Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
I'm here to talk today about regrets.
We often hear that phrase,
and most people like to say
that they don't have any.
I have a few,
but I have one big one in particular
that I'll get back to shortly.
Our son, Max, got diagnosed with cancer at the age of five.
He fought very hard,
and at one point he was considered in partial remission.
That is, because they just could not detect it.
But we had researched his cancer very well,
and we knew it always comes back, and it does so with a vengeance.
And it did.
So, we enjoyed all the time that we could with our son while he was feeling well.
Recently, there have been a couple of major news publications,
which always makes us parents who have or had children with cancer
get excited to see childhood cancer make the news.
But both of these had quite a positive spin.
And both showed cases of the children beating their cancer.
One of the stories, the father attributed the success
due to the fact that his child was such a fighter
and they would not let cancer define them.
Well, cancer has defined me.
And it has stripped a good part of my being.
I do not fault any parent
for celebrating the success of their child's recovery.
But I want to point out that in both of these cases in the news recently,
the children had a much better prognosis and cure rate
for the type of cancer that they had.
Unlike our son's, and so many others.
Positive outlook is very important.
But good old fight and determination alone
does not help a child get cured from cancer.
Max had so much fight in him, and he went down swinging.
But it was not enough.
Research and hard work and dedication from medical professionals
is what cures children from cancer.
To credit anything else for a child's recovery
doesn't do any help for future children.
Right now, today, in the United States, 46 children will get diagnosed with cancer
'cause it's a school day.
Seven children will die every single day.
Worldwide, the numbers are much larger.
200 children will die every day, and 600 children will get diagnosed every day.
That's the best estimates that we have.
And these numbers have remained unchanged
since I have been exposed to childhood cancer for the last few years.
Many of us parents believe that the incidence rates are increasing.
We decided early on, when Max got diagnosed,
to get involved with St. Baldrick's, to help put an end to childhood cancer.
And the link is going to be in the description below
for you to please get involved.
It has become our passion and our dedication,
and so far we have helped raise over $90,000 for research.
We did a good deal of that while Max was fighting for his life.
That's not where we started, though.
We had always walked for the Relay for Life
in the American Cancer Society.
And Max walked a Relay for Life
with chemo flowing through his blood and his handsome bald head.
We then found out that they only give one half of a penny
for every $100 you raise to childhood pediatric cancer research.
Let's say that you raise $1000 for the Relay for Life.
That'll equal a sock full of pennies or $10 for research
that they are going to give to find a cure for childhood cancer in children.
And that is not right. And our children deserve more, dammit.
Not all cases of childhood cancer turn out pretty.
In fact, not many of them do.
And the ones who make it to remission
face a much higher risk of developing a secondary cancer from the treatment.
We see it all the time.
And for the major networks to just highlight the inspiring ones
is not doing the children any service.
It's just not helping.
Back to my regret.
We were out snowmobiling one day, just a matter of months before Max died.
And he was still feeling pretty good.
And we had our first good snowfall.
So we decided to go down and go ice fishing.
Max wanted to go so very bad.
And he was just brimming with excitement.
We got down there and we were lucky.
We ran into a fishing tournament
where there was people that we knew
and they let Max come right into their fishing shanty.
But he could not see with his helmet on, and he stepped into the hole
augered into the ice and he got soaked up to his waist
and we had to quickly jump on the snowmobile
and cover him with my clothes and race home.
I thought for sure that it was going to end up
with Max in the hospital with pneumonia.
But we got home and warmed him up
and put dry clothes on him
and the Max that he was
wanted to go right back down.
So that's what we did.
And when we got there, unfortunately, the tournament was over,
and nobody else was around,
so we decided to just go riding around on the ice and fresh snow.
I stopped for a while and let Max drive around all by himself.
And he was so very happy just to be riding around
on that big sled all by himself.
I was videotaping him and taking pictures
while he had the time of his life at seven years old.
We decided to ride around some more.
And it was just at that moment the thought come to me
that we could keep riding upriver
and we would eventually run out of ice,
and hit the open water,
and the river would take us under the ice in moments
and there wouldn't be any rescue.
I thought to myself
that I would end Max's suffering as quickly as possible.
We already knew his time was short and what was about to come,
but didn't have the heart to tell anyone at the time,
even family, as well as Max.
He never knew that he was going to die.
We told him he was going to get better, right up until his last breath of air.
It was all I could do that day to turn the sled around
and let Max drive home
with me crying behind him in my helmet,
knowing that I had just failed to give him the mercy when I had the chance.
And about nine months later, on Thanksgiving day,
it did come true and we ended up losing Max.
I regret that decision right up to this day.
Max's mom would not have had to witness what she did that
Thanksgiving day, of seeing Max's life
come to a gruesome end.
Lilly and Jodie wouldn't have lost their home
and the memories which are now left behind
of the kids' handprints in the concrete,
to their clubhouse in the woods.
I can still see Max and Lilly playing in the sand.
They would have much better handled an accidental tragedy,
and losing Max and I, the way I see it.
Jodie and Lilly would not have lost
almost everything we have built in over 20 years,
nor would we have had to explain to Lilly
that we needed hers and Max's college savings
to pay off debt and medical bills -
'cause I was well insured at the time.
And then for them to have to witness me dying on the inside
since the day we lost Max.
Max would have suffered just a fraction,
compared to the way he ended up dying.
Children are getting home, sent home on hospice, daily,
and the parents are being told
that they will quietly and painlessly drift off to sleep and die.
But that's not the case.
I know this from talking to many parents.
I also know it from being present when another child with cancer died.
He was Max's buddy Evan
and he had far too many similarities to the way Max died,
just a couple of months after we lost Max.
It is a continual nightmare that never goes away in many cases.
I'm doing this video in my truck
'cause it's the only thing that I have left
where I can still see Max sitting next to me
because we drove around quite a bit when he was not feeling good,
as well as all the rides to the hospital and to the clinic.
Just driving around, holding his hand in mine,
in this old truck.
It's one of the few ways that I can find comfort.
I can still see him sitting at times right here next to me
in the passenger seat.
This is a problem that can be solved with proper funding.
We can eliminate cancer in children.
It's been proven with many adult cancers
that used to be a death sentence but are now highly curable.
But the drug manufacturers are not attracted
to researching children's cancers,
as it's just not as profitable for them to do so.
It is more profitable for them to find medicines
for adult cancers where there are more patients --
should I say, more customers.
We have to work together and raise funds
through solid foundations like St. Baldrick's,
and Cure Search, and Alex's Lemonade Stand.
And have our government persuade the pharmaceutical companies
to invest, with incentives to find new medicines for pediatric cancer.
There has only been one new drug developed for treating childhood cancer
in the last 20 years or so.
Children are getting watered-down versions of adult chemotherapy.
That's just not effective for children.
Please share this video and please subscribe,
because we have a couple of other important ones coming up soon.
Max has many other videos here on YouTube on his channel.
If you would, please take a moment to get to know my buddy.
Please get involved with Gold To The Max
on Facebook to learn more.
Find links to his St. Baldrick's page.
It does not take much effort to make a big impact in a child's life.
We miss Max so very much and we will never stop fighting
to stop the monster wrecking ball known as "Little C."
Cancer.
It has now defined our life.
For me and for our whole family.
We live cancer.
Daughter shaved her head for her brother.
She lives cancer.
All we know is cancer.
Thank you all very much for taking the time to listen to this.
And please get involved.
Do what you can.
So no other children end up
as ashes in a bag.
Stop childhood cancer.