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Previously on Rescue me
I have something that I thought you
might be interested in, for your book.
I wrote some poetry.
I was thinking maybe I could drop
it by your place at some point.
Ok.
So are you saying I don't
have a shot at genevieve?
Oh, you don't have a prayer.
You don't have--you don't even have
a whisper of a wish with that broad.
Your daughter katie
the reason you haven't been
seeing her around lately
she's in boarding school.
I came here to talk about katie,
but I am not going to apologize.
Come here.
It's a big deal that she
wants us to go to this play.
All right, all right, all right.
What's
it-- When?
Next weekend.
You got no ***
respect for me, do you?
Maybe you gotta be a real
*** to be a good chief.
Well, I guess we're gonna find that out.
I didn't want to do this inside in front of
everybody, 'cause I knew you'd get all pissy.
You won your chip.
You've been sober a whole 12 months.
Congratulations, tommy.
Are you drinking?
No, it's a little trick
I learned from my sponsor.
So, um, how many times have
you been visited by your cousin?
What do you want me to say?
What if
you never see him again?
Yeah.
Let's go.
Hey.
- Hey.
How's it going?
Good.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
How's drinking going?
I'm not drinking.
What--what do you mean?
Where's your chip?
- Got it.
You got it?
- Yeah.
Let's see it.
- Oh, no, I don't have it on me.
Remember, when you gave
it to me, I dropped it.
Oh, oh.
Thought that was a bad omen.
Oh, anyway, I dropped by to tell you,
you don't have to worry about teddy anymore.
He's drinking.
I don't know.
Probably.
He's only been missing
for a couple of weeks.
Nobody can get a hold of him.
- Oh
Ellie's been going out of her
mind.
Any of this ring a bell?
I was--look, my kid--
my daughter was missing,
so I was kind of, you
know, consumed by that.
Her mother put her in school upstate.
I gotta go up and see her in a play.
It's--got a pencil, poke
my eyes out, you know?
You want to hear about teddy or not?
- I guess I'm gonna, yeah.
You know how he was banged
up after your father died?
Right.
Anyway, he figures your father fought in
the big one.
He's gonna go to the memorial.
He's gonna feel some
kind of connection, right?
Yeah.
He's in maryland or virginia,
he's running around volunteering at
every single V.
A.
Hospital there is.
Can you imagine, you're 110 years old,
you fought for your country,
you got rid of hitler,
and now teddy's coming
at you with a bedpan.
I mean, you know there's guys down
there wishing they were back in okinawa.
With adolph.
Apparently your sister
maggie is down there with him.
She's into it 110%.
- Oh, that's great.
Somebody should call arlington national
and tell them there's gonna be a rush.
I gotta go.
- I'll go with you.
See you later, chief.
I'm taking off.
Shift ends at 4:00.
It ain't 4:00 yet.
It's 3:57.
Well, guess that means you're here
another 3 minutes, now doesn't it?
Shame I'm such an *** now.
What was that about?
You don't want to know.
Go to the play.
You don't have any pencils, huh?
As god as my witness, I am
telling you it is an epidemic.
I agree.
Hey, mick, see you, buddy.
- Hey, see you, man.
Patrick dempsey from grey's anatomy.
- Oh, mcdreamy.
No, mcdouchebag is more like it.
Marcia cross.
- Who in the hell is that?
Oh, she plays the devious bree van
de camp on desperate housewives.
Not that I watch it!
What are you guys talking about?
- Celebrities who've had twins.
Not sex with twins,
you know, twin babies.
Yeah, angelina jolie had
twins, and so did julia roberts.
Puff daddy's girlfriend who,
believe it or not, is black.
I wish I could really stay here and chat
with you guys, but I'm gonna get away.
How did he even hear me?
Oh, god, I'm so full of
*** right now, really.
Finally, a moment of self awareness?
No, seriously, I haven't taken a ***
in like 5 days.
I'm really backed up.
And I feel like I got a, like, a
*** turducken sitting in my colon.
Oh, what's a turducken,
dude?I get the *** part, but--
It's a fancy poultry thing.
