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CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY MELROSE PRODUCTIONS, INC. FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY,
AND 1992 NCI CAPTION CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
GRAB HIM!
NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO!
YOU READY?
I GOT HIM.
1...
2...
3!
I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW A GOOD DRY CLEANER.
WHAT'S A CELEBRATION WITHOUT SOMEBODY GETTING IT IN A POOL?
IT'S MY LAST CLEAN SHIRT.
ADMIT IT. YOU WERE THRILLED.
O.K. I'M PRETTY PSYCHED.
IT'S SO COOL-- YOUR OWN COLUMN SPAPER.
IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE NEWSPAPER.
IT'S A FREEBIE THEY GIVE AWAY ON MELROSE--
RESTAURANT REVIEWS, PARANOID POLITICAL ARTICLES,
"MARRIED MAN, 55, SEEKS BUXOM BLONDE, 22, FOR TRUE LOVE."
IT'S A THROWAWAY.
THE VILLAGE VOICE PROBABLY STARTED OUT THAT WAY.
PEOPLE LINE LITTER BOXES WITH IT.
ADVENTURES ON MELROSE--
THE SAGA OF A YOUNG MAN...
ON THE RISE...
ON THE MAKE.
SPILLING HIS GUTS FOR $25 A WEEK.
WHAT WILL YOU WRITE ABOUT?
ME.
YOU'VE HAD ADVENTURES?
YEAH.
WELL, I MEAN, I'LL GET SOME.
O.K.
HEY.
HI.
TOUGH DAY AT WORK?
NO. I'M JUST TIRED, THAT'S ALL.
KILLER DRESS.
WE JUST GOT THESE DOWN AT THE BOUT
HALF OFF. COME TRY THEM ON.
GREAT.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY, FINALLY.
WELL...
BABY!
HA HA HA!
WHAT HAPPENED?
I'M SORRY HE PARTY,
BUT THE KID CAME THROUGH.
HE GOT HIT BY A CAR, BUT HE'LL MAKE IT.
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
YOU SAVED SOMEBODY'S LIFE.
YES!
I GUESS I DID.
GET HIM!
ITE.
THE PLACE TO GO IS YOSEMITE.
I MEAN, IT'S FANTASTIC CAMPING,
DIRT CHEAP,
WILD FLOWERS.
JANE, THINK WILD FLOWERS.
I KNOW SPRING'S A LONG TIME TO WAIT FOR OUR VACATION,
BUT PICTURE THIS--
O,
ME SNEAKING INTO YOUR SLEEPING BAG...
JANE?
HON?
WHAT?
SOUND LIKE A PLAN?
SOUNDS GREAT.
THAT'S GOOD.
OH, I DON'T KNOW. YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT.
I MEAN, MAYBE WITH A UNITARD?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
A SIMPLE YES OR NO WOULD SUFFICE.
HUH?
WHAT IS WRONG?
ARE YOU O.K.?
UH-HUH.
T...
PREGNANT, THAT'S ALL.
I'M GOING TO PUT THESE BACK ON THE RACK.
DID I HEAR YOU RIGHT?
ARE YOU PREGNANT?
YEAH. HOW ABOUT THAT?
OH, MY GOD. THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
WHEN DID YOU GUYS DECIDE TO DO THIS?
WE DIDN'T, ACTUALLY. IT KIND OF...
WE GOT CARRIED AWAY ONE NIGHT.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
ACTUALLY, I DON'T,
BUT...
A BABY!
YOU MUST BE SO EXCITED.
YEAH, I AM. I THINK I AM... SOMETHING.
I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST...
IT JUST SEEMS SO SOON.
BUT MICHAEL MUST BE WALKING ON AIR.
ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.
WHEN I FOUND OUT, IT JUST BLEW ME AWAY,
LIKE IT WASN'T REAL,
AND THEN HE RACED OFF TO THE HOSPITAL.
YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON WHO KNOWS.
JUST ME?
I'M GOING TO TELL HIM TONIGHT.
THIS IS SO EXCITING.
A LITTLE JANE.
JUST RELAX.
IT'S GOING TO COME.
IT'S GOING TO COME.
WELL, AT LEAST I STILL GOT MY DAY JOB.
O.K.
PENED?
NOTHING.
NOTHING HAPPENED.
I WAS WORKING ON MY ARTICLE,
AND THE MESSINESS OF THIS PLACE STARTED BUGGING ME.
I DECIDED TO TAKE A BREAK
AND DO A LITTLE SPRING CLEANING.
ARTICLE GOING BADLY?
BADLY IS NOT THE WORD FOR IT.
I SAT THERE FOR HOURS, ALISON.
HOURS.
