
Not really.
Er, Mum.
Could you please pass the peas?
Of course, dear.
Do you remember the pea song
from that holiday in France?
And that silly waiter?
ALL SING: # We want some peas
We want some peas
Please, please, please
give us some peas!
We want some peas
We want some peas
Please, please, please
give us some peas!
We want some peas
We want some peas
Please, please, please
give us some peas!
We want some peas
We want some peas
Please, please, please
give us some peas! ♪
Again, again!
I really, really, really need
a cigarette.
You did really well.
Did you see the way
your dad was looking at me?
That's just his way!
He likes you, honestly.
We're very different, Grace.
Well, maybe our parents are.
No, I mean You're different
with them.
You're not you.
DOORBELL RINGS
Grace! Your friends are here!
Woo! Girls' night in!
Grace, I'll see you later, yeah?
Ladies.
So, you've met Mum.
And now you can meet me.
Professor Blood?
What are you doing at Grace's house?
Because her house is also my house.
I am her father.
I asked Grace to keep this a secret,
and now I ask you all
to keep it a secret too.
Will you do that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Remember, please, ladies
Have fun.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys.
He made me promise.
Jesus Christ.
What other secrets do you have,
Grace? If that is even
your real name.
Cool bird.
Are you the secret love child
of Wayne Rooney and Susan Boyle?
Hey are you even a girl?
Do you have a little winky, Grace?
Please don't hate me.
Don't worry about it.
My sister's in prison,
and I don't exactly go around
telling everyone about it.
Anyway let's get *** up.
I brought you a present.
What's that?
It's coke.
Want to try it? It'll be fun!
Have you any idea
how much this sounds like
the beginning of
an episode of Casualty?
Liv! We should rehearse.
Aah.
Why bother?
This'll be much more fun.
Grace is right.
We're still not
ready.
Or at least, some elements aren't.
Really? What "elements"
would those be, Mini?
You know.
This and that.
OK! Let's all do ***!
(CHEERING)
The reason I know that this will be
awesome is you're all so much
ike your characters in the play.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Liv, you're playing Olivia, right?
She's beautiful, desired by all,
but she's also really vulnerable.
What's Franky's story, then?
I can do this one.
Franky is Viola.
The girl dressed as a boy
who can't get what she wants
Whatever that is.
I know what I want.
And what's that?
What's what?
Well
Franky, you haven't really told us
whether you're a
you know or a
A what or a what?
A lesbian.
Liv! That's so
No.
It's OK, I don't mind.
And the answer is no.
I'm not anything.
So you're a bisexual?
No.
I'm into people.
Who are you into at the moment?
SOULJA BOY: Turn My Swag On
Well
Woo! I love this track!
Everyone dance! Dance with me!
Hopped up out of bed
Turn my swag on
Took a look in the mirror
Said, "What's up?"
Yeah, I'm getting money
Oh, turn my swag on
It's my time to turn it up
Yeah
Yeah.
♪
KNOCK AT DOOR
***!
Grace!
What are you doing in there?
Hide the stuff!
You know I don't like locked doors
in my house, Grace.
Come out!
Coming, Dad.
Sorry, Professor Blood.
I'm going to walk them home, Dad.
All of them?
Don't wait up.
We should do *** every day!
It's marvellous!
Where are all the *** men!?
I think you scared them away
when you did the Macarena to Rustie.
There's some.
Come on, Franky.
Let's get your balls wet.
No It's OK.
You go.
Yeah.
You go, Mini.
We'll stay here and watch.
Franky likes to watch.
Don't you, Franky?
OK.
Let's go.
Franky likes to watch?
It is all good, baby!
Let's get crunked!
So, Liv.
Are you back in the play?
Please say yes.
Yeah, I think so.
I knew you wouldn't let me down!
Thanks, Liv.
Don't worry about it.
Guess who.
Rich!
Of all the pretentious student nights
in all of Bristol,
you had to choose this one.
