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In this video we're going to teach you how to deal with toxic family members during the
holidays.
Stay to the end for a bonus meditation.
Subscribe to our channel and click the bell to turn notifications on so you're the first
to know when we drop a video or go LIVE!
It's Heather and David, from Zen Rose Garden DOTCOM!
Helping people create badass lives.
Dealing with negative family members is never easy.
But trust us, there are healthy and empowering ways to handle it.
Today we're going to give you five tips on how to survive the holidays with your toxic
family.
Tip #1.
You have a choice.
You are grown and responsible for your own happiness.
Your own happiness is up to you.
What are your beliefs around the situation?
Do you believe that they have some kind of power over you?
So if you're reacting to your toxic family, start exploring what your beliefs are; what
you believe is the worst thing that's going to happen.
See if you're pre-gaming an emotional reaction that might not really be there.
Right.
Don't get yourself all freaked out before you even hit the door.
Do you feel obligated in some way to even show up.
what's the worst thing that happens if you don't go?
Here's the BIG QUESTION: If this toxic person in your family was not related to you, would
you still be friends with them?
Tip #2.
You have nothing to prove to anyone.
You are dreading when the questions are going to start.
You guys know the questions.
"How come you're not married yet?"
Why haven't you had any children?
I need some grand babies."
"How come you're not working?"
"How come you're still working at the Quick Mart?"
"You're doing that ridiculous cleanse again?"
"You're a Vegan?
What's a Vegan?
What does that even mean?"
So, here's the thing.
Your buttons are getting pushed because you have broken from the pack in some way.
Whether it's your lifestyles a little bit different or you eat a little bit different
than everybody else.
That makes everybody uncomfortable.
Don't take it personally.
Their discomfort, not yours.
So on some level you're posing a threat to them because you're different.
They can only see within their belief system.
Which means that you might actually be doing something right.
You might actually be being true to yourself.
Don't take it personally just smile and go "Yeah, hmm."
Right.
You have nothing to prove to anyone.
Just be yourself.
If the uncomfortable questions start coming like "Why haven't you had any children?"
You could say something really shocking like "I was born without a uterus, but I might
be ready to talk about it."
Psychological Interrupts.
You say something so outlandish that it makes somebody stop and go " Are they serious?
What?"
Breaking the pattern of this back and forth that's already there.
We have a question for you guys.
Who is the one family member that you are dreading the most this holiday?
Let us know in the comments below.
Tip #3.
Love and support yourself and love and support your soul family.
You know who I mean.
Blood Family is the family that we're born into.
Soul Family is the family that we choose, that accepts us the most for being who we
are.
Those are the ones that you're going to get the love and acceptance that you're hoping
for from your Blood Family.
Love and support yourself.
If you're still going back to that dysfunctional toxic family to receive some sort of love
and support that you're never gonna get from them.
Find it in yourself and surround yourself with your soul people.
Plan some holiday traditions like a Friendsgiving or a holiday party with your Soul Family.
That's where you're going to get that warmth and companionship and love and support.
Fill yourself up with that and then you go and you do your obligation with your family
and you're going to feel a whole lot better during the holidays.
It gives you this comfort when you're there with your toxic family, kinda going "Yeah,
but I got my real people back home.
This is all just, I'm showing up.
Drinkin' some Egg Nog."
Tip #4.
Stay at a hotel.
So you have time to do some self-reflection.
Yes.
If you get triggered and you got some stuff to work through, the best place to do it is
out of the place that's triggering you.
Remove yourself from the situation so you can process the situation.
Right.
Away from the family to reflect on the emotions coming up for you.
"I gotta go back to my hotel for a couple hours.
I'll be back for cocktail hour."
It gives you an opportunity to notice patterns that keep repeating every time you see them.
Work on "How can I create better boundaries that are healthy for everybody?"
If you find that you still have these buttons that get pushed time and time and time again,
you've still got something under there and that just might be you wanting them to see
you for who you really are, but, they can't.
So, stay at a hotel.
There you go.
With a mini-bar.
Tip #5.
Don't pretend it's OK.
Deal with your anger productively without confrontation.
There are ways that you can do that, that go beyond the scope of this video.
Find ways to engage with your family that still honor your lifestyle and your journey.
Your life is your life and you don't need to explain it to anyone.
Now it's time for the BONUS TIP!
Bonus Tip!
This technique puts the power back squarely in your hands.
Make it about them.
Some of the advice that we hear from other people is to avoid the person at the event.
Right.
Is that really healthy?
And, it isn't reality either.
The bottom line is: the problem is still there, you haven't resolved anything, you haven't
worked through anything.
It still leaves you with the tension that you're gonna come out of the bathroom and
run into weird Uncle Jay.
Make a phone call to Mom or someone that you're getting along with and ask a couple of questions
about what's going on in this person's life.
Come prepared with 3 questions.
Trigger their excitement that is bigger than the need for drama.
So, I know that you might really not care about this person's life.
That's OK.
Get them really talking something that they care about.
It's kind of a great positive way to turn the tables around and actually take control
of the situation.
And, in fact, I've even seen this work where that toxic relative went off and went "Oh,
you know what?
She's doing great!
Oh, my gosh!
I really like them!"
And completely put a kibosh on the whole thing for future events.
Make somebody feel better about themselves.
Because the whole reason that they're attacking you in the first place is because they're
not necessarily solid in themselves.
It's a great way to turn those haters into fans.
Cool it off.
Try it.
It's TRUTH BOMB TIME!
If you're excited to try these tips out on your rude family members, hit that LIKE button
and drop a TRUTH BOMB in the comments below.
You were asking us how to deal with toxic family members during the holidays and we
showed you that you don't have to freak out as much as you have been.
But if you want to know how to hold your center during the holidays around that toxic family,
we created a special meditation video just for you.
Click the link in the description to get it.
Leave your TRUTH BOMB Moments and any question you have in the comments below.
And, I know you have at least two people who need this information.
So, share it with anyone that comes to mind.
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Thanks for watching.
And, we'll see you in the next video.
We'll see you in the next video.