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- PREVIOUSLY ON VANDERPUMP RULES...
- WHOA. OKAY.
AGAIN. AGAIN. - NO MORE MODELING WITH CHICKS.
THAT WAS ONE OF MY RULES.
- I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS THERE.
- I DON'T CARE. - I WASN'T TOLD.
I'D LIKE TO HAVE MY SWEATER LINE
IN THAT STORE SOME DAY.
- DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING IT IS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SWEATER LINE?
- YOU SEEM FRUSTRATED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
YOU SEEM TO NOT BE MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES.
- CAN'T BREATHE. - ARIANA'S COMING HERE.
- THAT'S--SHE AND I-- - HOW ARE YOU?
- WE'RE GREAT. - OH, MY GOD.
I'M SO EXCITED.
- I CAN TELL YOU'RE PRETTY EXCITED.
- EVERYONE ALWAYS WANTS TO THINK
BECAUSE IT'S A RUMOR, IT HAS TO BE TRUE.
- DID YOU GUYS SEE TOM AND ARIANA
WORKING OUT THERE TOGETHER?
THEY DEFINITELY HAVE CHEMISTRY.
- BUT I HAVE NEVER SLEPT WITH TOM SANDOVAL.
- WELCOME TO SUR. - [laughs]
- I THINK THE RUMORS ARE TRUE. - THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I CAN TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW.
- WHY ARE YOU HAVING COCKTAILS WITH SCHEANA?
- SERIOUSLY? I WAS MAKING SURE
THAT ARIANA AND TOM AREN'T [bleep]ING.
SO STOP. - DANIELLE'S MAKING IT UP.
- I'M CONCERNED FOR YOU.
- WHY IS SHE RUNNING AWAY FROM THINGS?
- BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WE'RE RIGHT.
[pop music]
- ♪ YOU KNOW ♪
♪ THAT IT'S OUR TIME ♪
♪ THESE ARE THE BEST DAYS ♪
♪ OF OUR LIVES ♪
♪ JUST RAISE YOUR GLASSES HIGH ♪
♪ THIS ONE'S FOR YOU TONIGHT ♪
[mid-tempo pop music]
♪ ♪
- NATHALIE.
- YAY, IT'S 10:00!
- IT'S 10:15 IN THE MORNING,
AND YOU'RE ASKING US TO COME BACK TO WORK
IN OUR WORKOUT CLOTHES. - I KNOW.
- YEAH, FOR SOMETHING FUN.
I'M ORGANIZING THE SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR GUILLERMO.
[both gasping] - AND HE'S GONNA DIE.
- OH, MY GOD. - I WANNA BE MARRIED.
both: OH, MY GOD.
- I WANT TO HIM HAVE SOMETHING LIKE, SEXY AND SOMETHING, LIKE,
WHERE HE'S GONNA BE, LIKE, SURPRISED ABOUT IT.
AND I THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR BURLESQUE ROUTINE.
- OH. - YEAH, WHEN WE--
YEAH, WE USED TO DO BURLESQUE, LIKE, THREE YEARS AGO.
THREE YEARS AGO, THOUGH.
- WAS IT THREE YEARS AGO ALREADY?
- SO LONG AGO, YEAH. - IT WAS THREE YEARS AGO.
- I DON'T THINK I REMEMBER ANY OF THAT.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE, A YEAR AGO.
WELL, YOU'D BETTER REMEMBER BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO DO IT.
- OH, MY GOD. - WE DON'T REMEMBER THE DANCE.
A FEW YEARS AGO, THE GIRLS AT SUR
USED TO TAKE A BURLESQUE DANCING CLASS.
AND KATIE AND I USED TO DO IT ALL THE TIME.
BUT I'M NOT A BURLESQUE DANCER. [chuckles]
- HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? THAT'S FUN.
COME ON. DON'T LET ME DOWN.
- BURLESQUE TAKES A LOT OF FLEXIBILITY,
A LOT OF STRENGTH THAT I DON'T HAVE.
I MEAN, I GUESS I HAVE A GOOD BURLESQUE LOOK.
I'VE GOT BIG ***.
IF, YOU KNOW, WORST COMES TO WORST, I COULD JUST SHAKE 'EM.
NO, WE WANT TO DO, LIKE, WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING.
- YEAH. - RIGHT.
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU
JUST BY YOURSELF DOING THAT, SO I--
- OKAY. GOOD. - I HIRED TWO GIRLS.
THEY ORGANIZE PARTIES IN CLUBS, IN HOUSES.
AND THEY'RE GONNA MAKE IT, LIKE, SUPER VISUAL,
GIVE YOU, LIKE, THE BEST COSTUME EVER.
AND DO A LITTLE BIT OF ROUTINE, YOU KNOW?
- YEAH. - IT'S JUST--
SO YOU'RE GONNA DO IT?
- YES. - OF COURSE, YEAH.
- I'M SO HAPPY. - GOOD IDEA.
- THANK YOU. - GET OUR DANCING SHOES ON!
- THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT A NORMAL JOB,
WHERE YOU PUT ON A SEXY BURLESQUE OUTFIT
AND DO A DANCE FOR YOUR BOSS.
ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS EXACTLY HOW MUCH ALCOHOL
I'M GONNA NEED TO CONSUME IN ORDER TO MAKE THIS GO SMOOTHLY.
- HELLO.
- HI. - GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HI, I'M ALINA. - ALINA, HI.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HOW ARE YOU? HI.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME? - NICE TO MEET YOU.
KARINA. - KARINA?
- SERIOUSLY? ALINA, MARINA, KARINA?
IT'S LIKE, RUSSIAN MAIL-ORDER BURLESQUE DANCERS.
- OKAY, SHOULD WE SHOW YOU, LIKE, A LITTLE BIT?
- OKAY, YEAH. - WILL YOU--
YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HOLD THE BOAS.
- OKAY. - OKAY.
- SO WE JUST LET-- - LISTEN.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX...
- HI. - YOU GOT THE COLOR RIGHT THEN.
EXPLAIN TO ME. - LET'S DO IT--LET'S DO--
- YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT. - LET'S SHOW THEM.
- DO YOU WANT TO BE GUILLERMO FOR US?
- YEAH, GO BE GUILLERMO.
- HE'S GONNA HAVE A BLOODY HEART ATTACK.
HE HATES SURPRISES, RIGHT?
- GUILLERMO IS, LIKE, SITTING THERE.
- HOW OLD IS HE? HE'S? - 45.
- SO IT'S KIND OF A BIG ONE
BECAUSE HE NEVER HAS BIRTHDAY PARTIES, RIGHT?
HE HATES IT.
HE HATES IT. - OH, REALLY?
- SO THE MORE HE HATES IT, THE MORE WE LOVE IT.
[all laugh]
STASSI AND KATIE USED TO TAKE BURLESQUE LESSONS,
SO WE THOUGHT IT'D JUST BE FUN FOR THEM
TO KIND OF GET THEIR PINK FEATHERS OUT OF THE ATTIC
AND, YOU KNOW, TREAT GUILLERMO.
- OKAY. FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
- YEAH. - OKAY, BUT LOOK.
GUYS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE SHY WHEN YOU DO THIS, OKAY?
I WANT IT SEXY. - YEAH.
- YOU KNOW, THEY THINK THEY'VE GOT THE MARKET CORNERED ON SEXY.
HEY, GIRLS, I INVENTED SEXY.
- SHOW HER WHAT WE CAN DO, OKAY?
- THERE'S STILL LIFE IN THE OLD DOG YET.
- WHOO! - [laughs]
- THAT'S GOOD.
- I LIKE IT!
- OKAY, WELL, MAYBE NOT.
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
- OH, MY GOD!
- LIKE, I'M STARTING TO SWEAT. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, NO.
- WHOA.
- I THINK IT'S A BIT MUCH.
- I MEAN, IT'S ONLY FOR FUN FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, RIGHT?
- I'M NOT WEARING PASTIES.
- WELL, YOU CAN'T GO NAKED.
YOU'VE GOTTA WEAR SOMETHING.
- I DON'T WANT TO WEAR PASTIES.
[bleep] NO.
IF I WERE TO WEAR PASTIES,
THEY'D PROBABLY BE RIGHT THERE.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE THAT WORRIED ABOUT THAT.
I MEAN, IT'S ONLY FUN.