You're pissed.
How dare you!
I've only had seven drinks
and they were teeny tiny little
dwarfy drinks.
What's going on?
Mini and Franky
are trying to get laid.
What - by them?
I think they're considering it.
Matty, no.
They're having
a good time, just leave it.
(YELLS INAUDIBLY)
You are such a *** ***
Rich.
Oh, God, what do I do, Rich?
Rich?
Shhh!
Rich!
(RETCHES)
Rich? Oh, Rich, no!
(RICH VOMITS)
Come on.
I'll take you home.
Ooh, you're heavy.
The road is long
With many a winding turn ♪
Shush, Rich.
Uh I'm all right, Grace.
Cos I've got you to look after me.
It's what you do!
Everyone's happy when Grace is
around.
You're a shape-shifter of happiness.
What are you talking about?
You're not making any sense.
I don't know who you are!
Are you Grace Violet or Grace Blood?
Are you daddy's girl
or my girl?
My girl
Talkin' about my girl
My girl ♪
I'm who I need to be, Rich.
We all are.
Haven't you heard the saying
"all the world's a stage"?
Yeah.
But it's not true, is it?
I'm going home.
Rich.
Tell me why you're unhappy.
Hey.
All the world's a stage, right?
So none of this matters.
Doesn't matter at all.
That's not a happy face, Gracie!
What's the matter, sweetheart?
Basically? All my friends
have fallen out,
which means the play
isn't going to work, which means
I won't get an A for drama,
which means Dad is going to
send me back to Mayberry's.
I found this when
I was cleaning your room.
It's the one I used to read you.
Rapunzel was always your favourite.
But what's that
Rapunzel had to let down her hair
so the prince could climb up.
So what's that
got to do with anything?
It's got everything to do
with everything, Grace.
So what do I do?
You get them on that stage no
matter what.
You are the director.
Take control and be creative.
Make a happy ending.
How?
Let down your hair, princess.
Do not extort thy reasons
from this clause
For, that I woo,
therefore hast no clause
But rather reason thus
than reason fetter
Love sought is good,
but given unsought is better.
By innocence I swear
Hold on.
I've had an idea.
Kiss her.
Um There's nothing
about kissing in the script.
You're meant to interpret
Shakespeare.
Try it!
Um, but Um, but rather
reason thus than reason fetter
Love sought is good,
but given unsought is better.
Fine.
Am I doing OK?
You're doing fine.
And thanks for covering for Liv.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
You're doing your best,
but we need Matty and Liv.
After last night, I don't know
if they're going to come back.
But they're our leads.
Without them
We're ***.
Let's take an hour's break.
Thanks, everyone.
Sorry about last night.
That's OK.
You were just drunk.
I know you didn't mean
what you said.
No, I'm sorry about being drunk,
but I
meant what I said.
What I can remember.
What? All that stuff about me
being fake - you meant it?
Not fake.
I'm just saying
you're always performing.
You're an actress, not a director.
You're always playing the part
of whoever the person you're with
needs you to be.
So, fake, then.
You always say that
you're made of stories.
And you are.
I don't understand
what's wrong with that.
What's really going on, Rich?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Come on.
Say it.
Say what you're thinking.
I don't know what we are.
I don't know if we're right.
I know what's going on.
You've met my parents
and now you're freaking out.
Yeah, I am, actually.
Yeah.
Don't be such a girl.
It's not like we're getting married!
It was one dinner!
Yeah, one mental dinner.
So
Shall we just not bother, then?
Just screw all this?
No! I don't know, Grace, I just
I don't know what to do.
About us.
Go away, Rich.
Go away now.
Fine.
No-one's here
Nothing's new ♪
Not bad, eh?
This used to be a sports hall.
Great acoustics, though.
Ave Maria! ♪
Want to try it out?
Oh.
No.
It's brand-new.
It needs christening.
Say some lines.
Get a feel for it.
(MUMBLES) To be, or not to be.
