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(John H.) IT'S THAT TIME, AMERICA!
WHAT GOES UP MUST WIPEOUT.
THIS IS FOR YOU, MOM AND DAD, WHO DON'T THINK I CAN DO
ANYTHING BUT SIT AROUND AND LOOK PRETTY. WHOO!
UHH!
AS 24 COMPETITORS FALL HEADLONG...
INTO A BATTLE FOR $50,000
ON THE WORLD'S LARGEST AND MOST EXTRAORDINARY OBSTACLE COURSE.
WE'LL SEE MAGNIFICENT FALLS,
(clank)
AAH!
(yelps)
TO THE MOST CHALLENGING OBSTACLE COURSE OF ALL--
AAH! WHOA!
(yelps)
ONE WILL BECOME A CHAMPION, BUT ALL...
WILL WIPEOUT.
(woman) I'M GONNA HAVE MUD IN EVERY CREVICE.
HELLO, AMERICA, AND WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
I'M JOHN ANDERSON, AND ALONGSIDE ME AS ALWAYS IS JOHN HENSON.
THANK YOU, JOHN. YOU KNOW, SINCE WE'RE SUCH AN AWESOME TEAM,
I SET THE TWO OF US UP ON AN ANNOUNCING SIDE GIG.
YEAH, IT'S MY NEPHEW'S T-BALL GAME.
BUT IF WE DO A GOOD JOB, IT COULD LEAD
YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY ALREADY HAVE
YEAH, BUT THAT'S CABLE.
WELL, TODAY ON THIS NETWORK, 24 CONTESTANTS WILL
TRY AND TACKLE THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE COURSE EVER ASSEMBLED.
THE ONE LEFT STANDING AT THE END OF THE DAY WINS $50,000.
STARTING OUR QUALIFIER TODAY IS OUR HOOP RUN.
YEAH, NO FREE THROWS BUT TONS OF FOULS AT THESE HOOPS.
IF YOU DON'T FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY,
FOLLOWED BY THE BIG BALLS AND MOTIVATOR...
THE OBSTACLE OF CHAMPIONS, JOHNNY.
AND THEN ON TO OUR TRAMPOLINE SWEEPER.
TRAMPOLINES AND SWEEPERS-- TWO PUNISHING PEAS IN A POD.
AND FINALLY, THERE'S A RUN ACROSS OUR FLING SET.
IT IS THE BIGGEST BULLY ON OUR PLAYGROUND.
OF OUR 24 COMPETITORS, ONLY THE TOP 12 TIMES
WILL MOVE PAST THE QUALIFIER AND ON TO THE SECOND ROUND.
OUR FIRST CONTESTANT, MICHAEL WHITE,
IS UP AND READY TO GO.
GOOD-BYE, ***!
OKAY, I'M GUESSING THERE'S A STORY HERE.
WHOA! WHOA!
MICHAEL WHITE IS DOWN HERE WITH ME.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW $50,000 COULD BUY YOU A LOT OF THINGS.
AND WHAT WOULD IT BUY YOU?
I WANT TO SPEND THE $50,000 ON BREAST REDUCTION SURGERY.
WAIT A MINUTE. (screams)
WAIT A MINUTE.
(John H.) NO, JILL! CUT TO CAMERA TWO.
AAH! TOO SIMILAR. CUT TO CAMERA THREE.
(boing)
(John A.) WELL, MICHAEL AND HIS MAN ***
(air horn blows)
OKAY, SO THE GOAL FOR MICHAEL AND HIS MOOBS
ARE TO SWING ON THE TRAPEZE BAR AND OVER TO THE HOOP RUN.
OH! THAT DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT.
AAH!
SEE, WHEN CONTESTANTS TAKE TOO LONG,
MICHAEL NEEDS TO GET THROUGH THESE SPINNING HOOPS.
AAH!
AAH!
THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR MOOBS, JOHNNY.
FULL-FIGURED MICHAEL TROTTING TO THE SUCKER PUNCH.
LET'S SEE IF HE'S ENDOWED WITH WHAT IT TAKES TO GET ACROSS.
MOOBS GETTING MANHANDLED. LOOK AT THOSE HUGE HITS!
AAH!
THOSE GLOVES ARE HAVING THEIR WAY WITH MOOBS
AAH!
NOW IT'S MICHAEL'S TURN ON OUR BIG GUNS--THE BIG BALLS.
YEP, EVERY DAY IN THE MIRROR, MICHAEL.
(clank)
OH! AND OFF HE GOES.
(grunts) SWIMMING'S HARD.
(clank)
PRETTY BIG WIPEOUT, JOHN.
(grunts)
NOW MOOBS HAS TO MAKE THE LEAP ACROSS
ALLOW ME TO ILLUSTRATE. MOOBS NEEDS TO USE
THESE TRAMPOLINES TO GET TO THE OTHER PLATFORM
JOHN!
WHAT? IT'S HOW IT WORKS. THIS BUXOM LAD
HERE'S MOOBS MICHAEL BOUNCING ACROSS.
OHH!
OH! WHAT A WIPEOUT.
OUR CUPS AND HIS CUPS RUNNETH OVER.
MOOBS NOW FACING OUR FINAL OBSTACLE--THE FLING SET.
HE NEEDS TO GET PAST OUR GIANT SWINGS
AND THIS SQUARE, THEN LAND ON THE FINAL PLATFORM.
AND IF HE FAILS THAT,
(boing)
MOOBS LETTING IT ALL HANG OUT... AGAIN.
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET ACROSS THIS OBSTACLE.
(grunts) AAH!
OH! MOOBS IN THE MOAT.
THE FLING SET?
NO, HIS SPORTS BRA.
MOOBS COMING IN WITH A VOLUPTUOUS TIME OF 4:29
(grunts)
MAYBE OUR NEXT CONTESTANT WILL BE PERKIER THAN MOOBS.
NOT LIKELY, JOHN.
THIS IS NEW FATHER 23-YEAR-OLD WALT ARNOLD.
(whack)
OH!
OR PUT HIM TO SLEEP.
AAH!
NOW WALT'S WHINING AND FUSSING LIKE A NEWBORN.
AND HE'S HESITATING, AND THAT COMBINATION
ALL RIGHT.
(high-pitched scream)
(laughs) HE HAD A GREAT SCREAM.
DID THAT NOISE JUST COME FROM A MAN?
(laughing and snorting)
DID THAT NOISE JUST COME FROM A WOMAN?
WALT NOW UP TO OUR TRAMPOLINE SWEEPER.
(falsetto voice) HELLO, WALT!
I'M FINE. THANKS FOR ASKING.
(normal voice) TELL ME YOU'VE NEVER WANTED TO BE
WELL, THAT AND A FIREMAN.
WHAT IS WITH THAT SCREAM? IS HE AFRAID,
(high-pitched scream)
WELL, FROM SCREAMS LIKE A GIRL TO AN ACTUAL GIRL,
ALL RIGHT, JOHNS. DANIELLE JONES IS DOWN HERE WITH ME.
BOSTON.
(imitates Boston accent) BOSTON! DO YOU PARK THE CAR IN THE YARD?
(normal voice) YEAH! SAY-- SAY SOMETHING LIKE, UM,
"RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY IN THE PLAIN."