WELL, NATHALIE WANTS ALL COVERED UP.
I MEAN, SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET A COUPLE OF NUNS DOWN HERE.
WHAT'S HER PROBLEM?
SHE'S BLOODY FRENCH.
THEY HAVEN'T SEEN A BRA IN YEARS.
- WE'RE ALL EUROPEANS.
WE HAVE TO BE MORE FREE, RIGHT?
- WELL, WE ARE. - FREE SPIRITS.
- I'M FROM UTAH.
[all laugh]
I DON'T WANT IT.
- OKAY, SO YOU KNOW HOW THERE'S THAT BACK PARKING LOT,
LIKE, IN THE LITTLE ALLEYWAY? - YEAH.
- IF THERE'S NOT A SPOT IN THERE,
YOU CAN USUALLY JUST PARK ON THE STREET.
AND THEN I USUALLY JUST WALK IN THROUGH THE BACK.
ARIANA IS FINALLY HIRED AT SUR.
AND EVERY OTHER GIRL IS INTIMIDATED
BY THE HOT, NEW, TINY BLONDE WITH THE GREAT ***.
GO TO WORK. - OW!
- I'M JUST HANGIN' OUT WITH MY BEST FRIEND,
SO IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE WORK.
- YOU ARE SOLD OUT OF PERRIER-JOUET ROSE.
- MM-HMM.
- THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION.
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY WRITE THAT DOWN, SCHEANA.
- WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING IT DOWN?
YOU'RE THE ONE TRAINING.
- 'CAUSE I CAN REMEMBER IT.
- THANK GOD YOU'RE FINALLY HERE, BY THE WAY.
- WORKING IN RESTAURANTS CAN BE CRAZY.
OH, MY GOD.
BUT EVERYBODY IN L.A. KNOWS
THAT SUR'S THE NUMBER ONE PLACE FOR CRAY.
SO WHAT'S THE OFFICIAL BORDER
BETWEEN THE RESTAURANT AND THE LOUNGE?
- I'LL SHOW YOU.
- GOOD-BYE!
WE DON'T WANT YOU.
- [laughs] CRAZIES ON THAT SIDE.
US ON THIS SIDE.
I'M A LITTLE WORRIED FOR ARIANA
BECAUSE THERE'S A RUMOR FLYING AROUND SUR
THAT ARIANA AND TOM ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER.
SHE SAID NOTHING HAPPENED.
THAT MEANS NOTHING HAPPENED.
YOU GUYS HAVEN'T MET, I DON'T THINK.
- NO. - ARIANA, TIERNEY.
- TIERNEY. - ARIANA.
NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NOW, YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER.
- WE'RE ALL GONNA TWERK TOGETHER.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- CAN I SEE YOUR TWERKING SKILLS?
I LOVE ARIANA.
SHE HAS THIS WHOLE HIPSTER CHILL VIBE.
FINALLY, I WILL HAVE A GOOD, NORMAL FRIEND ON MY SIDE
THAN ALL OF THESE OTHER CRAZY GIRLS.
- GET IT, GIRL. GET IT.
OWN IT. - YEAH!
- VERY GOOD.
- KRISTEN?
- I'M IN MY ROOM.
- OH, YOUR ROOM LOOKS PRETTY...FOR ONCE.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR.
- I'M GOOD AT THIS KIND OF STUFF.
- I KNOW. I HAVE IDEAS.
- THE GREENS WANT TO-- - SHOULD I WEAR COLOR?
- YEAH, OF COURSE, WEAR COLOR. - I LIKE [indistinct].
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST WEAR A DRESS?
- I JUST DON'T KNOW IF IT'S, LIKE, TOO MUCH SKIN.
- THAT'S WHY I FEEL LIKE--WELL, I FEEL LIKE, SKIN LOOKS BETTER.
IT'LL MAKE YOU LOOK SKINNIER. - SURE.
- THESE PHOTOS NEED TO STAND THE TEST OF TIME.
BEING FRIENDS WITH KRISTEN IS SO CHAOTIC.
ONE MINUTE, SHE'S JUST STORMING OUT OF HAPPY HOUR.
THE WORLD IS GONNA END.
AND THE NEXT, SHE'S CALLING ME.
"HEY, STASSI, I NEED SOME HELP WITH OUR PASSPORT PHOTO SHOOT.
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD COME STYLE ME?"
IT'S CRAZY.
BUT WE ALL NEED HOT PASSPORT PHOTOS.
- THERE YOU GO. - I BROUGHT JEWELS.
- YEAH, YOU DID.
- "AVOID NOTICEABLE JEWELRY BECAUSE IT MAY INTERFERE
WITH THE CAMERA FLASH." - [groans]
- CAN THEY JUST GET BETTER LIGHTING?
- YEAH. IT'S A PASSPORT PHOTO.
I'M SORRY.
- 30 YEARS OLD, AND I HAVE NO PASSPORT.
IT IS CRUCIAL THAT THIS PHOTO
IS THE BEST PHOTO I HAVE EVER TAKEN.
THESE ARE MY EYELASHES. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I'M GOING, LIKE, FULL-ON GLAM...
- YEAH. - WITH MY MAKEUP.
- OBVIOUSLY.
- DO YOU THINK THAT THEY'LL BE LIKE,
"LISTEN. YOU HAVE TOO MUCH MAKEUP ON?"
- I DID THAT IN MY MUG SHOT BEFORE.
- WAIT, YOU HAVE A MUG SHOT?
CAN WE JUST, LIKE, GO JUST A...
- I LOOKED SO CUTE, THOUGH. - MOMENT OF SILENCE?
- AND THEY WERE SO NICE TO ME.
- WHY DO YOU HAVE A MUG SHOT?
- ON MY DUI.
IT WAS, LIKE, A BILLION YEARS AGO.
- I THOUGHT YOU ROBBED A BANK OR SOMETHING.
- I SORT OF GOT THIS DUI,
AND THEY TOOK ME TO THE POLICE STATION.
AND I WENT IN.
I WAS, LIKE, LOOKING REALLY HOT.
THANK GOD.
- I LOVE THIS GREEN.
THIS IS JUST SUCH A BEAUTIFUL COLOR.
[phone rings]
- IT'S JAX.
HE JUST TEXTED ME.
- HELLO?
HEY, WHAT'S UP?
- [bleep].
CAN MEN GET BREAST CANCER?
WHAT IS ALL OF THIS?
- IT'S, LIKE, WORKOUT STUFF.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ON DRUGS.
- THIS IS DRUGS, JAX.
[phone rings]
- IT'S JAX. HELLO?
- HELLO?
- HEY, WHAT'S UP?
- [bleep].
CAN MEN GET BREAST CANCER?
ARE YOU BY YOURSELF?
- YES. - THAT'S SO SAD.
WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ONE OF US?
YOU KNOW, I GO FROM BEING REALLY MAD AT JAX,
AND HE'S FRUSTRATING ME.
AND THEN, I GET THIS CALL FROM HIM,
AND HE SEEMS REALLY SCARED.
AND I WOULD NEVER WANT--I-- THAT WOULD BE VERY SCARY,
TO THINK ANYTHING THAT BAD COULD HAPPEN TO HIM.
- OKAY, WELL, CALL OR TEXT US AND LET US KNOW,
LIKE, AFTER YOU FILL YOUR PAPERWORK OUT, LIKE,
WHAT THEY SAY, AND, LIKE, WHAT'S GOING ON NEXT.
- BYE.
- I DON'T--WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- MAYBE HE SHOULD TOP-- STOP TAKING
ALL THOSE PROTEIN SUPPLEMENTS,
AND HE WOULDN'T HAVE A WEIRD GROWTH...
- YEAH, I KNOW. - COMING UNDERNEATH--
LIKE, MAYBE IT'S ALL THE [bleep]
THAT YOU TAKE AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BODY.
- THAT'S WHAT I KEEP TELLING HIM AND SANDOVAL.
LIKE, "YOU GUYS THINK YOU'RE TAKING TESTOSTERONE,
"BUT ARE YOU REALLY TAKING ESTROGEN?
BECAUSE YOU'RE BOTH VERY MOODY, VERY SENSITIVE."
- IS THIS YOUR POUND OF CREATINE?
- NO, TH-- [laughs]
- PROTEIN POWDER? - YOU BROUGHT THAT?
