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How to Handle an Offensive Comment from a Friend. Sometimes a friend is abrasive and
offensive because they think you're aligned with them. Handle your discomfort when a friend
makes an inappropriate comment by being the friend they need, rather than the co-conspirator
they want. You will need Willingness to teach Restraint and directness. Step 1. Counter
ignorant comments by not supplying the supportive reactions the offender was seeking. Should
it appear that your friend is merely insecure or jealous rather than malicious, you can
use the discomfort as a teachable moment. Rude critics want to embarrass and hurt others
to build their self-esteem. Step 2. Think about what you want to say and choose your
words, restraining yourself in the heat of the moment before you speak. Get your point
across clearly without attacking the person. Erupting in anger will distract them from
the point your trying to make. Step 3. Let your friend know you accept they might harbor
unconscious prejudices. Soften the message and leave the door open for a friend to redeem
themselves. Step 4. Stand your ground, rather than being silent and backing down to keep
the peace. Ignoring or minimizing offensive remarks can unintentionally convey a tacit
approval to the offender. Step 5. If they continue to say offensive things or defend
their original comment, be direct. Ask them to stop saying offensive things in your presence.
Step 6. Agree to disagree and find another topic of interest if it's clear you can't
get anywhere right now. Try using humor to distract your friend from their offensive
remarks. Ultimately, you must decide if the friendship is worth continuing. Did you know
The famous duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr took place because Hamilton
spoke against Burr at a dinner party. When Burr heard that Hamilton had disparaged him,
he challenged him to a duel.