EVERY TIME I WROTE SOMETHING DOWN,
IT JUST...
IT JUST SEEMED UNBELIEVABLY STUPID.
AND BORING.
WHO WAS I KIDDING WRITING ABOUT MY ADVENTURES?
WHAT THRILLS CAN I WRITE ABOUT?
I'M A KID FROM THE VALLEY.
WHAT, THE TIME I SAW MILLI AND VANILLI
SHOPPING AT THE GALLERIA?
I AM ORDINARY.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ORDINARY.
THERE IS IF YOU'RE A WRITER.
WRITERS HAVE TO LIVE EXTRAORDINARY LIVES.
AT MY AGE, HEMINGWAY WAS SHOOTING ELEPHANTS.
REAL WRITERS DO THINGS.
THEY GET INTO BARROOM BRAWLS,
AND THEY GO THROUGH WOMEN LIKE KLEENEX.
THEY HAVE TERRIBLE DRINKING PROBLEMS,
AND THEY DESTROY THEIR LIVES
AND EVERYONE THEY CARE ABOUT.
COME ON. WE'RE GOING TO SHOOTERS.
I'LL AT LEAST START WORKING ON MY DRINKING PROBLEM.
YOU'LL WIND UP LIKE HEMINGWAY WITH A SHOTGUN IN YOUR MOUTH.
AH, THIS IS ONE THING WE NEVER HAD IN CHICAGO.
WHAT'S THAT?
T MEXICAN.
I KNOW HOW YOU LOVE MARGARITAS.
I NOTICED. YOU TRYING TO GET ME DRUNK?
NOT A BAD IDEA.
TILL YOU HAVE TO CARRY ME HOME.
YOU GOT SOMETHING UP YOUR SLEEVE, JANE.
WHAT IS IT? TELL ME.
HONEY, THERE'S SOMETHING THAT WE NEED TO DISCUSS.
UH-OH. HERE IT COMES.
YOUR PARENTS ARE FLYING IN FOR AN EXTENDED VISIT.
NO. IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT. IT'S IMPORTANT.
OH.
IMPORTANT.
L, I'M SERIOUS.
O.K. WHAT IS IT?
I WANT US TO HAVE A BABY.
WHAT? WHY?
WELL, BECAUSE.
BECAUSE I LIKE BABIES.
OH, HONEY, I LOVE BABIES--
OTHER PEOPLE'S BABIES.
PEOPLE WHO AREN'T INTERNS,
PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENTS,
PEOPLE WHO AREN'T BROKE.
I JUST THOUGHT THAT NOW MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
I HAVE TO FINISH MY INTERNSHIP.
WHAT, WILL YOU QUIT YOUR JOB?
WE'RE AT LEAST FIVE YEARS FROM HAVING A BABY.
[APPLAUSE]
DRINKING IS SO INCREDIBLY DEPRESSING.
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE SADDEST THING ABOUT DRUNKS?
THEY'RE SO HELPLESS.
THEY'RE STUMBLING, THEY'RE LAUGHING TOO LOUD,
SLURRING THEIR SPEECH.
NOBODY SAID YOU HAD TO DRINK TO BE A WRITER.
NOBODY SAID YOU HAD TO HAVE ADVENTURES.
LOOK AT EMILY DICKINSON.
SHE HARDLY LEFT HER HOUSE.
WHAT A CANDYASS.
DON'T BOTHER BILLY.
HE'S BUSY GROWING HAIRS ON HIS CHEST.
HEY, THAT'S A REAL DRINK.
BOTTOM'S UP, BILLY.
I'M TRYING TO CUT DOWN.
ONE OF MY 12-YEAR-OLDS PULLS A KNIFE
ON A 15-YEAR-OLD.
I HAD TO WRESTLE THE KNIFE OUT OF THIS KID'S HAND.
HE STARTS CRYING.
HE STARTS CRYING BECAUSE HIS MOTHER,
HIS MOTHER GAVE HIM THE KNIFE
BEFORE SHE WAS SHIPPED OFF TO THE MENTAL HOSPITAL.
NICE MEMENTO FROM MOM.
BEER, PLEASE.
DOS.
LISTEN TO THAT. A KNIFE.
THIS GUY'S REALLY LIVING.
HE'S SEEING THE REAL WORLD, SINKING HIS TEETH INTO IT.
SOMETIMES I THINK I'M THE LAST PERSON TO REALIZE
THAT THE ENTIRE WORLD IS HOPELESSLY SCREWED UP.
AND THIS GUY...
THIS GUY'S HAD ADVENTURES, RIGHT, JAKE?
YOU'VE BEEN IN BAR FIGHTS,
MAYBE STARED DOWN A GUN.