WELL, I CAN SAY THAT. THERE'S NO "AHS."
AH. IN THE CAR.
LOVE IT. LOVE IT!
(John A.) WOW, JILL. I'VE NEVER HEARD SOMEBODY SO OBSESSED
(John H., Boston accent) BOSTON BABE AT THE SWEEPERS,
SPOKE TOO SOON.
YEAH, IT'LL BE A WALK IN THE PARK.
OH!
(normal voice) OH! BOSTON CREAMED!
(Boston accent) GUYS, THIS IS WICKED HOT.
YOU KNOW, I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE YOU AND JILL
HAD SUCH AN AFFINITY FOR BOSTON. MM!
(yelps)
(normal voice) THE BEANTOWNER GETS BEANED.
(yelps)
THE FLING SET GOES RIGHT THROUGH HER LEGS.
(normal voice) HEY, WHO'S THAT LOITERING AT THE BIG BALLS?
I NEED A MOTIVATOR.
YOU--YOU WANT A MOTIVATOR? WELL... OKAY.
(clank)
OH! (laughs) ASK AND YE SHALL WIPE OUT.
WELL, YOU'RE NOT ALONE, ALEX.
A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SURPRISED
THOSE BALLS ARE BIG.
(yelps)
RED BALLS... (grunts)
OH, SEE? AND HE THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA LET HIM
I HAVE TO BE HONEST-- THAT LEFT ME SPEECHLESS.
(yelps, screams)
AH! WE WILL MOTIVATE.
(screams)
(screams)
WHOA! IS THAT AN OLD-TIMEY STRONGMAN?
EXCELLENT QUESTION, JOHNNY. LET'S GO DOWN TO JILL
ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, JESSE PHILLIPS
IS DOWN HERE WITH ME.
THANK YOU, JILL.
(John H.) YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A MUSTACHE LIKE THAT,
HOW DO YOU GET IT LIKE THAT?
WHAT?
(John A.) YOU THINK OUR OLD-TIMEY STRONGMAN
YOU MEAN MY NANA? HURRY, HURRY, HURRY.
AAH!
OH! TO THE WETTEST SHOW ON EARTH.
LOOKS LIKE THIS STRONGMAN HAS BEEN USING
MAYBE HE CAN WORK OFF SOME OF THOSE CALORIES RIGHT HERE.
OH!
(grunts)
I SEE YOU'RE INSPIRED, HUH? PUMPING IRON?
NO. NO, NO, NO. IRON'S BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.
THIS IS ALUMINUM FOIL. IT'S RECYCLABLE,
PLUS IT KEEPS MY DELI MEAT FRESH.
RIGHT NOW I'M PRESSING A TON OF CORNED BEEF.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE A TON MORE WIPEOUTS RIGHT AFTER THIS.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT"...
WHERE IN THE SHOWDOWN BETWEEN MAN VERSUS MACHINE,
THE SCORE IS MACHINE 212,346,
MAN 0.
WOW. WHEN ARE THEY GONNA INVOKE THE MERCY RULE?
DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE GETTING SKUNKED.
WELL, MAYBE OUR NEXT CONTESTANT
GIRL POWER!
GIRL POWER!
GIRL POWER!
WELL, LET'S GO TO THE TAPE AND SEE WHAT JILL FOUND OUT.
JACQUELYNN ESCALANTE IS READY TO TAKE OUR COURSE ON.
DO YOU WORK OUT A LOT? I MEAN, YOU LOOK PRETTY FIT.
YOU DON'T AT ALL?
I HAVE A LOT OF STUFF HIDING INSIDE.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT HIDING INSIDE THERE, JACQUELYNN?
(John H.) JILL, I THINK SHE'S GOT HER GIRL POWER
(air horn blows)
I LOOKED IT UP, JOHN. GIRL POWER IS MADE UP LOLLIPOPS,
RAINBOWS, MOONBEAMS, GROUND-UP UNICORN...
OH! AND A NEED FOR PUBLIC HUMILIATION.
OHH. GUYS, WE SHOULD TALK TO SOMEBODY
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, JILL?
I SPENT ALL DAY FIXING THEM. I PUT THE TRAPEZE HERE
(screams)
MAN, YOU REALLY THOUGHT THIS THING THROUGH, JOHN.
GIRL POWER TILL THE END!
YOU HEAR THAT, JOHN? SHE ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP
AAH!
OOH. OR HERE IS GOOD, TOO.
YOU COULDN'T GET THROUGH THE HOOPS.
GIRL POWER!
OH!
OF THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS,
(screams)
(whimpering)
BUT YOU GET UP AGAIN, AND YOU NEVER LET IT KEEP YOU DOWN.
I THINK IT WAS OPRAH WHO SAID THAT, OR CHUMBAWAMBA--
GIRL POWER! GIRL POWER!
GIRL POWER!
BALL POWER! OH!
OHH! AND BALL POWER FOR THE WIN.
GIRL POWER!
GIRL POWER!
MAYBE A FACIAL AND A MANI-PEDI
GIRL POWER!
WHAT EXACTLY IS GIRL POWER?
I THINK IT'S LIKE HORSEPOWER, EXCEPT WITHOUT THE HORSES...
OH!
OH! OR THE POWER.
IF JACQUELYNN CAN'T STAY OUT OF THE WATER,
SHE'S GONNA HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME BURNING HER BRA LATER.
OH, YEAH.
OVER AT THE SUCKER PUNCH NOW WE HAVE WILLIAM STEGLAU,
HIM? REALLY?
HE SMELLS LIKE NEW RUBLES TO ME.
OH! COSSACKED.
AAH!
THEY TOLD ME THEY WERE BIG, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE BIG!
WHOA!
OH! I GUESS NOT. HE GETS KNOCKED ON HIS RULING CLASS, JOHNNY,
REALLY? RUSSIAN REVOLUTION PUNS?
WHAT, TOO SOON?
YEAH, THAT'S--THAT'S TOO BAD. JILL'S WITH OUR NEXT CONTESTANT.
ALL RIGHT, CARRIE KIKER IS DOWN HERE WITH ME.
UH, I WORK IN THE COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT
(gasps) I'M GLAD, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO CALL YOU. I'LL SEND YOU MY LUGGAGE,
BECAUSE IT'S BEEN GONE FOR, LIKE, TWO DAYS NOW. SO..
IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS AT THE AIRPORT,
(John H.) I HAVE A COMPLAINT.
HOW COME THEY NEVER LET ME RIDE THE BAGGAGE CAROUSEL?
(John A.) UH, JILL, SHE'S NOT THERE.
(phone hangs up)
WAIT, SO DO YOU CALL HER TO LODGE A COMPLAINT OR HEAR ONE?
GOOD NEWS FOR CARRIE.
I'M THE HEAD OF "WIPEOUT'S" COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT.
DULY NOTED, CARRIE.
LET ME ADD SOME MORE OF THAT "TRACTION FOAM" FOR YOU.
THAT SHOULD HELP YOU GET ACROSS OUR TRAMPOLINE SWEEPER.
OHH!
(filtered voice) THE WHITE FOAM IS FOR LOADING
I'M TIRED. WHEW.
WHEW.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOST COMMON COMPLAINT
NO, WHAT?
THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
PLEASE PARDON CARRIE'S APPEARANCE WHILE SHE WIPES OUT
OH, MY! I'M TIRED.
