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- PREVIOUSLY ON BETHENNY EVER AFTER...
SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET ANGRY. I NEED SOMEONE TO CRACK SKULLS.
EVERYONE'S FREAKING OUT BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET THE PRODUCT,
AND WE'RE NOT PRODUCING FAST ENOUGH.
I'M TALKING TO JASON ABOUT HIM GETTING INVOLVED IN MY BUSINESS.
JASON APPROACHES THINGS
COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY THAN I DO.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO EXPECT THAT I'M GONNA WALK IN THERE
WITH NOT HAVING EXPERIENCE IN THIS INDUSTRY
AND JUST, LIKE, PUT PEOPLE'S HEADS ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK.
- GINA'S GOING THROUGH SOME MAJOR PROBLEMS,
AND IS IN A SEPARATION FROM HER MARRIAGE.
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO HIM ONCE
SINCE YOU STARTED WORKING FOR ME?
- ONCE.
- DON'T CRY. THIS IS--WE'RE YOUR FAMILY.
- WE'RE YOUR FAMILY NOW, GINA. - WE'RE YOUR FAMILY.
WE JUST KIND OF MAKE EVERYBODY PART OF THE FAMILY,
AND I FIND THAT THERE AREN'T MANY BOUNDARIES IN MY HOUSE.
- I HEAR MOMMY.
THAT'S MOMMY.
- OF COURSE IT'S MOMMY.
THIS HOUSE IS A DUMP.
- I KNOW. WE NEED TO STRAIGHTEN UP.
- MOTHERHOOD IS GREAT.
I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING,
EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT PUTS
MY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER INTO OVERDRIVE.
AND THIS REFRIGERATOR'S, LIKE, BEYOND...
- YEAH, YOU HAVE 4,000 DRINKS IN THERE.
- AND THIS WOLF IN THERE HAS, LIKE, PIG'S FEET IN THIS FRIDGE.
AND WE HAVE TO, LIKE, MOVE IT AROUND.
- SHE HAS FOOD IN THERE? - BEYOND.
SHE HAS, LIKE, CHICKEN KNUCKLES IN THERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL SHE'S GOT IN THERE.
- BUT YOU DON'T NEED TEN DRINKS OF THE SAME THING.
- YES, I DO. - BUT OPEN THAT.
- OH, MY GOD.
- LOOK AT HOW MANY YOU HAVE IN THERE.
- I KNOW. I LOVE IT.
- LOOK AT ALL THOSE-- - I LOVE IT.
- I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE DRINKS ARE ON TOP.
- I LOVE IT. I WANT TO ORGANIZE.
- AND THERE'S TEN OF THEM. - I KNOW.
BUT THIS WOLF--LOOK AT THE FOOD SHE HAS EVERYWHERE.
GINA'S GOT, LIKE, ALL--
EVERY TRINIDADIAN SPECIALTY AND DELICACY
STREWN THROUGHOUT THE REFRIGERATOR.
AND THERE'S NO ORDER.
GINA DOES NOT--GINA DOESN'T HAVE ORDER IN THE FRIDGE.
AND GINA HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE.
WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?
WHERE IS THAT WOLF?
SHE STILL IN THE BATHROOM?
DOES SHE EVER LEAVE THE BATHROOM?
WHAT GOES ON IN THERE?
- SHE'S BEEN IN THERE FOR, LIKE, 40 MINUTES.
- SHE'S BEEN IN THERE FOR FOUR MONTHS.
- DOES SHE HAVE A MAN IN THERE OR WHAT?
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. SHE'S IN THERE ALL THE DAMN DAY.
- GINA. - GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM!
MY GOD, IT NEVER ENDS.
OH, I'M SORRY. DID WE INTERRUPT YOU?
LOOK AT THIS NUN-- LOOK AT THIS NUN OVER HERE.
- I'M TALKING TO MY GIRL GLORIA.
- OH, I--EXCUSE ME.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT. CONTINUE.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN A MEETING.
- CALL YOU BACK A SECOND, OKAY?
- I'VE LOST CONTROL OF MY HOUSE.
THERE IS NO ORDER, AND I JUST--
IT'S LIKE A CHICKEN WITHOUT A HEAD.
WHAT DO YOU DO IN THERE?
YOU ARE IN THERE LONGER THAN ANYBODY.
- I HAVE GOT TO POOP.
- I UNDERSTAND POOPING, BUT...
IT TAKES 20, 30 MINUTE--
LIKE, WHAT DO YOU-- YOU JUST SIT THERE?
- I GOT TO SIT AND TAKE MY TIME,
'CAUSE YOU ALL MAKE TOO MUCH NOISE.
- MY BABY NURSE IS A DELICATE INSTRUMENT.
NEEDS TO SIT ON THE BOWL TILL THE COWS COME HOME.
- GOT TO BE-- SHH. QUIET.
- OH, WE'RE SORRY FOR DISTURBING YOU.
- IT'S GOT TO BE QUIET.
- YEAH, AND KEEP THE FRIDGE ORGANIZED.
IT'S A LITTLE CRAZY IN THERE. - OKAY, I'LL--I'LL...
- IT'S, LIKE, TOO MUCH STUFF IN THERE.
- YOU BEEN TELLING ME YOU'RE GONNA COOK FOR ME FOR MONTHS...
- I BROUGHT IT. I BROUGHT THE STUFF.
- AND YOU HAVEN'T DONE [bleep] FOR ME.
- I-I HAVE A DATE WITH YOU. - SHE WANTS TO COOK.
SHE WANTS US TO GO TO HER CHURCH--
ALL THESE DIFFERENT THINGS.
- OH, YEAH. WHAT-- ARE WE GOING TO THE CHURCH?
- HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
- HEY, LET'S GET, UH, BRYN BAPTIZED AT YOUR CHURCH.
- OH, JESUS, JASON.
- IT'S NOT A BAPTISM. - I KNOW IT'S NOT.
- BETHENNY AND I HAVE HAD SEVERAL DISCUSSIONS
ABOUT GETTING BRYN BAPTIZED WITH MY PARENTS
IN A CATHOLIC CHURCH.
SHE'S NOT VERY RELIGIOUS,
AND ANY RELIGION SHE DOES IN OUR HOUSE IS FOR ME.
- OKAY, WE HAVE DRUMMERS.
UM, DO WE HAVE DRUMMER?
WE HAVE DRUMMERS IN THE CHURCH, RIGHT?
- ARE PEOPLE GONNA GET UP AND START SCREAMING?
IS THAT WHAT HAPPENS? - IT'S GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL.
WE GONNA HAVE--ROLL OUT THE RED CARPET FOR HER.
- I DON'T NEED A RED CARPET AT THE CHURCH.
- IT'S ALREADY PLANNED.
- WHAT'S PLANNED? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I'M GONNA ROLL THE RED CARPET OUT FOR YOU.
- LITERALLY A RED CARPET? - YES.
- IS THERE GONNA BE A PRESS LINE AT THE CHURCH?
- NO, NO PRESS LINE.
- OH, OKAY, JUST MAKING SURE. - I'LL CALL YOU BACK IN A WHILE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- NO, WE ARE GONNA DO THE RED CARPET.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO ME ON SUNDAY WHEN I WAS IN CHURCH.
- WHY--WHY ARE WE DOING A RED CARPET?
- THAT'S WHAT WE DO WHEN WE HAVE GUESTS
AND VISITORS THAT COME IN.
WE HAVE MARKY MARKOWITZ. WE HAVE KENDALL STEWART.
WE HAVE THESE DIFFERENT PEOPLE THAT COME TO THE CHURCH,
AND THIS IS WHAT HE DOES. - WHO'S MARKY MARKOWITZ?
IS THAT THE JEWISH MARKY MARK? - YEAH.
THERE'S A LITTLE DANCING IN THE SPIRIT.
PEOPLE GONNA MANIFEST AND DANCE IN THE SPIRIT, YOU KNOW.
- WHAT'S THE SPIRIT? - WHAT'S THE SPIRIT?
- WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT MANIFESTS ON YOU...
- WELL, DO IT. DO IT--IMITATE IT NOW.
- SHE'S TELLING US. HOLD ON. GO AHEAD.
- DEPENDS ON, UH...
- OH, THE HOLY SPIRIT COMES INTO YOUR BODY?