LIKE, HE TAKES SO... - I KNOW.
- MUCH STUFF, AND ALL DAY LONG. - OH, WAIT.
DRINKING THESE WEIRD DRINKS-- - IT LITERALLY POPS RIGHT UP
WHEN YOU GOOGLE IT.
- WHAT, "LUMP UNDER CHEST?" - YEAH.
"INCREASING THE AMOUNT OF BREAST TISSUE
"AND NOT CANCER IS VERY COMMON.
IT OCCURS DUE TO CHANGES IN HORMONE BALANCES."
- EXACTLY WHAT I JUST SAID.
IT FEELS WEIRD TO JUST GO AND TRY ON THESE CLOTHES NOW
AFTER KNOWING SOMEONE'S IN THE HOSPITAL.
- I KNOW.
- YEAH. - LET'S FIGURE THIS OUT.
CHANGE. - WE'LL GO GET--
GO GET OUR PHOTOS AND THEN-- - YEAH.
- MAYBE I CAN GET, LIKE, A PUSHUP BRA
AND JUST DO, LIKE, MASSIVE CLEAVAGE.
- HOW CUTE.
- AND SO I WANT YOU TO SEE WHERE THIS CAKE STORE IS
BECAUSE I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD PICK THE CAKE OUT FOR US.
IT'S BEEN KIND OF CRAZY.
- AND I COULD LOOK AT WEDDING CAKES, TOO.
- DARLING, YOU CAN'T LOOK AT WEDDING CAKES UNLESS YOU--
- OH! - HAS HE PROPOSED?
- NOT YET. - HI, GUYS.
- YOU CAN'T LOOK AT WEDDING CAKES--HI, DARLING.
- HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD.
- YEAH, BUT YOU CAN'T-- - HELLO.
- HI. HI.
- HOW ARE YOU? - I'M JANE.
- YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT WEDDING CAKES.
- I CAN LOOK... - NO.
NO, BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE PROPOSAL.
- SO I AT LEAST HAVE AN IDEA.
- HI, I'M JANE. - HI.
- SWEET LADY JANE?
- SWEET LADY JANE.
- WELL, WE ALWAYS HAVE YOUR CAKES
BECAUSE THEY'RE THE BEST.
- WE'RE HAVING THE--A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR MY HUSBAND.
- LOVELY. - SO I WANT TO ORDER
SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL. - OKAY.
I'M GONNA SEAT YOU OUTSIDE... - YOU CAN SHOW US
WHAT YOU DO SPECIAL? - I'LL SHOW YOU SOME PICTURES
AND WE'LL DISCUSS--ABSOLUTELY.
- ARE YOU STAYING?
- YES.
I WANT TO LOOK AT THE BOOK, TOO.
[laughs] - WHAT ARE YOU--YOU'RE CRAZY.
DON'T JINX IT. - I KNOW.
- OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS,
SO YOU'RE GONNA PICK IT UP. - YES.
I CAN'T HELP MYSELF IF I'M IN A BAKERY
OR SOMEWHERE THAT HAS WEDDING-RELATED GOODIES.
I DO THINK ABOUT IT.
I'M LIKE, "OOH, THAT COULD BE GOOD FOR MY WEDDING."
AND THEN, I'M LIKE, "OH, WAIT.
I'M NOT EVEN ENGAGED YET."
- I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOME CAKES THAT WE'VE DONE.
MEN'S SHOES, PURSES.
- DID YOU EVER DONE SOMETHING, LIKE, YOU KNOW, A HEART SHAPE?
- WE'VE DONE A LOT OF HEARTS. - WOW.
- I THINK HE SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING
WITH A BURLESQUE THEME. - THOSE ARE COOL.
LIKE, SOMETHING, YOU KNOW...
- OKAY, HERE, LISA.
THIS IS... - OH, MY GOSH, NO!
DON'T MAKE THEM HUGE BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HIS TASTE.
- NO, NO, NO, THEY'RE SMALL. VERY SMALL.
- YEAH, BUT WE GOTTA FEED 50 PEOPLE.
[all laugh]
- WAIT. YOU WANT TO TAKE, LIKE, A MOLD ON ME.
- A MOLD.
NATHALIE, BLESS HER HEART,
SHE THINKS HE'S INTO CUPCAKES.
BUT IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
HE NEEDS POUND CAKES.
THOSE *** WOULD ONLY, LIKE, FEED A COUPLE.
[all laugh]
- JUST MAKE IT GORGEOUS, PINK, VOLUPTUOUS *** FOR 50.
- *** FOR 50.
- OKAY, GOOD.
- ALL RIGHT. - WONDERFUL.
- DO YOU THINK WHILE WE'RE STILL HERE
I COULD JUST TAKE A PEEK AT WEDDING CAKES?
JUST IN CASE, YOU KNOW.
- NO, WE'RE NOT LOOKING AT WEDDING CAKES.
1,000% NOT.
- JUST GETTING IDEAS, THAT'S ALL.
- I'M PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN. - ALL RIGHT.
- ♪ WE COULD NOT KNOW ♪
♪ WHAT THE FUTURE IS ♪
♪ WE KNEW THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING BIG ♪
♪ JUST FADE ♪
- HEY. - HEY.
- HOW'S IT'S GOIN'?
- IT'S GOIN'. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.
SORT OF. - YEAH?
YOU FINDING ANYTHING?
THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU.
YOU WOULD DEF WEAR THAT ON YOUR PINKY FINGER.
- PROBABLY.
THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU. - REALLY?
- SORT OF. - THANKS.
THANKS A LOT. - [laughs]
- ME AND ARIANA HAVE BEEN FRIENDS
FOR ROUGHLY THREE YEARS.
I WANT TO LIKE, GET THE SMELL OF THIS PLACE AND BOTTLE IT UP.
- [chuckles]
GOD, I LOVE THAT SMELL OF OLD WIGS, YOU KNOW?
- ARIANA'S GOT THIS TOTAL DRY, SMARTASS SENSE OF HUMOR.
AND WHEN WE FIRST STARTED WORKING TOGETHER
AT VILLA BLANCA, ALL WE DID WAS JUST GOOF OFF.
THIS IS A... - [laughs]
- LITTLE SMALL ON ME.
- IT'S KIND OF LIKE, ZORRO.
- SO-- - I COULD GO BONO.
- BONO '90s? - [laughs]
ARE THESE COOL OR NOT? I CAN'T TELL.
- WHAT ABOUT THOSE? THOSE AREN'T BAD.
- COULD I EVER WEAR THESE?
- YEAH, GET 'EM. - I'M DOING IT.
ME AND TOM JUST, LIKE, FIND OURSELVES
GETTING IN LIKE, RANDOM ADVENTURES.
IT'S ALWAYS, LIKE, SOMETHING SILLY
THAT WE END UP DOING TOGETHER.
- I KIND OF WISH I COULD DRESS
LIKE A DRUM MAJOR IN A MARCHING BAND.
- I WAS IN MARCHING BAND. - BADASS.
- THERE WE GO. - NICE.
- THAT'S WHY I LIKE ARIANA.
SHE'S JUST, LIKE, ALWAYS GOOFING OFF.
THAT'S IT.
- IT'S LIKE A HOARDER'S DREAM.
- OH, MY GOD, I'M GL-- I'M ACTUALLY GLAD I'M HERE,
EVEN THOUGH THIS PLACE IS RIDICULOUSLY OVERWHELMING.
I'M GLAD I'M HERE 'CAUSE AT LEAST IT GETS MY MIND
OFF ALL THE OTHER BULL[bleep] GOING ON.
- WELL, I'M EXCITED TO WORK AT SUR.
- IF YOU DON'T LIKE DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE,
THEN YOU'RE GONNA ABSOLUTELY LOVE SUR.
- KRISTEN'S HAD ISSUES
WITH ME AND TOM BEING FRIENDS IN THE PAST,
BUT WHAT I'M HOPING IS THAT ONCE I START AT SUR,
AND I'M AROUND HER, AND I'M AROUND EVERYBODY ELSE,
THAT SHE'LL BE ABLE TO REALIZE THAT THAT'S STUPID.
AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.
- THE GIRLS ARE NEVER REALLY INVITING.
- I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT, I DON'T KNOW HOW OTHER PEOPLE
COULD DEAL WITH IT.