It's a chicken jammed inside
a duck jammed inside a turkey.
Yeah, except in my case, it's a *** jammed inside
a bigger *** jammed inside a really big ***.
Ok, ok.
I never thought I'd say this,
but can we go back to the twins?
All right,
here's my theory--
I think there is some guy with
this super twin-producing ***
running around hollywood
impregnating all these broads.
Who, who is it?
There's one way we can find
him--look for a guy with 4 balls.
A minute, 12 seconds!
Oh, it's unbelievable.
he deals with the chaffing issues?
Well, I have another theory.
And that theory involves the fact that I think
this guy put some of his celebrity baby money
into the design and construction
of a special ball harness.
Ooh, like a basket.
No, more like a cradle.
Like a ball hammock.
- Ah, a hammock.
And with that, gentlemen,
I bid you adieu.
See ya.
How--how did
you even do that?
I don't give away my secrets.
It's how I can keep
you *** in line.
You can go.
- Yeah?
Maybe I don't want to go.
This is it--I'm
crowning!
No, I don't know what
kind of a play it is.
Something about a family, I think,
and katie is one of the leads.
All right.
- That's all I know.
Just tell me it's not a musical, ok?
'Cause if it's a
musical, I swear to god,
I'm going to find a big
tree and drive right into it.
Oh, and colleen is
heartbroken, you know.
Did you talk to the boyfriend?
No, he hasn't called anybody, and he
hasn't shown up to work in like 2 weeks.
Yeah, well, he gave her the
"it's not you, it's me" speech.
She said that everything was going well.
They had sex one time, and then
it just-- it all fell apart.
So our plan worked.
Maybe she was just really bad at it.
It's not a possibility.
Why?
'Cause I taught her a few things.
You--are you telling
me you sat her down?
What did you teach
her?What did--
You know, maybe we ought
to change the subject.
Yeah, new, uh, new page.
So how's the not drinking going?
I just got my
year-- my year chip.
Tthat's great.
- Yes.
Oh, my god, I'm so proud of you.
You should be so proud of you.
- I am.
It is so amazing.
I also started drinking
again, but let me explain.
And that is so stupid!
It's not stupid.
I figured it out.
I have a system.
I can control it.
You are not having one *** drink
the entire *** weekend.
- Not a problem, not a problem.
Like I said, I can control it.
Done.
Oh, my god.
- Easy.
Oh, my god, you are going to ruin this.
Easy, easy.
Ok, you know what?
Everything that we do this weekend
is going to reflect on katie.
I understand that.
Ok, so here's what
you're going to do--
you are going to act like
you have some manners.
Ok?
And like you have actually been outside
the firehouse and you've had an education.
I just want her to be in
a non-toxic environment.
Ok.
What's with the dress, by the way?
That part of the non-toxic thing?
I got an email last week from
katie requesting that I wear this.
'Cause, you know what, she's
catching your disease-- pretending.
She wants you to have the disease now.
Because she wants you to wear
khakis, a polo, and a blazer.
Really? Did you bring those?
Yeah.
- Good.
'Cause when we get to the inn,
you know what I want you to do?
I want you to take them out and
make sure there's no wrinkles in them,
and then put them on over the
*** non-toxic dress, ok?
Will you please do it for katie?
Let me ask you about
this dwight thing, ok?
Oh, I knew we were gonna go here.
Seriously.
I mean, you want to talk to somebody about
not drinking, maybe you should talk to him.
Alcoholic, pill-head
junkie in a wheelchair.
He's got a major drinking
problem going on, ok?
And I got news for you, too.
Any guy can go for a long time if he
has no sensation in his ***, all right?
That's--that's
pathetic.
Ok?My relationship with dwight has
nothing to do with his longevity.
Really? Then what's it based on, then?
Explain it to me, 'cause
I-- - He makes me laugh.
Ok.
When? When he falls out of the chair?
Let's not talk the rest of the trip, ok?