YOU PROBABLY HAD A BABE
THROW HER STILETTO-HEELED PUMP AT YOU
WHILE LEAVING HER APARTMENT.
IT WAS A COWBOY BOOT AND A MOTEL ROOM.
THAT'S ADVENTURE, MAN. REAL LIFE.
HE'S HAD HOW MANY?
A COUPLE OF SIPS.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
NOW, THAT MAN'S BEEN AROUND.
YO, BUDDY! HOW'D YOU GET THE NECK BRACE?
SPILL OFF YOUR HOG?
BUNGEE JUMPING.
WHISKEY, STRAIGHT UP.
NO, NO. HERE, TAKE MINE.
I WASN'T GOING TO DRINK IT.
SO THAT BUNGEE CORD THING, YOU REALLY DID THAT?
JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE.
MAN, IT WAS OUTRAGEOUS.
YOU'RE UP THERE ABOUT 100 STORIES.
THEY STRAP YOU WITH BUNGEES,
AND YOU JUMP.
YOU'RE THINKING, I'M GOING TO DIE.
I'M GOING TO HIT THE GROUND, SMASH MY BRAINS
AND SPREAD MY GUTS ALL OVER THE PLACE,
AND THEN...BSHHHH!
THE BUNGEES KICK IN.
AWESOME!
IF IT WAS SO AWESOME,
WHY WEAR THE NECK BRACE?
WHIPLASH.
NO PAIN, NO GLORY.
GUYS, WE GOT TO DO IT.
DO WHAT?
NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY?
TOTALLY SERIOUS. COME ON.
TALK ABOUT REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE.
THREE MEN IN THE DESERT FACING LIFE AND DEATH.
I'D MAKE A CAREER OFF SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
WHAT THE HELL. LET'S DO IT.
I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE.
YOU GUYS ARE INSANE.
OH, GOD!
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED.
WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO PROGRAMMED?
WE BOTH HAVE CAREERS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO US.
WHEN WE FIRST MOVED OUT HERE,
YOU PROMISED YOU'D HAVE AN ENTIRE LINE OF...
WHAT WAS IT?
FUNKY...
FUNKY EVENING WEAR DESIGNED AND IN STORES.
HEY, WHAT ABOUT THAT?
BUT IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT.
THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
THAT'S EXACTLY MY POINT.
WE NEED TIME TO LEAD OUR OWN LIVES
BEFORE WE CAN GIVE IT ALL TO A BABY.
YEAH.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE NOW'S NOT THE TIME.
♪ ♪
[ Female Announcer ] ARTHRITIS TARGETS YOUR BODY WHERE IT'S WEAK.
♪ ♪
WHERE IT'S VULNERABLE.
♪ ♪
TYLENOL ARTHRITIS WORKS WITH YOUR BODY
TO BLOCK THE PAIN...
WITHOUT INTERFERING WITH CERTAIN
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINES LIKE ALEVE SOMETIMES CAN.
♪ ♪
SO YOU DON'T JUST FEEL BETTER...
YOU FEEL BETTER KNOWING DOCTORS RECOMMEND TYLENOL
MORE THAN ANY OTHER BRAND OF PAIN RELIEVER.
♪ ♪
DAMN IT.
HEY, JANE.
HEY.
HOW DID THE NEW DAD TAKE THE NEWS?
HE DIDN'T. I DIDN'T TELL HIM.
WHY?
HE DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
HE'S NOT READY FOR A BABY.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
HE'LL WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH IT,
ALTHOUGH IT'S NOT WHAT HE WANTS.
ARE YOU THINKING OF MAYBE NOT HAVING THE BABY?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M THINKING ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW, JAKE, SOMETIMES I FEEL...
SOMETIMES I FEEL MY MARRIAGE IS LIKE A DOUGHNUT.
AN EARLY MORNING LESSON IN PHILOSOPHY.
NO. HEAR ME OUT.
A DOUGHNUT'S ROUND, SWEET, AND PERFECT.
SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE'S MISSING, HENCE THE HOLE.
ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FILL THAT HOLE,
OR IS IT A CHARACTERISTIC OF A RELATIONSHIP?
IF I WAS MARRIED, THE HOLE IN MY DOUGHNUT
WOULD BE BIG ENOUGH TO RUN A TRAIN THROUGH.
JANE'S TALKING ABOUT KIDS,
AS IF LIFE ISN'T COMPLICATED ENOUGH.
THE THOUGHT OF BRINGING KIDS INTO THIS WORLD.
YOU JUST COULDN'T HANDLE THE RESPONSIBILITY.
WHOA, WHOA!
AND YOU COULD?
THERE ARE SOME DADS IN MY INTERN PROGRAM.
