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[ ♫ Thumping dance music ♫ ]
[ Sex noises. ]
[ Gasp. ]
- Oh, ***.
[ ♫ Energetic music ♫ ]
Noooooooooooo.........
- You're late for Wednesday brunch. Why?
No wait! I'll deduce it.
You are a 25-year-old vlogger who puts some effort onto the way she looks,
but your hair is greasy.
You didn't shower today, which means that you got up and you came straight here.
But when I came by your house, you were nowhere to be found.
Which means: you were somewhere else. Somewhere... shameful.
Your shirt is on backwards, which means you got up in a hurry and left without saying goodbye.
You're way too dressed up for brunch and comic books.
- And you stink. - Hey.
- You stink like cigarettes.
And you don't smoke, so who is he?
I want to know the name of the man who made you break your vow.
- I didn't break my vow. I said I wouldn't date for six months. And this wasn't a date, it was a...
- ... it was a disgusting exchange of bodily fluids. Come on.
- I'm really sorry. Can we go get comics now?
- No. I have some questions. Question 1... of 1:
Why didn't you answer my texts?
- Texts? - Yeah. A bunch of texts.
- Oh, ***.
[ ♫ Energetic music ♫ ]
- Let me do it for you, sistah. - Sistah?
- Yeah. Sistah.
- What are you doing? - I am finding where your phone is, using my phone, using GPS.
Like a boss.
- Okay.
[ Beeping. ]
- Were you near Dovercourt and Dundas today?
- Perfect.
Figures I would have left it at the dude's house, when I took such pains to escape from there unnoticed.
One night stands are awkward enough without having to pretend it meant something the next morning.
That's why I snuck out before getting roped into a post-*** brunch.
Ughhhh...
Why couldn't I just have dropped it in the toilet like a regular human being?
- Well, have fun reliving your shame.
I will be at the Comic Book Store.
- You have to come with me. Please. I don't want to make up another "morning after" story.
- I'm not going to this gross love nest. You gave this guy the pump, you gave this guy him the dump.
- I can't do that. Please come. You can pretend to be my date.
- You slept with this guy literally hours ago. He's not gonna believe you have a new man.
No.
Val, don't.... Don't do this.
[ ♫ Sad music ♫ ]
Ohhhh..... fine. But you're buying my pulls.
- Sure!
Seems fair.
- Seems fair.
- Don't be too showy or it'll look fake. Just enough to make him not want to ask me out.
- I came all this way, I'm putting on a show.
- If you touch my body, I'll barf on you.
- Understood.
[ Doorbell. ]
- Well, looks like your phone is gone forever. Let's go.
Honey.
Okay.
No wait.
I think I can get up on this balcony.
[ ♫ Energetic music ♫ ]
Tada! - I'm going before you get arrested.
- It's not a crime to get your own phone.
- No, breaking and entering is a crime.
- Hey, I didn't notice last night but this guy has a lot of the same movies that I do.
And a huge collection of action figures!
- Oh, what a cool guy. Do you see your phone? - No...
... I think it's by the bed. Call it.
[ Dialing. ]
I don't hear it. It's probably dead.
- How many times have I told you not to leave the house without a fully charged phone? You don't listen...
- Hey, what are you doing? That's not your house!
- It's the Neighbourhood Watch!
- Hi...
... could you please help me down from here?
I'm stuck.
- Don't worry. Maybe this dude will want seconds and he'll track you down.
- How is he going to track me down, Guy? I don't have my phone.
- Low-level physic ability?
- You should talk to her. You know you want to.
- Every guy who enters this store wants to. That's what makes her presence here a sick joke.
- Go! I'll get our books. You make with the romance.
- Hi! - Hi.
- I ... like your bracelet.
- Oh thanks, I just got it actually.
- It reminds me of the sheen of my dad's car.
- Is that a compliment?
- Yes. - Oh, ok.
- So, you think you're above the law?
- Oh, hi, it's you....
Greg.
- Craig. Craig.
- Right. Sorry. How have you been?
- Great, except for your phone. It's been ringing non-stop. I would have answered it except the display said "Guy".
Uhm... Do you have a lot of "guys" calling you or?
- Just one, unfortunately.
- Moral of the story: don't use the microwaves or you will become... barren.
- Well, that's okay. I'm more of an oven girl then.
- I thought so.
