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Hey... You... I'm so excited about coming to Los Angeles and getting famous.
Me, too! ... You.
I wonder what our names will be.
Who will paint upon this blank canvas?
Will it be a writer? Or a director? Or a producer? Or an agent or a talent scout?!?
How should I know?!?
If I had all the answers, I'd be doing it myself.
That's the indignation I was looking for!
Why couldn't you give me that?
Aww.
Raul Pudd, come with me and attain fame.
What about me?
Ah. Show me sad.
Show me contempt.
Show me jealous.
Show me rage.
Show me bloodlust!
No, sorry, can't use you.
Cut!
What are you doing here?
Central Casting sent me. I'm background.
And I bring tasty budget beverages. Do you want a generic cola?
I thought you understood when I got famous.
Don't make me get a second restraining order.
That was way earlier this morning. I thought we were past all that.
We are past nothing!
We were supposed to go on this journey together.
Maybe if you could just talk to Sam, he'd make me famous, too.
Mr. Raimi to you, You.
I want a name!
(Sobbing)
Don't make a scene. Listen, I'm casting my entourage this afternoon.
Show up at 1:33. I'll squeeze you in. Don't be late.
(Sam: offscreen) Back to one!
Action!
You knew what you were signing up for when you decided to date:
Indignant MAAAAAN!
You're indignant man!?! That makes so much sense!
D'oh!
That's why you're always so...difficult.
Cut! Shasta, the line is "That's why you're always so INDIGNANT."
(Slurping)
(Paul Rudd: Heavily German-accented)
Don't call me. Next!
(Door knocking)
Sorry I was late.
You're on time!
Sorry I was mistakenly sorry.
Fetch me water.
Do you need real water or audition water?
Next!
Wait! Wait, let me start over!
In this town, everybody will see you once. Good day, sir!
But...I... but-
I said, "good day!"
That's the pathos I was looking for.
Why couldn't you give me that? You're fired, John Cusack.
What?
Khan Jusack, come with me to attain fame.
You knew what you were signing up for when you decided to date an emo rock star.
You're an emo rock star? That makes so much sense.
enh
That's why you're so full of...difficult.
Cut! Shasta, the line is, "That's why you're always so full of pathos."
[less than awesome guitar playing and singing] It's okay baby...
YOUR WAY!!!! Is a WAY better wayyyyyy!
ANYWAY!
[laughter]
KHAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!!!
I knew it! Shasta is mine.
Why are you guys always so... difficult?
Difficult? Shasta, the line is -indignant -pathetic.
[laughter] Hey, I know you haven't worked since this afternoon.
There's this project, and I think there might be a role for you.
What project?
Sam and Academy Award Winner James Cameron's Academy Award Winning Ex-Wife have it all lined up.
Academy Award Winner James Cameron's Academy Award Winning Ex Wife? I have an idea for a project.
Me, too!
Does it involve a busboy?
At a world famous hotel restaurant?
Who is a spy?
Who commits industry espionage?
With that thing he has?!?
Wow! Can the bus boy be indignant?
All the time!
Back to one!
Remember last time we were at a bus stop together?
Tuesday seems like so long ago. We were such blank slates then.
I'm so glad we skipped college to come here.
Can you imagine if we weren't 18 to look younger?
I always knew we would attain fame in Los Angeles.
Fame attainment complete.
[Maniacal Laughter]