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my name is Bernard and I am a transgender male
right now
I am Pre op, pre T. But I
do you have an appointment with dr ashley davis on Wednesday
which is two days from now so i'm pretty excited about that
Um. She'll probably do some bloodwork and whatnot and hopefully a couple days
after that i'll be able to start T.
I'm really excited about that
uh... for anybody that doesn't know what T is; T is Testosterone and there
are bunches of ways to do it. Um,
hopefully i will be doing
injections
into
the leg kinda into the thigh area. Some people do
Androgel but it's for me that's not really an option because i do a lot of
trail work and whatnot
uh, and so
...sorry there's a cat eating my belt Right now
It's kinda cute
Ha, ok not distracted anymore. But
uh...let's see here. Yeah. People do Androgel but like I said that's not
really an option for me because i do a lot of trail work
and so I'm like out, in the mountains
and i can't really shower that often and there's
like the possibility of spreading testosterone to other people and
sometimes it's not exactly a good thing
uh, you can't really taking it in a pill because it will destroy your liver. Um, uh.
i think there's other ways, um, there's like a
i can't remember what it is. I'm sorry, this isn't really good.
I should have looked this up before i started making this video
it's like they've
I don't know, like a
pump or something i know that my step mom has like an, adreneline
pump
where her adrenaline gland doesn't really work so they put a pump in and it will pump
epinephrine, er
is it epinephrine? Yeah, like an epi-pen
uh, into her
so that, you know, her
epinephrine levels aren't too low or anything like that. I think that they have something like that
for T but it's, it
might not be a pump. It's just like a slow release
thing so that you don't have to take shots for a while, er,
something like that. I dunno, I'll look it up if you're really interested
uh...
I'm just making this to start tracking my transition because like i said
I do have an appointment in a couple of days. So I'll probably start
T soon
And
so as you can tell, I mean
uh... some people to tell me but my voice is kind of androgynous
but ,eh, some days it's a lot higher than others and, ah
you can
definitely tell that it's very,
very female
and it's just not helping. Like right now i'm having troubles passing
because I am unemployed so I can't really pay for guy clothes.
so
I'm just stuck with the most "masculine" thing i have
at the time which
right now is two pairs of pants, uh there's one brown pair of pants
and they're like
"High waters" or something like that, they're "Kahki" style
and that i do have a
just a pair of blue jeans but they kinda
flare out at the bottom and it drives me crazy so I roll it up it
helps a little bit but they always unroll themself so, you know
I feel like some weird, seventies hippy
okay, they're not really that weird but whatever
Uh, so
mmm, I
also wanted to make this because
i do like to do a lot of research, I mean, right now I'm kind of, *Thbt*
everywhere because
I don't know, for some reason I get nervouse talking to myself,
on a camera
uh... i mean obviously right now I'm talking to you guys but right now it's awkward *Awkward laugh*
I mean it's not THAT awkward but
uhm... some reasons you might choose to go on T
your like me, you know....
... sorry, right now the cat's playing with golf balls
Uuuuh you're just
trying to pass is a guy
And..people don't get that you know it's
I-i-i've come out
fully to everybody i did that last month and
They're-They're going ok with it but nobody's really going along with it
along with it by
uh... the call me by my birthname and i'm like no can you call
me bernard
And they're like "yeah yeah yeah, it's hard because I've known you for so long."
I feel like, ah
once I start passing as male then
it'll be easier for them to, you know, start seeing me as male. And yeah
and also
i don't know, it's, it's also all the "Female" Stuff
There's the *** and the
the wide child
bearing hips
'nd the high voice 'nd the
you know the round face instead of nice 'n' chiseled
I- I don't know aboat you but I'm really excited aboat facial hair, like, if I
could just like *boof*
moustache, bearded, awesome.
uh... i do bind i-i have the under works
997 binder and it works pretty well but sometimes i do get this
weird situation
where you know they like squish together and it's like a uniboob
and. You know. It's. Just. Kind of annoying having to
maneuver all the time
sometimes it
it's a nylon material so it can kind of like
it's kinda scratchy
so you kinda have to have to protect
yet protective sensitive bits..I put some
bandaids on those and that usually helps for a couple days
uh... Yeah
i mean if you have any questions or anything i'm sure these videos will get
better as i go
uh, thank you for listening to my annoying ramblings i do have a facebook
i don't know if i really want people to add me on face book that's mostly for my
friends and whatnot I do have a tumblr account. You can add me on
there I'll put the URL underneath the video
And. shuu yeah
if you have any questions, anythin' hit me up. K'