I JUST HAVE A FEELING I'M GONNA BE STANDING BEHIND THE BAR
AND JUST NOT LIKE, INTERACTING WITH ANYBODY THAT WORKS THERE.
- I DON'T HAVE ANY ISSUES WITH ARIANA WORKING AT SUR,
BUT KRISTEN'S BEEN JEALOUS AND INSECURE OF ARIANA IN THE PAST.
AND I JUST--WE'RE IN SUCH A GOOD PLACE RIGHT NOW,
AND I JUST DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO SCREW THAT UP.
- A GIFT FOR KRISTEN.
[laughs]
YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL LOVE IT.
- ♪ LOVE IS FREE ♪
♪ YOURS TO KEEP ♪
♪ IF YOU SET IT FREE ♪
♪ BELIEVE ME ♪
- HI. - HI.
- I HAVE A PRESENT.
both: "NO MORE SUPPLEMENTS."
- [chuckles] ARE YOU KIDDING?
I NEED SOMEONE TO SAY, "OKAY, IT'S GONNA BE COOL.
I'M GONNA BE WITH YOU," BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY FAMILY
IN CALIFORNIA, SO THE FIRST PERSON I CALLED WAS STASSI.
- WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON?
- BREAST CANCER RUNS IN MY FAMILY.
MY FATHER'S HAD LUMPS UNDER HIS ARMS.
AND LIKE, MY MOM'S HAD LIKE, SEVEN LUMPS.
- SO WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY?
DID YOU BRING ALL YOUR LOSER MEDICATIONS?
- UH, YEAH. YEAH, I DID.
THIS IS THE ONLY ONE HE SAID THAT WAS BAD.
- WHY ARE YOU TAKING THOSE ANYWAY?
- I TAKE THEM TO-- WHEN I GO TO THE GYM.
IT'S LIKE, A MUSCLE-- JUST GIVES YOU A LITTLE BOOST.
- HELPS-- - SO TO GET JACKED UP.
- A LITTLE BIT.
- TAKING THOSE PILLS IS PRETTY MUCH
LIKE DOING *** OR ***.
LIKE, IT'S SO BAD FOR YOUR BODY.
- YEAH, WELL, I MEAN, I'VE BEEN TAKING STUFF LIKE THIS
SINCE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, BUT I NEVER TOOK--
- AND IT'S BAD. - I'VE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM.
I'VE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM.
THE PROTEIN'S FINE, YOU KNOW,
AS LONG AS I DON'T OVERDO IT--
- YOU'RE STILL DRINKING A PROTEIN SHAKE?
- PROTEIN'S GOOD FOR YOU.
- YOU--BUT YOU DRINK THEM
ALL DAY LONG AND ALL NIGHT LONG. - YEAH, I KNOW.
OKAY, BUT HE SAID-- - YEAH.
- NO MORE THAN TWO A DAY.
- YEAH, MAYBE A PROTEIN SHAKE A DAY,
BUT JAX, LIKE, YOU DRINK THEM LIKE IT'S WATER.
- THIS IS MY FIRST ONE TODAY.
- NO, IT'S NOT. - THAT'S MY FIRST ONE TODAY.
- SERIOUSLY? THIS IS ANNOYING.
AND GIVE ME THAT.
THAT IS SO ANNOYING. - THIS IS $100.
- YOU SHOULD'VE BOUGHT ME A PRESENT INSTEAD.
YOU'RE REALLY GONNA TRY AND GET SYMPATHY FROM ME RIGHT NOW?
AND YOU'RE DRINKING A PROTEIN SHAKE
HOURS AFTER YOU LEFT THE DOCTOR?
ARE YOU HIGH?
WHAT IS ALL OF THIS?
- OH. - A HARDENING COCKTAIL?
- YOU NEED THAT. - YOU DON'T NEED THAT.
- DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY ALL THOSE...
THERE'S $100.
DUMPING ALL MY POWDER.
THERE'S ANOTHER $100.
THERE'S--DUMPING ANOTHER THING OF PILLS.
THERE'S ANOTHER $75.
IS THIS STASSI'S VERSION OF TOUGH LOVE,
OR IS THIS JUST HER BEING HER NORMAL RAGING *** TO ME?
- WHAT ABOUT THESE? - THAT'S FINE.
- ANYTHING THAT SAYS "SCIENCE INNOVATION"--
- YEAH, IT'S OKAY.
THEY'RE ALL OKAY. - DUDE, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
- NO. - SERIOUSLY?
- IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ON DRUGS.
- THIS IS DRUGS, JAX!
- THIS IS STUFF I WORK OUT WITH.
I-- - THIS IS DRUGS.
DO YOU WANT A LUMP ON YOUR CHEST?
TAKE THESE.
- I WAS HOPING WHEN STASSI CAME OVER
THAT I WAS GONNA GET A HUG, NOT A LECTURE.
I WAS HOPING TO GET FIVE MINUTES OF COMPASSION AT LEAST.
BUT AT THIS POINT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO
TO GET STASSI TO TREAT ME LIKE, JUST A BASIC HUMAN BEING,
WITHOUT ATTACKING ME ALL THE TIME.
BUT I DON'T NEED YOU TO COME OVER HERE AND JUST,
LIKE, YELLING AT ME. - I'M SORRY.
IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO COME OVER HERE
AND CALL YOU OUT ON WHAT'S GOING ON,
THEN DON'T LET ME THROUGH THE DOOR.
- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUT ME DOWN?
LIKE, WHAT WAS WITH THE KISSING THING?
WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
IT WAS JUST A JOB. - SORRY.
- IT'S SOMETHING THAT I'M TRYING TO GET TOWARDS
IN THE STORE--MY SWEATER LINE IN A STORE.
LIKE, WHY WOULD YOU, LIKE,
PUT IT DOWN REGARDLESS?
LIKE, I DON'T GET IT.
LIKE, JUST, LIKE, WHO CARES?
- JAX, YOU'RE NOT A SWEATER DESIGNER, OKAY?
SO STOP. OWN IT!
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT A SWEATER DESIGNER?
- YOU'VE NEVER DESIGNED ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE, JAX.
- BUT I'M-- - DO YOU HAVE YOUR SKETCHES?
WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE--WHERE--
SHOULD I GO LOOKING FOR YOUR SKETCHES?
- I'M MEETING WITH SOMEBODY ABOUT IT.
- DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FABRICS? DO YOU KNOW ABOUT--
- NO, I DON'T KNOW, THAT'S WHY I'M MEETING WITH SOMEONE.
- I'M SOMEONE THAT ACTUALLY HAS WORKED REALLY HARD...
- I'M GO--I'M... - TO WORK IN THE FASHION...
- I'M MEETING WITH SOMEBODY. - INDUSTRY, AND BECAUSE YO--
- HONESTLY, I DON'T NEED THIS. - YOU BROUGHT IT UP.
DON'T BRING UP YOUR EFFING SWEATER LINE.
YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, JAX. SORRY.
YOU'RE MAKING A MOCKERY OF EVERYTHING
THAT I ACTUALLY AM WORKING TOWARDS.
- OH, IS THIS ABOUT YOU NOW?
- WELL, YOU BROUGHT IT UP, AND YEAH,
I'VE TOLD YOU THAT I FEEL LIKE THAT.
- OH, MY GOD, LIKE, HONESTLY THEN,
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
- WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW
THIS WAS GONNA TURN INTO THIS.
I WAS JUST COMING OVER HERE
TO CHECK ON YOU AND MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY...
- I'M FINE. - BRING YOU A CAKE
TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. - I'M GREAT.
- THROW OUT YOUR PILLS
BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T
BE TAKING THEM ANYMORE.
- OKAY, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR COMING BY.
IT KIND OF TAKES A SPECIAL PERSON
TO TAKE A HEALTH SCARE LIKE THIS
AND THEN TURN INTO AROUND
INTO I'M THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD.
I DIDN'T THINK I COULD GET ANY WORSE.
BUT SHE FOUND A WAY.
I GOT CANCER, GUYS.
- IT'S FAKE. HE'S A LIAR.
- OKAY, I CAN'T DO THIS.
- WHAT THOSE GIRLS WERE SHOWING US THE OTHER DAY,
THE DANCE--THE DANCE MOVES--
- WE HAVE-- - I'M WORRIED ABOUT LIKE,
ONE PART WHEN WE TURN AROUND,
AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LIKE, WALK TOWARDS GUILLERMO...
