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Red Sox Nation was thrilled today by news that Fenway Park
will undergo a massive antiquation project to restore the ballpark
to its original 1912 design. For more let's talk
to Onion Sports Network senior baeball analyst Jim Ridgeway.
Hey Mark. -Jimmy the organization's really embracing
the Fenway faithful's sense of tradition, ah?
Absolutely. Look the Red Sox fans don't need some shiny new ballpark
with seats facing the field and leg room.
They want Fenway the way they remember it,
sight lines and fire exits be damned. -And the Boston fans
love their nostalgia, that's why they're reinstalling
the old splinter bleachers. -Exactly. They're twice as narrow
as what they have now and high rollers will be able to sit
in premium sights behind one of the extra girders
placed throughout the grand stand. -Yeah and it's not just
the seats though. The park's advertising will also be overhauled.
The CBS and Nikon camera ads will be replaced by signs
for Tomlinson's Miracle Tincture, and Boston Bob's
low speed portraiture. -That's right, and if the ball hits the bull's eye
on Sullivan's Cafeteria's billboard, everyone in attendance
wins a heart attack biscuit. And I love the fact
that they're bringing back the Hole. -Purists have been asking
for that hole back ever since it was filled in way back in 1991.
That's right. -And the organization is making changes
to the equipment as well. -That's right. The Sox will also ditch
the regulation ball and replace it with a rock-filled horse bladder
wrapped in butcher's paper like they used in the old days.
Can't wait to see Wakefield make that horse bladder dance.
Classic. Strict dress code too, right? -That's right. Male fans
won't be let in the park unless they're wearing a bowler,
three piece suit and thick mutton chops.
And ladies will have to wear no fewer than three petticoats.
No more pink Sox hats. -And of course there will be no blacks.
That's right. The Sox were the last major league team to integrate,
and they'll honor Tom Yawkey's legacy with no black players, no latinos,
no Japanese. -And other social detritus will be seated
in a special section right? -Yes, it's affectionately
being called the cage. Jew fans and cripples will be herded in
during the third inning and allowed to leave
only three hours after the game ends. -Soak in that Fenway atmosphere.
Will do Mark. -Alright, thanks Jim.
Next up, Jay Cutler demands a trade after none of his team-mates
attend his piano recital.