THEY DON'T HAVE HAPPY MARRIAGES.
NO. NOW'S NOT THE TIME.
TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL.
YEAH, I DID. SHE GETS SO SENSITIVE.
HEY, NOBODY WALKS IN L.A.
HEY, MAN, WE'RE TRENDSETTERS.
MICHAEL, COME WITH US TOMORROW.
WHAT'S TOMORROW?
WE'RE BUNGEE JUMPING.
NO. I THINK I'LL PROBABLY BE WORKING TOMORROW UNFORTUNATELY.
IT'S GOING TO BE A BLAST.
HAVE FUN.
[RADIO DISPATCHER]
DUTY CALLS. LATER, GUYS.
LATER.
WAIT. BUNGEE JUMPING?
YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO DO THAT?
YEAH.
[HUMMING]
I HATE FISH.
YOU'LL SHUT UP AND EAT IT.
YOU SHOULD START PUTTING SOMETHING HEALTHY INTO THAT BODY.
BESIDES, I'M THINKING OF ADDING NUTRITIONAL COUNSELING
TO MY CLASSES.
WELL, LEAVE ME OUT.
YOU ARE MY PERSONAL LOW-CHOLESTEROL GUINEA PIG.
IF I TURN YOU ON TO A HEALTHY DIET, I CAN TURN ANYONE.
RHONDA, I'M LIVING PROOF THAT A PERSON CAN NEVER EXERCISE,
EAT ANYTHING, AND STILL BE GORGEOUS.
TRUST ME. NOT FOR LONG.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
I WILL GET THAT.
WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, DROP IT.
I NEED TO SEE YOU IN THESE DRESSES.
THOSE ARE HOT.
GUESS WHO DESIGNED THEM? COME ON.
ARMANI? VALENTINO?
MANCINI ORIGINALS.
THEY'RE FABULOUS.
I NEED TO SEE THEM ON.
CAN IT WAIT TILL AFTER DINNER?
NO. NOW, NOW, NOW.
I'M GOING TO TAKE THESE TO THE MART TOMORROW.
THEY'VE BEEN SITTING IN MY CLOSET FOR MONTHS.
THEN I THOUGHT, "WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?
LIFE IS SHORT. YOU GOT TO DO THINGS NOW."
I CALLED IN SICK FROM WORK
AND FINALLY FINISHED THESE.
WE GOT TO GET YOU ON DECAF.
YOU'RE SHAKING LIKE A LEAF.
MINE NEEDS NIPS AND TUCKS.
WELL, HOW'S MINE?
THEY LOOK AWFUL.
THE NECK IS TOO BIG,
THE SLEEVES ARE TOO FRUMPY,
AND IT'S WAY TOO LONG.
IT'S ALL WRONG.
HEY, IT'S O.K.
LISTEN, STAY FOR DINNER.
I'LL COOK YOU SOME SERIOUS CODFISH--
LOW-CALORIE, HIGH PROTEIN.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
JANE?
JANE?
IS EVERYTHING O.K.?
JANE?
[TOILET FLUSHES]
ARE YOU PREGNANT?
I ONLY ASK BECAUSE
I'VE HAD A COUPLE OF PREGNANT FRIENDS.
JUST ONE WHIFF OF FISH-- UPCHUCK CITY.
SANDY!
YOU HAVE THE SENSITIVITY OF A DOORKNOB.
YOU O.K.?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
CONGRATULATIONS.
THANKS.
YEAH, JANIE, THIS IS SO WONDERFUL.
FORGIVE ME,
BUT YOU DON'T EXACTLY SEEM TO BE JUMPING FOR JOY.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
OH, GOD.
YOU GUYS, DON'T SAY A WORD.
[BILLY'S DAD] KEEP GOING, BILLY. THAT'S IT.
[BILLY'S MOM] HA HA HA! THERE YOU GO, BILLY!
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD! HA HA HA HA!
COME ON, YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT UP THERE.
GO GET IT, BILLY.
OH, THERE HE IS!
HEY, BILLY!
YOU CAN DO IT!
YES, COME ON!
A LITTLE CLOSER NOW!
COME ON!
YOU CAN DO IT!
YOU CAN DO IT!
GO FOR IT!
COME ON!
YOU CAN DO IT!
HERE WE GO!
DIVE!
GO!
DIVE!
GO!
AAAAHH!
AAAAHH!
AAAAHH!
AAAAHH!
NO!
BILLY?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
NIGHTMARE?
THE KIND WHERE YOU'RE FALLING AND...
YOU'RE ABOUT TO HIT THE GROUND ANY SECOND.
THEY SAY IF YOU HIT THE GROUND IN YOUR DREAM,
YOU REALLY DIE.
