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ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON
"MARRIAGE TODAY WITH JIMMY AND
KAREN"...
JIMMY: OUR SOCIETY HAS
COMPLETELY LOST THE CONTEXT OF
SEX. OK. GOD--SEX IS WONDERFUL.
LET ME SAY, I'M NOT GONNA STAND
HERE TONIGHT AND TELL YOU DON'T
HAVE SEX. I'M JUST SAYING WAIT
TILL MARRIAGE. SEX IS FABULOUS.
YAY, GOD. GOD CREATED SEX. YAY,
GOD. OK. SO, YOU WANT TO HAVE
SEX, GREAT, GET MARRIED AND HAVE
SEX.
DOES MARRIAGE STILL WORK
ANYMORE? LISTEN TO MY ANSWER.
ABSOLUTELY 100% OF THE TIME. YOU
HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN
MARRIAGE. YOU CAN MAKE IT IN
MARRIAGE. GOD MADE MARRIAGE AND
GOD NEVER MAKES ANYTHING TO
FAIL. EVERYTHING THAT GOD MAKES,
HE MAKES PERFECT, AND HE MADE
MARRIAGE PERFECT. AND YOU WERE
MADE FOR MARRIAGE. THE GOD THAT
MADE MARRIAGE MADE YOU FOR
MARRIAGE. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE
OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. AND YOU
SAY, WELL, JIMMY, HOW--WHY ARE
SO MANY PEOPLE FAILING IN
MARRIAGE? 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT
DOING IT GOD'S WAY. AND I WANT
TO--I WANT TO ASK AND ANSWER
QUESTIONS IN THIS MESSAGE THAT
ARE VERY IMPORTANT. AND
THE FIRST QUESTION IS, WHAT IS
WRONG WITH SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE?
AND I WANT TO ANSWER THIS ON
SEVERAL LEVELS. AND LET ME SAY
FIRST OF ALL, SEX IS
THE COVENANT SEAL AND SIGN OF
MARRIAGE. LISTEN TO ME JUST
A MINUTE. SEE, OUR SOCIETY HAS
COMPLETELY LOST THE CONTEXT OF
SEX. OK. GOD--SEX IS WONDERFUL.
LET ME SAY, I'M NOT GONNA STAND
HERE TONIGHT AND TELL YOU DON'T
HAVE SEX. I'M JUST SAYING WAIT
TILL MARRIAGE. SEX IS FABULOUS.
YAY, GOD. GOD CREATED SEX. YAY,
GOD. OK. SO, YOU WANT TO HAVE
SEX, GREAT, GET MARRIED AND HAVE
SEX. BUT SO, LISTEN,
IN COVENANT--
SALVATION IS A COVENANT. OUR
SALVATION TO JESUS IS
A COVENANT. AND THERE'S A SEAL
OF THAT COVENANT AND A SIGN OF
THAT COVENANT. THE SEAL IS WATER
BAPTISM. WHEN WE GET SAVED,
WATER BAPTISM IS--IT SEALS
THE DEAL. WE CONSUMMATE OUR
SALVATION BY BEING WATER
BAPTIZED. COMMUNION IS
THE COVENANT SIGN OF SALVATION
OF OUR FAITH IN CHRIST. AND
EVERY TIME WE TAKE COMMUNION,
WE'RE SAYING, "I REMEMBER."
I REMEMBER THE COMMITMENT I MADE
TO YOU AND I REMEMBER WHAT YOU
DID FOR ME. LITERALLY, THAT'S
WHAT A SIGN MEANS. I REMEMBER.
JUST LIKE THE SIGN OF THIS
WEDDING RING. I REMEMBER THAT
THERE'S A PERSON THAT BELONGS TO
ME AND I BELONG TO HER AND SHE'S
NOT WITH ME RIGHT NOW. AND SO,
IT'S A SIGN. WELL, IN MARRIAGE,
WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, ON YOUR
WEDDING NIGHT, YOU HAVE SEX, AND
THAT SEALS THE DEAL. AND THEN
EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX IN
MARRIAGE, YOU'RE SAYING, "I
REMEMBER THE COMMITMENT I MADE
TO YOU." HERE'S ANOTHER REASON
NOT TO HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.
HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE
CHANGES HOW WE FEEL ABOUT EACH
OTHER AND WEAKENS
THE RELATIONSHIP. SO SHAUNTI
FELDHAHN, WHO IS A RELATIONSHIP
EXPERT, SHE DID A POLL WITH
A LOT OF YOUNG PEOPLE WHO HAD
HAD SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. AND SHE
ASKED THEM WHAT HAPPENED AS
A RESULT OF THEM HAVING SEX
BEFORE MARRIAGE. 70% OF THE MEN
WHO HAD SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE SAID
THEY COULD NO LONGER TRUST THEIR
GIRLFRIEND. 82% OF WOMEN WHO HAD
SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE BECAME
DEEPLY INSECURE IN THEIR
RELATIONSHIP, SAYING IT CAUSED
THEM TO BECOME CLINGY AND
EMOTIONALLY NEEDY. YOU SAY,
WHY WOULD--WHY WOULD MEN, UH,
BECOME MISTRUSTFUL WITH THEIR
GIRLFRIEND AFTER THEY HAD SEX?
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE EASY WITH ME,
YOU'RE EASY. I JUST GOT
EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. I WONDER IF
YOU'RE GIVING IT TO ANYBODY
ELSE. THAT'S A LOT OF TIMES WHAT
MEN THINK. WHY DO WOMEN BECOME
INSECURE? 'CAUSE I JUST GAVE YOU
EVERYTHING I HAVE. ARE YOU STILL
GONNA LIKE ME? WHAT IF SOMEBODY
ELSE COMES ALONG? THERE'S NO
MYSTERY TO ME ANYMORE. YOU HAVE
EVERYTHING I'VE GOT. AND SO IT
CHANGES THE WAY--WHEN WE WAIT
UNTIL WE GET MARRIED, IT CREATES
TRUST IN MEN AND SECURITY IN
WOMEN THE WAY THAT GOD WANTS IT
TO. SEX--HERE'S ANOTHER REASON.
SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE PUTS US AT
HIGH RISK FOR SEXUALLY
TRANSMITTED DISEASES, MANY OF
WHICH ARE INCURABLE AND CAN
CAUSE MAJOR PROBLEMS. THERE ARE
20 MILLION SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED
DISEASES CAUGHT EVERY YEAR AND
HALF OF THEM ARE CAUGHT BY YOUR
AGE. THE PEOPLE FROM 16 TO 24
YEARS OLD ARE THE MOST
SUSCEPTIBLE TO SEXUALLY
TRANSMITTED DISEASES. THE ONLY
WAY THAT YOU CAN KNOW THAT
YOU'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED
WITHOUT A SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED
DISEASE IS WAIT TO HAVE SEX
UNTIL YOU'RE MARRIED. AND SO,
YOU CAN CATCH DISEASES. HERE'S
ANOTHER REASON TO WAIT UNTIL
YOU'RE MARRIED. AND THAT'S SEX
BONDS US ON THE DEEPEST LEVEL
WITH ANOTHER PERSON, AND WHEN
THAT BOND IS BROKEN, IT DAMAGES
US DEEPLY. NOW, IT'S CALLED SOUL
TIES. SEE, A
LOT--WHAT--HERE'S--A LOT OF
TIMES WE LOOK AT SEX LIKE THIS
WHERE I HAVE SEX, BREAK UP WITH
A PERSON, GO HAVE SEX WITH
ANOTHER PERSON, BREAK UP WITH
A PERSON, HAVE SEX WITH ANOTHER.
IT'S INCONSEQUENTIAL, JUST FUN.
IT'S RECREATIONAL. WE'RE JUST
HAVING SEX AND THEN WE'RE
BREAKING UP. WELL, HERE'S--
HERE'S WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS IN
FIRST CORINTHIANS 6. "DO YOU NOT
KNOW THAT YOUR BODIES ARE
MEMBERS OF CHRIST? SHALL I TAKE
THE MEMBERS OF CHRIST AND MAKE
THEM MEMBERS OF A HARLOT?
CERTAINLY NOT. OR DO YOU NOT
KNOW THAT HE WHO IS JOINED TO
A HARLOT IS ONE BODY WITH HER?