COMPLAINTS CARRIE MOANING AND GROANING HER WAY
TO A GREAT TIME--4:29.
TRYING TO BEAT THAT TIME IS DAVID HUTCHISON.
DUDE IS COVERED IN TATTOOS AND SOON TO BE COVERED IN FOAM.
THE FOAM?
SO, DAVID, TELL ME A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT THESE TATTOOS.
ACTUALLY, THE FIRST TATTOO I EVER GOT WAS WHEN I WAS 17,
I GOT A *** STAMP ON MY BACK.
(gasps) YOU DO? NO!
DAVID!
(John A.) WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO REMOVE TATTOOS THESE DAYS.
(John H.) WHY? LOTS OF MANLY MEN HAVE LOWER BACK TATTOOS...
AND HOT PINK SHORTS. OH, BOY.
DAVID AND HIS GIRLY TATS ***-SHAKING
WHOO!
MOCK IF YOU MUST, JOHNNY, BUT HE IS ROCKING
THE TRAMPOLINE SWEEPER. ONTO THAT FINAL ***.
WHOO!
YES!
WHOO! WHOO!
GO, DAVID! WAY TO GO!
WELL, THERE'S NO WAY HE'S GONNA CROSS OUR IMPOSSIBLE FLING SET.
IF HE DOES, I'LL TATTOO HIS FACE ON MY LOWER BACK.
WHOO!
THANK GOD. I WAS NOT EXCITED ABOUT DAVID'S FACE...
COVERING UP MY JONAS BROTHERS INK.
BUT I AM EXCITED ABOUT THE FLING SET, JOHNNY.
(shrieks)
OHH! RED ROVER, RED ROVER. FLIPPED THAT GUY RIGHT OVER.
MM. OOH! STICKS AND STONES.
OHH!
OHH! TAG, YOU'RE IT. AFTER A HIT LIKE THAT,
THE FLING SET WILL DEFINITELY BE SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.
OH, CRAP.
COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.
BREE BAILEY IS DOWN HERE WITH ME.
BREE, TELL US ABOUT ONE OF YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS.
OKAY. FOR ONE OF MY GYMNASTICS MEETS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,
I USED TO SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH THE ANTHEM,
WELL, HOW ABOUT REDEEMING YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?
HOW ABOUT SINGING THAT NATIONAL ANTHEM FOR ME?
♪ OH, SAY CAN YOU SEE ♪
(John H. humming)
(feedback whines)
WHAT? DID SHE FORGET THE WORDS AGAIN?
(bird caws)
LET'S SEE HOW SHE'S DOING ON THE COURSE.
(John A.) LET'S SEE IF BREE CAN GIVE AN ALL-AMERICAN EFFORT
AAH! WHOO!
OHH! PLYMOUTH ROCKED.
OUR MOTIVATOR, JOHNNY, HAS BEEN ON FIRE ALL DAY LONG.
YEAH, IT'S GONNA TAKE HER FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS
(bleep)
DON'T WORRY, I CENSORED IT.
CONTINUING HER WESTWARD EXPANSION
(grunts, screams)
OHH! SHE SOARS LIKE THE "SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS."
(screams)
WHATEVER AMELIA EARHART'S PLANE WAS CALLED.
(chuckles) OH, WE'RE READY.
ALL-AMERICAN GIRL RUNNING FULL-OUT.
OHH! AMERICA FERRERA, THAT WAS UGLY.
YOU KNOW, JOHN, OUTSIDE OF THE TV CAMERAS
AAH!
ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE BAILEY COMING IN
WITH A SWEETHEART OF A TIME.
(bleep) SORRY, ABC.
APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
BREE'S MOVING ON ALONG WITH MICHAEL "MOOBS" WHITE,
(John H., falsetto voice) WICKED ***!
HE'LL BE JOINED
BY WILLIAM STEGLAU, OUR RUSSIAN ARISTOCRAT,
COMPLAINTS CARRIE KIKER AND GIRLY TATS DAVID HUTCHISON.
STICK AROUND, AMERICA.
OUR CONTESTANTS GOING INTO OVERDRIVE WHEN WE RETURN.
♪♪♪
WE ARE BACK ON "WIPEOUT"
AND DOWN TO 12 CONTESTANTS IN THE CHASE FOR $50,000.
AND AMONG THOSE 12 ARE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE BAILEY,
BOSTON BABE DANIELLE JONES
AND JESSE PHILLIPS, THE STRONGMAN.
JOINING THEM--JACQUELYNN "GIRL POWER" ESCALANTE,
COMPLAINTS CARRIE KIKER AND GIRLY TATS DAVID HUTCHISON.
IF WE ONLY HAD AN EVIL WAY
TO CUT THOSE 12 DOWN TO 6...
SOMETHING SO IMPOSSIBLE
ONLY HALF OF THE FIELD WILL COMPLETE IT...
A STUNT SO TERRIFYING
THAT PEOPLE WEEP AT THE MERE SIGHT OF IT!
OH, SWEET. LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
IT'S CALLED OVERDRIVE, AND IT WORKS SOMETHING LIKE THIS--
CONTESTANTS WILL START OUT ON THIS 10-FOOT-HIGH PLATFORM.
THEN THEY MUST ENTER THE OVERDRIVE
ON THIS GREEN SPOT, EXIT OFF THE RED SPOT,
CROSSING ONE OF OUR THREE OBSTACLES TO THE FINISH.
THEY'LL HAVE TO AVOID OUR NASTY YELLOW WINDSHIELD WIPERS,
AAH! UHH!
THEY HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING, START AGAIN.
THE FIRST SIX CONTESTANTS TO MAKE IT TO THE FINISH PLATFORM
ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND.
YEAH, THAT'S NOT TRUE. HE JUST MADE THAT UP.
OUR CONTESTANTS IN POSITION, SO LET'S GET DOWN TO THE ACTION.
WELL, THEY ALL LOOK THRILLED TO BE HERE.
NO, IT DON'T LOOK FUN.
I THINK OUR BOSTON BABE JUST CALLED OUR OBSTACLE TEAM
(air horn blows)
THERE'S THE HORN, AND OUR OVERDRIVE IS OFF...
GO!
THANK YOU. COMPLAINTS CARRIE SUCKS IT UP AND GOES FIRST.
MM!
OH, THE STEERING WHEEL HANDS HER A REFUND.
SORRY, COMPLAINTS CARRIE, THE SWEEPER BAR IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
(grunts)
OH! OVERDRIVE MAKING STRONGMAN INTO A CONTORTIONIST.
WHY?!
OUR WATER CANNON IS SHORTING OUT GIRL POWER.
OOH!
OH! COMPLAINTS CARRIE-- AN AMAZING FLIPPING WIPEOUT.
WE'RE GONNA BE OUT HERE FOREVER, YOU GUYS. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
NOT SO FAST. HERE COMES GIRLY TATS,
NOW HE HAS TO GET OVER TO THAT RED CIRCLE
(grunts)
OH! BACK ON HIS FEET AGAIN-- OH, AND THE SWEEPER ARM
GIVES HIM A TATTOO OF THE CHINESE SYMBOL FOR "FAIL."
YOU GOTTA MOVE!
WE'RE ALL WAITING TO GO, BUT YOU'RE IN THE WAY, WILL!