- LOOK AT HER IN HER NUN GARMENT DOING THIS NOW. GO.
[drums beating] - OH, MY LORD.
- I DON'T WANT TO DANCE INVOLUNTARILY.
- THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS?
- SOMETHING LIKE THAT. YOU KNOW.
- MADE ME--MADE ME WORRIED
ABOUT WHAT'S GONNA GO DOWN AT CHURCH.
- YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES, AND YOU...
[drums beating]
- IT DEPENDS, YOU KNOW. - ALL RIGHT.
- IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ON ECSTASY AT A RAVE.
THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
- I'M SO ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT'S GONNA GO ON IN GINA'S CHURCH.
I CAN'T WAIT.
- BETHENNY. - HI.
THIS IS BRYN.
- HI, BEAUTY.
- EVERYONE IS TELLING ME I NEED TO BABY-PROOF MY APARTMENT,
SO JUST TO CALM DOWN MY PARANOIA,
I NEED TO BRING IN AN EXPERT.
- I GET TO MEET WITH MOMMIES
AT THE MOST EXCITING CHAPTER OF THEIR OF THEIR LIVES, SO...
- OH, THAT'S SO NICE. ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT DO WE GOT?
- WHAT WE'LL DO TODAY IS JUST LOOK FOR A FEW HIDDEN HAZARDS,
HAZARDS MAYBE YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT...
- OKAY. - BECAUSE RIGHT NOW,
LITTLE BRYN ISN'T INTO MUCH, RIGHT?
SHE'S INTO YOU.
IT'S GOING TO CHANGE QUICKLY.
- THIS WOMAN'S TRYING TO TELL ME
LIFE MOVES QUICKLY-- THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE.
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, BRYN'S GOING TO BE GETTING INTO THINGS.
AND I'M THINKING, "LADY,
"I WAS LIVING IN A ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT
"WITH MY DOG LAST YEAR.
I UNDERSTAND, KEMOSABE."
- ONCE WE DO IMPLEMENT ALL THE CHILD-SAFETY DEVICES,
I WANT TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO LENGTHEN THE LIFE OF YOUR CHILD-PROOFING.
- OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAY,
"LENGTHEN THE LIFE OF MY CHILD."
- WELL, IT'S ALL ONE AND THE SAME.
- OF MY CHILD-PROOFING-- OKAY.
- LENGTHENING THE LIFE OF YOUR CHILD-PROOFING
CONSISTS OF NOT LETTING BRYN SEE YOU
OPEN AND CLOSE THE GATES,
DISENGAGE AND ENGAGE THE CHILD-SAFETY DEVICES.
- SO THERE'S A MENTAL PERSPECTIVE TO THIS.
THERE'S HABITS.
- OH, SHE'S WATCHING YOU NOW, RIGHT? EVERYTHING.
- ANYTHING I DON'T WANT HER TO DO, I SHOULDN'T BE DOING.
SO I SHOULDN'T BE DRINKING SKINNYGIRL MARGARITAS
IN FRONT OF HER EITHER,
'CAUSE SHE'LL BE OPENING UP THE BOTTLE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? DO IT IN AN INCOGNITO GLASS.
- I'LL JUST DO IT IN MY CLOSET. - [laughs] OR YOUR CLOSET.
DON'T CLIMB UP ON TOP OF THE CHAIR AND--
- I'M ALWAYS CLIMBING UP ON MY COUNTER.
- DO WE WANT BRYN GETTING UP ON TOP OF THAT TABLE?
- NO.
- AND WHAT COMES AS A RESULT OF CHILD-PROOFING
IS PEACE OF MIND.
- "PEACE OF MIND" SHOULD BE PART OF YOUR MARKETING.
- YEAH, WHEN I WALK IN THE DOOR, IT'S LIKE,
"PEACE OF MIND IS HERE."
YOU KNOW? - YEAH.
- I'M SO GLAD YOU SEE THAT. - NO, 100%. I'M IN.
I'M IN BIG.
- LOOK AT THOSE BUTTONS OVER THERE.
- WHAT BUTTONS?
- ALL OF THOSE BUTTONS AND THOSE FLASHING LIGHTS.
- THOSE ARE DANGEROUS? - THEY'RE NOT DANGEROUS,
BUT SHE'S GOING TO BEELINE TOWARD THEM, ISN'T SHE?
- YEAH, AND WE DON'T WANT HER TO RECORD *** OR ANYTHING.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT WOULD BE IMPORTANT.
- THAT'S DANGEROUS.
- THOSE WIRES ARE, I HATE TO SAY IT,
BUT STRANGULATION HAZARDS.
- AND I'VE HEARD CHANGE
IS THEIR NUMBER-ONE CHOKING HAZARD.
CHANGE. - GOOD ONE, BETHENNY.
- YOU WOULD NEVER DROP A NICKEL ON THE FLOOR.
THEY'RE LIKE A DUSTBUSTER FOR CHANGE.
SO THAT'S FINE.
- THIS IS A PERFECT CHOKING HAZARD.
- SO THAT'S THE CHOKING-HAZARD CENTERPIECE.
THAT'S GARBAGE. - YEAH.
- BUT, LIKE, MR. T COULDN'T MOVE THIS THING.
OH, OKAY.
- I--BETHENNY, MY GUT...
- GET RID OF IT. UGH.
WHAT GOES ON IN MY KITCHEN?
- DON'T LET HER PLAY WITH POTS AND PANS.
- WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?
I'M COMING OUT OF MY BEDROOM,
AND BRYN'S AT THE STOVE MAKING CONCH FRITTERS?
- SHE CAN CRUISE IN HERE INTO THE KITCHEN
TWO DAYS AFTER YOU'VE LET HER PLAY WITH THE POTS AND PANS,
AND SHE SEES HER POT UP THERE ON THE STOVE.
IT'S HER TOY. - SO HOW DOES SHE GET THERE?
- SHE'S GONNA DO WHATEVER SHE CAN TO GET UP THERE AND GET IT.
- SO THIS IS A LATCH ZONE.
- WE'RE GONNA LATCH EVERY SINGLE CABINET.
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF EVERY...
- IT'S LIKE THE CIA. WHAT DO THEY SAY ON TV?
WE'RE GONNA, LIKE, SECURE THE PERIMETER?
I'M THINKING I HAVE A REALLY NICE AND SAFE,
NURTURING ENVIRONMENT FOR MY BABY,
AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN, I'M IN NAM.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I THINK IT'S A GREAT BUSINESS YOU HAVE.
YOU'VE NOW TERRIFIED ME MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE.
MOMMY'S VERY SCARED OF EVERYTHING NOW.
- LET'S DO IT.
LET'S GO THROUGH MOMMY'S CLOSET
AND GET RID OF SLUTTY LINGERIE.
- HI.
- HI.
- WHERE ARE YOU? - I'M IN MY CLOSET--
THE PLACE YOU ONCE WERE.
- I WAS GONNA SAY. THAT'S MY JOB.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOARDERS.
I DON'T LIKE CLUTTER-Y PLACES.
I DON'T WANT TO BE IN ANTIQUE SHOPS.
I DON'T LIKE DOILIES AND CATS.
- BRYN, YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE.
- I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE CLEAN,
AND MY HOUSE JUST ALWAYS HAS STUFF,
SO THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN CONTROL ANYTHING IN MY LIFE
AND MY HOUSE IS TO GET RID OF THINGS.
- YOU'RE PURGING THE CLOSET? - I'M PURGING.
LIKE, I JUST HAVE NEVER PURGED LINGERIE.
LIKE, I PUT ALL MY LINGERIE IN LITTLE BAGGIES.
- YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO PUTS THEIR LINGERIE
IN, LIKE, A SANDWICH SNACK PACK.
I MEAN, I'VE NEVER IN MY LIFE--BUT OKAY.
- THERE'S A STORY TO THIS.
THIS IS HOW SHE WAS CONCEIVED. I SWEAR TO YOU SHE WAS.
SO I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO KEEP THIS ONE, DON'T I?
- YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT,
BUT YOU HAVE TO NEVER, EVER WEAR IT AGAIN.
- OKAY. PEOPLE REALLY LIVE LIKE THIS.
PEOPLE WEAR THIS AS THEIR NORMAL BRAS TOO.
LIKE, EVERY DAY THEY GO TO WORK--
- LIKE, TO WORK?