FOR THE TWO HE SAYS SHALL BECOME
ONE FLESH. BUT HE WHO IS JOINED
TO THE LORD IS ONE SPIRIT WITH
HIM. FLEE *** IMMORALITY.
EVERY SIN THAT A MAN DOES IS
OUTSIDE THE BODY, BUT HE WHO
COMMITS *** IMMORALITY SINS
AGAINST HIS OWN BODY." WELL, SEX
IS NOT THE UNFORGIVABLE SIN.
BUT UNDERSTAND THIS, THIS IS
PART OF THE PROBLEM. YOU KNOW
THAT SONG THAT WHEN A HEART
BREAKS IT DON'T BREAK EVEN? YOU
KNOW, THAT--I BARELY KNOW IT,
I'M OLD, BUT.
[LAUGHTER]
SO YOU HAVE SEX WITH A PERSON,
YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP, YOU
BREAK UP, AND JUST
INCONSEQUENTIAL.
THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOUR
SOUL. EVERY TIME YOU GET INTO
A RELATIONSHIP AND YOU BECOME
ONE WITH THAT PERSON, WHEN YOU
BREAK UP, A PART OF THAT PERSON
COMES WITH YOU AND A PART OF YOU
GOES WITH THAT PERSON. IT'S
EXTREMELY CONSEQUENTIAL. AND
WHEN YOU HAVE RELATIONSHIP AFTER
RELATIONSHIP AFTER RELATIONSHIP,
YOU HAVE FEAR OF INTIMACY,
BITTERNESS, CYNICISM. A LOT OF
TIMES YOU BECOME VERY HARDENED
AND CLOSE YOUR HEART OFF, WOMEN
INCLUDED. WHEN WE START IN
RELATIONSHIPS, WE'RE VERY SOFT
HEARTED, WE'RE VERY PURE, WE
HAVE THE BEST OF INTENTIONS. BUT
EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX WITH
SOMEONE AND YOU BREAK UP,
THERE'S DAMAGE OCCURRING ON
THE INSIDE. YOU'VE GOT SOUL
TIES. AND SOME PEOPLE HAVE SOUL
TIES TO A DOZEN PEOPLE OR MORE.
AND I HAD A GIRL IN HIGH SCHOOL
THAT I HAD SEX WITH AND, UM,
WHEN I GOT MARRIED TO KAREN, SHE
WAS CONSTANTLY IN MY THOUGHTS.
AND EVERY TIME KAREN AND I WOULD
HAVE A PROBLEM, SHE WAS ALWAYS
RIGHT THERE. SHE WASN'T THERE
PHYSICALLY, SHE WAS JUST THERE
EMOTIONALLY. AND THE DEVIL
CONVINCED ME, AND IT WAS
THE DEVIL--THROUGH ALL
THE PROBLEMS KAREN AND I HAD,
THE DEVIL CONVINCED ME THAT I
HAD MADE A MISTAKE IN MARRYING
KAREN, I NEEDED TO GO BACK TO
THIS GIRL. WELL, IN REALITY, WE
WERE--WE--YOU KNOW, KAREN WAS
MUCH BETTER THAN THIS GIRL. I
HAD TO BREAK A SOUL TIE. AND
WHEN YOU HAVE A SOUL TIE WITH
A PERSON THAT YOU'VE HAD SEX
WITH AND YOU REALIZE YOU THINK
ABOUT THEM TOO MUCH, YOU HAVE
FUNNY FEELINGS ABOUT THEM,
SOMETIMES YOU'RE ANGRY AT THEM,
MANY TIMES YOU WANT TO GO BACK
TO THEM, YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT
RELATIONSHIPS, YOU CAN'T GET
FOCUSED ON A RELATIONSHIP, A LOT
OF THAT IS CAUSED BY SOUL TIES.
YOU CAN BREAK A SOUL TIE, BUT
THE WAY YOU BREAK A SOUL TIE,
FIRST OF ALL, IS TO RECOGNIZE
THE IMMORALITY INVOLVED. AND
SAY, "LORD, I SHOULD NEVER HAVE
HAD SEX WITH THAT PERSON. I
REPENT." AND GOD FORGIVES YOU.
