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in the second year of my life I was diagnosed with diabetes type I or melidus
Untill I turned 18, I lived a completely normal
youthful life without any health problems.
Then I was equal. I was like everyone else.
However, in time, when I went blind, I lost that equality.
Untill the age of 20 I was assuring myself that nothing significant will happen
... so I irresponsably delayed going to the doctor.
The bursting eye capillaries have left dark spots in the visual field
then came the glaucoma
which made the whole situation even worse
after surgery, the glaucoma did not disappear
I was already seeing only the outlines of the surrounding items.
So, I could notice something glass with a surface, a glass, a bottle.
I could see a car, but I could not see anyone through the car window.
After the surgery,came blindness.
then I have have been putting up with terrible pain, Iwas sedated,
smashing my head against the wall because the pain was unbareable
it was very exhaustiating and hard
and not to mention what awaited me after
I found out how my life will be from that point on.
It was only after I went blind, that the real agony began.
I came to see that this is the end.
that this is something that I will have to continue living with.
Darkness.
Today there is light. You are experiencing all the colours.
Everything looks wonderful.
You perceive everything with your eyes.
And tomorrow - darkness.
I mean, it's horrible to even imagine such a situation,
let alone, to live in it.
I was bringing myself down, simply not giving myself a chance to try something new.
It was a shock. As it was for me, it was also to everyone around me.
I was terrified, not only because I was aware of my condition,
but because of the fact that I had to watch as my parents cried next to me.
I was terribly weak and powerless at that moment.
I simply closed myself up for two years.
Isolated from everything.Willingly.
I was ashamed of myself.
I felt terribly useless in that situation. I saw no way out.
How do I continue living like this?
How am I going to support myself?
Will I ever get a job?
Will I ... will I be able to be loved by anyone, since I'm like this?
I will never forget that day when I stood on my own two feet again,
and when I walked out off that door.
Social circles. Now I'm talking about the community that I lived in,
had evidently turned its back on me.
At that time, I realized that my life is not determined by this society.
So, these are the situations in which you literally can't believe
what kind of world you live in.
It's not something you can expect to experience from the human race.
What I will never see again and what is so dear to me.
Look it's definitely, definitely my family.
Look, I want to see. I would like to see every wrinkle.
To refresh the image that has changed over the years.
Mother. Father. It does not matter who,
I would like to have this new image of them in my memory.
This is a new life which I now lead. Which I made amends with.
It is essential that a person comes to terms with a situation like this,
because without that there is no progress.
So, now I see myself in a different light.
So, now I see myself in a different light.
I am still a part of this world, but I see it from a differnt point of view.
Just like that same world looks at me differently.
That's why I still cry today.
The only reason why I still cry.
I see no other obstacles. I fear nothing.
I find nothing difficult and I aspire nothing more
because I've done so much in the past 15 years, thanks to myself.
Compared to some people that are not in this situation.
The accident happened while I was on my way to work.
My car got hit by another car.
Before, you were just like everybody else.
You drive a car, a motorcycle, everything.
You work out. Train whatever it is that you train.
The accident leaves no time for adjustment.
A brief moment. A split second. And your life changes.
You find yourself in a brand new world.
You are not the same person because you can no longer see.
And you can't deal with the fact that you could see your whole life
and now that you can't.
It's like a broken image on the TV set.
Hundreds of thousands of little flickering dots.
You have friends.
Then days, months, years pass by...
We will...we will...we will - is a big fat no.
You are no longer the same person because you are blind.
And the question is are those people ready to reach out to you?
Or will they try to forget about you as soon as possible.
Since you can't see, you can no longer keep your job.
If you have the money or the interest
you can take some classes and you will meet people.
You can't go out for a dinner, to a party or to the movies
You need help regarding everything that interest you.
The question is how big is the fear that dissables you from making the first step.
If you can't take that first step, you can't enter the social circle.
And we are all social creatures.
But in blindness - far, far less.
You are the one that needs to make that first step and you can't.
Not, without the help of others.
It depends from person to person. Depends on their soul.
If they will want to, need to, be able to understand how it feels like.
People don't understand this state.
It feels like, the whole time, you are searching
and searching for somebodies gaze, but you find nothing.
Then you start building walls that help you deal with it.
That prevent you from searching for that gaze, for that person.
The bad fear is the one that makes you treat blind people like they are unworthy.
Like they should be pitied. Like they are lowlife.
The hardest part is not being able to see.
You were born with it, you had it and now it's gone.
You can no longer see your friends, your parents, anyone.
You are looking, but you are not seeing.
It's a litte hard...it's very hard.
It depends on how much you can mentaly take to
look at somebody and not bee able to see them.
Depends on what you want tomorrow.
First you have to ask yourself what you're able to do and then what you want to do.
All that depens both on your will and the help of society.
Because you need help if you want to continue living as you did before.
Eyes are just tool that help people to look and to see.
But they are not the only source of sight.
They say I have a good chance of regaining my eyesight.
And something deep down inside of me tells me
that it will come back.