- YEAH. - THAT I'M GONNA TRIP
OR SOMETHING, AND THEN IT'S ALL GONNA GO TO HELL.
- I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE LIKE, GOOD ENOUGH SHOES TO WEAR.
- WELL, THAT'S WHY, LIKE--OKAY, I'M GONNA WEAR THESE ONES.
BUT THEN, I HAVE TO DO--BECAUSE IT'LL HOLD MY FOOT SNUG.
AND IN CASE LIKE, MY FEET DECIDE TO SWEAT,
I HAVE TO PUT THESE IN 'EM.
- ARE YOU PUTTING...PADS IN YOUR SHOES?
- ONE, LIKE-- SOME LIKE *** PADS.
- YOU KNOW WHEN MY NOSE IS RUNNING,
I NORMALLY STICK A *** UP THERE, SO.
WE NEED TO FULL-ON RELEARN THIS ROUTINE 'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER.
I AM IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM A DANCER.
I MEAN, IF THEY WANTED TO HAVE SOMEBODY GET UP THERE
AND SHAKE THEIR *** LIKE A ***,
IT'D PROBABLY BE SCHEANA.
THEY PROBABLY JUST DIDN'T WANT HER
TO BREAK SOMETHING ELSE.
WHAT'S UP, GUILLERMO?
WHOO!
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GUILLERMO.
- LET'S GO BIGGER.
- THERE WE GO--I DIDN'T EVEN COUNT THAT TIME.
- THAT'S GOOD!
WE'VE GOT IT DOWN!
[confused bark]
ZOE, YOU LOVE IT.
- YOU KNOW, LOOK AT THIS SPREAD. - DUDE.
- I'MA TAKE CARE OF YOU GUYS TODAY.
- CORN ON THE COB? NICE, MAN.
[knocks on door]
- HO. - HELLO.
- WHAT'S UP, DUDE?
WHAT YOU DOIN'?
LOOK AT YOU, MAN.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE AN UNDERSHIRT ON?
- YEAH. - COME ON, NOW.
- WHOA, IS THAT DAVID HASSELHOFF?
- DUDE. - [laughs]
IT IS. - I'VE BEEN WAITIN'.
HOW MANY ONE-LINERS AM I GONNA GET, BRO?
- OH, MY GOD, DUDE.
- LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR YOU, MAN.
WE'RE GONNA GO JUICY LUCY'S.
WE'VE GOT VEGGIE KEBABS, CORN, MAC AND CHIZZLE.
I'M GONNA GO D-STEP.
- I'M HAPPY. - WITH THESE "NACHEESE."
GONNA BE SPICY.
- I GOT CANCER, GUYS.
- I GOT DIBS ON THE TV. - NO, I GOT IT.
- I WANT THE BIKES, TOO.
- NO, I GOT THE TV, YOU CAN HAVE THE BIKES.
- NO, DUDE. - I GOT--ALL RIGHT.
WHATEVER. WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.
- JAX BASICALLY ANNOUNCES EVERYTHING ON MEGAPHONE.
HE LOVES DRAMA.
WHATEVER THE PERCENTAGE IS OF JAX HAVING CANCER
IS LIKE, FAHRENHEIT TO CELSIUS.
YOU DOUBLE IT, AND YOU ADD ON 20.
- I HATE GOOD-BYES. - [laughs]
CAN I LEAST LOOK AT IT?
- IT'S UNDER MY--IT'S JUST UNDER HERE.
IT'S LIKE-- - OH!
- IT'S NOT A TUMOR. - LET ME SEE IT.
- IT'S UNDER HERE. - LET ME SEE.
- IT'S NOT A TUMOR.
- YOU'RE NOT TOUCHIN' MY NIPPLES.
- LET ME JUST TOUCH IT.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT TOUCHING IT. - LET ME SEE IT, DUDE.
- I WANT TO CARESS IT. - COME HERE.
LET ME SEE IT. - IT'S UNDER HERE.
YOU SEE HOW IT'S SWOLLEN A LITTLE BIT?
I HAVE CANCER AND IT'S ONLY ABOUT STASSI.
- [laughs] - THAT'S ACTUALLY--
- IT'S FROM THE SUPPLEMENTS, RIGHT?
- I DON'T KNOW. I TOOK THE X-RAYS.
HE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'LL--YOU KNOW,
"WE'RE GONNA RUN SOME TESTS,
AND I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL."
SO TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, I GET HOME,
AND I GET A CALL FROM STASSI.
BUT I'M THINKIN', "OH, NOTHING CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG WITH THIS.
SHE'S JUST GONNA COME OVER AND LIKE, CONSOLE ME," LIKE, RIGHT?
SURE ENOUGH, SHE COMES OVER.
ABOUT FIVE MINUTES INTO THE CONVERSATION,
SHE STARTS GRILLING ME.
AND SHE GOES LIKE, "YOU'RE TAKING YOUR LOSER PILLS
AND YOUR LOSER THIS AND YOUR P--"
I'M LIKE--I GO, "I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS OR NOT,
"BUT I JUST GOT OUT OF THE DOCTOR
"WITH A POSSIBLY COULD BE HAVING CANCER.
"I DON'T REALLY NEED THIS--LIKE, THE LAST THING I THOUGHT
YOU'D COME OVER HERE AND DO IS YELL AT ME."
I'M LIKE, "THE ONE DAY--MAYBE YOU'D GIVE ME A DAY OFF
FROM YELLING AT ME." - YEAH.
- I WAS THERE TO GET THE FACTS STRAIGHT.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED TO GET RID OF
SO THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA KILL YOURSELF?
"SEE? ALL YOU DO IS BRING ME DOWN!
YOU JUST BRING ME DOWN!"
I'M NOT BRINGING YOU DOWN.
I'M CALLING YOU OUT ON YOUR [bleep].
- ONLY STASSI WOULD ATTACK JAX
THE DAY HE GETS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.
- IT'S FAKE.
HE'S A LIAR.
HE JUST DOES THINGS... - I KNOW.
- TO GET A REACTION OUT OF PEOPLE.
- STASSI, LIKE, NOT ONLY BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WORDS,
BUT, LIKE, THE TIMING.
WHETHER OR NOT THIS CANCER SCARE IS REAL,
IT'S REAL TO JAX.
AND STASSI DOESN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND
THAT SOMETIMES EVERYBODY NEEDS A LITTLE KINDNESS, EVEN JAX.
- YOU ARE A BAD PERSON, JAX. YOU LIED.
YOU CAN'T KEEP YOUR *** IN YOUR PANTS.
YOU ONLY EVER THINK OF YOURSELF.
AND EVERYONE CAN SEE NOW WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE.
- OH, MY GOD. - SORRY.
IT'S MY DUTY TO BE THE ONE TO CALL YOU OUT.
[groans]
- WHAT I'M SAYING IS, I MEAN,
LITERALLY, I WENT TO THE [bleep] DOCTOR
WITH POSSIBLY LIKE, I COULD HAVE CANCER.
PUT IT ASIDE FOR ONE [bleep] MINUTE AND JUST BE LIKE,
"HEY, I'M HERE FOR YOU."
I MEAN, REALLY, LIKE, YOU HAVE NO HEART AT ALL.
I WASN'T LIKE THAT WITH HER.
ANY TIME SHE WAS SICK, "WHAT DO YOU NEED?
"MEDICATION? MAGAZINES?
I GOT YOU ICE CREAM."
THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE.
REGARDLESS HOW I FEEL TOWARDS ANYBODY,
WHEN YOUR HEALTH IS AT RISK, THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH FIGHTING AND ARGUING AND RELATIONSHIPS.
- YOU'VE GOTTA MILK THAT, MAN. - YEAH, YOU'VE GOTTA MILK THAT.
- YOU GOT TO MAKE STASSI FEEL SUPER GUILTY FOR WHAT SHE DID.
YOU KNOW? - [bleep], DUDE.
THAT GIRL DOESN'T HAVE A HEART, MAN.
- [laughs] YEAH.
- YOU'RE EVERYWHERE I GO. - I AM.
WORKAHOLIC.
DO YOU HAVE A SECOND?
I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO INVOLVED IN IT,
BUT WHEN IT DEALS WITH MY BEST FRIEND--
- OKAY, SO WHAT HAPPENED?