- I HAVE A FANTASY OF BEING ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
THAT, LIKE, WHIPS OFF THEIR JACKET
AND JUST HAS SOMETHING SEXY UNDERNEATH.
BUT IN REALITY, I'M A PERSON THAT WEARS RIPPED FLANNEL
DISGUSTING PAJAMAS WITH COFFEE STAINS ON THEM.
CAN I STILL DO THIS FOR FANTASY LIFE?
DO WE NO LONGER DO DIRTY SCHOOL GIRL AT 40?
- I THINK NO. - IS THIS OVER?
JASON'S SO CHEESY, THOUGH, BUT ALL RIGHT.
THIS I REALLY LIKE. LIKE, I WANT TO WEAR--NO?
WOW, I REALLY LIKE IT.
- YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED TO DO
SOME FORM OF A "ROUTINE" IF YOU PUT THAT ON.
YOU'D HAVE TO BE LIKE, "JASON,
A ONE, A TWO, A ONE, TWO, THREE."
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A REAL...
- I'M GONNA HAVE A HARD TIME PARTING WITH THIS.
THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM.
LIKE, I AM CHEESY. I AM SEQUINED.
I AM TUTU-Y.
- WHAT WOULD YOU WEAR ON THE BOTTOM?
- MY ***. [both laugh]
- THAT'S HILARIOUS.
- SO... - NO.
- WHAT ABOUT LITTLE, LIKE, BLOOMERS?
LIKE, WITH A LITTLE TANK TOP,
PRETENDING YOU, LIKE, JUST DIDN'T TRY.
NO. - NO.
- THIS IS NOT... THIS IS DONE.
- KEEP IT FOR ONE OF YOUR RANDOM WEEKEND TRIPS,
AND THEN DON'T BRING IT BACK IN THE SUITCASE.
- OKAY. WE DID IT. IT'S OVER.
- AND THEN I KEEP ALL THESE, 'CAUSE I LIKE TO REUSE THEM.
OKAY. BUT LET'S DISCUSS--
- YOU LIKE TO KEEP BAGS WITH THINGS THAT YOUR *** TOUCHED,
AND THEN YOU PUT IN BAG AND THEN REUSE THE BAG?
- FOR SANDWICHES, YES.
NO, FOR OTHER ***-RELATED THINGS.
GINA.
YOU WANT SOME LINGERIE? TAKE IT TO THE CHURCH.
SHE WANTS US TO GO TO CHURCH WITH HER AND, LIKE, SING...
- DO THEY SING AT YOUR CHURCH? - YEAH, WE SING.
- GINA'S CHURCH IS BAPTIST, CONSERVATIVE,
AND GINA IS AN OXYMORON.
THERE'S NO SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND ***
WHEN IT COMES TO GINA.
- BUT, I MEAN, SHE'S SENDING YOU OFF WITH, LIKE,
A BAG OF SIN TO BRING TO YOUR CHURCH.
YEAH, I THINK THAT'S FOR THE PASTOR'S WIFE.
AND IF SHE COULD HAVE A LITTLE, LIKE, HOT POCKET
TO COVER HER ***, SHE'S ALL SET.
WHAT'S NEXT? THAT'LL BE GOOD FOR THE ORGANIST.
I MEAN, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
YOU'RE GONNA SEND THIS WOMAN OUT OF HER RELIGION FOREVER.
GOD IS GONNA CALL HER AT HOME
AND SAY, "PLEASE DON'T COME BACK.
WE DON'T WANT YOU."
- COMING UP...
- THAT SHE MAY BE BAPTIZED WITH WATER
AND RECEIVE INTO CHRIST'S HOLY CHURCH.
- INTERESTING.
- THIS IS IT.
- BIG DAY TODAY-- WE'RE GOING TO GINA'S CHURCH.
IT'S ME, JASON, BRYN,
AND TO ROUND OUT THE MULTIDENOMINATIONAL POSSE,
I'M GONNA BRING JAKE TO REPRESENT THE GAY JEWS.
- WHAT'S GOING ON? - NO, I'M EXCITED.
- GINA'S CHURCH IS IN A QUESTIONABLE NEIGHBORHOOD,
AND YOU WOULD NOT KNOW THAT THERE WAS A CHURCH.
YOU MIGHT THINK THAT YOU COULD GET BAIL BONDS THERE.
THAT'S MY FRIEND JAKE. THIS IS BRYN.
- JASON. - HI.
- IT'S SMELLS SO NICE IN HERE. - IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL IN HERE.
- YOU GO INSIDE, AND THERE'S A PLACE OF WORSHIP.
YOU NEVER KNOW.
IT'S LIKE A ROCKIN' CHURCH.
- HI, GINA. - OH, IT'S SO COOL.
- I LOVE YOUR, UH, HEADGEAR.
- GINA. - HELLO.
LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU GUYS LOOK.
WHERE SHOULD WE SIT?
- HI. HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO MEET YOU.
THIS IS BRYN. - THANKS FOR HAVING US--
AND OUR FRIEND JAKE.
- HI. THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.
- IT WAS NOTHING LIKE I'M USED TO, GOING TO MASS.
HERE WE WALK IN,
AND THESE WOMEN ARE IN THESE BEAUTIFUL GOWNS IT SEEMED,
AND THEY HAVE THESE, UH, HEADPIECES ON.
IT WAS A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE,
BUT SOMETHING I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO.
I MIGHT JOIN HERE. I LOVE IT.
- THIS IS A LITTLE MORE COOL-- - I LOVE IT.
EVERYBODY LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
LOOK AT THIS WOMAN.
- THAT'S THE-- THAT'S THE BEST DRESSED AWARD.
SHE'S LIKE ANNA WINTOUR,
SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW AT FASHION WEEK.
I THINK SHE FEELS THE SPIRIT. - SHE FEELS THE SPIRIT?
- SHE'S SPEAKING MORE THAN SHE EVER HAS.
SHE'S SPEAKING IN TONGUES NOW.
WE WANTED TO GET A GLIMPSE INTO GINA'S LIFE,
AND NOW WE HAVE IT.
THESE ARE GINA'S PEEPS.
- OH, THANK YOU. OH, THANK YOU.
IS THAT--DO I WEAR THAT?
- YOU SHOULD.
- SO THEY PUT MY HAIR UP IN THE HEADDRESS.
I DIDN'T WANT TO INSULT ANYBODY.
OH, YES, ANNA WINTOUR
IN THE--HERE SHE GOES.
- YOU LIKE THAT?
- LOOKS GREAT. - SHE LOOKS NICE--VERY PRETTY.
THAT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
- I WANT TO KNOW WHEN JESUS CHRIST ENTERS HER SOUL.
- [laughs] - OH, NO.
- I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
ALL RIGHT, THE PARTY'S GONNA START SOON.
- I COULDN'T THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO SPEND A SUNDAY, ACTUALLY.
- THANKS FOR HAVING US, GINA. - THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THERE WERE ALL THESE LONG AND BILLOWY GARMENTS--
JUST A LOT OF CLOTHING.
AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT THINK,
"IS SOMEONE WEARING MY LINGERIE UNDERNEATH?"
WHICH ONE OF YOU GIRLS
IS NAUGHTY UNDERNEATH THAT BIG DRESS?
- THIS IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY
FOR THE PEOPLE OF THE CARIBBEAN
TO HAVE SUCH DISTINGUISHED GUESTS.
MAY GOD BLESS THE MOTHER AND FATHER.
THE FAMILY THAT PRAY TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER.
- "FOR AS MUCH AS ALL MEN ARE CONCEIVED AND BORN IN SIN...
"AND THAT OF OUR SAVIOR, CHRIST...
"THAT OF HIS BOUNTY'S MERCY,
"HE WILL GRANT THIS CHILD
"THAT SHE MAY BE BAPTIZED WITH WATER
AND RECEIVE INTO CHRIST'S HOLY CHURCH."
- IT SEEMS LIKE BRYN'S ABOUT TO BE BAPTIZED
IN GINA'S CHURCH,
AND THAT'S NOT OKAY WITH ME.
I FELT COMPLETELY HELPLESS.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
- LET US PRAY. - AMEN.