GOD'S NOT A GRUDGE HOLDER, THANK
GOD. SO GOD WILL FORGIVE YOU.
THE SECOND THING THAT YOU DO IS
FORGIVE THAT PERSON. IS JUST
SAY, GOD, I FORGIVE THEM, YOU
KNOW, AND I RELEASE THEM FROM
ANY JUDGMENTS THAT I HAVE ON
THEM. WELL, LISTEN, IF YOU HAVE
A SOUL TIE WITH A PERSON, YOU DO
THIS. "I BREAK THAT SOUL TIE IN
THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST." AND
YOU BREAK OFF THAT RELATIONSHIP.
YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM,
YOU STOP BEING AROUND THEM. YOU
GET RID OF ALL THE MEMENTOS OF
THAT RELATIONSHIP SO THAT YOU
CAN GO FORWARD AND YOU DON'T
CARRY THAT PERSON WITH YOU ANY
LONGER. THE GETTING RID OF
THE MEMENTOS AND BREAKING OFF
THE RELATIONSHIP, THAT'S OUR
PART. BUT GOD'S PART IS TO
REPAIR OUR SOUL. AND WHEN WE'RE
BREAKING SOUL TIES, WHEN WE GO
BACK AND WE SAY, I REALIZE I HAD
ALL THESE *** RELATIONSHIPS
AND I BREAK THOSE SOUL TIES,
WHAT HAPPENS IS THIS.
WE'RE READY TO BE JOINED AGAIN
IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
WITHOUT THE DAMAGE, WITHOUT
THE CONFUSION, WITHOUT ALL OF
THIS, BECAUSE LISTEN, GOD MADE
US THIS WAY WHERE WE CAN JOIN
WITH ANOTHER PERSON AND BECOME
ONE WITH THEM, BUT ONCE WE'RE
DAMAGED, HOW DO YOU JOIN THIS?
YOU DON'T. WE'RE NOT READY FOR
INTIMACY. WE'RE NOT READY FOR
RELATIONSHIPS. AND SO SEX IS
CONSEQUENTIAL. ONE OF THE THINGS
THAT OUR SOCIETY HAS DONE IS
TAKEN SEX TO BE INCONSEQUENTIAL.
IT'S HIGHLY CONSEQUENTIAL. MANY
PEOPLE DIE AND MANY PEOPLE'S
LIVES ARE DEVASTATED BECAUSE OF
NOT REALLY TREATING SEX WITH
THE SANCTITY THAT IT DESERVES.
HERE'S ONE OTHER ISSUE, THEN I'M
GOING TO GET INTO IN DATING. SEX
BEFORE MARRIAGE CAN CREATE
CHILDREN, AND MOST MEN WILL NOT
MARRY THE WOMAN THEY IMPREGNATE
OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE BECAUSE THEY
WANTED FUN NOT WORK. AND SO ONE
OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF SEX IS
CHILDREN, HAVING BABIES. AND
MOST MEN WON'T MARRY YOU ONCE
YOU'RE PREGNANT. AND THEN YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE A CHILD, AND THEN YOU
HAVE A CHILD, AND THEN YOU'RE
GONNA WANT TO GET MARRIED. AND
WHOEVER MARRIES YOU IS GONNA
HAVE TO MARRY YOU WITH THAT
CHILD. AND THAT CHILD IS AT
A DISADVANTAGE WITHOUT A FATHER.
AND SO, IT'S--WHEN YOU WAIT--
THERE'S SECONDARY VIRGINITY. AND
SECONDARY VIRGINITY JUST MEANS I
MADE MISTAKES, GOD FORGAVE ME,
BUT NOW I'M A *** AGAIN AND I
WANT TO WAIT NOW UNTIL I GET
MARRIED. SO IF YOU'VE MADE
MISTAKES, YOU'RE NOT CONDEMNED.
GOD DOESN'T CONDEMN ANY OF US.