- DANI'S SPREADING RUMORS
THAT TOM AND ARIANA ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER.
- WHY WOULD DANIELLE THINK
ARIANA'S SLEEPING WITH TOM FOR GOD'S SAKE?
- BECAUSE SHE SAW A "WEIRD CHEMISTRY."
- OH, CAN YOU JUST ALL HAVE ONE BIG [bleep] *** EVERY NIGHT
AND GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND THEN GIVE ME A BREAK.
TOM SANDOVAL AND ARIANA HAD WORKED TOGETHER AT VILLA BLANCA
WITHOUT INCIDENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
WELL, WITHOUT INCIDENT THAT I HAD SEEN.
[chuckles] SHALL WE SAY?
DANIELLE?
SO WHY ARE YOU CREATING A PROBLEM?
- I'M NOT.
- BUT WHY DO YOU CARE
IF TOM'S SLEEPING WITH EVERYBODY?
- I NEVER SAID THAT HE WAS SLEEPING WITH HER, FIRST OF ALL.
ALL I SAID WAS THAT THEY HAVE JUST WEIRD BANTER.
LISA, YOU KNOW HOW THINGS GET SPREAD AROUND HERE.
IT STARTS WITH ONE LITTLE THING...
- LET ME TELL YOU THIS. - AND IT GOES FROM THERE.
- TOM AND ARIANA HAVE WORKED TOGETHER
AT VILLA BLANCA FOR NEARLY TWO YEARS...
- AND I HAVE [indistinct]. - WITHOUT AN ISSUE.
- TOM, HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED WITH ARIANA AT VILLA BLANCA?
- UM, FOUR YEARS NOW.
- WITHOUT ISSUE? - YES.
- AM RIGHT? OR AM I RIGHT? - YES.
TOTALLY.
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEARD.
- OH, REALLY?
TWO THINGS ABOUT L.A. RESTAURANTS:
ONE, FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
SECOND, FILLED WITH PEOPLE
THAT LOVE TO TALK [bleep] ABOUT YOU.
DANIELLE SAYING SOMETHING IS THE WEIRDEST THING EVER.
I'VE NEVER KISSED, HOOKED UP WITH,
OR ANYTHING WITH ARIANA, EVER. NEVER.
IT'S LIKE, YOU DON'T... - HONESTLY, I DON'T CARE.
- HANG OUT WITH US. - NO, NO, NO.
YOU KEEP GOING THE DIRECTION YOU WERE GOING.
I'M TALKING [inaudible].
- TWO YEARS AGO, THERE WAS A PROBLEM
WITH YOU THREE. - NO, I HAD AN ISSUE.
AND I WOULD--LIKE, TWO YEARS AGO.
- YEAH, SO THERE WAS, SO THEY--SO LISA,
THERE WAS--THERE IS A PATH BETWEEN THEM.
- YEAH, BUT THEY'RE NOT--NOBODY'S AT IT NOW.
I DON'T EVEN THINK THESE TWO ARE AT IT RIGHT NOW.
- [laughs] - OKAY, SO THEN,
THE ONLY THING THAT I--
- SO WE DON'T NEED TO CREATE ANY MORE--
- IT WAS ONE LITTLE STATEMENT.
IT WASN'T LIKE, I SAT THERE AND WATCHED YOU GUYS.
- LIKE I SAID, THEN I AM OBVIOUSLY...
- AND WHEN I WAS SITTING NEXT TO ARIANA...
- HOOKING UP WITH JAX... - ANY TIME THAT--
KRISTEN, I'M TALKING TO TOM RIGHT NOW.
- DO I BELIEVE TOM WHEN HE SAID
NOTHING WAS GOING ON BETWEEN HE AND ARIANA?
YES.
I WANT TO SLAP DANIELLE UPSIDE HER HEAD.
BUT I CAN'T 'CAUSE I GOT TO KEEP MY COOL
BECAUSE LISA'S RIGHT HERE.
AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS TO FIGHT WITH LISA AGAIN.
- THIS IS A PLACE WHERE WE COME TO WORK.
YOU'VE GOT TO SORT THIS OUT IN YOUR PRIVATE TIME.
YOU HAVE TO.
SAY, "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
CAN WE TALK AFTER WORK?"
THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
THAT'S WHAT PROFESSIONALS DO.
OKAY, NOW THERE ARE CUSTOMERS COMING IN,
SO JUST--THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR EVEN HAVING A CONVERSATION.
AFTER THE CONVERSATION WE HAD,
YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN INDULGE HER.
- IT'S JUST ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER.
- AND KRISTEN, YOU GO IN THAT DIRECTION.
I SAW TWO CUSTOMERS COMING IN. - OKAY.
- IT'S EARLY, I KNOW, BUT GET ON.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE MUDDLING SOMETHING?
- YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND'S RELATIONSHIP IS SO [bleep] UP.
- DON'T START RUMORS ABOUT MY [bleep] BOYFRIEND.
- COME ON, GIGGY.
WE'RE GONNA BUY GUILLERMO A MERCEDES.
COME ON.
OH, YOU LITTLE, FAT PIG.
- YOU BROUGHT GIGGY.
- YEAH. - HI, BOO BEAR.
- GIGGY BROUGHT ME. - HI, BOO BEAR.
HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD.
WELL, I THINK IT'S REALLY SWEET OF NATHALIE
TO GIVE GUILLERMO A CAR FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'M SURE KEN WOULD LIKE SOMETHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.
HE WANTS SOMETHING THAT ONLY I CAN GIVE HIM.
WHY IS THAT ONE SO MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE?
- MAYBE THE MOTOR?
- WHAT, THIS DOESN'T HAVE A MOTOR?
- WHY IS IT CLOSED?
THIS IS-- [alarm blares]
- OH! - SORRY.
- IT'S OKAY, GIG.
IT'S OKAY.
- OH, MY GOSH, I'M SO SORRY.
- NO, IT'S OKAY. - DON'T OPEN ANY MORE DOORS.
IT MIGHT GIVE HIM A BLOODY HEART ATTACK.
- ♪ WE'RE YOUNG AND TOUGH ♪ - [indistinct].
- ♪ DON'T HAVE TIME TO WAIT ♪ - I NEED A BOBBY PIN.
- ♪ THE PARTY STARTS RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ HURRY UP IT'S GETTIN' LATE ♪
- MY WORLD IS, LIKE, TOPPLING DOWN.
- YEAH, I'M JUST AS STRESSED AS YOU ARE.
I'M REALLY [bleep] NERVOUS.
I DON'T FEEL PREPARED FOR THIS BURLESQUE THING.
I'M PRETTY BUZZED BECAUSE KATIE AND I DRANK A LOT OF WINE.
WE REALLY SHOULD'VE PUT OUR MINDS TO IT
AND REALLY PRACTICED.
LET'S JUST GET THIS [...] OVER WITH RIGHT NOW.
- JEREMY, GO GET US SOME ALCOHOL.
OR BRING, LIKE, A BOTTLE OF SOMETHING.
- ***? - AND SOME STRAW-GARITA MIX.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT. I GOT YOU.
- WE'RE ALL GETTING MAKEUP DONE.
IT'S CRAZY MAKEUP.
EVERYONE HAS FAKE HAIR IN.
- ALL RIGHT. - EXCEPT SCHEANA.
- I MEAN, I WISH I WOULD'VE KNOWN THIS.
I SPENT, LIKE, A LOT OF TIME ON MY HAIR AND MAKEUP TODAY.
SO I'M KIND OF ANNOYED THAT NO ONE TOLD ME THIS WAS GOING ON.
I DON'T WANT THAT [bleep] ON MY EYES EITHER.
I'LL LAYER SOME OF THOSE LASHES ON THE ONES THAT I ALREADY HAVE,
BUT I'M NOT WEARING THAT DRESS.
DUDE, SHE'S LIKE, NAKED.
I'M NOT WEARING THAT.
AND I HAVE--I CAN'T WEAR HEELS.
MY FOOT'S STILL SPRAINED.
- SCHEANA LITERALLY FIRE HOSES
HER MAKEUP ON EVERY SINGLE DAY.
BUT FOR SOME REASON, SHE'S CHOOSING TONIGHT
TO ALL OF THE SUDDEN TAKE A STEP BACK, NATURAL LOOK.