Yeah, you know what, let's not!
- Right.
Fine.
Do me a favor, will
you? If you could, just
sum up the reason you're with
this guy in like one word.
What would it be?
- ***.
You know, see that big tree right there?
I'm going to drive into
it, right into that, ok?
You know, it's funny
you would mention that,
'cause that tree reminds me of him.
You ok, lou?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Just having an acute
in vino veritas moment.
Yeah.
I don't follow.
In vitro what?
In vino veritas.
In wine, truth.
Or in this case, cheap,
watered down ***.
It's the realization
that tommy was right.
You know, I got
I got no shot, nor have I ever
had a shot with the fair genevieve.
You want to *** the french chick.
Well, you know, yeah, you can do it a
little more poetically, franco, but, yes.
Have you told him?
That would be a little obvious, I think.
Learn from me, grasshopper.
Oh, you know, I haven't had
one of those in a long time.
Focus.
She's a hot chick, right?
Guys go for her all the time, and
they all play the same game, all right?
They flirt, they bare their souls,
they do almost everything except come right
out and tell her what they're really after.
You do that, you'll be totally,
almost grotesquely obvious, she'll
find it so *** refreshing,
by the time she figures out she
really doesn't want to *** you,
you'll be zipping up
and heading for the door.
Should I do this in
person, or can I call?
You only do it over the
phone if you're a ***.
Or if you feel like the actual
sight of you might *** the deal.
I'll call.
- Good idea.
Yeah.
In the meantime, can you
make me one of them grasshoppers?
I want my breath to be nice
and minty when I do this.
Yeah, you bet.
So you're sure that katie said that she
was coming back to the room after rehearsal?
Who?
Katie.
Our daughter.
Isn't her name katherine?
Yes.
But we call her katie.
Oh.
She said her name was katherine.
I love her so much.
She's
the best roommate ever.
Oh!
And she tells us all about you guys.
Oh.
You have a job with a hedge fund,
and you're a fashion designer.
And she tells us all about
your gigantic loft in soho,
and all the people you
know, and the parties.
And your summer house in montauk.
I've never been to
montauk.
What's it like?
Nice.
- Nice.
So look, I'm just going to
come right out and say this, ok?
You're a very attractive
woman and I am-- well
a little-- you know what, let's
not even talk about what I am.
This isn't easy.
Especially since I've got people
like tommy gavin in my life
telling me that I've got no possible
shot with you, but be that as it may
I find you extremely attractive, and I would
like to take our relationship to a physical place.
I'm going to give you
a moment now to laugh.
What?
Wait a minute, did you just say--was that
actually you talking, or was it the grasshopper?
No, it's a drink.
I'll
explain it when I see you.
Well, yes, I can.
Yeah.
I just gotta shave and shower and attach
my head to a new body and then find a new head.
Yes!
Yes!Franco! You are genius!
I love ya.
That is minty.
I gotta try one of those.
Montauk?
- It's on long island.
We know where it is, honey.
And what's with the hedge fund?
The closest I ever came to
a hedge was the time I was
working as a landscaper
summertime during high school.
Are you ashamed to tell people
that your dad's a firefighter?
It's not right to
make up stories, katie.
That's right.
- Katherine, mommy.
I told you.
Ok, do you want us to throw a little
hepburn at the end of katherine?
And mummy, mummy's the villain that
brendan fraser chases in the movies.
She's mom or ma.
Why can't you tell people
the truth about your family?
Oh, you mean how my parents
are divorced but not really?
And my mother had a baby
with my father's brother,
and my uncle went to jail after he shot
the drunk driver who killed my brother?
Well, she's got us on that one.
Ok, let's just talk about happy things.
Whoa, what's with the pda?
What?
What, did you give her
one of those phones?
It means public displays of affection?
Where are his pants and his blazer?
I will make sure he
wears it to the play.
Well, I'm not gonna wear
the pants--ow, honey!
Hey, shh! Keep it down!
There are people here.
- All right!Ok.
Ok.