BUT THAT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS.
I'M SORRY I WOKE YOU. IT WAS JUST A DREAM...
WHICH HAPPENED TO HAVE A HELLISH QUALITY.
BILLY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
I WAS JUST READING ABOUT THESE TWO GUYS
WHO WANTED TO CELEBRATE THEIR COLLEGE GRADUATION BY BUNGEE JUMPING
OFF THE TOP OF THEIR DORM.
ONLY THEY MADE THE ROPE TOO LONG AND...
YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO PROVE?
ALL MY LIFE, I'VE JUST DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT--
GOT GOOD GRADES IN HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE,
SPENT THE SUMMERS WORKING FOR MY DAD'S STORE.
I'VE GOT TO TAKE A RISK.
A STUPID, RECKLESS RISK?
WHATEVER IT TAKES.
O.K.
JUST MAKE SURE THEY MAKE THE CORD THE RIGHT LENGTH.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
LET'S GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD.
I'LL GET JAKE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
JAKE!
[KNOCK KNOCK]
COME ON! WE GOT TO GET ROLLING.
HELLO!
WHAT?
YOU'RE 10 MINUTES LATE.
ARE WE REALLY GOING THROUGH WITH THIS?
YES!
O.K. I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL MEET YOU AT THE CAR.
HEY, HOW DO YOU FEEL?
ARE YOU PSYCHED? YOU SCARED?
I FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING PROFOUNDLY STUPID.
WAIT TILL YOU'RE SWINGING FROM THAT BUNGEE.
YOU WILL THANK ME FOR DRAGGING YOU ALONG.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HI.
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU SO EARLY.
NO. ARE YOU O.K.?
IS BILLY HOME?
NO. HE LEFT EARLY TO GO BUNGEE JUMPING.
MICHAEL LEFT EARLY, TOO.
NOT TO GO WITH THEM?
NO, NO. HE'S AT THE HOSPITAL.
ALISON, I NEED TO TALK.
O.K.
I THINK I'VE DECIDED TO HAVE...
UM...
I'M NOT HAVING THIS BABY.
YOU TALKED WITH MICHAEL?
NO, I CAN'T.
I KNOW HOW HE FEELS,
AND I DON'T WANT TO PUSH HIM INTO ANYTHING.
GOD! I JUST FEEL LIKE THERE'S NO WAY OUT.
I MEAN, I JUST...I WISH I CAN MAKE EVERYTHING O.K.
IT'S NOT JUST YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
I KNOW IT, BUT...
THINGS ARE TOUGH ENOUGH AS IT IS,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE A CHILD
MY HUSBAND DOESN'T WANT.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT...
I MADE AN APPOINTMENT THIS AFTERNOON.
WHERE?
A HOLLYWOOD ABORTION CLINIC.
IT'S JUST A COUNSELING SESSION.
BUT I WAS WONDERING...
I WOULD FEEL LESS ALONE IF YOU WOULD COME.
THIS ALL SEEMS SO DRASTIC.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO INCLUDE MICHAEL?
I'M JUST EXPLORING MY OPTIONS.
O.K.
I'M SO SORRY.
I AM SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS.
THANK YOU.
Who is that?
Oh yeah, that's me before I lost 41lbs on NutriSystem.
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♪ VANNA TOLD HALLIE ♪
♪ 'BOUT THE THING SHE SAW ♪
♪ IT HAD TWO BIG HORNS ♪
♪ AND A WOOLLY JAW ♪
♪ WOOLLY BULLY ♪
♪ WOOLLY BULLY ♪
♪ WOOLLY BULLY ♪♪
HEY, THIS IS GREAT.
LAST NIGHT I WAS WORRIED, BUT...
NOW THAT WE'RE ON THE ROAD IT'S LIKE,
"YES! WE'RE GOING TO DO IT!"
IT'S THREE MEN
WHO ARE GOING TO LOOK DEATH IN THE FACE
WITHOUT BLINKING.
HEY, THERE IT IS.
OH...MY...GOD.
HA HA HA!
HO HO HO HO!
HA HA HA!
HEY! LET'S DO IT!
DO IT.
LET'S DO IT!
JUST THINK HOW COOL IT'LL BE.
HOW CUTE WOULD THE BABY BE?
THEY'RE SO CUTE, REALLY.
OH...
HEY.
WE WERE JUST COMING TO SEE HOW YOU WERE.
UNLESS YOU'RE GOING SOMEWHERE.
YEAH, KIND OF.
BUT THANKS.
ARE YOU HOLDING UP O.K.?
OH, ALISON KNOWS.
OH, SORRY.