- I WAS TOLD TO SHUT UP AND GET MY MAKEUP AND HAIR DONE
AND CALL IT A DAY, SO THAT'S WHAT I DID.
- THAT COULD LOOK REALLY, REALLY GOOD ON YOU.
- ALL RIGHT. TEAM PLAYER.
I THINK THIS IS GONNA LOOK ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS
WITH THESE SHOES.
BUT I'M A TEAM PLAYER, AND LISA WOULD BE BEYOND ANNOYED WITH ME
IF I DIDN'T AT LEAST TRY IT.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO CURL MY HAIR TODAY?
I'M SO ANNOYED.
- LET ME SEE. - IT LOOKS GOOD.
- ALL RIGHT, I LIKE IT. [laughs]
- BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WITH YOUR MAKEUP SITUATION NOW?
- I--THAT I DON'T KNOW.
- ♪ JUST LIKE ME, JUST LIKE ME ♪
♪ DON'T YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND JUST LIKE ME? ♪
♪ JUST LIKE ME, JUST LIKE ME ♪
♪ DON'T YOU WANT TO [indistinct] GIRL LIKE ME? ♪
- AS YOU ALL KNOW, TONIGHT IS GUILLERMO'S BIRTHDAY.
SO WHEN HE COMES IN, WE'RE GONNA GIVE HIM
A NICE "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" AT THE PARTY.
- SURPRISE OR HAPPY--HAPPY BIRTHDAY?
WHICH ONE? - SURPRISE.
LET'S DO "SURPRISE." - YEAH.
- HELLO. - HI.
- CAN I HAVE A REFILL?
- OF WHAT? STRAWBERRY?
- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- JAX. - JAX.
- YEAH, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- MARINA. - MARINA?
NICE TO MEET YOU. - [giggles]
- ARE YOU HAVING FUN TONIGHT?
YOU DON'T REALLY LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING FUN.
- UM, NO, I'M JUST KIND OF LIKE, "EH."
- MAY--MAYBE WE CAN HELP YOU.
- NO. - WE'RE VERY GOOD AT THAT.
WE CAN CHEER YOU UP.
[giggles] - I'M OKAY.
- JAX IS BEHAVING VERY STRANGE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN JAX LESS INTERESTED
IN TWO RIDICULOUSLY HOT CHICKS.
- WELL, IF YOU'RE SURE. - YEAH, I KNOW. TRUST ME.
- JUST HAVE FUN. - YOU LOOK A BIT STRESSED.
[giggles] - THANK YOU.
- HE PROBABLY HAS CONVINCED HIMSELF
THAT THIS HEALTH SCARE IS SOMETHING MORE THAN IT IS.
AND HE PROBABLY IS REALLY SCARED.
- CHEERS.
- YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP, SO I HAD TO CLOSE LAST NIGHT, BY THE WAY.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.
- I TRIED GETTING IT COVERED.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT WE'RE UNDERSTAFFED
AND KRISTEN IS AN [bleep]HOLE.
- WHAT? WAIT, WAIT, NO, NO. CHILL.
- DANI, SO CHECK IT.
I WANT TO GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY.
DON'T START RUMORS ABOUT MY [bleep] BOYFRIEND.
- KRISTEN, HERE'S THE THING.
YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND'S RELATIONSHIP IS SO [bleep] UP,
AND I'M SO TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT ALL THIS DRAMA
AND ALL THIS [bleep]. - YOU DON'T HEAR ABOUT IT
FROM ME, DANIELLE.
YOU'RE LISTENING TO GOSSIP. - REALLY?
ALL SHE SAID WAS THAT THEY WERE FLIRTING.
- ALL I SAID WAS THAT-- - THEY'RE HOOKING UP.
- WILL YOU LET ME TALK? - THEY'RE FLIRTING.
- THAT THEY'RE HOOKING UP. - WILL YOU STOP?
WILL YOU STOP TALKING? - GO FOR IT.
- I SAW THEM HAVE A WEIRD CHEMISTRY.
- I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU. - YEAH, THANKS.
- YEAH, IT WAS AMAZING. - [sighs]
- IT WAS A BIG MOMENT. - HEY.
- OH, HI.
- WHOA, THAT'S A LITTLE BIT WEIRD.
- SO THEREFORE, THEY MUST BE [bleep].
- ARE THEY HOOKING UP?
- ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH EITHER OF THEM?
- REGARDLESS IF I KNOW THEM, I SAW SOMETHING.
- SO WHAT WOULD THAT MATTER?
- AND I'M GOING TO SAY SOMETHING THAT I SAW.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A LITTLE BIT WEIRD.
- I AM GOING NOWHERE NEAR THAT.
- I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT.
- YOU DECIDED TO MAKE AN ASSUMPTION ABOUT SOMEBODY.
- SURE, I DID. ABSOLUTELY.
- AND YOU MADE A [bleep] *** OUT OF YOURSELF.
- BUT HOW DID SHE MAKE AN *** OUT OF HERSELF?
- I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN *** RIGHT NOW.
IT'S SO WEIRD. - WHATEVER YOU SAY.
I'M DONE WITH THIS. OKAY.
I'M DONE WITH THIS. - OKAY. GOOD.
[bleep] OFF. - SHE JUST--
- DANIELLE, GET A [bleep] LIFE.
EVERYONE JUST KEEPS MEDDLING AROUND
IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TOM, AND WHAT THEY DON'T GET
IS IT'S ACTUALLY JUST MAKING US STRONGER.
- THEY'LL HOOK YOU UP IN THE FRONT BAR.
- OKAY, I'LL GET IT.
THANK YOU. - HOW YOU DOING?
- BABE, SERIOUSLY?
LIKE-- - YES, I KNOW. I KNOW.
I TOLD YOU EXACTLY WHAT SHE WAS GONNA SAY.
SHE'S JUST TRYING TO CAUSE [bleep].
I LIKE, I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE GIVING THIS LIGHT
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS.
- SHE'S CRAZY. - I KNOW, I KNOW.
HEY, WHAT--WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU?
- CAN I GET THE SAME DRINK WITH A ***, FRESH LIME?
- YEAH.
- SUCKED IT UP... - THERE YOU GO.
- AND I DID IT. - SEE? IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
- YEAH. - THANKS.
- IT'S FUN. - NO, IT TOTALLY IS.
IT WAS JUST LIKE, I WAS SO ANNOYED
SINCE LIKE, I SPENT SO MUCH TIME CURLING MY HAIR TODAY,
PUTTING MY EYELASHES ON, DOING ALL OF THAT.
AND THEN I'M LIKE, "I DON'T WANT TO RUIN IT."
BUT IT LOOKS COOL.
- HALLE-[bleep]-LUJAH.
SCHEANA PUT HER EYE MAKEUP ON.
GLAD WE COULD FINALLY PUT THIS TO BED.
- I JUST KEEP WANTING TO STARE AT YOU GUYS.
- YEAH, TOO BAD I CAN'T, LIKE,
TAKE ANYTHING YOU'RE SAYING SERIOUSLY.
both: I KNOW. [all laugh]
- WHERE'S THE VALET?
[horn honks] - NO.
- WE WENT TO DINNER WITH GUILLERMO AND NATHALIE BEFORE.
AND IT'S ALWAYS VERY DIFFICULT TRYING TO KEEP A SECRET.
BUT WE MADE OUT THERE WAS A PARTY OVER HERE
THAT WE WERE JUST HOSTING AT THE RESTAURANT.
OKAY, COME ON, THEN. LET'S GO.
- I DON'T LIKE SURPRISES. - OH, MY GOD.
all: SURPRISE! - [laughs]
[cheers and applause]
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
AND LET'S PARTY!
I THINK HE'S TRULY OVERWHELMED.
HE DESERVES IT JUST BECAUSE HE'S GUILLERMO.
[chuckles] WE MANAGED TO PULL IT OFF.
HAVE AS MUCH FUN AS YOU CAN.
- THAT'S WHY WE'RE DOING IT. - I DON'T CARE HOW CRAZY YOU GO.
I DON'T CARE HOW WILD YOU ARE.
YOU MAKE SURE THAT BOY HAS A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
- WE ARE. - YEAH.
- ARE THERE MORE SURPRISES?
- BECAUSE ONE SURPRISE IS NOT ENOUGH,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A SECOND SURPRISE FOR YOU.