Did I tell you I'm
going skiing this winter?
Lucy walters, she's like
my newest best friend.
Her parents have a place
near sugar bush in vermont.
They're taking me up
there during winter break.
Have you guys ever skied before?
I didn't think so.
That's the art center over there.
That's
where we're doing the play tomorrow night.
Keep up, keep up! Ok.
Y&v_ ux_o]BwxxpxX��x�`hh@y@@ppppy@@i@0�`@ boston lager continues to be a very special beer.
I brewed the first batch in my kitchen and it was the best beer I'd ever tasted.
The first year it was entered in the great american beer festival boston lager was picked as the best beer in america.
And the whole company was three people.
No one had tried an american beer that had that kind of flavor.
Sam adams really got the whole craft beer movement going.
Twenty years on, jim is still obsessed with boston lager.
You can taste that passion in every glass.
It's 25 years later, and sam adams lager continues to win medals all over the world.
That's pretty cool.
since 1862, the best mojitos have always been made the same way.
Please drink responsibly.
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Welcome to the blueberry cottage.
- Hey.
Is this your first time with us?
Yes.
- Yep.
Super.
Breakfast is served
from 6:30 till 9:00,
and we have a special gourmet
dinner for our guests on fridays,
which would be tonight, so lucky you.
Great.
- Great, I'm starving.
You're in room 6, blueberry pie.
All our rooms are named
after blueberry desserts.
We have some nice antiques in that
room, and a view of the herb garden.
Ooh, wow.
Um, I believe there's another
key for the second room.
Uh, no, I only have mr.
And mrs.
Thomas gavin.
I just assumed
that would be one--
See, we're sort of divorced.
- We never filed.
Yeah.
I mean,
it's not--
we get along and everything,
great.
She's got a new boyfriend.
We are full tonight, as I said.
I could call down the street
to the fox and the lamb.
I think they're full up, too.
I--uh, let me talk
to my wife.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
All right.
What?
What?
It's going to kill you
if we spend one night--
No, I'm afraid we're stuck.
There's a lot going on in town tonight.
You know what,
it's-- it's fine.
We'll take the room, the one room.
You sure?
- Yeah, right?
It's one night.
- That's right.
It's one night.
Remember, she's got a boyfriend!
Yes, she does!
- Ha ha.
Who's paralyzed.
You know, his thing still works.
Are you kidding me?!
I--I had--I was--I
had a joke, and
Oh-- I'm
sorry, sir.
I'll, uh, bring your bags out.
Thank you.
We'll be serving dinner soon.
The
other guests are in the dining room.
You can head right in.
I think we'll just go right in.
Starving.
Unless you want to change.
- No, no, we'll go right in.
You'll be changing.
- Honey, it's--
Tommy, you're changing.
Can you give us a moment?
- Sure.
we're gonna go change.
Thank you.
Oh, sure.
Thank you.
Oh, and then there were
eight.
Welcome aboard.
How you doing?
Tommy gavin, my wife janice.
I'm *** mcnamara, this
is my lovely wife kelly.
Our two girls go to darcy hill academy.
Oh, our daughter katherine
also goes there, seventh grade.
Our girls are in seventh, heather
and prue, short for prudence.
We're sitting girls
against the boys, so,
you'll be with us over here.
And that means you
sit right there, scout.
Ok.
Adam and lenora white from new
york city, nice to meet you.
Hi.
Ok,
so--
How are you? Just a
couple of city dwellers.
What part of town are you in?
Uh, we're splitting our time between
bronx and queens.
Oh, I thought you were in the city.
Oh, did they--
did they move
the burroughs or something?
Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that when
you said you lived in the city,
I assumed you meant manhattan.
Well, I mean manhattan, you really
can't afford to live in there now
unless you're euro trash or homos
exual people, you know, which is,
hey, you know, we've got a
homosexual at work who's great guy.
Right, honey? You met him.
Great guy.
Jim and kathy king.
Hi.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Hi, hi.
- So jim and kathy.
That's a lot of names to remember.
You said your name was gavin?
