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BETH HOYT: You guys, it's such a pleasure to have this man
here with us today.
He was a member of The State.
He's a member of Stella.
His book, Mr. Funny Pants is now out in paperback.
He's currently working with David Wain on a prequel to Wet
Hot American Summer.
He's a humorist, an author, professor, and I
feel a gentle soul.
Please welcome Michael Showalter.
See?
Oh, god.
You can just see it.
Oh, OK.
Hey, Michael.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: It's great to be here.
BETH HOYT: Thank you so much for joining us.
You know, I just want to let you know that I'm--
I'm tired of, uh--
Michael?
I'm tired of playing games.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: OK.
Then let's not play games anymore.
BETH HOYT: I'm tired of playing games, people.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Let's get down to brass tacks.
BETH HOYT: I want to play a game.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Let's get down to brass tacks.
BETH HOYT: Let's break down those brass tacks with Go
Goddess, which is a game.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Yes.
BETH HOYT: It's a game.
It's a gift.
And it's an experience.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Yes.
BETH HOYT: Um, could you just get us--
read the invocation there, the second paragraph here.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I will.
BETH HOYT: Let us know what we're getting into.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: We have chosen to honor our goddess
energy, and to share it with the world.
Quite simply, we want to make the most of
this exciting time.
BETH HOYT: Don't we?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: To be the best friends, mates, mothers,
daughters, sisters, lovers--
the very best we can be.
So go, goddess.
Go, goddess.
Go, goddess.
BETH HOYT: Exactly.
Let's play.
Could we actually--
could we set the vibe just a little bit.
Could we maybe-- this doesn't feel--
I'll just take that.
That feels better.
OK, great.
So, Michael and I are going to play now.
But you guys should play along, too.
Just give your answers to the questions in the comments.
Just go for it.
Michael, now let's go goddess.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: OK.
BETH HOYT: I'll go first.
In this little purple satchel is the instructions to which
card I'll choose.
It says, select a red card.
So I'm going to go ahead and do that.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Right there.
BETH HOYT: I'm going to read the
questions for you to answer.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: OK.
BETH HOYT: The saying goes, when you got it, flaunt it.
Goddess, what do you have that you should flaunt?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Hm.
Well, uh--
BETH HOYT: I'm sure there are a few answers you have.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Well, I've been told that
I have a hot butt.
BETH HOYT: How do you feel about that?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Um, I mean--
BETH HOYT: Does that make you feel good?
Does that make you feel like you should flaunt it?
I mean--
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Well.
Look, I like to wear--
I like to wear, you know, I like to wear my Seven jeans.
BETH HOYT: Sure.
Those are great for the butt.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Or maybe a miniskirt, you know.
Um, but, uh--
BETH HOYT: So you do flaunt it?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I like to--
I like to sashay around in a--
what about you?
BETH HOYT: I mean, you're flipping the-- you're flipping
the rules a little bit.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I'm turning the tables on that question.
BETH HOYT: God, what do I flaunt?
I flaunt my big eyes.
I open them as wide as I can, as often as I can.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: You have beautiful eyes.
BETH HOYT: Thank you.
Why don't you pick out a card from the purple satchel?
I'm feeling like your core is warming up.
The embers are slowly--
what does this one say?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: This says, free will.
BETH HOYT: Yes, I felt that.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Select a card from any deck.
Put that there.
And I'm going to take a green card.
BETH HOYT: He's going for green.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Green card.
Do you have your green card?
Then you don't have to leave the country.
Uh, goddess group.
Picture yourself as a little girl.
BETH HOYT: OK.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: What one thing would you like to give
that child?
BETH HOYT: Hm.
I--
well, I'm picturing little Beth.
I mean, I feel like the inner goddess, I should give her
courage or something.
I want to--
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I thought you were
going to say porridge.
BETH HOYT: Well, I kind of want to give her candy is what
my initial gut instinct.
I want to feed her some Mike and Ikes.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: OK.
BETH HOYT: Also, I have--
my issue with sweets stems from receiving a five pound
bag of Mike and Ikes one summer.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: That's a lot of Mike and Ikes.
BETH HOYT: My mom let me get it at Sam's Club.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Five pounds of Mike and Ikes is a lot of
Mike and Ikes.
BETH HOYT: Yep.
And I ate them all that summer.
And my older sister also got a five pound bag.
She didn't touch her bag.
I discovered after I ate all my Mike and Ikes that that was
just kind of a joke.
And I-- that's where all of my problems come from.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Can I ask you a question?
BETH HOYT: You sure can.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: What do you think about Skittles?
BETH HOYT: I have nothing--
I just--
I had some today.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: You had Skittles today?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
I didn't buy them.
They were just in front of me and I would never refuse a
bowl of Skittles.
I like the sound of the clinking of the Skittles.
What about you?
You seem--
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Skittles make a lovely clinking sound.
BETH HOYT: You seem to feel one way or another about
Skittles, which is--
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I'm a peanut M&Ms man.
BETH HOYT: I mean, I feel so close to you.
That's my favorite candy.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: And Twix.
BETH HOYT: OK.
