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Awright, so maybe the “Sonic as a racing game” concept isn’t as completely bankrupt
as Sonic R made it out to be. The whole transition from 2 to 3D was kinda like puberty for video
games, after all: nothing looked quite right, everything - despite best intentions - felt
a bit awkward, and we look back at it and go, “Man, glad we don’t have to deal with
that again.” So let’s turn back the clock a bit more, and visit the ol’ Game Gear.
There were a couple Sonic racing games - actual Kart racers, not “Amy gets a vehicle and
everyone else is expected to hoof it.” Granted, by “actual Kart racers,” I mean “clones
of Out Run with some Sonic-esque imagery strewn about.” Which, frankly, isn’t that bad.
Especially on the Game Gear.
Or so you say, until you realize just how brutal Out Run and its ilk used to be. Doesn’t
matter if it’s Sonic-themed or not, Pole Position or Hang-On or Mach Rider, all of
those games with a ribbon of road extending off into the distance are cut from the same
cloth. And that cloth is called foresight and memorization. Twists and turns are going
to come fast and, aside from the map taking up the top half of the screen, you’re going
to get no warning whatsoever, likely making you skid off the track and, on some courses,
into the inky void below. Heck, there’s even a Lakitu-esque rescue service. There
are also item monitors strewn about the courses which can provide various power-ups, as well
as environmental hazards like cacti, signs and OH GOD WHAT IS THIS oh it’s just a sloped
track. In an Out Run clone. Hey, don’t let it be said Sega didn’t try to innovate with
this one.
When it gets right down to it, though, you only need five buttons: Accelerate, brake,
left, right, special crap. Unfortunately, since this is a Game Gear title we’re talking
about (available on the Sonic Gems collection, in a less laughable application of the term),
there were only four buttons available, so your “special crap” is mapped to... up
on the D-pad. Up. In a racing game. The direction you’re going to press instinctively, because
IT’S A RACING GAME AND I NEVER STOP RUSHING BECAUSE I’M QUICKMAN HURRY UP. Which leads
to a fairly common occurrence of blowing two rings just to throw a projectile ahead of
you, not realizing you just did it, and literally hoisting you by your own petard. If you’re
a character who utilizes petards. Amy here just has debilitating hearts and kisses, bane
of third-grade boys the world over. There you have it: If you’re not a third-grade
boy, you’re safe. And it sure beats Sonic R.