IN FACT, SHE'S TAKING ME TO THE CLINIC.
CLINIC?
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS SOMETHING YOU BOTH WANT?
GIVING IT SERIOUS THOUGHT.
THEN I'M COMING, TOO.
YOU NEED YOUR FRIENDS.
C.J. CAN TAKE OVER MY CLASSES.
NO, RHONDA, THAT'S O.K.
YOU SURE?
YEAH.
OUR URINE TEST CONFIRMS THAT YOU ARE PREGNANT.
YOU'RE ABOUT SIX WEEKS ALONG.
I TAKE IT THIS PREGNANCY IS A SURPRISE.
YES. WE, UM...
WE NEVER PLANNED TO HAVE KIDS THIS YOUNG.
AND AT THIS POINT,
YOU FEEL YOU'D LIKE TO TERMINATE THE PREGNANCY.
YES.
WELL, I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS
SOME OF THE OPTIONS TO ABORTION.
FOR EXAMPLE, ADOPTION AND KEEPING THE CHILD.
WILL YOUR HUSBAND JOIN US?
HE'S NOT HERE.
HE'S REALLY BUSY.
WE CAN RESCHEDULE FOR WHEN HE'S AVAILABLE.
NO, TODAY IS FINE.
HAVE YOU TWO DISCUSSED THIS?
I CAN'T.
HE'S AWARE OF THE PREGNANCY?
I CAN'T TELL HIM.
MICHAEL DOESN'T WANT A BABY RIGHT NOW.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HAVING AN ABORTION WITHOUT TELLING HIM?
I FEEL IF HE EVER FINDS OUT, IT'LL TEAR US APART.
IF HE DOESN'T, IT WILL BE THIS HUGE THING
THAT I'VE NEVER TOLD HIM.
BUT EVERY MARRIAGE HAS ITS SECRETS, RIGHT?
AND, UM...
"AND IN THE EVENT OF MY DEBT"--SORRY--"DEATH
"I STATE THAT I DO NOT HOLD
"THE BUNGEE ADVENTURE COMPANY RESPONSIBLE
"FOR SAID...DEATH.
"NOR ANY EXPENSES RELATED TO SAID,"
UM..OH...UH, "DEATH."
[CLAPPING]
BEAUTIFUL. OSCAR MATERIAL.
YOU CAN STILL TALK AFTER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH?
BILLY, IT IS THE MOST...
INCREDIBLE...
I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE IT.
WEREN'T YOU SCARED?
YEAH, I WAS SCARED, UH...
I WAS THRILLED...
IT'S INSANE.
WELL, THERE GOES JAKE.
WHOO!
WHOA!
HOO HOO HO!
HEY. YOU'RE ON.
LET'S DO IT.
O.K. WE ARE... ALL SET HERE.
LET'S GO.
O.K., VERY CAREFULLY, PUT YOUR LEGS OVER THAT SIDE.
THIS SIDE?
YEAH. IT'S THIS SIDE.
THERE YOU GO.
GOOD.
GOOD.
WHOA!
ALMOST LOST YOU THERE, PAL.
O.K., WE'RE GOING ON THE COUNT OF THREE.
O.K.?
YOU READY?
1...
2...
YOU CAN DO IT!
LET'S GO!
YOU CAN DO IT!
GET READY!
DIVE!
GO!
DIVE!
OOOH!
I CAN'T!
I'M JUST NOT GOING TO DO IT.
JUST GET MY LEGS BACK ON THIS SIDE.
I'M--I'M SORRY, GUYS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MAN.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT.
THEY'RE TAKING SO LONG.
I HOPE SHE'S O.K.
THEY'VE GOT ALL KINDS OF STUFF TO DO.
THERE'S THE PREGNANCY TEST,
TALKING TO A COUNSELOR.
THEY MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH?
I HAD ONE.
AN ABORTION?
GOD, IT'S SO WEIRD.
I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR SO LONG.
I WAS 16, BACK HOME...
WHEN MAMA THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE MISS TEENAGE AMERICA.
I WAS TRAINING FOR THIS LOCAL CONTEST.
I FIGURED IF I WON,
THAT WOULD BE MY WAY OUT OF TOWN.
MY TALENT WAS BATON.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
THERE WAS THIS BOY.
HE WAS THE SON OF A JUDGE.
I LIKED HIM WELL ENOUGH.
I THOUGHT IF I SLEPT WITH HIM,
HE'D HELP ME WITH HIS DAD.
THAT WAS SO STUPID.
I LEARNED THAT LESSON YOUNG.
DON'T SLEEP WITH A MAN TO GET SOMETHING
UNLESS IT'S TO GET PREGNANT.
WHAT HAPPENED?