COME ON! SERIOUSLY!
RUSSIAN ARISTOCRAT WON'T LET A COMMONER
MM. BOSTON BABE AND STRONGMAN BACK FOR MORE.
THE BOSTON BABE NEARLY GOES SOUTHIE.
OH! STRONGMAN SENT BACK TO THE SIDESHOW.
OHH!
OH! BUT THE SWEEPER ARM DOESN'T RESPOND WELL TO CRITICISM.
(grunts)
OH! THE SWEEPER ARM KNOCKS HER ON HER DUKAKIS.
AND HERE COMES ALL-AMERICAN GIRL...
AND AGAIN THE SWEEPER ARM SAYS, BYE, BYE, MISS AMERICAN PIE.
YEAH, SHE REALLY GETS HER CHEVY DRIVEN TO THE LEVEE,
BUT FORTUNATELY, THE LEVEE WAS NOT DRY.
MOOBS AND GIRLY TATS HANGING AT THE MIDDLE.
STRONGMAN MUSCLES HIS WAY INTO THE CENTER.
THREE GUYS RIGHT HERE.
THREE GUYS!
MOOBS MAKES A BREAK FOR THAT RED SPOT.
SEEMS LIKE THIS THING IS JUST ALMOST... TOO HARD.
NO, IT'S EASY, JILL. JUST REMEMBER--
ENTER ON GREEN, EXIT ON RED,
OR YOU CAN DO WHATEVER IT IS
OH, I'D RATHER NOT.
GIRLY TATS MAKES A RUN FOR THE RED SPOT.
(grunts)
HERE COMES STRONGMAN, RIGHT ON GIRLY TATS' GIRLY TAT.
HE LANDS ON HIS GLUTEUS MAXIMUS. HE'S BACK UP...
BUT ALL-AMERICAN GIRL SAYS "DON'T TREAD ON ME."
GIRLY TATS NOW FREE TO MAKE THAT FINISHING LEAP.
WHOO!
AND TO COMMEMORATE THIS GLORIOUS ACHIEVEMENT,
COMPLAINTS CARRIE MAKING A PLAY FOR THE UNSTABLE TABLE
(screams)
COME ON, SISSIES!
(John H.) YEAH, AND IF ANYBODY KNOWS SISSIES,
HERE COMES MOOBS.
JUMPS ON IT, OH, EMBRACES THAT BANANA.
MICHAEL LIKES OUR BANANA. HE'S HUGGING IT.
WELL, IT MIGHT BE WISE TO LET LOVE GO AND GET MOVIN' ON, JILL,
(grunts)
(all) OHH!
HE SLIPS LIKE HE STEPPED ON A BANANA PEEL,
COMPLAINTS CARRIE HEADS FOR THE RED SPOT,
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT!
FOUR SPOTS STILL TO BE HAD. STRONGMAN HEADS TO THE RED SPOT
WITH ALL-AMERICAN GIRL ON HIS TAIL.
OH, HO! SHE CUT HIM OFF ON A RACE TO THE FINISH LINE!
YEAH!
SHE'S WILLING TO CUT CORNERS
PUSH OTHERS OUT OF HER WAY TO GET AHEAD.
SHE REALLY IS ALL-AMERICAN.
AAH!
OH, HO! ROLLING BLACKOUT.
BOSTON BABE SASHAYING TOWARDS FINISH,
ON THE UNSTABLE TABLE, JUST BARELY BEATS THE TILT THERE.
SHE MAKES HER MARKY MARK ON THE OVERDRIVE
AND SHE JOINS THE FUNKY BUNCH MOVING ON.
AAH!
AND HE IS SURFING WITH THE SERFS.
THE SWEEPER ARM TRIPS UP MOOBS, BUT HE IS RIGHT BACK UP,
YEAH!
SCREW YOU, BANANA!
YEAH! WHOO!
SO IT'S REALLY TIGHT NOW, DOWN TO ONE SPOT REMAINING
AAH!
WHO'S MOVING ON? OOH, NOT HER.
STRONGMAN LOOKING TO LIFT HIMSELF ABOVE THE COMPETITION.
(grunts)
HE NEEDS TO GET OFF THERE BEFORE IT TILTS. HE'S DONE IT!
YEAH! (grunts)
WHY ME? AAH!
THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT!
(John A.) AND THE SIX CONTESTANTS ADVANCING ARE
DAVID "GIRLY TATS" HUTCHISON, COMPLAINTS CARRIE KIKER,
ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE BAILEY, BOSTON BABE DANIELLE JONES,
BUT BEFORE THEY HAVE A SHOT
AT THE 50 GRAND AND THE WIPEOUT ZONE,
ONCE MORE OBSTACLE STANDS IN THEIR WAY.
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT,"
WHERE WE ARE DOWN TO JUST SIX COMPETITORS
ALL OF WHOM ARE STILL HOPING TO PUNCH A TICKET TO OUR BIG DANCE,
THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
AND THOSE SIX ARE GIRLY TATS DAVID HUTCHISON,
COMPLAINTS CARRIE KIKER,
AND OUR ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE BAILEY.
WE HAVE ALSO HAVE DANIELLE JONES, THE BOSTON BABE,
MOOBS MICHAEL WHITE
AND JESSE "THE STRONGMAN" PHILLIPS.
UH, WHAT'S WITH THE NOISE?
AND THEY'RE STILL BUILDING IT?
YEAH, I WENT WITH THE LOWEST BID.
THEY'RE NOT REAL GOOD AT CONSTRUCTION,
WELL, LET'S GRAB A HARDHAT THEN
BECAUSE TODAY OUR FINAL SIX CONTESTANTS
WILL BE TAKING ON THE CONSTRUCTION ZONE.
THE OBSTACLE CONSISTS OF FOUR STATIONS. CONTESTANTS WILL START
WITH A SPRINT ACROSS OUR BUILDING BLOCKS,
BUT BEWARE THE HAZARDS TRYING TO KNOCK 'EM OFF THEIR FOUNDATION--
OHH!
WHOOPS!
HELLO! SHE GONNA WHISTLE AT US?
AND WE ALSO HAVE A COUPLE OF SURLY--AND ONE GIRLY--
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS TRYING TO KNOCK OUR CONTESTANTS DOWN.
THEN THEY'LL HOP ACROSS OUR HAZARD ZONE.
WE'VE PUT IN FLOORING, SO THAT MEANS THEY'LL ALSO CROSS
LASTLY, THEY HAVE TO CROSS THE BOUNCING BOLTS
YAY! WHOO-HOO!
(truck beeping)
AND THE PLAYERS WITH THE TOP FOUR TIMES
OUR FIRST CONTESTANT, THE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE,
IS AT THE STARTING PLATFORM NOW.
JOHN, WE'RE GONNA GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE.
BREE IS GONNA START OFF THIS ROUND
BY SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
(feedback whines)
OH, BOY. LOOKS LIKE SHE'S FORGOTTEN THE WORDS AGAIN.
SURE ARE, JILL...
AS THE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL TACKLES OUR FIRST LEG,
AFTER THE OVERDRIVE, ONE THING IS CLEAR--
UHH!
AND OUR CONSTRUCTION WORKER.
EASILY ACROSS TO THE HAZARD ZONE.