AND IF YOU'VE MADE MISTAKES, GOD
WILL FORGIVE YOU, BUT JUST
DEDICATE YOURSELF NOW TO SAY
FROM THIS POINT IN TIME UNTIL
THE DAY THAT I GET MARRIED, I'M
GONNA BE A *** AND I'M GONNA
PREPARE MYSELF. AND GOD WILL
BLESS YOURSELF FOR THAT. LET ME
ASK ONE MORE QUESTION AND ANSWER
IT, THEN I'M DONE. WHAT'S
THE RIGHT WAY TO DATE? WELL,
THE PROBLEM IS WHEN YOU LOOK IN
THE BIBLE. THE BIBLE DOESN'T SAY
ONE SYLLABLE ABOUT DATING. AND
SO THE REASON IS THEY DIDN'T
DATE, THEY COURTED. LET ME TALK
ABOUT INTENTIONAL DATING, OK.
AND YOU CAN CALL THIS DATING,
COURTING, ANYTHING YOU WANT TO
TEACH IT. BUT LET ME TALK ABOUT
3 STANDARDS OF INTENTIONAL
DATING. THIS IS WHAT I'M GONNA
ENCOURAGE YOU TO CONSIDER FOR
YOURSELF. NUMBER ONE
ABOUT--THING ABOUT INTENTIONAL
DATING IS IT HONORS THE
FAMILIES. WE'RE GOING TO HONOR
OUR PARENTS. WE'RE GOING TO
HONOR GOD AND WE'RE GOING TO
HONOR OUR FAMILIES. AND SO IF
I'M DATING KAREN--SEE, I NEVER
ASKED FOR KAREN'S HAND IN
MARRIAGE. I NEVER WENT TO
KAREN'S DAD AND ASKED FOR HER
HAND IN MARRIAGE. I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO. I NEVER
HEARD THAT BEFORE. HE WOULD HAVE
SAID NO ANYWAY, BUT, YOU KNOW,
SO IT PROBABLY WAS GOOD I DIDN'T
KNOW. THEY HATED MY GUTS. BUT
THE, UH, WE'RE GONNA HONOR
THE FAMILIES, OUR FAMILIES.
NUMBER TWO, IT'S NOT NON-***.
WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE SEX. AND
IT'S SPECIFICALLY FOR
THE PURPOSE OF LEADING TOWARD
MARRIAGE. THOUGH IT DOESN'T HAVE
TO. WE MAY END UP NOT GETTING
MARRIED. BUT SPECIFICALLY, THIS
IS NOT RECREATIONAL DATING.
WE'RE NOT JUST HANGING OUT. THIS
IS SPECIFICALLY FOR THE PURPOSE
OF LEADING TO MARRIAGE. AND LET
ME SAY SOMETHING FOR JUST
A MINUTE. IT'S GOOD TO SET
PARAMETERS ON PHYSICAL
AFFECTION. YOU SAY, WELL, JIMMY,
WE DON'T THINK WE CAN LAST OUT
THAT LONG. WELL, THEN GET
MARRIED.
[LAUGHTER]
JUST GET MARRIED. GO GET YOUR
LICENSE, FIND YOUR PREACHER, GET
MARRIED.
[LAUGHTER]
WHY DO YOU MAKE IT SO ***
YOURSELF? SO HERE'S WHAT YOU CAN
SAY. WE'RE GONNA KISS, BUT WE'RE
NOT GONNA FRENCH KISS. WE'RE
GONNA HOLD HANDS, PUT OUR ARMS
AROUND EACH OTHER, BUT WE'RE NOT
GONNA FULLY EMBRACE HEAD ON.
WE'RE NOT GONNA LAY DOWN. WE'RE
NOT GONNA BE ALONE TOGETHER.
WE'RE ESPECIALLY NOT GONNA BE
ALONE TOGETHER IN THE DARK.
WE'RE GONNA WATCH APPROPRIATE
ENTERTAINMENT. AND WE'RE GONNA
WAIT UNTIL OUR WEDDING NIGHT TO
HAVE SEX. BUT YOU HAVE TO PUT
PARAMETERS ON IT. BUT LET
ME--LET ME JUST END BY SAYING
A FEW THINGS ABOUT DATING. DATE
BY FAITH AND NOT FEAR. FEAR--
ACTING ON FEAR MAKES YOUR FEARS
COME TRUE. LIVING TOGETHER. YOU
KNOW, JUST ACTING IN FEAR. PUT
FAITH IN GOD'S WORD AND DO
MARRIAGE GOD'S WAY AND IT WILL
WORK FOR YOU. ACTING IN FAITH
MAKES YOUR DREAMS COMES TRUE.