I was--
I was just feeling--
I mean, you didn't want to connect in that moment.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I do want to connect.
BETH HOYT: So we're going to keep playing.
No--
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I do want to connect.
BETH HOYT: I want you to connect when you feel it.
When you feel it.
We're going to keep playing this game.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: OK.
BETH HOYT: But I know that we have the same
candy, that's my favorite.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Peanut M&Ms and Twix.
BETH HOYT: Well, the Twix is yours.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: All right.
BETH HOYT: Free will.
I'm going to pick an orange card.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: Oh, man.
It starts with a little-- a little story.
So just listen up.
Every time Valerie looks in the mirror, she makes a mental
list of her physical flaws.
Fat thighs, wrinkles, small bust, bad hair, yellow teeth,
facial hair.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: What's her *** look like?
BETH HOYT: Ah, we're getting there.
Dangling under arms, big nose, and bulging stomach.
She doesn't even have a ***.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Oh, she's ***-less.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
The question after all of Valerie's laments is, are you
your own worst critic?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Hm.
Well, first of all, Valerie's being *** herself.
BETH HOYT: She sure is.
She sure is.
I mean, bad hair.
That doesn't seem like a permanent thing.
She's having a bad day.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I mean, I get the
frizzies half the time.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Not today.
Not today.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: If it's humid at
all, I get the frizzies.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Not today.
Good thing, show day.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: That, but--
but the not having--
BETH HOYT: This isn't about Valerie.
This is about you.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: OK, it's about me.
Am I my own worst critic?
Yes, I am my own worst critic.
BETH HOYT: I think that a lot of comics are.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Yeah.
I am very *** myself.
Um--
BETH HOYT: This is getting really real.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Yes.
BETH HOYT: How do you feel?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: How do I feel right now?
BETH HOYT: Mm-hmm.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Um--
BETH HOYT: Do you feel like you're opening up or do you
feel like you're closing down?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I feel like I'm opening up.
BETH HOYT: That's fantastic.
That's exactly where I wanted to get you.
And it's just-- it's hard to--
It's hard to pump the brakes on all this sharing.
But at least it gives us a chance to share with our
audience some more of the wonder that is you, Michael.
And because everyone around--
I want you guys to stick around when we come back
because Michael and I are going to be answering your
comments live.
But first though, a video from Stella co-starring David Wain
and Michael Ian Black.
This is "Birthday."
This is your book.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: That's my book.
BETH HOYT: Now on paperback, Mr. Funny Pants.
Now, when you see this book, if you hold it, if you look at
it, does it feel better to hold your own book or does it
feel better to hold a DVD of a movie that you made?
What fills you with more joy and pride?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Wow.
BETH HOYT: You can hold it and think about it.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: All right, I'll hold it.
BETH HOYT: Envision that--
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I, uh--
I try to, uh, always be looking ahead.
You know?
You know, I don't--
there all little pieces of me.
BETH HOYT: What if someone was reading your book on the
subway, would you A-- this is going to be a
multiple choice question.
Would you--
would you go up to them and be like, that's mine?
Or would you avoid them?
Or would you just--
be fille dwith pride?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I would smile on the inside.
BETH HOYT: And you wouldn't-- yeah--
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Absolutely not.
I wouldn't be like, hey, I wrote that.
BETH HOYT: You wouldn't want to-- why wouldn't
you want to do that?
That would be-- you wouldn't be the person you
are if you did that.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: No.
That's not my style.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: This is for you, by the way.
BETH HOYT: I know.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: I just wanted you to hold it for my question.
Also, so when you're writing like--
doing live shows at the time and writing a bunch of
different projects.
When you're writing a book also that's a memoir, how do
you know what to put in the book and what to use for-- do
you try things out live?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Well, it's like the, uh--
write what you know.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: So I know my life.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: And so it was easy.
BETH HOYT: Would you ever try things out live
to put in the book?
Or put things in the book and then try them out live?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Sure.
BETH HOYT: Speaking of live, let's look at these YouTube
comments because people want to get in on this.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Yeah, I see [INAUDIBLE]
said, Have I ever punched Adam Sandler over food?
BETH HOYT: I want to know that answer as well.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Yeah.
Of course I have.
BETH HOYT: What kind of food?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: It was, um, a sous-vide chicken.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I can see that.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Oh, you go ahead.
BETH HOYT: No, I want you to read it in that voice.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Is Michael a brown gravy or a white gravy
kind of a guy?
Great question, Billbo.
And the answer is I'll take--
I like wavy gravy.
BETH HOYT: That's the answer.
Lisa Gallagher says Michael Showalter
does have a hot butt.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I do.
BETH HOYT: Smiley face.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: It's a bubble butt.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Lisa--
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: I have a bubble butt.
BETH HOYT: Especially when he's wearing the miniskirts.
And then RYOOKI says, flaunt that ***.
He does.
And we do.
I'm going to leave you all with this Go Goddess closing
invocation.
This experience may be ending, but our journey is
everlasting.
Remember that this moment forward what we think about,
we bring about.
And go goddess.
[MUSIC PLAYING]