- I DON'T REALLY KNOW ABOUT RELIGION,
AND I--SHOULDN'T WE BE DOING THIS WITH JASON'S PARENTS,
AND SHOULDN'T WE BE DOING IT IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH?
[congregation singing]
[Bryn cries]
I LOVE GINA.
AND I'VE BEEN COMING FROM A PLACE OF "YES" WITH ALL OF THIS.
LIKE, "YES, WE'LL DO THIS,"
AND, "YES, WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS."
AND, "YES, YOU SHOULD TAKE OVER MY ENTIRE HOUSE AND MY LIFE,"
AND, "YES, OF COURSE WE'RE COMING TO YOUR CHURCH."
AND, "YES, MY BABY'S GETTING BAPTIZED""
NO. NO, NO, NO.
- BETHENNY COMPLETELY SHUT IT DOWN,
AND I CAN'T BLAME HER.
IN HINDSIGHT, I WISH I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT.
- IT WAS TOO MUCH.
IT WAS JUST-- IT WAS OVER THE LINE.
AND I WANT TO BE RESPECTFUL IN SOMEONE ELSE'S CHURCH,
BUT THAT WAS OVER THE LINE.
LIKE, I DIDN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL.
I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST FELT VERY STRANGE.
I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY IT FELT.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M BEING DRAMATIC.
- YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE YOUR MATERNAL INSTINCTS POP OUT.
YOU WENT FROM OKAY TO NOT OKAY IN FOUR SECONDS FLAT.
- WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE
ABOUT SOMETHING HAPPENING WITH YOUR BABY,
YOU JUST HAVE AN INSTINCT AND AN IMPULSE
TO JUST TAKE YOUR BABY OUT OF THERE.
- BUT WE WERE PUT IN A TERRIBLE POSITION,
THAT IT LOOKS LIKE A BAPTISM. - IT'S NOT A BAPTISM.
- I HEARD "BAPTISM," AND I SEE THE PITCHER OF WATER
AND THE TOWELS AND THE BASSINET.
BUT I KNOW BETHENNY'S NOT COMFORTABLE,
AND I WASN'T COMFORTABLE,
BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER MY PARENTS BE THERE.
I-I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE FEELING IN MY STOMACH,
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE RUDE TO THESE NICE PEOPLE.
- I'M NOT GONNA-- [Bryn cries]
OKAY. - I'M A LITTLE UPSET.
I KNOW IT'S COMING FROM A GOOD PLACE.
EVERYBODY WANTS GOOD FOR OUR BABY,
BUT I JUST HAD THIS TERRIBLE FEELING INSIDE OF ME
THAT I LET MY FAMILY DOWN.
I GOT YOUR PLAY MAT.
- OKAY.
- FOR WHEN YOU'RE READY. - OKAY.
- I WAS REALLY DRAINED AFTER THE CHURCH INCIDENT.
YOU'RE A GOOD DADDY, HONEY.
- I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A GOOD DADDY TODAY.
- YEAH, SIT DOWN FOR A SEC.
IT WASN'T A GREAT DAY.
IT JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT THE WAY THAT IT SHOULD HAVE.
IT TURNED INTO SOMETHING IT DIDN'T NEED TO.
- I FEEL LIKE A TERRIBLE HUSBAND AND A TERRIBLE FATHER.
I DO, 'CAUSE I LOOK BACK AT THIS...
I-I FELT HELPLESS.
WE WERE IN IT.
I FEEL I LET THEM DOWN, BECAUSE I DIDN'T STAND UP
FOR ME BEING UNCOMFORTABLE,
BETHENNY BEING UNCOMFORTABLE,
AND HERE OUR BABY IS IN SOMEONE ELSE'S ARMS,
WAILING, CRYING.
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL,
AND THEN HE'S...
- NO, AND I KNOW YOU DID NOT MEAN IT.
LOOK, YOU WANT TO LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS.
I MEAN, I THINK THERE'S TWO PARTS TO THIS.
I THINK THE FIRST THING IS WE ARE BOTH NEW PARENTS.
LIKE, I FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY,
BOTH OF US ARE LEARNING THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER.
THERE'S, LIKE, A PRIMAL INSTINCT THAT IS, LIKE--
IT DOESN'T--I DON'T CARE IF I'M WITH THE POPE.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER.
- IF I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MY BABY,
I'M PULLING HER OUT OF THE SITUATION.
IT WAS TOO LOUD. IT WAS TOO CRAZY. THE BASIN.
SHE WAS BEING PASSED TO PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.
LESSON LEARNED, LEARNING CURVE OVER,
SCHOOL IS CLOSED.
WE ARE PARENTS. WE DO WHAT'S BEST FOR BRYN.
PERIOD. STORY AND FILM AT 11:00.
I FELT LIKE I WAS IN, LIKE, A MOROCCAN BAZAAR,
AND I COULD SORT OF SEE HER, BUT THERE WERE CROWDS,
AND I COULDN'T GET TO HER, AND SOMEONE WAS TAKING HER AWAY.
AND I KNOW IT SOUNDS DRAMATIC, BUT IT'S HOW I FELT.
I FELT VERY OUT OF CONTROL, AND FOR ME--
YOU DON'T LIKE TO DISRESPECT PEOPLE.
YOU DON'T LIKE TO HURT PEOPLE'S FEELINGS.
YOU LIKE TO PLEASE EVERYBODY AROUND YOU.
I DON'T LIKE TO FEEL OUT OF CONTROL.
I WAS EN--I WAS ACTING LIKE I WAS SOMEWHAT IN CONTROL.
I WAS LOSING MY MIND.
- NO, I-I COULD SENSE IT, AND THAT'S WHAT KILLS ME.
- ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RUFFLE FEATHERS.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO NOT BE THE GUY THAT EVERYBODY LIKES.
AND IT CAME FROM COMPLETELY A GOOD PLACE,
WHICH WAS WHAT MADE IT SO DIFFICULT,
THAT A DAY THAT STARTED OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY
TURNED OUT TO BE AWKWARD, TO SAY THE LEAST.
I KNOW YOU WANT TO HAVE HER BAPTIZED, OKAY?
SO I-I LEARNED SOMETHING.
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. I WAS VERY OPEN-MINDED.
I WOULD NOT MIND IF WE HAD HER BAPTIZED
WITH A SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE IN A CHAPEL
AND HAD A NICE LITTLE-- CALM LITTLE LUNCH.
- I'M HAPPY WITH THAT. - OKAY.
- LISTEN, IT SAYS A LOT
FOR YOU TO BE WILLING TO DO THAT FOR ME.
SHE'S A TRINIDADIAN BAPTIST,
SO WE ARE GONNA HAVE TO GET HER CONVERTED,
AND THEN WE CAN NOW START A NEW RELIGION WITH YOUR PARENTS.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MAKING JOKES,
AND I STILL FEEL ILL INSIDE.
- I'D LIKE IT TO BE SOMETHING MELLOW,
IS ALL I'M SAYING.
AND I GUESS WE HAVE TO PICK OUT, LIKE, GODPARENTS--
YOU KNOW, MAYBE SOMEONE FROM YOUR SIDE,
SOMEONE FROM MY SIDE OR WHATEVER WE--YOU KNOW.
[Bryn screams happily]
- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, HUH?
- SHE SAID, "IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL, DADDY.
"I'M FINE. DOESN'T MATTER.
GOD LOVES EVERYBODY."
[Bryn coos]
COMING UP... [cell phone rings]
- YOUR PHONE.
- ANSWER IT. MAYBE GOD IS CALLING.
- IT MIGHT BE GOD. I HAVE A GOOD, YOU KNOW...
- YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP?
- HE'S GOT MY DIRECT LINE.
- I'M SO EXCITED.
- I KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA BE,
BUT THINK PANDAS-- RIGHT, PANDAS?
- WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT. - BIG, BIG WEEK--
WE HAD A BRUSH WITH BAPTISM.
WE HAVE TO PLAN FOR THE REAL CHRISTENING,
AND AS IF THAT WEREN'T ENOUGH,
NOW WE'RE GONNA THROW IN HALLOWEEN.
JASON, THERE'S A PANDA SECTION HERE.
- BETHENNY. - WHAT, HONEY?
I LIKE IT. YOU THINK IT'S FUN?
- YOU'D LOOK COOL IN THIS.
I LIKE IT. - I LIKE THE BOWTIE.
OH, AND THEY HAVE CLOWN SOCKS.
OH, MY GOD. THEY HAVE BIG CLOWN SHOES TOO.
- THESE ARE PRETTY STYLISH. - YEAH.
[horn honks]
- [laughs]
- HI. WHERE'S THE DRESSING ROOM?
- DOWNSTAIRS. - OKAY.
- KIND OF SCARY DOWN HERE.
- HERE'S THE PANDA.
- I THINK I WANT TO SEE MOMMY IN--IN THIS.
- WE HAVE TO TRY ON THE PANDAS.
- MOMMY. - WE THREW ALL THAT AWAY.
I GAVE IT TO GINA FOR THE CHURCH.
- HOW WRONG IS THAT STATEMENT?
"I GAVE IT TO GINA FOR THE CHURCH."
- I DID. - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
- I DON'T KNOW.
YOU HAVE CLOWN COSTUMES DOWN HERE TOO,
LIKE, THE FANCIER CLOWN COSTUMES?
- NO, WE ONLY HAVE, LIKE, HIGH-END COSTUMES,
SO IN CASE YOU WANT...
- CLOWN COSTUMES DON'T COME IN HIGH-END?
- NO.
- I'D LIKE TO GO TO THE COUTURE CLOWN SECTION, PLEASE.
I WANT TO GO TO WHERE THE SERIOUS CLOWNS GO.
OH, MY GOD, I'M DYING.
- OH, MY GOD. I LOOK FANTASTIC, IF I DO SAY MYSELF.
- I HONESTLY THINK I HAVE TO LOOK BETTER THAN YOU DO,
'CAUSE YOU COULDN'T LOOK BETTER THAN I DO.
IT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'M READY.
OH, MY GOSH!
YOURS IS THE BEST!
OH, MY GOD, YOURS IS THE BEST!
ALL RIGHT, TELL ME HONESTLY WHAT YOU THINK OF EVERYTHING.
- I LIKE IT. - HOLD ON.
TURN AROUND LIKE YOU NEVER SAW US BEFORE.
YOU WALKED INTO THE ROOM, AND IT'S HALLOWEEN.
HI. HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
- UM, I LOVE YOURS.
- YOU DO? - YES.
- OH, MY GOD.
[laughs] - WHAT ABOUT ME?
- NO, YOURS IS AMAZING. I LOVE YOU.
- NO ONE LIKES MINE, THOUGH. - NO, EVERYBODY LIKES YOURS.
- IF YOU WANT, I'LL GET YOU A DIFFERENT CLOWN COSTUME.
- DON'T BE SAD. YOUR COSTUME'S GONNA COME TOGETHER.
- I GOT...
- OH, MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR SNEAKERS, DADDY.
- LET'S DO THIS ONE. - I TRUST YOU.
- DADDY'S FEELING BETTER.
- ON THREE.
- ONE, TWO, THREE.
OH, MY GOD, IT'S THE BEST!
THIS IS THE BEST.
ARIEL?
- YOU LIKE THIS BETTER? - I LOVE IT.
- LET'S TRY THE PANDAS AND SEE.
I LOVE A CLOWN COSTUME,
BUT I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THE PANDAS FOR A WHILE,
AND SO I FEEL SORT OF SOME EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT
TO THE FAMILY OF PANDAS.
- [laughs]
- AW, YOU'RE A CUTE PANDA.
YOU LIKE IT?
- THE CLOWNS ARE MORE ABOUT US,
AND THE PANDAS ARE MORE ABOUT THE BABY.
- OH, THE BABY WANTS TO BE A PANDA INSTEAD OF A CLOWN?
SHE TOLD YOU?
SHE CAN'T EVEN SPEAK. COOKIE TOLD YOU TOO?
- COOKIE TOLD ME, 100%.
AS MUCH AS JASON AND I ARE CLOWNS
AND WE WANT THIS HOLIDAY TO BE ABOUT US,
THIS IS A FAMILY HOLIDAY NOW.
PANDAS IT IS-- TEAM PANDA.
PANDAS.
DONE. WHOO!
OH, MY GOD. I'M SO EXCITED FOR HALLOWEEN NOW.
- WHEW. THAT COSTUME'S HOT, BY THE WAY.
- OH, HOT AS BALLS. - WHOO.
[Cookie barking] - GINA'S BACK.
- HI, GINA.
- HI, GINA.
- HI. GOOD MORNING. - WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WE JUST WANTED TO TALK TO GINA
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT HER CHURCH.
I'M SURE SHE HAS FEELINGS ABOUT IT,
AND I KNOW WE DO.
WE JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
WE FELT UNCOMFORTABLE. WE FELT HELPLESS.
WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL,
BECAUSE EVERYBODY WAS SO SWEET TO US,
AND SO WHEN YOU'RE SAYING TO ME,
"IT'S A BLESSING. IT'S A BLESSING."
BUT IT LOOKED JUST SO SIMILAR
TO WHAT WE DO AS A BAPTISM.
I WAS, LIKE, FREAKING OUT FROM THAT.
I WAS FREAKING OUT 'CAUSE MY WIFE FELT UNCOMFORTABLE,
AND HERE'S OUR BABY BEING PASSED AROUND.
AND, I--HERE I'M THE MAN OF THE HOUSE,
AND I'M JUST LETTING THINGS HAPPEN.
I FELT TERRIBLE.
- FIRST OF ALL, I MUST GIVE MY SINCEREST APOLOGY
FOR...
WHAT HAPPENED, AND...
OR WHAT DID HAPPEN AND WHAT TOOK PLACE,
AND THAT YOU FELT VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
WE DO, YOU KNOW, GIVE OTHER PEOPLE TO HOLD THE BABY
TO SAY A BLESSING OR A LITTLE PRAYER
FOR THIS CHILD ALSO.
THIS IS WHAT MY RELIGION IS FOR A BLESSING.
IT WAS NOT A BAPTISM,
AND, AGAIN, MY DEEPEST APOLOGY.
- NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
WE'RE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND.
AND WE--WE KNOW THAT EVERYBODY THERE CAME WITH LOVE,
AND WANTED TO SHARE AND EMBRACE OUR CHILD.
- WE HOLD OURSELVES ACCOUNTABLE.
I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE.
- IT'S NOT-- THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
- NO, THIS IS A 50-50 SITUATION.
- NO, BUT THIS IS YOUR TRADITION,
AND I THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT,
BUT THIS IS YOUR TRADITION, YOUR RELIGION, AND...
- IT'S VER-- IT'S DIFFERENT,
AND WE'RE TRYING TO BE OPEN-MINDED,
AS I ALWAYS WILL BE.
WE JUST GOT A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.
BUT YOU--IT'S NOT-- WE--I UNDERSTAND.
I JUST WANTED-- WE JUST WANTED TO...
VOMIT IT ALL OUT.
AND IT'S OUT. SO...
AND DON'T BE UPSET.
JUST WASH THIS OFF OF YOU LIKE A BAPTISM.
- RIGHT.
- OKAY. - WE LOVE YOU, GINA.
- WE DO. - ALL RIGHT?
- YOU BETTER? YOU LOOK A LITTLE STRESSED.
YOU OKAY?
- IT'S BACK TO NORMAL.
THINGS HAPPEN. WE LEARN, AND WE MOVE ON.
- OKAY.
HALLELUJAH.
OH. - AMEN.
- IS THAT WRONG? - [laughs]
- SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT TODAY?
- UM...
MY CHILD IS A TRINIDADIAN BAPTIST NOW.
- WHAT--WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY--BY THAT?
- OKAY, UM, I HAVE A BABY NURSE NAMED GINA,
AND SHE'S BECOME PART OF OUR FAMILY.
SHE INVITED US TO GO TO HER CHURCH.
- SO YOU WENT? - SO WE WENT TO THE CHURCH.
AND IT WAS ALL--YOU KNOW, A LOT OF MUSIC AND DRUMS
AND IT WAS ALL FUN,
AND THE BISHOP CAME OVER AND SAID,
YOU KNOW, "NOW LET ME HAVE THE BABY.
WE'RE GOING TO DO A BLESSING."
I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN, OKAY?
I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE THAT I KNOW HOLDING THE BABY SOMETIMES.
LIKE, I--YOU KNOW, I'M JUST-- THIS IS WHAT THIS IS.
AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
THE BISHOP HANDS THE BABY TO ANOTHER MAN,
AND SO THAT GUY GIVES THE BABY THEN TO THIS WOMAN
WHO'S HOLDING THE BABY AND SHAKING IT, AND I'M LIKE--
- SO JUST SO I'M CLEAR,
IT WAS MORE PASSING HER AROUND FROM PERSON TO PERSON?
- IT--THE BABY WAS BEING SHAKED AND PASSED AROUND.
SHE WAS GOING FURTHER AWAY.
I TURNED AROUND. THE BABY WAS PULLED AWAY FROM ME.
IT WAS JUST NOT OKAY.
- BECAUSE YOU WERE FRIGHTENED?
- BECAUSE I DON'T WANT MY BABY TAKEN OUT OF MY ARMS.
- MM-HMM.
- AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE--
I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO ANYONE ABOUT IT,
AND I JUST NEVER FELT THAT BEFORE.
I DID NOT--I FELT MY BREATH GET TAKEN AWAY FROM ME,
AND I WAS LIKE-- I WANTED TO--
I WAS--JUST FELT OUT OF CONTROL, OUT OF CONTROL.
- BUT YOU WEREN'T. I MEAN, WERE YOU SCREAMING?
- I--IT WAS... - THE FEELING WAS THAT INTENSE.
- IT WAS PAST THE POINT OF SCREAMING.
- RIGHT. - IT WAS WORSE THAN SCREAMING.
- RIGHT. - HAD I OPENED MY MOUTH,
I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN, LIKE, TAKEN TO JAIL.
I WAS JUST...
- THE BAR HAS CHANGED.
IT'S MUCH LOWER NOW IN TERMS OF--
"I'M GONNA ACT, AND I'M GONNA PROTECT..."
- ABSOLUTELY. - WHEN IT COMES TO BRYN.
- YEAH, AND I DON'T KNOW THAT ANYONE
HAS EVER PROTECTED ME LIKE THAT.
- MM-HMM.
- I DON'T KNOW THAT THEY HAVEN'T.
- THAT'S WHERE I'M HEADED,
IN TERMS OF WHETHER YOU FELT PROTECTED BY YOUR MOM.
- I DON'T... I DID NOT--
PROTECT-- "PROTECTED" WOULD NOT BE
A WORD THAT I WOULD THINK OF
ABOUT THE WAY THAT I FELT WITH MY MOTHER.
WELL, I MEAN, I REMEMBER I GOT CHICKEN POX AT 18 YEARS OLD,
AND I-I HAD TO GO TO MY FRIEND'S HOUSE
AND HAVE HER AND HER MOTHER TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL,
'CAUSE I HAD A 105 FEVER.
AND THEY FELT SORRY FOR ME.
- WHY COULDN'T YOU GO TO YOUR MOM?
- SHE JUST WASN'T LIKE THAT.
AND I JUST WANTED HER TO BE LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD," YOU KNOW?
YEAH, I'VE ALWAYS PROTECTED MYSELF.
I DON'T--I WAS AN ADULT SO EARLY THAT IT'S NOT--
LIKE, I JUST NEVER FEEL LIKE I WAS EVER, LIKE, A CHILD
THAT REALLY NEEDED TO BE PROTECTED.
- MM-HMM.
- BUT LIKE I SAID,
WHEN I'VE BEEN HURT OR HAVE BEEN SICK,
I'VE WANTED SOMEONE TO KIND OF TAKE CARE OF ME.
YEAH, WE'LL BE-- IT'LL BE DIFFERENT WITH BRYN.
- SOUNDS LIKE IT ALREADY IS.
- IT IS.
- I THOUGHT THIS CHURCH WOULD BE PERFECT
FOR BRYN'S CHRISTENING.
HEY, FATHER DALY.
HOW ARE YOU? - VERY GOOD, JASON.
- AFTER WHAT HAPPENED AT GINA'S CHURCH,
I WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING RUNS SMOOTH.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT BETHENNY LIKES THE PRIEST
AND FEELS COMFORTABLE WITH HIM.
I DON'T WANT ANY SURPRISES, AND I DON'T WANT ANY DRAMA.
[cell phone rings]
YOUR PHONE.
- ANSWER IT. MAYBE GOD IS CALLING YOU.
- OH, IT MIGHT BE GOD. I HAVE A GOOD--
- YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP? - HE'S GOT MY DIRECT LINE.
- A DIRECT LINE TO GOD. - YES.
- FATHER DALY KNOWS THAT I'M CATHOLIC, AND YOU'RE...
- JEWISH FAITH. - QUESTION MARK.
I'M IN THAT BOX "OTHER."
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- AND I LOVE MY WIFE FOR DOING THIS FOR ME AND BRYN, SO...
- YES, VERY-- VERY KIND OF YOU.
- MY FATHER'S JEWISH.
MY MOTHER CONVERTED TO BE JEWISH FOR HIM
BUT GREW UP CHRISTIAN.
I WENT TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL
BECAUSE MY STEPFATHER WAS CATHOLIC.
I NOW PRACTICE YOGA. SO WHO THE HELL KNOWS?
I AM A RELIGIOUS MUTT.
- WE DO--FIRST OF ALL WE DO A READING OF THE BIBLE,
AND THEN AFTER THAT, WE HAVE THE ANOINTING.
SEE THE THREE OILS UP THERE?
THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THE OILS, BETHENNY,
IS THAT THE BABY WILL BE STRONG
IN THE FIGHT AGAINST EVIL IN THE WORLD.
EVERYBODY'S BORN WITH THE TENDENCY IN EACH ONE OF US
TO DO THE WRONG THING OTHER THAN THE RIGHT THING,
EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW THE RIGHT THING.
- BUT I ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING, RIGHT?
- YEAH, I KNOW YOU DO.
- BUT OTHER PEOPLE. - OTHER PEOPLE.
- IT'S JUST AN EXAMPLE OF THINGS OTHER PEOPLE--
- THAT'S THAT BOX "OTHER" AGAIN, COMES IN THERE.
- I WASN'T REALLY EXPECTING THE PRIEST
TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.
THIS GUY'S GOING ON THE ROAD WITH HIS ACT.
- AND THEN...
- YOU GONNA DO SOME STAND-UP COMEDY AT THE CHRISTENING?
- NO, NO. VERY SERIOUS NOW.
COME UP HERE.
SO THAT'S ACTUALLY THE BAPTISMAL...
POUR THE WATER AND SAY,
"BRYN CASEY, I BAPTIZE YOU IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER
AND OF THE SON, OF THE HOLY SPIRIT."
BETHENNY, THIS WOULD BE THE TIME TO PUT ON THE WHITE DRESS.
- IT'S SYMBOLIC.
NOW SHE'S WEARING WHITE BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN BAPTIZED.
- YOU GOT IT. SO BECAUSE I SAY THE WORDS...
YEAH, YOU'RE SMART. - NEVER SAW IT THAT WAY.
- THROUGH THE POURING OF THE WATER
AND THE SAYING OF THE WORDS,
SOMETHING MARVELOUS TAKES PLACE IN BRYN'S LIFE.
- LIFE IS GOOD.
THANK YOU. - THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- OKAY, YOU'RE MOST WELCOME.
- THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED--
BETHENNY TO BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS,
AND I THINK SHE KIND OF IS.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL. IT'S NICE.
AND THIS PLACE DIDN'T GO UP IN FLAMES
WHEN I WALKED IN HERE EITHER, SO THAT'S A REALLY GOOD SIGN.
- WELL, THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T PUT HOLY WATER ON YOU.
I DIDN'T WANT... - TO SINGE.
- TO BURN OFF.
- COMING UP...
HEY, HEY, HEY, COOK, COOK, COOK.
OH, NO!
- SHE'S TRYING TO GET HER COSTUME OFF OF HER.
- PSYCHO PANDA.
- SERIOUSLY?
OH, MY GOSH.
THAT'S THE BIGGEST HONOR EVER.
- WE'RE THINKING ABOUT MAKING TACOS TONIGHT.
ARE YOU IN?
DO YOU LIKE HARD OR SOFT TACOS?
HARD TACOS.
- WHY ARE YOU AS INAPPROPRIATE AS MY WIFE?
I MEAN, WE COULDN'T HAVE PICKED A BETTER BABY NURSE.
