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obsessive-compulsive
hello I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder
which is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted
and repeated thoughts
feelings ideas or behaviors
in other words
my life is a systematic pattern
but yesterday
i experienced a flaw my own system
I awoke that morning in my lakeside home
promptly at six forty five a_m_
as I do every morning
before leaving my bedroom i made sure to touch the door *** three times
I have to
i need to
on my way downstairs i made sure not to step up the second to last step
I never touch that step
I just can't
i made my usual breakfast of toast scrambled eggs and black coffee
I never eat anything else in the morning
Just always those three
turning my iPad on i made sure to check local news headlines
like usual but today
something was missing
I couldn't place my finger on it
did I forget something
This strange feeling lingered with me all the way to my car
On my way out the front door i made certain to lock my door
then unlock it and lock it again
Driving to work
i couldn't help but feel like a part of me was missing
what did i miss
how could i have missed it
i hope the
feeling surpass while at work that day
it didn't
it stayed with me for twelve whole
hours
I left the office around six forty five pm
and headed back home
about twenty-five minutes into my commute i stopped for the red traffic
light at the intersection at marbury and westway
but as the light turned from red to green
i couldn't help but feel that strange sensation again
the only other person near me
was the man driving behind me
he blared his horn for me to get going but instead of accelerating i just rolled down
my window
and motioned for him to go around. he did.
I dreadfully sat there in my car still stopped at the intersection
something is seriously wrong
what's am i missing here
i made sure to touch everything in my car hoping that it would spark my memory
i touch the dashboard
the leather seats and the emergency brake
even the roof
it did nothing for me
my hands began to tremble as i
slowly drove away
this isn't right
I don't like this
arriving home i pulled my '74 mustang into the garage
i wash my car every weekday
never on weekends
I only was the front of the car and the back
never the sides
no matter how dirty they get
i never wash the sides
i simply just can't
something else seemed to be missing my daily routine as i washed. No
Not again
first the news
then the intersection now this
finishing up with the car i jogged
i jogged the back yard
only jog never walk never run
I opened up the tool shed
i felt yet another thing missing from my pattern
i screamed
this isn't right this isn't right this isn't
right
i stumbled out of the shed and gazed out at the lake
it always seemed to calm me when my
anxiety got out of control
but tonight
I just wanted to sleep
I need to finish this day
the next morning
i awoke at six forty five am touch the doorknob three times made sure not to
step on the second to last step
on my way to the kitchen
i prepared my toast scrambled eggs and black coffee
i turned on the ipad browse local news
it's still missing
i became aggravated
what is it i could possibly be missing
i began to feel nauseous
hurrying out the door in a vicious rage
i quickly lock the door unlocked and lock it again
i drove off to work
i tend to get a lot of work done
strangely
so at least i felt some accomplishment when i left the office that six forty
five pm
i drove fast on my way home
very fast what... am... i... missing...
i approached the red light at marbury and westway come on... think
THINK
a man
was walking in the middle of the intersection on his way to the other side
why can't i remember!?
the man's head spun as he noticed my mustang coming straight for him at 85 miles per hour
i noticed him too
a wave of horror crossed by face
as i watched him dive to one side
i swerved into the same direction
a loud clunk was made
as i crushed the man underneath my vehicle. Oh god...
jumping out of my car, i hesitated on what to do
he lay there writhing in agony
making horrendous
guttural wails
i popped open the trunk to my mustang
i lifted the screaming man and heaved him in
i drove
upon entering
my garage
i made sure to wash the blood off the front and rear of the car
the sides were not necessary
I dragged his broken body out to the back yard
I jogged to the shed, inside
were black garbage bags cinder blocks
and a hacksaw
after dismembering the man i was able to fit both the remains and the cinder blocks into
the bag
dropping him into the lake was all that was left to do
the following morning
i made sure to wake at six forty five a_m_ and touch the doorknob three times before
skipping the second to last step
on my way to the kitchen
while eating my toast scrambled eggs and black coffee
i browsed the local news on my iPad
the top headline hit and run serial killer strikes again i smiled
back to normal