Prue introduced us to
katherine a couple weekends ago.
Oh, katie.
Katherine, katie, ha.
Your ears must have been burning.
We heard all about your loft and
about the weekend place in montauk.
Oh, montauk is wonderful.
We talked about getting a place
there, but it's a little remote.
But the people are normal,
not like those hampton types.
By that I mean jews.
I can say that.
We're jewish.
Oh!
And they let you into connecticut?
And which hedge fund are you with?
Me?
Oh, I'm, uh
you know, my katherine, katie, you
know how kids tend to exaggerate.
They're a little embarrassed
about their parents.
Not our kids.
Not ours.
- Nor ours.
Except for the jewish thing.
- A little.
Anyways, I'm not with the hedge fun.
I'm with the, uh, firemen's fund.
I'm a fireman--I'm
a fireman.
I'm fdny.
- Oh, oh.
Yeah.
Well, it is a
pleasure to meet you, sir.
A fireman, that's great.
If I never see another hedge
fund ***, it'll be too soon.
I work for a hedge fund.
You know what I mean.
Can I tell you, I wanted
to be a fireman as a kid.
Really?
- Who didn't?
But this guy actually did it.
- Yeah.
Now, I don't know how you
got away with wearing jeans.
If I tried wearing jeans tonight, she
would have locked me up in my room.
Hey, no kidding.
You are our hero.
Tom, was it?
- Tommy.
Tommy.
- Just call me tommy.
Tommy.
Barkeep, get this man a drink.
Right away, sir.
So, jane, should we assume
you're not a fashion designer?
I'm janice.
And, no, I am a fashion designer.
Ha ha.
Can I get a drink, too, honey?
Hey, it's me.
I've showered and shaved,
although I'm sure you've
probably changed your mind by now,
but I was just kind
of hoping that--
Is that a new dress?
Oh, yes.
- It's adorable.
Thank you.
You know, I'm a little confused.
I mean, it looks new, but it's
definitely last season's design.
Not that I wear that designer.
The girl who cleans my house does.
Could I get another drink, please?
- Yeah.
I don't think you want to drink too much,
darling, you've got to protect your figure.
That's lipo, right?
Excuse me?
Well, you've obviously had lipo.
Nobody our age is that thin.
If you'll excuse me, I
need to go to the bathroom.
Well, I think we know
why you're so skinny?
I'm sorry, what was that?
I don't want to embarrass you, hon, but
you're eating with your seafood fork.
That's the fork you were supposed
to use for the crab cocktail.
Well, I guess they're not serving
much seafood in montauk these days.
Could you repeat that, sweetheart?
'Cause I couldn't hear
you.
Because you're so fat.
Excuse me?
Oh, no, there is no excuse for you.
Because what you are is a ***.
Hey, hon, maybe we should
call it a night.
Great idea, darling.
I'm sure there's an A.
A.
Meeting
somewhere in the neighborhood.
What?
I was just joking.
- Yeah.
Did you hear the one about the preppy
*** who got the fireman's foot up his ***?
That one ring a bell?
Your wife might have a problem.
Yeah, my wife always has a problem
when she's surrounded by ***!
My wife doesn't tend to
get shitfaced a lot, but
if she does get shitfaced, she
usually has a good *** reason.
Thank you, sweetie.
Shall we?
- We shall.
I'm sorry that you guys
don't like what I'm wearing,
and I'm sorry that I
am too thin for you.
And I am sorry that all of
your husbands checked out my ***
when I went to the bathroom.
And that's right, I saw you.
I don't know what she's talking about.
Oh, adam, shut up.
Don't blame us because you
made a fool of yourself.
Oh, is that right, tubby?
You know, I guess when people are
looking that far down their noses at you,
you want to give them
a good *** show.
Yeah, you like it?
I think we can go.
You know what, I'm not a designer,
but here's a
fashion tip for you--
never wear yellow.
Because kids might try
to ride you to school.
Let's go, tommy.
- Come on, that was funny.
Whatever.