SO DATE BY FAITH. I WAS ON
AN AIRPLANE AND A STEWARDESS
WALKED UP TO ME AND SAID, "I
KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU'RE THAT
MARRIAGE GUY ON TV." AND I SAID,
"YEAH, I AM." AND SHE SAID, UH,
"I WENT THROUGH A HORRIBLE
DIVORCE 7 YEARS AGO." AND SHE
SAID, "AS SOON AS I BECAME
SINGLE, THE OTHER STEWARDESSES
SAID GO OUT TO THE STRIP CLUBS
WITH US AND GO OUT TO, UH, HAPPY
HOUR AND FIND YOU A MAN." AND
SHE SAYS, "NO, I'M NOT DOING
THAT. GOD'S GOING TO BRING ME
THE NEXT MAN I GET."
AND SHE SAID, "SO I TOLD
THE LORD, I'M NOT GONNA
COMPROMISE MYSELF AND I'M NOT
GONNA SIN. YOU'RE GONNA BRING ME
MY NEXT HUSBAND." AND SHE SAID,
"ONE DAY I WENT OUT AND OPENED
MY GARAGE DOOR." AND SHE SAID,
"AND BEHIND MY APARTMENT THERE'S
ANOTHER APARTMENT, AND I OPENED
MY GARAGE DOOR AND THIS MAN WAS
STANDING IN HIS GARAGE." SHE
SAID, "WE FELL IN LOVE. THAT WAS
MY HUSBAND." A GODLY MAN. SHE
SAID, "LITERALLY, GOD BROUGHT MY
HUSBAND ACROSS THE ALLEY FROM
ME." AND SHE SAID, "I LOVE HIM.
HE'S THE BEST MAN I'VE EVER MET,
AND WE'RE DEEPLY IN LOVE."
HERE'S WHAT SHE SAID, "I'M NOT
GOING TO THE STRIP CLUBS AND I'M
NOT GOING TO THE BARS TO FIND MY
HUSBAND. GOD'S GOING TO BRING ME
MY NEXT HUSBAND." SHE DATED BY
FAITH AND NOT FEAR. NUMBER TWO,
DATE TO EXPLORE, NOT TO IMPRESS.
AND I WANT TO BE MY BEST, BUT I
WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE DEEP--WE'RE
GONNA HAVE MEANINGFUL
CONVERSATIONS. AND THIS BOOK
WILL HELP YOU TO HAVE MEANINGFUL
CONVERSATIONS. AND IF YOU DON'T
AGREE--YOU KNOW, WHEN I DID
PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING, WE
WOULD--I DID A DEAL CALLED
MARRIAGE EXPECTATION INVENTORY,
AND ONE OF THE QUESTIONS WAS,
HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU WANT?
ONE GUY SAID 6 AND ONE GIRL SAID
TWO. AND I SAID, "WELL, HOW MANY
KIDS YOU GONNA HAVE?" HE SAID,
"WE'RE HAVING 6." SHE SAID, "NOT
BY ME, YOU'RE NOT."
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, HOW MANY OF YOU THINK
THAT'S AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION
TO HAVE BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?
OK. BUT I WANTED PEOPLE TO TALK.
I MEAN, I HAD ALL KINDS OF CRAZY
ANSWERS, YOU KNOW. AND I HAD
THIS CATHOLIC GUY AND THIS GIRL
THAT WENT TO OUR CHURCH IN MY
OFFICE. I SAID, "WELL, WHAT
CHURCH YOU GONNA GO TO AFTER YOU
GET MARRIED?" AND SHE SAID, "OH,
WE'RE GONNA GO HERE, PASTOR
JIMMY." HE SAID, "I'M CATHOLIC,
I'M NOT GOING TO THIS CHURCH."