MAMA DROVE ME...
SHE DROVE ME...
WE HAD TO DRIVE FOR HOURS TO GET THERE.
IT WAS THE ONLY PLACE THAT WOULD DO ABORTIONS.
T
IT HAD NO SIGN OR ANYTHING.
DIDN'T HURT TOO MUCH.
I JUST REMEMBER...
I COULDN'T STOP SHIVERING.
IT WAS SO CRAZY.
IT MUST'VE BEEN 90 DEGREES.
BUT I WAS JUST...
I WAS SHIVERING AND SHIVERING.
I THINK IT WAS THE HARDEST THING I'VE HAD TO DO.
BUT UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, I KNOW I CHOSE RIGHT.
OF COURSE YOU DID.
I HAVEN'T TOLD THIS TO ANYBODY OUT HERE.
I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME.
ME, TOO.
I'M ALWAYS AFRAID IF YOU TELL SOMEBODY SOMETHING IN PRIVATE
THAT THEY'LL USE IT AGAINST YOU.
NOT IF THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS.
ALISON, ARE WE FRIENDS?
ABSOLUTELY.
I COULD'VE USED SOMEONE LIKE YOU BACK THEN.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
OH, RHONDA!
HI!
COME ON IN.
LOW-FAT FETTUCINI,
MAJOR COMFORT FOOD WITHOUT THE CALORIES.
THANKS,
I FIGURED YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO COOK,
SO I WHIPPED TOGETHER PASTA.
CARBOHYDRATES KICK OFF--
THOSE HAPPY BRAIN CHEMICALS--
ENDORPHINS?
JUST EAT. DON'T COOK OR EXERT YOURSELF.
JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU.
HOW'S JANE DOING?
I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S NOT HOME.
OH. LET ME GET OUT.
YOU'LL WANT TO BE ALONE.
BUT LISTEN, YOU'RE SO YOUNG.
YOU CAN HAVE A BABY WHEN YOU'RE READY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
RHONDA...
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
NOTHING!
NOTHING!
FORGET I CAME BY.
I SAY STUPID THINGS I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT.
I'M GOING! I'M LATE!
SUDDENLY I THOUGHT, WHY AM I ON THIS BRIDGE?
I COULD DIE, FOR REAL.
WHO'S THE BIGGER JERK-- US FOR JUMPING OR HIM FOR NOT?
WHY AM I ASHAMED OF SELF-PRESERVATION?
YOU'RE THE ONLY GUY WITH HALF A BRAIN.
YEAH, RIGHT.
I WAS TOO SCARED.
HEY, BILLY, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING TOO SCARED.
I HAVE 10 HOURS UNTIL MY DEADLINE AND NO STORY.
UNLESS A GUTLESS WONDER IS NEWS.
DON'T KICK YOURSELF. IT TAKES GUTS TO ADMIT SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
WELL, HERE'S TO GUTLESS WONDERS!
Y THEY LIVE!
LONGER THAN US.
HI, JANE.
JANE, COME JOIN THE CELEBRATION!
OH, NOT TONIGHT, GUYS.
O.K. BE THAT WAY.
MICHAEL?
HONEY!
MICHAEL, WHAT'S WRONG?
RHONDA CAME BY.
THOUGHT WE MIGHT NEED IT AFTER WHAT WE'D BEEN THROUGH.
GOD, MICHAEL.
HOW COULD YOU DO IT?
YOU...ABORTED OUR BABY.
A BABY I NEVER EVEN KNEW EXISTED.
MY GOD.
HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?
I TRIED.
YOU DIDN'T!
YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT A BABY.
I KNEW HOW YOU FELT.
NO, YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE WANTED, MICHAEL?
NO SPEECHES, NO PRECONCEIVED PLANS.
JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE WANTED--
A BABY OR AN ABORTION?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? YOU CHOSE FOR ME.
NO, I DIDN'T.
YES, YOU DID.
NO, I DIDN'T. I COULDN'T DO IT.
I WENT, BUT I REALIZED HOW MUCH I WANT THIS BABY.
YOU CAN'T PLAN LIFE! YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT!
SO NOW YOU'VE DECIDED WE ARE HAVING A BABY.
WHEN DO I GET A SAY?
HAVE YOUR SAY NOW!
YOU'VE DECIDED!
IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!
YES, IT IS! LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
WHY GET SO ANGRY? CAN'T WE TALK?
JANE, YOU CAN'T KEEP SECRETS LIKE THIS IN A MARRIAGE.
IT'S MY LIFE, TOO!
JUST WALK AWAY, LIKE THAT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING.
IT'S NOT A DRESS-- HEMMING IT WON'T FIX IT.