[gasps, screams]
JESUS CHRIST, MAN.
- WHAT HAPPENED? - [bleep]!
THAT'S A SPIDER, MAN!
- WHERE?
- AAH!
[laughter]
- TOUCH IT. IT'S FAKE.
- YOU KNOW, THE THING LOOKS SO REAL.
- YOU'RE A GOOD SPORT.
- BUMBLE BEE.
YES.
- HI, BRYN. - BUMBLE BEE.
- ROLL OVER.
[Bryn coos]
I LOVE YOU.
- SHE LOVES YOU. SHE LOVES YOU.
SO I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE CHRISTENING.
- OKAY.
- WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT SHE'S WEARING.
LIKE, A WHITE DRESS, RIGHT?
- OH, YEAH, WE HAVE THOSE FEW THAT ARE IN THERE.
- AT HER FIRST CHRISTENING, WE ALREADY WORE A WHITE DRESS,
SO WE NEED TO THINK OF ANOTHER WHITE DRESS.
WELL, WE ALREADY HAD THE DRY-RUN CHRISTENING AT GINA'S CHURCH,
SO NOW WE'RE READY FOR THE REAL CHRISTENING--
GLASS HALF FULL.
- WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WHERE WE'RE GONNA EAT,
LIKE, WHERE WE'RE GONNA GO AFTER.
I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE FANCY.
- OH, YEAH. THERE'LL ONLY BE A FEW PEOPLE, THOUGH,
SO THAT SHOULD BE KIND OF EASY TO FIGURE OUT A PLACE.
- AND WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT GODPARENTS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?
- TO ME, IT JUST MEANS SOMEONE WHO JUST WANTS--
JUST WANTS TO BE PART OF THEIR LIFE
OR JUST, LIKE, IS THERE FOR THEM TO, YOU KNOW, TALK TO OR--
AND, LIKE, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY, YOU KNOW, SIBLINGS,
SO IT WOULD BE SOMEONE-- - AND JASON DOESN'T EITHER.
I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT. NEITHER OF US HAVE SIBLINGS.
- SO IT WOULD JUST BE SOMEONE WHO CAN BE, LIKE, AN AUNT TO HER
OR AN UNCLE, YOU KNOW?
LIKE AN AUNT OR AN UNCLE,
WHO WOULD JUST BE, YOU KNOW, WANT TO TAKE CARE OF HER
ALL THE TIME AND WHENEVER, YOU KNOW--
WHENEVER MOMMY AND DADDY AREN'T AROUND.
- SO I WANT YOU TO BE HER GODMOTHER.
- OH, MY-- SERIOUSLY?
THAT'S, LIKE, THE NICEST THING EVER.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- YOU LOVE HER. YOU ARE SO GOOD TO HER.
YOU'RE WITH HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE
BESIDES ME AND JASON.
YOU KNEW ABOUT HER BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE,
WHEN I WAS PREGNANT.
- OH, MY GOD.
SERIOUSLY? - YEAH, AND SHE LOVES YOU.
- THAT'S SO SWEET.
THAT'S--OH, MY GOSH.
THAT'S THE BIGGEST HONOR EVER.
I WAS SO HUMBLED AND SO TOUCHED,
AND IT REALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS FAMILY
AND THAT THAT'S HOW THEY LOOK AT ME.
- UNTIL I THOUGHT OF YOU,
I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYBODY WHO MADE SENSE--SERIOUSLY.
AND YOU'RE ALSO CATHOLIC,
WHICH I'M SURE JASON WOULD LOVE, YOU KNOW?
- I'M SO EXCITED.
- AND SHE LOOKS MORE LIKE YOU
THAN SHE DOES LIKE ME.
- [laughing] STOP. - SHE DOES.
SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU.
- AND WE CAN HEL--
I CAN HELP YOU GET DRESSED FOR YOUR CHRISTENING.
- YES! - YEAH?
- WE COULD PICK OUT A DRESS.
- YOU'RE THE BEST LITTLE GIRL EVER.
- OH, MY GOD. - BEST LITTLE GIRL EVER.
[Bryn crying]
- WHY IS OUR LITTLE PANDA CRYING?
- ALL RIGHT. I KNOW.
MAMA PANDA IS HERE. - NICE.
- COME ON, BABY BEAR. I HAVE NO PERIPHERAL VISION.
- I GOT HER. I GOT HER. I GOT HER.
- I GOT HER. SHE'S OUT.
SO I'M USED TO THE SINGLE HALLOWEEN
OF GOING OUT AND GETTING BOMBED UNTIL 4:00 IN THE MORNING,
SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW THE LAY OF THE LAND
FOR THE FAMILY HALLOWEEN.
SO WE'RE GOING TO GO TO CORI AND SANDY'S
AND DO A "SUBURBIAN" HALLOWEEN.
HELLO?
[laughter]
- I THOUGHT WE HAD SOME MORE TRICK-OR-TREATERS.
LOOK AT YOU GUYS!
- I'M--I'M FROM NEW JERSEY. - YEAH, WE SEE THAT.
- HI, GIRLS.
HEY, HEY, HEY, COOK, COOK, COOK.
OH, NO!
- SHE'S TRYING TO GET HER COSTUME OFF OF HER.
- PSYCHO PANDA.
- WE'RE NOT HERE THREE MINUTES,
AND COOKIE'S CAUSING PROBLEMS ALREADY.
- COOKIE DOESN'T GIVE A CRAP WHOSE HOUSE SHE'S AT.
NO MATTER WHERE WE TAKE HER,
SHE IS THE BIGGEST *** IN THE ROOM.
SHE WALKED INTO CORI AND SANDY'S HOUSE
AND IMMEDIATELY RIPPED THE COSTUME OFF OF THEIR DOG.
LIKE, "THAT *** ISN'T WEARING A BETTER COSTUME THAN ME.
I AM THE BELLE OF THE BALL."
- ARE YOU GONNA MOVE TO THE SUBURBS?
- I DON'T THINK SO. IF ANYTHING, WE'LL MOVE TO L.A.
- WHAT? REALLY?
YOU'RE GONNA GO WEST COAST ON US?
- THIS IS NICE. - YEAH.
- SEE, THIS IS WHAT WE DON'T GET IN THE CITY.
- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S WHAT GOT ME OUT HERE.
IT'S GOT ITS PLUSES AND ITS MINUSES.
- WHEN YOU HAD KIDS, YOU CAME OUT HERE, RIGHT?
IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED? - AFTER THE SECOND ONE, YEAH.
- HOW ABOUT WE JUST TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF YOUR LOT
AND BUILD A HOUSE?
YOU GOT ENOUGH SPACE.
- YOU CAN'T MOVE TO L.A.
IT'S FREAKING ME OUT.
I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT.
- OH, THAT'S SO-- IT'S NOT 100%.
IT'S JUST A CONVERSA-- OOH, LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR HOT--
I LOVE IT. - OH, I LIKE THE HOT PINK.
- JASON, I LOVE HOW YOU PRETEND YOU'D EVER LIVE IN THE SUBURBS.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
THAT YOU WOULD NEVER WANT TO LIVE IN THE SUBURBS.
YOU LOVE THE CITY.
- I LOVE THE CITY, BUT WE NEED SPACE.
- AND YOU CAN BE ANONYMOUS IN THE CITY TOO.
OUT HERE YOU CAN'T BE. IT'S LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.
- NO WAY. THEN, BY THE WAY...
- NO, THEN WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
EVERYBODY'S IN YOUR BUSINESS, RIGHT?
- I DON'T WANT ANYONE UP IN MY BEESWAX.
- TRICK OR TREAT. SMELL MY FEET.
- HI. EVERYBODY LOOKS SO GREAT.
- EVERYBODY LOOKS GREAT.
YOU HAVING FUN?
- YEAH, EVERYONE LOVES A PANDA ***
IN THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD.
- THOSE BOOTS ARE NOT MADE FOR WALKING.
- NO, THEY'RE MADE FOR DOING OTHER THINGS.
- OH.
- OH, HERE WE GO.
- SO CORI'S 15-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER, BROOKE,
SEES A CUTE BOY,
AND JASON AND I IMMEDIATELY FAST FORWARD
TO BRYN AT 15, AND THE WHEELS ARE SPINNING,
AND I'M JUST PICTURING IT,
AND WE ARE SHOVING HER IN A CONVENT...