[cheers and applause] - ALL RIGHT!
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GUILLERMO! WHOO!
MUSIC! WHOO!
[cheers and applause]
- GOOD JOB, GIRLS.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE
FROM THE OUTSIDE POINT OF VIEW,
BUT IN MY MIND, WE WERE AWESOME.
- THAT PERFORMANCE WAS TERRIBLE.
AND THAT'S JUST SO AWESOME TO ME.
- SURPRISE. - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
- THIS IS YOUR GIFT. - THANK YOU.
- WOW. [cheers and applause]
- WHOO HOO! - WHOA.
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
- THIS WAS A GUY THAT CAME TO AMERICA WITH A DREAM.
HE WAS A DISHWASHER.
AND NOW, SEVEN OR EIGHT YEARS LATER,
HE'S GOT HIS HOUSE, HE'S GOT HIS TWO KIDS,
AND HE'S GOT A GREAT RESTAURANT.
FOR SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T LIKE SURPRISES,
YOU SEEM TO BE LAUGHING A LOT.
- YEAH, I KNOW, THIS IS-- [laughs]
- YOU'VE FOLLOWED THE AMERICAN DREAM.
- THE AMERICAN DREAM RIGHT NOW. - NO, YOU ARE.
- IT CAME FAST.
FASTER THAN I THOUGHT. [chuckles]
[cheering]
- CHEERS!
- I GOT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT.
I'M NOT DOING WELL.
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, I FOUND A LUMP...
- YEAH? - UNDER MY CHEST HERE.
- AND IS IT JUST LIKE, A KIND OF FATTY DEPOSIT?
- IT'S LIKE, A SMALL, PEBBLE ROCK.
AND I TAKE SUPPLEMENTS TO WORK OUT, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE,
ONE OF MY WORKOUT STUFF. - YEAH?
- I'M HOPING STILL THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND I GOT AN X-RAY.
- DID THEY TAKE A BIOPSY?
- AND THEN--YEAH. - OH, THEY DID.
- SO WHEN YOU GONNA HAVE THE RESULTS?
- NOW, I GOT TO GO IN TOMORROW MORNING FOR BLOOD WORK.
BUT THEY COULDN'T RULE THAT OUT. - IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.
- I'M THINK-- - MOST OF THE TIME,
IT'S NOTHING.
- THAT'S THE REASON WHY--I DON'T WANNA TAKE MY SHIRT OFF.
- WOULD YOU FEEL BETTER TO GO HOME TONIGHT
AND NOT WORK? - I GOTTA GET MY MIND OFF OF IT.
- I KNOW THAT JAX HAS NOT BEEN PERFECT,
BUT I CAN SEE HE'S STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW.
IT'S AN ISSUE WITH HIS HEALTH, AND JAX NEEDS SUPPORT.
- I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED BECAUSE IT DOES RUN IN MY FAMILY.
- M-MOST OF THE TIME IT'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
- YEAH. - SO ANYWAY, THAT'S THE DEAL.
- I HOPE EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE, OKAY?
- I HOPE SO. - OKAY.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
- EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
- I JUST GOTTA KEEP MY MIND OFF OF IT.
- HI. - LISTEN.
ALL YOUR BULL[bleep] UP AND DOWN WITH JAX ALL THE TIME...
- JAX ALSO WASN'T FEELING GOOD ALL OF LAST SUMMER
WHEN HE CONVINCED EVERYONE OF THE WHOLE "POOR ME" THING.
I CARE ABOUT HIM AS A PERSON.
I LOVE HIM AS A FRIEND,
LIKE, AS SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN A HUGE PART OF MY LIFE.
NOW I FEEL BAD.
THAT'S SO SMART.
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DRINK A LOT OF ALCOHOL
WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE CANCER.
- YOUR JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY.
I CAN TAKE ANYTHING,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT FROM YOU.
- HEY.
CAN I TALK TO YOU OUTSIDE?
- YEP.
- JAX'S FRIENDS ARE ALL HE HAS,
AND I JUST FORGET THAT SOMETIMES.
- WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
- I JUST WANTED TO SAY I DIDN'T COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE
INTENDING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION LIKE THAT.
LIKE, I CAME OVER TO CHECK ON YOU.
AND I'M SORRY THAT IT WENT IN THAT DIRECTION.
I SHOULD'VE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT.
- I APPRECIATE IT. THANK YOU.
- DID YOU FIND OUT ANYTHING ELSE, OR--
- I--THEY CALLED TODAY, AND I ASKED 'EM,
"CAN YOU-- CAN YOU JUST TELL ME
"THAT IT'S NOT WHAT I THINK IT IS?
"I MEAN, CANCER?
CAN YOU JUST TELL ME THAT IT'S NOT THAT?"
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "NO, WE CAN'T TELL YOU THAT," SO...
- I KNOW WHEN JAX IS LYING, AND I KNOW WHEN JAX IS SCARED.
AND RIGHT NOW, THIS IS SCARED JAX.
AND THAT'S MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR HIM.
- IT'S NOT THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.
IT'S UPSETTING AND I TRY TO FORGET ABOUT IT.
I'M NOT TRYING TO LIKE--
- YEAH. - ALCOHOL NUMB IT A LITTLE BIT.
- THAT'S SO SMART.
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DRINK A LOT OF ALCOHOL
WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE CANCER.
- WHO CARES AT THIS POINT?
- ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BE TRYING TO BE HEALTHY.
- UM, OBVIOUSLY, THAT DIDN'T WORK BECAUSE BEING HEALTHY--
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T GET IT TWISTED.
TAKING 1,000 DIFFERENT CRAZY-*** MUSCLE PILLS
IS NOT BEING HEALTHY.
- YOU MAKE JOKES AND YOUR JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY.
THEY'RE NOT.
THEY'VE NEVER BEEN FUNNY ONCE. EVER.
MAYBE TO OTHER PEOPLE, BUT THEY'RE NOT FUNNY TO ME.
AND YOU'RE--YOU THINK-- YOUR DIGS, AND I CAN DISH IT.
I CAN TAKE ANYTHING, BUT I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT FROM YOU.
- I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.
I CARE ABOUT YOUR WELL-BEING.
YOU'RE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.
- I'M JUST NUMB TO IT ALL ANYMORE.
I'M JUST NUMB TO IT--I'M JUST KIND OF, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
WE'RE OBVIOUSLY-- WE HANG AROUND EACH OTHER.
IT'S FINE. I APPRECIATE IT. THANK YOU.
- OKAY, WELL, IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE THINGS ARE FINE.
- IT IS WHAT IT IS.
STASSI REALLY ENJOYS PUTTING ME DOWN.
YOU KNOW, IF ANYTHING POSITIVE
HAS COME OUT OF THIS HEALTH SCARE,
IT'S REALIZING THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH STASSI
IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
AND I'M SEEING THAT NOW.
AND NOW, I JUST GIVE UP.
SO, IS THAT ALL YOU WANTED TO ASK--TALK TO ME ABOUT?
- WELL, YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO APOL--I JUST WANTED TO
MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY. THAT WAS IT.
THAT WAS FINE, BUT I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY.
- OKAY.
- NEXT TIME ON VANDERPUMP RULES...
- I DEFINITELY AM FLIRTING WITH THE LADIES.
- GO BACK IN? YOU?
- ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST GONNA KISS YOU.
- ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER PARADE.
YOU'RE DAMAGING THIS.
THAT'S GREAT. OH, YOU [bleep].
- OH, MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED?
- IT MADE A HUGE HOLE.
- THIS IS BEVERLY HILLS PAVEMENT.
IT'S JUST LIKE GOLD.
- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO!
- HAPPY PRIDE!
- IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU GUYS TODAY.
IT'S ABOUT GAY PRIDE. - WHAT?
- YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
NO ONE LIKES YOU OVER HERE.
- GUYS, JUST CALM DOWN. - HEY, GUYS!
- YOU'RE SUCH A BAD PERSON.
- HAVE YOU EVER HOOKED UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND?
LIKE, IF YOU GUYS [bleep], JUST LIKE, SAY IT!
SO THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU? - YES.
- THEN WE'RE NOT IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP.
I'M SORRY. WE'RE NOT.
- TO SEE MORE OF VANDERPUMP RULES, GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.