- Ah... I'll be right back. - Ok, cool.
[ Fluttering. ]
- Hey lover, hi, how are you? I was thinking maybe we should get some ***.
You know what I mean? Oh, you're talking to a person. Hi, how are you?
- Guy, this is Craig. He remembered that I was coming here today and he brought me my phone. Isn't that sweet?
- And Craig, this is Guy. He's my best friend and he's totally kidding.
- Best friend? That's what I mean to you? Come on, friends with benefits, right?
- No, that's very funny though.
Okay, Craig and I are gonna hang out for a bit. I'll text you later to see how it went with Comic Book Store Girl.
- I thought we were gonna get pizza. - Maybe later, I'll text you.
- You know what, don't text me. You got your phone. You got your walking ***. So...
... you're fine, I'm fine. So... cool.
- I don't think if he's as fine as he's pretending to be. - No, I think he's fine.
- Oh, eat a *** Kyle. You call that tanking?
Get your *** out of the clouds and learn how to play the game.
[ Knocking on door. ]
- Ohhh guys, I'm AFK.
Yes? - Pizza for Guy Side-Kie.
-Sideki. That's me. I didn't order pizza.
- This pizza's yours, man. - I'm not paying for that pizza.
- Well, you don't have to, it's already paid for.
- You wanna know how I did it?
- No.
- First, I could tell you were going home because you're wearing your comfy pants.
You only wear those when you gonna be spending an unwholesome amount of time in front of the computer.
- Because...
- Because your regular pants give you chest pains when you're sitting down for too long.
Secondly, I could tell by the surly manner in which you left the store
that you'd be just cranky enough to argue with a free pizza, giving me just enough time to sneak in.
You like cool air when you game because if makes you feel like...
- The King in the North.
- Exactly, so you left the window open just enough for me to slip in.
- You used your key to come to the side door, didn't you?
- Yeah.
I'm sorry I bailed on you. I was thinking with my ***.
- And now you're thinking with your...?
- Stomach.
- What happened to that guy? - Sadly he got dumped. See? I'm keeping my vow.
And I have something for you...
- What is this?
- It's Comic Book Girl's number. Her name is Lyra by the way... and she wants you to call her.
- And you know this how...?
- Neuro-linguistic programming.
I read her body language.
When you first walked in, she uncrossed her arms, meaning she wanted to be approached.
Then when you were talking, she leaned in close and lightly touched your hand when she laughed.
The laughter was a clue too, because what you were saying wasn't at all funny.
Also, she was twirling her hair so much I thought she may lose circulation in her finger.
- Lapomme, you dog.
- Pretty good.
[ ♫ Ominous music ♫ ]
- Hello, it's me.
I'd like to talk to you about my daughter,
Valerie.
- Hello everyone, this is Adam Christie. - And this is Hannah Spear.
- You just watched episode 1. There are eleven more episodes that are gonna come out and they get more awesome as time goes by.
- We have a new episode every two weeks to show you guys, starting with two weeks from now.
- Yes, and to tide you over cause two weeks is a long time, we're gonna give you next week on Thursday a delicious little teaser. To show you what's to come.
I can hear it.
So, please if you haven't already, subscribe to the channel, leave us a comment below telling us your thoughts.
- Suscribe, watch it every two weeks, leave a comment below, cause' we wanna hear what you think of it.
We wanna hear who you think is the biggest hunk on the show,
who do you wanna see die off in the show, ahh... - Just tell us your thoughts cause we're nervous,
and we just want to know honestly what you think of it.
- I'm confident... - He's confident.
- ... that America loves Adam Christie. - Just America though.
- Spain not too much.... Canada, indifferent.
- So you can find Versus Valerie or Sexy Nerd Girl on pretty much any social media:
We got Facebook, we got Twitter, we got Tumblr, we got Google+...
- Ye, you can find those all on the description below this video.
- Also on the description below, all the credits for the amazing cast and crew that have worked on Versus Valerie.
We love them. So we're really excited to show you episode 2. Make sure you come back in a couple weeks to check it out.
And you should like it and subscribe and share and tell all your friends... - Yeah, yeah... bye everybody!
- Someone has to think of your security.
Oh, Garth, you made it. I'm so glad. Valerie, this is Garth. He's gonna join us for dinner.
- Valerie, it's great to finally meet you.
- Hi.
[ ♫ Ominous music ♫ ]