OH! (laughs)
AAH! AAH!
SHE DIDN'T LAND IT, JOHN, BUT HER FOOT TOUCHED THE BOARDS,
ALTHOUGH SHE DOES HAVE AN EXHAUSTING CLIMB
OH! (laughs)
OH, UNFORTUNATELY, CARPETING WON'T SOFTEN THAT LANDING.
THE GIRL WHO FORGOT THE WORDS TO "THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER"
ALL-AMERICAN GIRL UP TO THE FINAL STRETCH--
THE BOUNCING BOLTS--
AND YOU MUST COMPLETE THE ENTIRE STAGE HERE.
THERE'S NO SWIMMING AHEAD AFTER A FALL.
OOH! NASTY.
GIVES HER A CONCRETE BATH.
BREE COULD CEMENT A VERY STRONG TIME HERE.
(laughs) AH, CEMENT. I'M ON FIRE.
YES! I'M DONE!
OH! WHOO!
SETTING A STRONG OPENING TIME OF 3 MINUTES AND 11 SECONDS.
WELL, THAT'S AN ALL-AMERICAN CLICHé IF EVER I HEARD ONE.
YOU DON'T NEED A STUD FINDER ANYMORE, HONEY.
YOU'VE FOUND HIM.
ALL RIGHT, THE BOSTON BABE ALL SET FOR HER RUN.
TOP FOUR MOVE ON. BOSTON BABE TRYING TO BETTER
THE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL'S NUMBER OF 3:11.
OH! THE MANHOLE EATS HER FOR SUPPAH!
SHE'S CLEARLY FROM BOSTON BECAUSE ON THE WAY DOWN,
SHE TURNS HER BODY INTO A RED SOX LOGO.
BOSTON BABE HOPING TO REBOUND ON THE HAZARD ZONE.
OH! RIGHT THROUGH THE MANHOLE!
A QUICK WIPEOUT, BUT SHE DID ATTEMPT THE STUNT
(buzzer sounds)
BOSTON BABE ON TO OUR THIRD LEG--
WALL-TO-WALL CARPET. GRAPPLING WITH THE FORKLIFT THERE,
UHH!
AND THAT IS REALLY GONNA HELP SAVE HER SOME TIME AT 3:02.
THAT'S CEMENT.
SHE'S JUST A LEAP AWAY
OH!
HUH. THAT BOSTON ACCENT DISAPPEARS WHEN SHE'S SCREAMING.
YEAH, THAT'S GONNA BE A LONG, TIME-CONSUMING SWIM
FOR BOSTON BABE. BUT REMEMBER, THE BEST FOUR ADVANCE.
SO SHE'S VERY MUCH IN THIS THING IF SHE CAN
POST A COMPETITIVE TIME. AND WITH THE FINAL LEAP THERE,
WHOO-HOO!
THE SLOWER OF THE FIRST TWO COMPETITORS
IN BETWEEN RUNS, OUR CONSTRUCTION WORKERS
ARE MAKING SURE THE WIPEOUTS ARE UP TO CODE.
(man) OH, THANK GOODNESS! PLEASE HELP ME. NO!
BELIEVE!
THE STRONGMAN UP NEXT, HOPING TO HAVE THE STRENGTH
TO BREAK THROUGH TO OUR NEXT ROUND.
OOH, AN EARLY STUMBLE HERE
AND ALREADY A QUICK SHOWDOWN AGAINST THE FORKLIFT. AH!
OH! (laughs) THE FORKLIFT SQUAT THRUSTS THE STRONGMAN.
UHH!
SO HE'S GONNA HAVE A LONG SWIM OVER TO THE HAZARD ZONE.
OH!
UHH! AAH!
TWO QUICK WIPEOUTS PUTS THE STRONGMAN WAY OFF THE PACE
AAH!
OH! (laughs) WHAT KIND OF A STRONGMAN IS THIS GUY?!
THE SWEEPER TOSSING HIM AROUND LIKE A 90-POUND WEAKLING.
COME ON, CHUM. GET YOUR BREATH.
STRONGMAN CHOOSING TO TAKE A BREATHER
BEFORE THE BOUNCING BOLTS.
NOT SURE THAT'S WISE BECAUSE THE CLOCK IS MOVING.
YEAH, I EXPECTORATED BETTER OF HIM.
THIS IS GONNA TAKE UNTIL I'M 35 UNTIL WE'RE DONE...
WHICH IS, UM, 11 MORE YEARS.
I KNOW! IN 11 YEARS, I'LL BE, LIKE, 14.
YOU ARE A CHILD, JOHNNY.
STRONGMAN CAN'T STOP THOSE SECONDS FROM TICKING AWAY,
APPROACHING THE 7-MINUTE MARK--
WAY BEHIND BOSTON BABE AND ALL-AMERICAN GIRL.
YOU KNOW, STRENGTH DOESN'T ALWAYS GO WITH SPEED.
AND IN THIS CASE, IT DOESN'T GO WITH STRENGTH.
I'M SURPRISED
HE HAS THE STRENGTH TO LIFT THAT ANIMATED BARBELL.
JESSE'S TIME PLACES HIM THIRD OF THREE,
AND THAT PUSHES ALL-AMERICAN GIRL INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
THREE SPOTS STILL REMAIN. THREE CONTESTANTS LEFT TO GO.
COMPLAINTS CARRIE IS AT THE STARTING PLATFORM NOW.
NO SHOUTOUT FOR DAD, HUH?
YOU KNOW HE'S GONNA FILE A COMPLAINT.
UHH! AAH!
AAH! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR LOSING MY LUGGAGE.
YEAH, THE MANHOLE REROUTES CARRIE,
AND SHE IS FACING A LONG DETOUR ON THE SWIM AHEAD.
AAH!
OH! I DON'T KNOW HOW COMPLAINTS CARRIE IS AT HER JOB,
BUT I'VE GOT NO PROBLEM WITH HER WIPEOUTS.
CARRIE WIPED OUT EARLY ON THE FIRST TWO OBSTACLES,
BUT SHE RECOVERED VERY QUICKLY, WHICH HAS HELPED LIMIT
UHH!
OH! (laughs)
THE SWEEPER ARM STUFFS AN IDEA IN HER SUGGESTION BOX--
UHH!
OH, MY!
OF COURSE I SAW HER FEET.
AAH!
DESPITE ALL THAT TROUBLE, COMPLAINTS CARRIE AT 4:24.
(grunts)
IF SHE CAN FINISH AHEAD OF BOSTON BABE'S 5:28,
SHE'S GONNA WRITE THAT CONSTRUCTION WORKER
(grunts)
AND SHE'S QUICKLY ACROSS THOSE THREE BOLTS
WHOO!
COMPLAINTS CARRIE'S RUN LANDS HER IN SECOND PLACE.
AND WITH ONLY TWO LEFT TO RUN,
THAT ASSURES HER OF A SPOT ALONGSIDE THE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL
AND IT PUTS STRONGMAN ON THE BUBBLE.
WE GOT TWO LADIES IN THE ZONE.
WILL WE BE ADDING A THIRD WITH OUR NEXT CONTESTANT? JILL?
THANK YOU, JOHNS. I HAVE MICHAEL WHITE DOWN HERE WITH ME.
GONE.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA ALL 'EM?
AH! WHERE DO I FIT IN? NEVER MIND. (laughs)
(Michael) HERE WE GO, BABY! WHOO!
EASY, MOOBS. BEATING YOUR CHEST WON'T MAKE 'EM ANY SMALLER.
(John A.) THERE'S THE HORN.
MOOBS HANDLING THE BUILDING BLOCKS WITH EASE.
(panting) WHOO!
NOW A TIME FASTER THAN 5:28 LANDS MOOBS IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
OH! MOOBS IS NIPPED IN THE BUD.
JOHN, I DON'T KNOW WHY,
AAH!
MOOBS ALREADY UP, DASHING ACROSS OUR WALL-TO-WALL CARPET RUN.
OH! (laughs)
UHH! NO!
TA-TA, MOOBS.
MOOBS ONTO THE FINAL LEG, AND HE'S GOT A CUSHION
OF MORE THAN TWO MINUTES TO SECURE HIS SPOT IN THE ZONE.
UGH! WHAT IS THIS?!
FIRST, THE BANANA. NOW THE CONCRETE.
WHOA!
AND WITH A RUBENESQUE RUN OF 3 MINUTES, 20 SECONDS,
MOOBS MICHAEL SWELLS WITH PRIDE
AND HE IS HEADING TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
BUT THIS MEANS THE STRONGMAN IS OUT,
AND OUR BOSTON BABE SITS ON THE BUBBLE WITH A TIME OF 5:28.
WHO WILL MOVE ON TO THE ZONE NOW--BOSTON BABE OR GIRLY TATS?
JILL'S WITH GIRLY TATS NOW.
MIDDLE NAME'S "DANGER."
BRING THE BROOM 'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO SWEEP EVERYBODY ON THIS.
(John A.) GIRLY TATS TALKS A LOT OF TRASH.
CALLED EVERYBODY SISSIES ON THE OVERDRIVE, TOO.
YEAH, TOUGH TALK FROM A GUY WHO'S GOT THE SAME TATTOO
ON HIS BACK AS BRITNEY SPEARS.
GIRLY TATS CAN BACK UP THAT TALK IF HE FINISHES BETTER THAN 5:28.
UHH!
OH! THAT WAS QUALITY!
UNFORTUNATELY, HIS BUTTERFLY TATTOO
NOT PROVIDING ANY EXTRA HANG TIME.
UHH!
OVER THE SWEEPER ARMS, FIGHTING THROUGH THE FORKLIFT.
THAT'S AN AWESOME RUN SO FAR, JOHNNY.
WOW, GUYS! DAVID IS KILLING IT.
JILL, HE'S RIGHT AT THE 3-MINUTE MARK.
MORE THAN TWO AND A HALF MINUTES TO FINISH.
HE NEEDS TO TAKE HIS TIME HERE, DON'T WANT HIM TO BE CARELESS
HE FINISHES NOW, HE CAN TATTOO HIS NAME ON THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
OH! GIRLY TATS WAS HANDING OUT SMACK ALL DAY.
NOW IT'S THE FINISH PLATFORM'S TURN.
A LONG SWIM BACK. HE'S LOST THAT SIZEABLE LEAD.
MAYBE THE DOOR IS OPEN FOR BOSTON BABE.
GIRLY TATS--LESS THAN 20 SECONDS IF HE WANTS A SHOT AT 50 GRAND.
IF HE DOESN'T HURRY, HE IS OUT AND THE BOSTON BABE IS IN.
YEAH!
WHOO!
CONGRATS, GIRLY TATS.
YOU HAVE LEFT A PERMANENT MARK
ON THE BACK HALF OF OUR COURSE TODAY.
SO WE HAVE OUR FINAL FOUR HEADED TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
THEY ARE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE BAILEY,
MICHAEL "MOOBS" WHITE, DAVID "GIRLY TATS" HUTCHISON
AND COMPLAINTS CARRIE KIKER.
STICK AROUND, AMERICA.
(woman) AAH!
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT," AMERICA.
24 CONTESTANTS BEGAN THE DAY HOPING TO WIN 50 GRAND.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THE HEAT IS ON BECAUSE THEY'RE ABOUT TO FACE OFF AGAINST
IT STARTS WITH THE CATAPULT.
AFTER CATCHING AIR AND SPLASHING DOWN,
COMPETITORS SWIM TO OUR NEXT OBSTACLE, THE SPIN CYCLE.
THERE, THEY WILL GO FOR A RIDE IN THIS GIANT FOAMY DRUM,
TRYING TO CROSS OVER TO THE PLATFORM ON THE OTHER SIDE.
THEN IT'S ON TO THE TRIPLE THREAT--
THAT'S FOLLOWED BY THE RIB RAGE.
CONTESTANTS RUN ACROSS AS MANY RIBS AS POSSIBLE
IN AN EFFORT TO GET AS CLOSE AS THEY CAN TO THE GAUNTLET,
THE LAST LEG OF THE JOURNEY. SPIKED WHACKERS ATTACK FIRST.
THEN THEY HAVE TO RUN THROUGH ARMS AND DANGEROUS
ACROSS TO THE FINISH PLATFORM.
FOUR CONTESTANTS REMAIN. THE FASTEST TIME WINS $50,000.
UP FIRST, ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE BAILEY.
BREE GETTING READY TO CONFRONT THE ZONE.
LET'S SEE HOW SHE ARRIVED AT THIS POINT.
ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE BAILEY HAD A STAR-MANGLED DAY
ON THE QUALIFIER, PROVED SHE'D DO ANYTHING TO WIN
IN THE OVERDRIVE, AND AFTER HONORING THE AMERICAN WORK ETHIC
AT THE CONSTRUCTION ZONE, SHE IS READY FOR THE FINAL ROUND.
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT, BREE TRYING TO PSYCH HERSELF UP FOR THE LAUNCH.
(beep)
AND FLY SHE WILL. THE CATAPULT ARMED. IT'S A GO.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
ALL-AMERICAN GIRL LOOKING GREAT AFTER HER LAUNCH...
CLIMBING UP TO OUR MONSTROUS SPIN CYCLE.
THE GOAL'S SIMPLE--
GET ACROSS AND OUT TO THE OTHER PLATFORM AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.
UHH!
AND BREE OFFERING PROOF OF THAT NOW.
OH, GOD!
YES, SHE'S IN THOUSANDS OF GALLONS OF FOAM,
(grunting)
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE THE EXIT IS!
GOOD NEWS FOR BREE.
THE SPIN CYCLE GRADUALLY SLOWS DOWN THE LONGER SHE'S IN THERE.
OH! (laughs)
COME ON!
NOW MAKING A RUN ACROSS THE BOTTOM OF THE DRUM,
OH!
JOHN, SHE TRIED TO SLIDE OUT ONTO THE PLATFORM.
THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS, THE PLATFORM WASN'T THERE.
SO IT'S BACK TO THE BEGINNING NOW, AND THE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL
READY TO FACE THE SPIN CYCLE A SECOND TIME.
SHE WAS IN THERE SO LONG LAST TIME,
(grunting)
AND THAT'S GONNA BE A HUGE HELP
RIGHT TO THE EXIT.
NOT THE MOST GRACEFUL THERE, JOHNNY, BUT SHE DOES GET OUT.
FINALLY FACING OUR TRIPLE THREAT NOW.