All right.
Oh, my god, those stuffy ***!
Yeah, what a bunch of ***.
That was great.
- Yeah.
Oh, my god.
We kicked ***!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, baby, and thank you
for coming to my defense.
Yeah.
- That was so nice.
Honey
what--what
are you doing?
I'm doing the victory dance.
I got you, but what are you wearing?
Oh, come on, tommy, you've
seen me in this a million times.
Yeah.
I have, I have.
Forgot how see-through
the t-shirts can be.
You know, I don't know if we ever
did it at an inn before, it's just--
At the blueberry inn!
Yeah, yeah, it's true.
So what are--
what's--what's the thing?
Oh, tommy, I'm drunk.
But I'm certain of a
couple of one thing.
Ok
We are not having sex.
Right.
I know that.
Yeah, see, I know that.
That's clear to me.
But, ahem, my, uh, my
***.
- Ha ha, your word.
You know, I'm totally clear.
I get it.
My
brain has computed that fact that it's just--
we're not doing that.
But
my, uh,
ahem--
***, ***, schlang,
***, wanger-- - Ok, stop.
Ok, yeah, see--
- Happy charlie.
He he, happy charlie has
got a different brain.
He's got his own brain, and
this visual for him is
arresting.
Would
be--
Where's the mini bar?
Oh, tommy?
- Yeah?
Here.
Oh.
Yeah.
Are they having sex?
I don't remember it sounding like that.
Ever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah,
baby, yeah, baby!Oh, baby, oh, baby!
Honey
- Aah!
Are you ok? Hon?
Yeah.
Oh, tommy.
Hey!
You looking at my wife's ***?
Where did you serve?
Vietnam, but don't ask me for details.
I was high as a kite my
entire tour, thank god.
Can I get you something?
Maybe an extra pillow?
How about a smoke?
You're on oxygen! You'll take
out the entire *** building!
I'm ready.
I'm ready to go.
Nah, you've got plenty of
fight left in you, I can tell.
Wife's dead, 11 years.
Hurts when I ***.
When I breathe.
Come here, kid.
Kill me.
I'll give you 3 grand.
what--
That's all I got.
Hey, look, I'm here to offer support and
let you guys know you're not forgotten.
I mean, just because
you want to call it quits
doesn't mean I'm gonna let you.
How about for 20 grand?
You just told me you only had three!
I like to bargain.
I won't do it.
Someday it'll be you in this bed.
Someday you're gonna be
begging for an angel to come.
Someday, it'll be you.
You think it's possible
to die of *** poisoning?
You know, like if your *** backs up and
you haven't *** for days and days and days,
do you just, you know, die, or
does it have to come out eventually?
'Cause if so, I'm gonna have
to invest in some ear plugs.
Yeah, well, have you thought about
getting your kidneys checked out?
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm just saying, I think they got
something to do with your waste functions.
You might have a problem, you know?
Yeah, well, maybe you
got a problem, ***.
Talking about other
people'Sfunctions.
What are you, a doctor?
- You know I'm not, sean.
Yeah, well, shut your mouth.
Maybe you want to shut yours,
sean-O.
***'s starting to come out.
Yeah, I wish.
Oh, god.
Hey.
Captain lou.
What's the official word
with you and frenchy, huh?
Ooh, I think you'll find it
very interesting, my friend.
I went over there and gained
access to her inner sanctum.
Ah, yeah, you mean her vajayjay?
No, her apartment.
At which point she proceeded to tell
me how completely not her type i was,
to the degree it was almost laughable.
After which
she drew me into her bed
chamber and proceeded to ride me
like a hairy middle-aged tilt-a-whirl
for upwards of an hour and 15 minutes.
Wait a second, I'm confused.
You said she said you
weren't her type, so
Totally! Totally not her type.
But apparently at some point I
had mentioned that tommy had said
that I had no shot with her, and
it seems that our mademoiselle
doesn't really like
our mr.
Gavin so much
to the degree that she was willing to engage
me in a good old-fashioned grudge hump.