Louder! Project! Fill the space!
To be, or not to be,
that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind,
to suffer
The slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms
against a sea of troubles
And, by opposing, end them?
To die? To sleep, no more.
No.
No.
No *** way.
No *** way!
Grace? Are you OK?
Absolutely fine.
You're back in the play.
Don't argue.
You're going to come
and rehearse right now.
Fine.
Is Liv here?
Can you see Liv?
Where is she?
I haven't seen her since last night.
She won't answer my calls,
messenger, e-mails, nothing.
Have you broken up?
She's not talking to me.
I don't think she trusts me.
What sort of boyfriend are you?
A bad one.
OK? But I
But I love her, Grace.
I really *** love her.
Come on, we need to rehearse.
Your master quits you
and, for your service done him
So much against the mettle
of your sex
And since you've served me
for so long
Here is my hand.
There's no saving anything
Now we're swallowing
the shine of the sun ♪
You shall from this time be
Your master's mistress.
There's no saving anything
How we swallow the sun
But I won't be no runaway
Cos I won't run ♪
Matty, Franky,
you need to work on that kiss.
But that's it for today, everyone.
MINI: I'd better learn the rest
of Liv's part.
I'll be fine.
We've got another thing
coming undone
We've got another thing
coming undone
That's taking us over ♪
Get you to your lord!
I cannot love him
Let him send no more
Unless perchance,
you come to me again.
(SCREAMS)
What's going on, sweetheart? Tell
Mummy, and she'll make it better.
I can't make it work!
I can't make a happy ending.
Why don't you imagine the look on
your dad's face when it does work?
That's a reason to try.
I'm trying so hard already.
Then try harder, darling.
DOOR CLOSES
Thought I'd find you here.
You have to come back.
What for?
For Matty.
For Mini.
For Franky.
For me.
For everything.
What's the point? Me and Matty.
Me and Mini.
Me and Franky.
It's all ***, Grace.
I don't know
how to be with them any more.
Yes, you do!
I know you do.
Just be with them.
What do you think of me, Grace?
What I did,
with Nick, with Mini?
What do you think?
I think everything
is going to be fine.
Everyone is going to get
what they want.
I promise you.
I know it.
How do you know that?
Because it's the only thing
I believe in.
Because it's the only thing
I've got left to count on.
OK, everyone.
I know it's been
a difficult morning,
with all the last-minute changes
I've made.
I want to thank you all
for everything you've put into this.
I know it's been hard for everyone.
But we're ready.
So let's show those ***
how this story ends.
Positions, everyone!
We need to talk.
After, OK?
ALO: I'm nervous, I'm nervous.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Rich, mate,
I'm absolutely *** myself.
But rather reason thus
with reason fetter
Love sought is good,
but given unsought is better.
By innocence I swear,
and by my youth
I have one heart,
one *** and one truth.
And that no woman has,
nor never none
Shall mistress be of it,
save I alone.
And so, adieu, good madam.
Never more will I my master's tears
to you deplore.
Yet come again, for thou,
perhaps mayst move
That heart, which now abhors,
to like his love.
LAUGHTER
No, faith, I'll not stay
a jot longer.
Thy reason, dear venom.
Give thy reason.
You must needs yield
your reason, Sir Andrew.
Marry, I saw your niece
do more favours
You're a sick ***,
do you know that?
What do you mean?
Me and her! It turned you on!
Have you any idea how weird that is?
You were kissing another girl.
Of course it turned me on.
Guys! Shh! The play!
Do you love her?
What's going on?
I love you.
But do you love her?
I'm sure you'll be
very happy together.
Whatever's going on
you can't go now.
You can't leave me.
You told me it would all be OK.
It will be! It will.
We just have to finish.
We just have to finish the play.
You forget her.
Now.
OK?
You're on in two.
Come on.
We need to finish.
Just finish.
Now heaven walks on earth.
