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LEYEND OF THE SPIRITS: ROOM 34
At hotel "La Luz", room 34, I asked Armando:
Seriously, would you marry me if I get pregnant?
Who else would I... yes, yes, if you... but I think nothing will happen, God's will
God's will, but I foresee that it will happen believe me, I already feel the child inside, kicking
Because you're crazy.
When I told you about the kid, about Luisito, you said I was rare and interesting, now I'm crazy,
I won't tell you any of my things anymore
Why crazy?
Don't you believe my father appeared in the yard?
Well, if you say so...
Don't you believe Luisito haunted Mom's sink?
Well, you'll see when you die...
I said it without thinking, I'm nervous, it upsets me when you talk a lot about pregnancy and children
I don't feel like talking about love only.
Shall we leave then?
Yes, preferably.
No one will know.
Who has to know, knows already.
The point is that I don't want to go out there, I feel ashamed.
Back at hotel "La Luz" and the first day I was there with Armando
when he lit a cigarette to kill the silence created between us,
disillusioned because we had expected bells ringing,
at least I had dreamt heaven would open it's doors and celestial music would play.
Have you ever thought I was her?
About my mother...
A moment ago she was sitting on her sickening chair, looking at me with hatred.
That's the usual remembrance, her useless image sitting on the wheelchair
where she spent the last two years of her life.
She alleges me through imagination, I think, because I didn't have the right to ask her what I did,
I didn't let her die in peace, that's why...
Everyone... I don't know... we have all wished the death of someone we love,
I wished my mother's and also that she wouldn't fall sick...
and also, well, that she became someone better, or that she would be more stupid or evil.
I've also seen her in the grave, under the ground and I've had this feeling of tiredness and discomfort,
a feeling of very bad anguish.
I didn't think she was so sick and I obliged her to try to stand up:
Get on you feet, mother, do it for me, don't give up!
She tried doing it several times but fell again on the wheelchair, exhausted.
You can do it, you're becoming useless, get up and don't hate me.
I left her room irritated because she couldn't do it and...
the next day she fell unconscious and a bit later... she died.
I was obliging a moribund to walk.
She had a few hours left and I made them bitter.
I said to Armando rueful:
I'm really sorry, I was just trying to undestand, it's just that...
She did try gettin up from the wheelchair, I demanded what I shouldn't...
I wanted her unsick, her company, but the one before she sat on paralisis,
the one before, way before, the one that truly was my mother.
I don't know if you understand what I'm saying because I can't fully understand myself.
It's as if she had been divided, as if she had stopped being who she was
to live eternally in the no-identity.
Think about the other one...
but I can't remember the other one.
Returns the one who isn't her.
Returns the one who looks at me with hatred,
the one who expired tangled and horrified.
I told Armando to loosen him up:
Can you forgive me? Give me a kiss, like this, yes, I love you, I'm an idiot,
I'm sorry
Sorry for what, it's my fault.
Of course, because you started talking about it, right?
My mother was sick, her eyes said to me:
I'm half dead, don't rush me.
In the end, I was talking to her last breath, the last green leaf, the small part that still lived.
That scares me, let's talk about other things, I... I can still live with my mother,
it's not indispensable for me to get married.
She was half dead, three quarters... or more.
Paralytic, yes, sick, yes, Armando, only that, but fully alive, fully.
Not fully, half wasn't. Half and half.
Armando had confirmed, with his mouth shaking:
I have the money, they will do it for me, for... us.
Porks! You and the other ***!
So you want the child because we can't have it?
I want nothing from you, nothing! You're a lying coward! You're going straight to hell!
What if there's gossip and my mother finds out?
I don't know, I don't care!
If you didn't care you would want the child and marry me!
You don't want to get married either!
Of course I don't, no, no, I would like to fly to the future to the world of the Viceroy Lerdo de Tejada.
I accepted:
Yes, I'll let them do it, anyway, I told you I don't give a damn about what happens to me.