And you're ok with that?
Yeah, you know, I was
a little hurt at first,
but then her top came off, and
I was *** great with it.
Finally it's a win-win for old lou.
I got a great piece of *** and
I get to rub tommy's nose in it.
Yes!
Yeah, but wait a second, how are you going
to prove it actually happened?You know,
you tell him that story,
he ain't gonna believe it.
I had her write me a note.
All the details, plus a phone number
in case he wants to call and check in.
Hey, can I get a sniff?
No, no.
It's gonna be a beautiful day.
And it's gonna be a beautiful call.
What's up, fellas?
We all clear now?
- All clear.
And we're still looking
for water coming up dry.
We got no choice.
We
gotta let this one go.
And me with no weenies.
Where's garrity?
Didn't he bring that old lady out?
Yeah, but then he went back inside.
I passed him on the second floor.
When?
- I don't know, a couple minutes ago.
Hey, garrity, what is your location?
Sean garrity, what is your location?
Chief.
- What?
We might have a mayday here.
What do you got, lou?
- Yeah, we got a member missing.
It's garrity.
I think
I'm gonna go back in.
Jesus christ.
All right, make it quick.
I'm gonna send the other crew in after you.
Mayday, mayday, missing member.
Sean!
- Garrity!
Sean!
- ***!
Sean!
- Sean!
Garrity, respond.
- What is your 20?
Yeah, yeah, this is it, he was
headed in here last time I saw him.
Garrity, hello!
All right, guys, check the room out.
Sean!
Whoa, hey! I'm in here, do you mind?
What the hell are you doing?
I'm taking a *** for the
first time in like a year,
so could you shut the
door for christ sake?
Hey, ***, this whole
place is about to go up, ok?
Ok, well, then you guys
better get a handle on it,
'cause I'm not going anywhere, ok?
I'm stuck.
- Come
on, we gotta--
dude, what is that?
That's the potpourri
coming out of my ***.
Oh, my god, it's like
somebody dropped a net.
Put your mask on, guys.
You know what, come on.
Jesus christ, I can still smell it.
I think it got in my tank.
- It's not that bad, ***.
Yes, it is.
You ever light a match
to get rid of this *** smell?
You got a whole building burning around
here, it's not even making a dent.
We're gonna have to light the place next
door on fire, just to knock down the stink.
Shut the *** door.
- No, no.
Lou, what's going on?
Nothing!Jesus, would
you guys get out of here!
So, amanda, are you
excited to see the play?
I can't wait.
Katie, she's the star of the
show, and I'm her roommate,
so it's almost like I'm famous, too.
So what do your parents do?
My father owns a biotech firm.
My mother's in gene research.
Really? Gene research.
So does she work on lucky's or levi's?
You're funny.
- Thanks.
He's funny.
Now I know
why you're so funny.
You must laugh all the time at home.
Yeah, pretty much nonstop.
I have to use the bathroom, excuse me.
You're excused.
Go with her, mommy.
Why?
She's got an eating disorder.
She barfs up everything.
She won't do it if someone
else is in the bathroom.
So how's school?
It seems, you know-- your
mother and I were very
impressed by the
What's going on?
Well-- - With
you and mom?
You're being nice to each other.
You were holding hands yesterday.
Well, honey, we're always-- we've
always been nice to each other.
What?
I just want to know,
are you guys behaving because
you're at my school, or
you know, are things better?
Well, I mean, you know, we
haven't--we've both been so busy,
but it's been nice.
I mean, driving
up here was great, and, you know, uh,
we even stayed in the same
room together last night.
And it was ok?
Yeah, it was great.
Are you guys gonna get back together?
Honey
look, with
grown-ups--ahem--
with adults
all right, you know,
the best way I can think
to explain it, you know,
you know how planets
orbit around the sun, ok?
Your mother and I are like 2 planets.
Your mother's like the planet janet.
Ok
And, you know, so we're orbiting
around the sun, which would be,
you know, you two girls,
even though you're girls.