YESTERDAY.
[laughter]
- WE HAVEN'T SEEN HER LAUGH LIKE THAT ALL DAY.
- RIGHT. EXACTLY.
- YEAH, EXACTLY.
YES, HER ADRENALINE STARTS FLOWING
WHEN THE "X" CHROMOSOMES SHOW UP.
- BETHENNY, BRYN'S NEVER GETTING ANYTHING OVER ON YOU, HUH?
- NEVER.
- DON'T BE SURPRISED. THESE KIDS ARE PRETTY SLICK.
- HAPPY HALLOWEEN. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.
- HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
[laughter]
- FOR ME AND MY BACKGROUND
AND WHERE I GREW UP AND MY FAMILY,
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT FOR ME TO HAVE BRYN BAPTIZED.
- HELLO, FATHER.
NO, I'M THE GRANDMOTHER.
- THE GRANDMO--OH, MY, YOU'RE SO YOUNG TO BE A GRANDMOTHER.
- FATHER, I LIKE YOU. - SURE.
[both laugh]
- OPIE AND I GO A LONG WAY BACK,
AND HE'S SUCH A GOOD PERSON.
HE'S A GREAT FATHER.
AND IT'S JUST AN EXAMPLE THAT I WANT TO BE AROUND BRYN.
- YOU LOOK SO NICE.
SO GINA'S HERE TO SEE BRYN GET BAPTIZED,
WHICH IS SO NICE.
WE'VE ALL COME FULL CIRCLE ON THE BAPTISM TOUR.
- WELCOME, BRITTANY AND JASON, JOHN, AND JULIE.
SO I BEGIN BY ASKING WHAT NAME, BRITTANY AND JASON,
HAVE YOU GIVEN TO YOUR BABY?
- I'M BETHENNY. - I'M SORRY.
- IT'S OKAY. UM, HER NAME IS BRYN.
- SO, UM, BRITTANY AND JASON,
YOU HAVE ASKED TO HAVE YOUR CHILD BAPTIZED,
AND GODPARENTS, JOHN AND JUDY,
ARE YOU READY TO HELP THE PARENTS?
- YES. - YES.
- THE PRIEST IS CALLING ME BRITTANY.
I THINK I JUST HEARD HIM CALL JULIE "JUDY."
I HOPE HE KNOWS WHO HE'S BAPTIZING.
- AS I EXPLAINED TO BRITTANY AND JASON...
I SAID BRITTANY AGAIN. BETH--BETHENNY.
AND THE PURPOSE OF THE OIL
IS TO STRENGTHEN THE PERSON.
WE ANOINT YOU WITH THE OIL OF SALVATION.
THE OIL OF SALVATION IN THE NAME OF CHRIST OUR SAVIOR.
BRYN CASEY, I BAPTIZE YOU
IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER...
- IT'S OKAY, MOO MOO. IT'S JUST A BATH.
- AND OF THE SON... - JUST A LITTLE BATH.
- AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.
- SHE'S SO DAMN CUTE.
OH, I DON'T THINK WE CAN SAY "DAMN" IN THE CHURCH.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE SO CUTE.
OKAY. LET ME JUST FLUFF YOU OUT.
- DA DA DA-DA. - HERE YOU COME.
- YAY. - YAY.
- YAY.
- THIS WHITE GARMENT THAT YOU'RE NOW WEARING,
THE OUTWARD SIGN OF YOUR CHRISTIAN DIGNITY.
BRITTANY AND JASON...
- YOU'LL GET IT. YOU'LL GET IT AT SOME POINT.
IF YOU BAPTIZE ME, THEN YOU'LL GET THE NAME.
- SHE'S NOW CALLED A CHILD OF GOD.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
- THANK YOU, FATHER. - THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- THAT'S IT. - YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS.
- JASON AND HIS PARENTS ARE SO HAPPY,
AND IN THIS CASE, THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
NAMASTE...
AMEN, L'CHAIM,
HALLELUJAH.
COMING UP...
- BRYN, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING.
- FIX HER DRESS. - LEAVE HER GO.
- NO, WE HAVE TO-- - LEAVE HER ALONE.
SHE'S SLEEPING.
- SHH. - THANK YOU, BETHENNY.
- LOOK AT YOU, MISS HOTSY-TOTSY.
YOU ARE OUT LOOKING FOR A MAN,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE GONNA FIND ONE.
YOU ARE GONNA FIND ONE LIKE THAT.
- LOOK AT HER EYE SHADOW. - SHE'S BAD.
- SHE CAME TO PLAY. - SHE'S OUT.
- BRYN, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING.
THIS IS YOUR PARTY, KID.
- FIX HER DRESS. - LEAVE HER GO.
- NO, WE HAVE TO FIX IT.
- LEAVE HER ALONE. SHE'S SLEEPING.
- SHH. - THANK YOU, BETHENNY.
- SHH.
IT'S VERY SUBTLE.
OKAY, HI. EVERYONE WIND DOWN.
WIND DOWN. - THIS IS WHAT'S AMAZING.
SHE'LL SAY, "NOW I'M GONNA BE QUIET,
"'CAUSE I WANT HER TO SLEEP.
"NOW, GO AHEAD. YOU SLEEP, BRYN.
NOW. GO AHE--"
[laughter]
- SHH.
- SO DID YOU THINK THE CHURCH WAS PRETTY?
- I THOUGHT THE SERVICE WAS FABULOUS,
EXCEPT FOR SCREWING UP YOUR NAME.
- HE WASN'T DRUNK, WAS HE? - FOUR TIMES HE SAID "BRITTANY."
- IS HE A REAL PRIEST? - I THINK SO.
- YOU FOUND HIM. THAT WAS NOT A HALLOWEEN COSTUME, WAS IT?
- LISTEN, WHEN HE TOLD ME, "YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE THE GRANDMOM..."
- THAT WAS IT.
- YOU DIDN'T CARE IF HE WAS JEWISH.
- THAT'S RIGHT. SHE MADE IT. THAT MADE HER DAY.
- THAT WAS IT.
- I THINK THAT CHURCH WAS VERY MELLOW TOO.
IT WASN'T, LIKE, ORGANS GOING AND, LIKE...
- I AGREE. - YOU KNOW, I WAS, LIKE--
I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE VERY DRAMATIC.
- NO, I AGREE. - I REALLY DID.
I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS GONNA GET WHACKED.
THERE WAS GONNA BE A LOT OF CRYING.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT THAT BETHENNY DID THIS FOR ME,
AND THAT SHOWS ME HOW MUCH SHE PUTS ME AND BRYN FIRST.
THIS IS TO BRYN'S CHRISTENING,
AND WE COULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN TWO BETTER GODPARENTS.
- ABSOLUTELY. - SO WE LOVE YOU GUYS.
THANK YOU. CHEERS.
- I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A CHRISTENING
WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, BUT I HAVE TO BE HONEST,
IT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE.
- WE THANK YOU. WE THANK YOU.
- IT WAS VERY SWEET AND VERY SPECIAL.
- WHEN SHE GOT THAT DRESS ON AND MADE THAT ENTRANCE,
IT WAS HER DAY. - HER DAY.
- SMILEY FACE.
- NEXT ON BETHENNY EVER AFTER...
DO PEOPLE DO PARTIES ON THEIR 40TH BIRTHDAY?
- I-I THINK YOU SHOULD DO IT. I MEAN, IT'S A MILESTONE.
- I REACHED 40--I MEAN, IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO DO.
DANCING WITH THE STARS--
THEY'RE DOING A SPIN-OFF,
AND IT WILL BE SKATING WITH THE STARS.
- SKATING WITH THE STARS?
- YOU ALL RIGHT? - YEP.
- YOU OKAY?
- OH, TO CRAZY.
- I LIKE IT. I LOVE CRAZY. I MARRIED CRAZY.
- YOU THINK I'M REALLY CRAZY? - YES.
- WELCOME ABOARD. - TO CRAZY.
- IT'S MY 40TH BIRTHDAY PARTY.
- OH, MY GOD, HERE WE GO AGAIN--
"MY, MY, MY, MY."
- IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, JASON.
- IT IS LIKE THAT. YOU JUST CAN'T SEE IT.
- TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BETHENNY EVER AFTER,
GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.