UHH!
WHILE GETTING SPLATTERED WITH PAINT.
OH!
YEAH, SHE HAD HER EYE ON THE PLATFORM
UHH!
ALL-AMERICAN GIRL SHOWING HER TRUE COLORS ON THIS RUN.
APPROACHING THE 8:45 MARK.
IF SHE CAN PUT DOWN A GOOD OPENING TIME HERE,
SHE PUTS A LOT OF PRESSURE ON THE CONTESTANTS WHO WILL FOLLOW.
HANDLING THE TRIPLE THREAT A LOT BETTER
ON THE SECOND GO-AROUND, EYEING THAT FINISH PLATFORM.
AND AT 8:56, SHE'S FACING THE RIB RAGE.
YOU WANNA BE FAST AND LIGHT ON YOUR FEET HERE, JOHNNY.
THE RIBS ALWAYS READY TO GIVE WAY.
AAH!
YEAH, TAKE A LOOK AGAIN.
AAH!
TRIPPED ON A RIB, AND IT COST.
BREE EXHIBITING THE FIGHTING AMERICAN SPIRIT
OH! SHE GOT ROCKED!
OH!
BUT CAN'T ESCAPE THE SECOND SPIKED WHACKER.
THE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL APPROACHING 12 MINUTES NOW.
SHE'S GUARANTEED THE LEAD AFTER HER RUN.
BUT WILL THAT TIME BE 50 GRAND QUALITY?
SHE'S NOW UP TO THE ARMS AND DANGEROUS.
(smack)
OH! (laughs)
SHE CLEARLY LACKS FOCUS IN TIMING THERE.
YEAH, THE PROBLEM ON THE GAUNTLET FOR BREE
IS HER TIMING. SHE JUST CAN'T FIND THE RHYTHM.
SHE'S LEARNED THE "BE QUICK, DON'T HURRY" LESSON THE HARD WAY
ON THE SPIKED WHACKERS, TREATED RUDELY ON ARMS AND DANGEROUS
THE LAST TIME. MORE CAUTIOUS HERE.
STEP, DUCK, MOVE. REPEAT IT.
ONE ARM LEFT TO GO.
UHH!
THROUGH, AND NOW JUST HAS TO GET TO THE LANDING PLATFORM.
STEPPING ACROSS.
YES! MOTHER!
BREE SETS THE TIME TO BEAT AND HAS HER SIGHTS
(whooshes)
IS HOPING TO TAKE THAT CASH FOR HIMSELF.
MICHAEL "MOOBS" WHITE LEAD CHEST FIRST
THROUGH THE QUALIFIER THIS MORNING.
WITH AMPLE EFFORT, HE WAS ABLE TO OVERCOME OUR OVERDRIVE
WHOO!
AND NOW HE AND THE TWINS HAVE THEIR EYE ON THE PRIZE.
LOADED INTO THE CATAPULT.
WHOO!
MICHAEL PITCHING HIGH AND FAR INTO THE WATER.
WHOO!
WHOO!
MOOBS SCALING THE WALL UP TO OUR SPIN CYCLE.
ALL RIGHT, BE NICE TO ME.
DIPLOMACY MIGHT NOT BE A BAD APPROACH.
UHH!
AND IF MOOBS CAN CRACK THE CODE QUICKLY,
RIDING IT AROUND, UP TOP, OVER TO THE PLANK.
OH! (laughs)
SO HE'S GONNA HAVE TO GO AROUND AGAIN.
MICHAEL SO WORRIED ABOUT STAYING IN CONTROL
HE'S FORGETTING TO FIND THE EXIT TILL IT'S TOO LATE.
HE'S SO CONFUSED.
OKAY, MOOBS, THERE'S NO TIME TO STOP AND PLAY WITH THE FOAM.
GOOFING AROUND COULD COST HIM $50,000
(grunts)
AAH! AAH!
OH! HE CAN'T LAND IT.
AAH! AAH!
LANDED ON HIS CHEST,
AND HE MAY NOT NEED THAT REDUCTION SURGERY AFTER ALL.
SPIN CYCLE A WINNER IN ROUND ONE AGAINST MICHAEL.
BREE WATCHING AS HE CROSSES OVER THE FOUR AND A HALF MINUTE MARK.
AND INTO OUR DRUM HE GOES.
IT HAS SLOWED DOWN CONSIDERABLY,
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, SO HAS MOOBS,
WHO IS JUST FLOPPING AROUND IN THE CENTER.
OHH!
GIVE UP NOW. GIVE UP NOW.
BREE ROOTING FOR MOOBS TO QUIT, BUT HE'S STILL GOING,
GIVE UP. JUST SAY "I QUIT."
OHH!
I QUIT.
HE'S GONNA WRAP IT UP.
JOHNNY, A BIG SURPRISE.
THE SPIN CYCLE TOO MUCH FOR MOOBS. HE'S DONE.
ALL-AMERICAN GIRL BREE FEELING PRETTY GOOD
BECAUSE SHE'S CURRENTLY IN THE LEAD FOR THE $50,000.
SHE'S STILL GONNA HAVE TO LOOK OVER HER SHOULDER
AS GIRLY TATS AND COMPLAINTS CARRIE
ARE COMING UP NEXT.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK, AMERICA.
WE ARE LOCKED IN AN INTENSE BATTLE FOR 50 GRAND.
TWO CONTESTANTS LEFT
WITH A CHANCE TO TAKE DOWN OUR LEADER.
YEAH, BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELTS, KIDS.
THE ALL-AMERICAN GIRL, BREE BAILEY,
CURRENTLY SITTING FIRST.
COMPLAINTS CARRIE KIKER COMING UP. BUT RIGHT NOW,
GIRLY TATS IS READY TO TAKE ON THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
COME ON, SISSIES!
WHOO!
LIKE HIS ARMS AND BACK ARE COVERED WITH TATTOOS.
HE TALKED TOUGH ON THE OVERDRIVE,
AND OUR CONSTRUCTION ZONE ALMOST REMOVED HE AND HIS TATTOOS
FROM THE COMPETITION, BUT HE PREVAILED LATE,
WHOA! YEAH!
FLYING SQUIRREL OFF THIS. WHEW!
PSYCHING HIMSELF UP. BREE LOOKING CALM--PROBABLY ANXIOUS.
THE LAUNCH SEQUENCE IS A GO.
(beep)
AND DAVID SOARING OFF THROUGH THE ZONE.
AAH!
AND I GOTTA BE HONEST--
HE DID NOT LOOK COMFORTABLE BEING AIRBORNE.
HAPPILY BACK ON SOLID GROUND NOW,
BUT THAT FEELING WON'T LAST LONG AS HE BATTLES THE SPIN CYCLE.
JOHN, REMEMBER, THIS IS THE OBSTACLE
THAT COST BREE A WHOLE LOT OF TIME
AND KNOCKED MOOBS OUT OF THE COMPETITION COMPLETELY.
HE'S GOT THE RIGHT IDEA, TRYING TO USE THAT PLANK FOR LEVERAGE.
CAN'T GRAB HOLD THERE, SLIDING DOWN. OH, GOODNESS!
SLIDES THROUGH SIDE AND NEARLY FALLS OUT!
USING THE CENTER AGAIN,
EYEING THAT EXIT, MANAGING TO GRAB A DEEP BREATH.