AND I SAID, "WELL, HOW ARE YOU
GONNA RAISE YOUR KIDS?" HE SAID
CATHOLIC, SHE SAID NO. THEY
BROKE UP IN MY OFFICE.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY BROKE UP RIGHT THERE. AND
SO THESE KINDS OF CONVERSATIONS.
DATE TO EXPLORE. ALSO, DATE
NON-SEXUALLY.
JUST MAKE--MAKE A DECISION. IF
YOU'VE MADE A MISTAKE, GOD
FORGIVES YOU, BE A *** AGAIN,
SECONDARY VIRGINITY. AND MAKE
A DECISION BETWEEN NOW AND
THE TIME I GET MARRIED, WE'RE
NOT GONNA BE ***, AND WE'RE
GONNA PUT PARAMETERS ON OUR
PHYSICAL AFFECTION TO MAKE SURE
THAT WE DON'T PUT OURSELVES IN
A COMPROMISING POSITION. AND
DATE INTENTIONALLY. DON'T DATE
RECREATIONALLY. DON'T JUST HANG
OUT WITH A PERSON TO HANG OUT
WITH A PERSON AND BE ***. IF
I'M NOT SERIOUS ABOUT YOU, I'M
GONNA HANG AROUND WITH YOU WITH
OTHER FRIENDS AROUND. WE'RE JUST
GONNA BE VERY GOOD FRIENDS, BUT
WE'RE NOT GONNA BE TOGETHER
ACTING LIKE WE'RE ROMANTIC.
BUT IF WE PAIR OFF AND IF WE
BEGIN TO GET SERIOUS, THE
SPECIFIC REASON THAT I'M DATING
YOU IS TO SEE IF WE'RE
COMPATIBLE BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA
GET MARRIED. AND IF I DON'T HAVE
THE INTENTION OF GETTING
MARRIED, I'M NOT GONNA PAIR OFF
WITH YOU AND I'M NOT GONNA BE
SERIOUS.
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT MESSAGE.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE
WAITED FOR SO LONG TO BE ABLE TO
TALK ABOUT BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IN
THE BIBLE, DATING ISN'T
MENTIONED BECAUSE IN THE BIBLE,
IT WASN'T PART OF THEIR CULTURE.
THEY COURTED AND THEY WERE
BETROTHED TO ONE ANOTHER BEFORE
THEY GOT MARRIED. AND SO IT WAS
A VERY DIFFERENT CULTURE. YOU
KNOW, WE'VE REALLY LOST OUR WAY
IN AMERICA, REALLY IN MANY
CULTURES AROUND THE WORLD. WE'VE
JUST LOST OUR WAY IN
UNDERSTANDING HOW TO MEET
SOMEONE, HOW TO DATE THE RIGHT
WAY, AND HOW THAT LEADS TO
A MARRIAGE WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE
A TRAIL OF BROKEN HEARTS ALL
THE WAY BEHIND YOU. AND SO FOR
SOME OF YOU, YOU MAY HAVE HAD
SOME BAD RELATIONSHIPS. MAYBE
YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED BEFORE OR
WHATEVER. MAYBE YOU HAVE A CHILD
AND THEY'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL,
COLLEGE, OR WHATEVER, AND YOU
WANT THEM TO BE PREPARED TO BE
MARRIED PROPERLY. RIGHT NOW FOR
YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT TO
SUPPORT US HERE AT "MARRIAGE
TODAY," I WANT TO SEND YOU
THE FULL MESSAGE ON CD THAT YOU
JUST HEARD PART OF TODAY.
TREMENDOUS INFORMATION TO HELP
YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW GOD
DESIGNED US AND HOW GOD DESIGNED
MARRIAGE AND HOW WE CAN ENTER
INTO MARRIAGE PROPERLY. WE WANT
TO SEND YOU THAT FOR YOUR GIFT
OF ANY AMOUNT. AND RIGHT NOW FOR
YOUR GIFT OF $40 OR MORE, I WANT
TO SEND YOU "THE RIGHT ONE"
BOOK. AND THIS IS ONE OF OUR
NEWEST BOOKS, TREMENDOUS
RESOURCE TO HELP YOU TO BE
PREPARED TO BE MARRIED. WE TALK
ABOUT ALL DIFFERENT ISSUES IN
THERE. PLUS I WANT TO SEND YOU
THIS CD SINGLE AND A DVD SINGLE
OF THE MESSAGE THAT YOU HEARD
TODAY. AND RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR
GIFT OF $65 OR MORE, I'LL SEND
YOU "THE RIGHT ONE BOOK," PLUS
THE CD AND DVD SINGLE, PLUS
THE WORKBOOK. NOW, THIS WORKBOOK
IS FOR A COUPLE, BUT IT'S ALSO
FOR LIKE A SMALL GROUP.
