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Riley: Please, don't try this at home.
Jon: And remember...
Jory: Remember the 5th of November!
Jon: No... Remember that we're professionals!
*theme song plays*
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Hello, and welcome to "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.
Riley: (in cute baby voice) And I'm your adorable sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
Jory: Those are...
Jon: What have you got there, Riley?
Riley: Zhu Zhu pets, donated by Janet LaCava.
Jon: Nice!
Jory: Those are actually, like, not... Like, mice are not good. Rats as pets are not good.
Jon: So, let's microwave it!
Jory: Electronic, expensive pets? Not good. Let's just microwave them!
Jory: Oh, Marissa, baby! Mmm!
Jon: (in falsetto) Sweet Marissa!
Riley: In there...
Jory: How long should I put them in there for? (to Zhu Zhu pets) Shut up!
Jon: Spell it out like you would on a phone! So, do, like... Okay, zero-zero.
Jory: 5:55. (mimicking Jon) "Just do all zeroes!"
Riley: (in silly voice) Zhu Zhu pets! A-ha-ha!
Jory: Zhu Zhu pets!
*electronic chirping*
Jory: Yup! It's goin'!
Riley: Yup! It's goin'!
Jory: Oh, they're already startin' to spark.
Jory: That's beautiful!
Riley: We don't even need the light!
Jory: Aw, they have such a warm, kind heart!
Riley: I love how they're both going to explode with fire!
Riley: Ooh! She's smoking!
Jory: There's smoke, there's smoke!
Riley: (in silly voice) Smoking, smoking!
Riley: Should we put the fan on? There's a lot of smoke coming from the microwave.
Jon: Activating fan!
Jory: Oh, there was a big flash there.
Jon: Zhu Zhu pets!
Jory: The good thing right now is, even if we could see into it, we couldn't 'cause there's so much smoke.
Jon: I have no idea what a Zhu Zhu pet is. I don't know why they're popular or what they do or why people like them.
Jon: I just know that the audience for the microwave show has requested Zhu Zhu pets incessantly for the last two years!
Jon: How much time is left on this piece of [beep]?
Riley: 1:30.
Jon: Goddamnit! I'm not getting paid enough for this! This is boring as crap!
Riley: It IS! Why are our...?
Jon: I mean, have you ever taken a crap that was just so boring you're like, "Aw, I wish this would be done, so I could just go leave"?
Riley: No!
Jory: No, they're ALL amazing, actually, every single one of my poops!
Riley: They're ALL great!
Jon: Everyone poops!
Jory: Every one of my BMs is...
Jon: Incredible?
Jory: ...Magical! The "M" actually stands for "magical"! It's bowel magic! I fill up the pot with just bowel magic sauce!
Jon: That is good to me!
Jory: That's actually a Taco Bell, uh, salsa packet, is bowel magic! (laughs)
*Riley laughs*
Riley: (to Marissa) Come on! Light on fire!
Jory: It could actually BE on fire.
Riley: The microwave is pouring with smoke. 15 seconds...
Riley: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! Little flame, little flame!
Riley: (muffled through mask) She's done!
Jon: (muffled) Fan off!
Riley: (muffled) Let's go! Move it, move it, move it!
Jon: (muffled) Release the Kraken!
Riley: (muffled) Oh, [beep]!
Jon: (muffled; to Riley) Go turn the fan back on!
Jon: (muffled) Look at that thing work! I love it!
*Riley screams*
Jon: (muffled) Oh, my God! Son of a ***!
Jory: (muffled) It's like a fried egg!
Jory: (muffled) Oh, that's his eye! Oh-ho-ho!
Jory: Zhu Zhu pets- good idea, bad idea? I'm gonna go with, uh...
Jory: ...I-don't-even-know idea! 'Cause I don't even know how good a Zhu Zhu pet IS, you know?
Riley: Kind of boring.
Jory: Sometimes, I can be, like, "That is a good item. Why would you microwave it?" This, I'm, like, I don't know.
Jon: That was a stupid item! I say it's a good idea. They were annoying after only being out of the box.
Jory: (to Jon) Well, that's because you have no soul!
Riley: Does he even believe in Christmas? Like, come on!
Jory: No!
Jon: [Beep] Santa Claus!
Riley: Well, that's about all the time we have for...
Jon: What has he ever done for ME?!
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
*end credits play*
Riley: Get this *** outta here! Get her outta here!
Jory: By the way, Marissa over here...
Jon: We have to retire her!
Jory: She's not dead, she just, she has no light. She's like a vegetable. Do we pull the plug on her?
*funeral montage music plays*
Jory: You might be wondering, "What is the name of this beautiful Kenmore right over here?" Marissa!
Jon: Ooh!
Jory: Marissa with ONE "R"!
*dry ice bomb explodes*
Riley: Oh, my God! OH!
Jory: Shrapnel!
Jory: (to Riley) Don't hit her like that!
Riley: Sorry!
*slap sound*
Jory: I wonder how long we should put it in there for?
*funeral montage music ends*
*Click on episode #46 to find out why the white Furby stands for anything but purity!*