Three months hath
this youth tended upon me
But more of that anon.
Take him a aside
What do you say, Cesario?
Good, my lord?
If it be aught to be
to the old tune, my lord
It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear
As howling after music.
A long while ago the world began
With hey-ho, the wind and the rain
But all is done, the play is won
And we'll strive to please you
again every day.
♪
THE PAINS OF BEING PURE A HEART: Heart In Your Heartbreak
Take a look around
when you're going down
Cos you'll never feel so high
As when you hid in her arms
in the sky and the world slept
And there's no use to say
just how much it kills
When it still kills all the same
Every thought of her name
like a hand to an open flame ♪
Woo-woo!
She was the heart
in your heartbreak
She was the miss in your mistake
And no matter what you take
You're never going to forget
She was the tear
in the rainstorm ♪
They're just through there.
That really was excellent, Grace.
Really good, darling.
But I have decided that you will be
returning to Mayberry's after all.
What?
What?! ***!
Have some decorum, young lady.
You're not in Scotland!
I did what you asked!
I did everything! I worked so hard!
Mum, say something!
We wanted you to finish your
school year in a good place.
Thanks so much!
That makes it all fine!
The deal
was never a deal, was it? You were
always going to send me back.
I'm doing this because I love you.
I just want better for you.
No, David.
You just want a different daughter.
Grace Grace!
I'm going away, Rich.
For good.
But what about us?
You were right, Rich.
You were
totally right.
I'm not real.
Yes, you are.
You're real to me.
I was a *** for saying
I'm a story.
A character.
A *** fiction.
But you're not.
The others aren't.
My parents aren't.
And I don't belong here.
Where are you going?
To a *** castle in the clouds.
Trees fall down
Testing sound
For the death of the forest cold
Trees in clouds testing doubt
Will make you see ♪
I've brought you some supper.
Please fall down ♪
It kills me to see you
like this, Grace.
Everything will work out OK.
You know, you've spent my whole life
filling me with stories,
things that aren't true,
were never true.
You told me everything was going
to be OK as long as I tried.
All these stories,
all these lies I believed.
Great Expectations - lies.
Sense And Sensibility - lies.
I believed it all and now I'm
miserable.
And it's your fault.
And you can't fix it.
I
PATTER ON GLASS
PATTER ON GLASS
(RICH) Her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region
stream so bright
that birds would sing
and think it were not night.
But, soft!
What light from
yonder window breaks?
It is the east and
Juliet is the sun!
RADICAL FACE: Welcome Home
See, how she leans her cheek
upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove
upon that hand
That I might touch that cheek!
Rich? What are you doing?
She speaks!
Speak again, bright angel.
Be careful!
For thou art
as glorious to this night
being
*** me!
as is a winged messenger
of heaven.
The days blur into one
And the backs of my eyes
Burn with things I've never done
Sheets are swaying ♪
It is my lady, o, 'tis my love,
O, that she knew she were
Be quiet.
My parents will hear.
Alack, there lies more peril
in thine eyes
Than twenty of their swords!
Very sweet, but this
can't happen, Rich.
There's nothing
we can do, it's over.
Oh, would'st thou leave me
so unsatisfied?
Tell me.
Tell me what to do,
what's left to do?
The exchange of thy love's
faithful vow for mine.
What do people in Shakespeare's
plays do when it's all ***,
when they're trapped?
How do they work it all out?
Maybe stories are just stories,
or maybe
we can makeourlife a story.
So marry me, Grace Violet Blood.
Oh, wonder
How many goodly creatures
are there here!
How beauteous mankind is!
O brave new world
That has such people in it.
All my nightmares
escaped my head ♪
I do.
Put it on, then.
I do.
Beautiful.
***, my balls!
I do, I do, I do!
Matty?
He just wants to *** you
and then *** you up!
Good.
You're a bit of a prick,
but peel away that prick,
there's a good man in there.
David *** Blood!
Press into my skin again
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
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