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We figured we'd be a bit less "pretentious" for the intro this time around, so we're only
doing two sentences.
Welcome to the /v/GAs for 2013. We've put a ton of hard work into these awards, and
we have a lot in store for you. We hope you enjoy the show.
What happens when you take a beloved franchise and shove always online DRM right up its ***,
for no reason other than to force people to play online. You get Diablo 3, and that's
the point where EA looked at Activision and said "we're not gonna make that mistake, no
sir, we're not gonna launch with a broken online service, we're gonna do one better,
and break the whole *** game, and the service!" And so, in 2013, EA gave us SimCity,
a bloated, shambling corpse of a game that hardly worked, even if you could get it to
run during the launch. And sure, the game works now, but the damage is done. After many
people's saves were deleted or ruined by griefers using exploits, we all moved on, and SimCity
will forever serve as a reminder of how Electronic Arts got its name; because their ability to
*** up electronic entertainment is truly an art form.
Dragon's Crown. Let's be honest, Dragon's Crown is an odd pick for best new IP. On paper
it's the kind of high-fantasy multiplayer beat-em-up you would expect from a 90s arcade
game, only with added character progression. And yet we haven't really had anything like
that since the 90s, and Dragon's Crown is bringing it back and kicking it up to eleven,
adding drop-in online co-op and beautifully hand drawn visuals that ooze with so much
style and gratuitous sex appeal that one disgusting male player was driven into a *** fit
of violent sex-crazed rage after viewing so many objectifying depictions of womyn. He
was reported to have gotten up from his chair after playing the game and forcibly violating
every womyn in a five-mile radius, securing the status quo of the patriarchy and it's
prevailing *** culture for at least another decade. We thank you, Dragon's Crown, and
future generations of men and boys will remember what you have done for us. All hail the patriarch
brood father.
Far Cry 3 was pretty good but I think it's safe to say that some of us were a bit disappointed
with the turn the story took after building up a certain character to be such a perfectly
hate-able mother-***. Blood Dragon, on the other hand, has no pretensions of being
a thought provoking or compelling game. No, instead it
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