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You could call it a nightmare I dream repeatedly
As I fall it is right there, the peaceful scenery
Seems to be out of reach, my dream's got me on a leash
And she's reminding me, but every time I dream this dream it's blinding me
It's the - past that comes back and attacks with a javelin
Sick of - having abandonment jabbed in my abdomen
With a - click-clack, and that's it, it's pitch black, this attic
This madness is intact, it's just that I can't quit
The door's within reach, but the bond is more than skin deep
I been on this war since sixteen, how am I supposed to get free
I sketch a blank when I think about the beginning
We never belonged together, I hate it now that you're winning
But in spite of me fighting you, you continued enticing me
Never lost your sight of me, but once your jaw's inside of me
I realized you lied to me, my real life divided me
Now the things I do when I think of you downright frighten me
It's a nightmare, existing in just a dream
See, these dreams don't fight fair, this isn't my history
They taking my true desire and twist it to misery
I figured out who's the liar, just wish that it isn't me
I'm locked in the attic and can't nobody hear me cry
I can't panic, cuz I know what I fear's inside
On my knees, praying it won't last
But the only thing responding is the deadbolt latch
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key
Up here, I got plenty of time, the watch tends to rewind
To watch memory wind around my mind
And I remember these, each detail was scrutinized
Until every possibility to fail was euthanized
A few can find mistakes, if you decide to chase it
For weeks and months and years, the fear is something fierce
I needed help, you provided me with shelter
I dropped my shell, then I finally had felt love
I led your exhibition and that led to recognition
That I didn't anticipate or dissipate, I just stayed efficient
But today's addition is more than a state of vision
It's more like a stated mission, this horrible dazed addiction
And I find myself wishing for when no one had paid attention
So go on and save the tension, I know what I say's pretentious
See, I'm stuck inside that mindframe, I need to advance
But there's just too many mind games to beat that I can't
I'm locked in the attic and can't nobody hear me cry
I can't panic, cuz I know what I fear's inside
On my knees, praying it won't last
But the only thing responding is the deadbolt latch
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key
Confined to this room, I confided in you
I don't know what I'm searching for but I can find it in you
So for a second, I'm perfected, but it unglues if I lose at first
And at present, his presence is as elusive as Lucifer's
I'll certainly diffuse him when he's verbally abusive
But misery was blinding, I'd try to destroy the evidence
Digging deep inside to find how to avoid my nemesis
It was my choice to let it in, but what a joy the venom has
Been, amidst all the poison, said I'd forever remember this
But the reminiscing has been amiss and it never misses
I'm questioning the leverage that I was generous with
Cuz now I want it back, and automatic severances
The only way to despise what it is forever
Is to make a clean break - the ties permanently severed
But they seem to have found me, and they're creeping around me
Have defeated my boundary, when the demons surround me
I'm locked in the attic and can't nobody hear me cry
I can't panic, cuz I know what I fear's inside
On my knees, praying it won't last
But the only thing responding is the deadbolt latch
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key
I'm locked - gotta find that key