MICHAEL, NOT OUT HERE.
WHY NOT? THEY ALREADY KNOW.
MAYBE THEY'RE EASIER TO TALK TO.
HERE THEY ARE! ALL YOUR FRIENDS!
TALK TO THEM! TALK ALL NIGHT!
HEY, SLOW DOWN!
WHAT HAPPENED?
IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'M O.K.
DID SHE DO?
IT'S O.K.
WOMEN WILL DRIVE YOU BONKERS EVERY TIME.
TWO WORDS FOR YOU, NEVER TRUST THEM.
THEY'LL RIP YOUR HEART OUT AND EAT IT FOR LUNCH.
MEN AREN'T ANY BETTER.
LET'S GET A DRINK AND GET YOU HOME.
YEAH, HOME. WHERE'S THAT?
I JUST HAD TO BRING THAT FETTUCINI, DIDN'T I?
JANIE, SOMETIMES I WISH I NEVER LEARNED TO BOIL WATER.
FORGET IT.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
I SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM RIGHT FROM THE START.
GOD, WHY DIDN'T I?
YOU WERE DOING WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS RIGHT.
HE'S SO HARD TO TALK TO.
NG
WHEN THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SURE OF.
I'VE BLOWN IT FOR GOOD.
COME ON, JANE. IT WAS ONE MISTAKE.
HE WON'T HOLD IT AGAINST YOU FOREVER.
YOU DON'T KNOW MICHAEL.
IF HE LOVES YOU, HE LOVES YOU FOREVER.
BUT...
IF HE THINKS YOU'VE BETRAYED HIM,
FORGET IT.
THANK YOU.
YOU THINK YOU REALLY KNOW SOMEONE--
YOU LIVE TOGETHER, SHARE THE SAME BED, EVERYTHING.
ONE DAY YOU REALIZE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THEM AND NEVER DID.
THEY'RE YANG AND WE'RE YIN.
BILLY, I THINK IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
MICHAEL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, BUT YOU CAN'T WALK OUT.
BOTTOM LINE IS YOU LOVE HER, RIGHT?
OF COURSE I LOVE HER.
I MEAN, I SHOULDN'T, BUT I STILL DO.
I CAN'T STOP.
OH, MAN, LIFE IS SO BIZARRE.
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT WHEN YOU HAD A BABY,
IT WOULD BE THIS INCREDIBLY--
WAIT--BABY?
WHAT BABY?
JANE'S AND MINE. SHE'S PREGNANT.
I THOUGHT EVERYONE KNEW.
CONGRATULATIONS!
THAT'S AMAZING!
THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
THANKS.
WHILE WE'RE RISKING OUR LIVES JUMPING OFF BRIDGES,
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
WHAT?
THE BRAVEST GUY HERE.
LET'S DRINK!
OR THE CRAZIEST.
ANOTHER ROUND FOR DAD!
NO. NO...
I THINK THERE'S SOMEONE I SHOULD TALK TO.
AW...
NONE OF THAT.
A BABY.
I KNOW.
DO YOU REALLY WANT IT, MICHAEL?
I DO.
ME, TOO.
GOD, I'M SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT I COULDN'T TALK TO YOU.
IT WAS SUCH A SHOCK.
AND THEN WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID, ALL OUR PLANS...
PLANS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN.
OH, GOD, I LOVE YOU.
YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST DAD.
O.K., NOW IF IT'S A BOY,
NO JUNIORS, O.K.?
WHY? I LOVE THE NAME MICHAEL.
MMM, WE'LL TALK.
WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
ABOUT EIGHT MONTHS?
MOM!
DAD!
I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE THAT.
NO, I DO!
SO, CALL ME A WIMP.
GO AHEAD, I DON'T CARE.
I KNOW ONE THING.
I DON'T NEED TO RISK MY LIFE TO PROVE ANYTHING ANYMORE.
LIFE'S THE ADVENTURE, NOT DEATH.
SO THAT'S IT.
YOU KNOW, FOR A VALLEY BOY,
.
SO YOU LIKE IT?
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
AT LAST, SHE APPROVES.
THANKS.
SO WHAT'S LINED UP FOR NEXT WEEK?
NEXT WEEK?
YOUR NEXT COLUMN?
IT'S STILL SEVEN DAYS AWAY.
DO I LOOK WORRIED?
GOOD NIGHT, BILLY.
GOOD NIGHT, ALISON.
"TODAY I SAW A YOUNG MAN MEET FATHERHOOD HEAD ON...
AND SURVIVE."
MOVE OVER, DOOGIE HOWSER.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1992 SPELLING TELEVISION INC., A DIVISION OF SPELLING ENTERTAINMENT INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE