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As we sit in mid-November, with much of the year occupying the rear-view mirror, I feel
thoroughly secure in proclaiming that 2012 was hardly the watershed we were promised
it would be at last year's E3. With creativity and competence having become the developmental
Mark of Cain, the most lucrative of positions seems to be squarely within the salt mines
of mundanity. To wit, it was reported earlier this week that, while companies like Square
Enix and EA are selling plasma to pay the light bill... the paragons of pabulum, Activision,
Inc. have managed to record a record profit for the 2012 fiscal year, and even as I suppress
my natural vomitory reflex, the company in question holds nearly $3 & 1/2 billion in
assets... and companywide debt that registers a flat zero.
Before I kick the burn throttle on this rant, I really need you to process those numbers.
At a time when BioWare Austin is shuttered, resulting in the untimely and 'tragic' firing
of the infamous Stanley Woo... at a time when THQ's Nasdaq share price hovers just a half-dollar
away from being de-***'-listed... at a time when rumors circulate throughout the
industry about one of the big three backing out of the home console market entirely...
Activision is doing the backstroke in their Money Bin while Launchpad McQuack warms up
the ***' Duck Jet! While I'm sure your immediate reaction is
to reel the *** back and shout 'What in billowing bluffs of blustery ***-*** has happened
to the video game industry?!' the more apt query is 'What in fields of festerking ***
has happened to the video game audience?!' And the only inescapable conclusion I can
arrive at is that many of you *** have failed to back up your bellicose complainery
with any substantive action. Whenever Activision elects to screw their fanbase, as per the
launch of Diablo III earlier this year... then it's time to gitté your *** online and
dogpile Activision! No one likes to miss out on an overused Tumblr or 4chan meme, after
all. But three weeks later, you're glued to the computer monitor, leading your cartoony
cuntflap through 20 variations of the same buttfucking dungeon as if Bobby Kotick never
dropped trow and pinched seventeen subsequent turds down your trachea to begin with!
Tearing Bobby Kotick a new aorta is all fun and games, rageaholics, but at a certain point
- a point that I fervently believe we have officially ***' reached - it's time to
point the finger... at the leering hypocrites occupying the ***' audience. Modern Warfare
3 was banality ***' squared, and it seemed, for once, the video game public was actively
acknowledging this fact en masse. Which makes the fact that it sold like candy-coated crack
all the more disconcerting! STOP BUYING *** PRODUCTS!
JUST STOP! Because, it's a funny thing, but as a rule,
when *** games... don't sell... they tend to stop ***' making them! Oh, but don't
take my word for it! Ask another former Activision cash cow! A franchise that Kotick *** out
so much, its two basic food groups were penicillin and ***! A franchise by the name of Guitar
Hero! Over the past two yeares, there have been
more sightings of Jimmy Hoffa... than Guitar Hero, and that's by design... you stopped
buying them... Activision stopped printing them!
Cause... and *** effect! Don't be the disease, rageaholics. Be the
cure. I'm RazörFist. God - *** - SPEED!