SLIDING OVER TO THE SIDE, GETTING BLASTED BY THAT PAINT.
BUT HE IS OUT, JOHNNY!
YEAH, AND HE'S THE FIRST ONE TO CROSS IN ONE SHOT TONIGHT.
NOW APPROACHING THE 2-MINUTE MARK.
THIS GUY--HE LOVES THE INK. PAINT NOT AS MUCH.
IT'S ANNOYING, MAKES EVERYTHING SLICK.
SWEEPER ARM WITH A BRUSHBACK.
OH, HE'S OFF BALANCE, JOHNNY, AND DOWN HE GOES!
YEAH, THE SWEEPER ARM GRAZES HIM AND HE JUST CAN'T RECOVER.
GIRLY TATS
NOW GONNA FACE THE TRIPLE THREAT FOR A SECOND TIME.
ONTO THAT FIRST ONE, DUCKING, DARTING ONTO THE SECOND.
STILL STAYING LOW, NICE WIDE BASE.
THE SWEEPER ARM GIVING HIM A NOT-SO-SUBTLE HINT,
OVER TO THE THIRD.
GOTTA GET TO THE PLATFORM.
SAFELY ACROSS, AND NOW WITH 9 MINUTES LEFT TO CATCH BREE.
AAH!
OH! (laughs) YEAH, HE WASN'T MOVING FAST ENOUGH,
AND GRAVITY CAUGHT UP WITH HIM.
HE DIDN'T HIT THE HALFWAY MARK,
SEVEN MINUTES ON THE CLOCK.
SEVEN TO GO IF HE WANTS TO UNSEAT BREE.
OH! (laughs)
YEAH, HE GETS TATTOOED,
AND I DON'T THINK HE'S GONNA LIKE THAT ONE, EITHER.
BACK UP FOR HIS SECOND RUN ON THE GAUNTLET,
MAKES IT ACROSS.
NOW HESITATING,
LOOKING A LITTLE YELLOW AS HE TAKES ON ARMS AND DANGEROUS.
AAH!
STOPPED AND DROPPED BY THE ARMS, JOHN.
YEAH, THE ARMS AND DANGEROUS GIVING GIRLY TATS
A PAT ON THE BACKSIDE AND SENDING HIM INTO THE H2O.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLY TATS WITH HIS THIRD SHOT AT THE GAUNTLET HERE.
NOW HE IS DOWN TO JUST 90 SECONDS
IN THE CHASE FOR FIRST PLACE.
SPIKED WHACKERS NO PROBLEM THERE.
ARMS AND DANGEROUS--THIS IS ABOUT PACE AND PATIENCE.
HE'S PUTTING HIS SHOULDER DOWN.
ONE SMALL HIT COULD SEND HIM IN THE WATER.
AH, FORGET IT. TOO GOOD!
DAVID HITTING THE FINISH PLATFORM.
YEAH! FINALLY! WHOO!
AND GIRLY TATS TAKES THE LEAD JUST LIKE THAT.
BUT IT'S NOT OVER YET. UP NEXT IS CARRIE KIKER.
"COMPLAINTS" CARRIE KIKER GAVE US A LOT OF FEEDBACK
OH, MY GOD! THIS WATER'S COLD!
SHE GAVE US SPECTACULAR WIPEOUTS ON THE OVERDRIVE.
BUT THE BEST WAS YET TO COME IN THE CONSTRUCTION ZONE
WHOO!
I HOPE I DON'T FALL ON MY FACE!
CARRIE AGAINST FACE-PLANTS.
DAVID, I IMAGINE, NO PROBLEM WITH THEM.
(beep)
AAH!
OH, THE HUMANITY! TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.
IDEALLY, YOU WANNA LAND FEET FIRST.
INSTEAD, CARRIE OPTING FOR THE BACK OF THE HEAD.
JOHNNY, SHE HAS SHAKEN OFF THAT LANDING
AND IS NOW PREPPED FOR THE SPIN CYCLE.
FEET FIRST INTO THE THOUSANDS OF GALLONS OF FOAM.
AAH!
YEAH, AS WE POINTED OUT, THE PINS CYCLE WILL SLOW DOWN
RIDING IT UP TO THE TOP,
GRASPING FOR SOME SORT OF SUPPORT.
SHE'S TRYING TO FIND THE RIGHT PLACE TO BALANCE,
CLINGING TO THE CENTER.
OH! SLIDES BACKWARDS INTO THE WALL.
DAVID SEEMS TO BE ENJOYING HIMSELF ON THE SIDELINES.
CARRIE FINALLY ON HER FEET, MAKING A RUN AT THE EXIT,
(grunting)
THE ONLY PERSON THIS SUCCESSFUL ON THE SPIN CYCLE
WAS OUR CURRENT LEADER, GIRLY TATS, AND CARRIE STILL HAS
IGNORING THAT PAINT, HOLDING TIGHT TO THAT SWEEPER ARM.
A CONK ON HER HEAD. OH!
OH! ALL THAT PAINT AND FOAM KEPT HER FROM GETTING HER FOOTING...
AND IT DIDN'T TAKE MUCH FOR HER TO SLIP.
COMPLAINTS OF EXHAUSTION ARE STANDARD FARE
UHH!
AS CARRIE PREPARES TO FACE THE TRIPLE THREAT AGAIN.
SECOND GO-AROUND.
AVOIDING THE SWEEPER ARMS, MOVING FORWARD.
(grunts)
CARRIE HANGING TOUGH. SLIGHT PAUSE TO SPIN AROUND,
NOW UP TO THE RIB RAGE.
AGAIN, THE OBJECT HERE-- RUN ACROSS AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.
MM!
SHE HAD A GREAT START, BUT THE RIBS STARTED FALLING
FASTER THAN SHE COULD RUN. WELL, DESPITE THAT WIPEOUT,
COMPLAINTS CARRIE IN GREAT POSITION
APPROACHING THE GAUNTLET. NECK AND NECK WITH DAVID'S TIME.
OHH!
OH! THE SPIKED WHACKERS ABUSE CARRIE!
OBJECTION!
COMPLAINTS CARRIE FACING THE GAUNTLET A SECOND TIME.
ACROSS THE 9-MINUTE MARK AND ACROSS OUR SPIKED WHACKERS
FOR THE ARMS AND DANGEROUS-- ALWAYS TRICKY.
UNBELIEVABLE!
WHOO!
HEY, CARRIE, YOU JUST WON $50,000!
WHOO! YEAH!
(John A.) MM-HMM.
WHO IS NOW $50,010 RICHER.
I THREW IN A FEW EXTRA BUCKS
MM-HMM. YOU DO KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE, JOHNNY.
THAT IS GONNA DO IT FOR US.
PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN 24 NEW CONTESTANTS
TAKE ON EVEN CRAZIER NEW OBSTACLES
AND THRILL US WITH AWESOME WIPEOUTS.
UNTIL THEN, I'M JOHN ANDERSON...
FOR JILL WAGNER, I'M JOHN HENSON SAYING GOOD NIGHT AND BIG BALLS.
OW! AAH!
AAH!
UHH!
OH! AAH!
AAH!
WHOO!
UHH! AAH!
AAH!
OH!
AAH!
UHH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH! UHH!
(Jill screams)