What I'm saying
is like, some--
the planets, sometimes they
go a long way around the sun.
You know?But
that's your mother and i sometimes,
we go a long way away from each other,
but we always come back
together around that thing,
the thing that keeps us, you know
If you guys got back
together and things were nice,
I would come home more often.
I really, really would, daddy.
That would be great, honey.
That would be really great.
I'm just glad that, you know,
there's a chance that we might
sort of be like normal people again.
Listen, whatever goes
on, your mother and I,
what we want is for you and
colleen to be happy.
That's our--
that's the main thing, you know?
It really is.
Ok.
I'm gonna go check on mom and amanda.
Ok.
Bye, sweetie.
No puking.
Look at you, huh?
You know who you remind me of?
Veronica lake.
I don't look anything like her.
To me you do.
Did you ever make a movie?
Were you ever on stage?
No, I mean, I did a play once.
Tell me.
We were doing south pacific.
The musical.
And I played one of the
nurses in the chorus.
Did you wear a nurse's uniform?
Well, yeah, in a couple of the scenes.
But, you know, the story
took place on an island,
in the south pacific, I guess,
so most of the time I just
wore, like rolled up pants and,
and, uh, bathing suit tops and stuff.
But there was one night
that, this was pretty funny.
We had to do a quick change
backstage between scenes.
So the two teachers go backstage
and they hold up this big blanket.
The boys had cut a huge hole
in the middle of the blanket,
like you can see through a window,
all the way through to the other side.
They got in so much trouble.
Mr.
Wills, are you ***?
I'm trying.
Well, at least let me turn my back.
Anyway, they all got in so much trouble.
They
all had to go down to the office the next day.
Perhaps, major carlton, I
have not made myself clear.
I didn't raise my daughters
to become the possessions
or personal conquests of
the glorious military men.
My annabelle may be blessed with,
as you put it, a pretty little head.
But I assure you, the sight of a man in
uniform will never cause her to lose it.
Good day, major.
Yes, but if I can only speak
to annabelle for a moment
I said good day!
Amazing.
- Oh, she's great, isn't she?
Yeah.
- Shh.
No, that is my daughter!
And no word of any of
it to miss annabelle.
Hey!
- Hey!
That was awesome.
Honey, you were fantastic! Oh, my gosh.
You can be on broadway.
I swear.
Honey, and that dress.
We gotta
get a picture of you in that dress.
Yeah, you were beautiful.
I don't
know where you get the talent from.
Not from him.
- Not from me.
I tell you, honey, that scene where
you tell the kid, the guy, the thing?
Oh, my god.
We got you these.
Did you call heather
mcnamara's mother fat?
Did you?It's all over school, you know.
Heather's mother said
you were drunk last night.
And you called someone else a ***,
and you were falling down, and
everyone's talking about it.
You've ruined everything!
- Come over here.
First of all, there was no falling down.
She did not fall down.
Honey, it was a grown-up situation
that I didn't handle well.
Ok?But those women were
very, very mean to me.
That's right.
And they made
me feel very bad about myself.
Maybe you are bad! Did
you ever think of that?
Hey! Hey.
Now listen.
Ok, you don't understand,
because you're not an adult.
And it was a bunch of adults
in a situation where they were--
they--that
woman is fat!
You can't just show up
here and wreck it for me.
Ok, I like it here.
It's safe, and there's no surprises.
And people don't show up
pretending to be all happy
and then turn out to be the same
awful people they always were.
I belong here.
You don'T.
Honey, I am so sorry--
- Good-bye, mom.
No, you don't understand--
- I said good-bye!
Hey!
Maybe I should have worn the pants.
She's not going to talk to us.
Come on.
I was the one who said it.
I said that everything we do
this weekend reflects on katie.
I thought it'd be you.
It was me.
Yeah, give her a couple of
weeks, she'll be fine, you know?
Maybe I am a bad person.
Honey
you know that's not true.
I don'T.
I really don'T.
What do we do now?
Go back to the loft?
That's not funny.
It's kind of funny.