IF YOU HAVE A HIGH SCHOOL BIBLE
STUDY, IF YOU HAVE A COLLEGE
BIBLE STUDY, A SINGLES BIBLE
STUDY, OR YOU JUST WANT TO GET
A GROUP OF PEOPLE TOGETHER AND
TALK ABOUT DATING AND MARRIAGE,
IT'S THE WORKBOOK IS THE PERFECT
RESOURCE FOR THAT. LISTEN, WE
HAVE WAITED FOR A LONG TIME TO
BE ABLE TO EQUIP PEOPLE NOT JUST
TO GET MARRIED, BUT TO DATE AND
TO KNOW HOW TO WORK THROUGH
THE PROCESS OF DATING AND
COURTSHIP SO THAT WHEN YOU GET
MARRIED, YOU HAVE GOD'S FULL
BLESSING AND YOU'RE FULLY
PREPARED. THESE RESOURCES ARE
TERRIFIC. WE WANT TO PUT THEM
INTO YOUR HANDS. HERE'S HOW YOU
CAN GET THEM.
WOMAN: IS THE PERSON I'M DATING
THE ONE I SHOULD MARRY?
MAN: WHAT QUALITIES SHOULD I
LOOK FOR IN A POTENTIAL MATE?
SECOND WOMAN: HOW WILL I KNOW
WHEN I FIND THE RIGHT ONE?
ANNOUNCER: FINDING THE RIGHT
MARRIAGE PARTNER IS ONE OF
THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISIONS ANY
OF US WILL EVER MAKE. AND IN
"THE RIGHT ONE," JIMMY EVANS
GIVES BIBLICAL, NO NONSENSE
ADVICE TO SINGLES ON
SUCCESSFULLY DATING AND MARRYING
THE RIGHT PERSON. FOR YOUR GIFT
OF ANY AMOUNT, YOU'LL RECEIVE
THE CD MESSAGE "THE RIGHT ONE."
JIMMY: DOES MARRIAGE STILL WORK
ANYMORE? LISTEN TO MY ANSWER.
ABSOLUTELY 100% OF THE TIME. YOU
HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN
MARRIAGE.
ANNOUNCER: FOR YOUR GIFT OF $40
OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU
"THE RIGHT ONE" BOOK, PLUS
JIMMY'S MESSAGE ON BOTH CD AND
DVD. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $65 OR
MORE, WE'LL ALSO INCLUDE
"FINDING THE RIGHT ONE" WORKBOOK
WITH DVD LESSONS. IF YOU OR
SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS SINGLE AND
HOPING TO FIND A FULFILLING
MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP, ORDER
"THE RIGHT ONE" TODAY.
[APPLAUSE]
JIMMY: WELL, THIS TEACHING THAT
YOU SAW TODAY IS FROM GATEWAY
CHURCH. AND WE ACTUALLY DID THAT
GROUP THERE, THE COLLEGE GROUP
THAT YOU SAW, AND WE'RE TEACHING
THEM ABOUT DATING AND MARRIAGE.
YOU KNOW, AND AS I SAID, DATING
ISN'T ADDRESSED IN THE BIBLE,
BECAUSE IN THE BIBLE, IT WAS
A DIFFERENT CULTURE AND THEY
COURTED RATHER THAN DATING. AND
SO WHAT WE'RE NOT TRYING TO DO
IS TRYING TO REINVENT THE WHEEL
AND GO BACK TO THE OLD DAYS.
WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO DO IS TO
FIX A BROKEN SYSTEM, BECAUSE
RIGHT NOW DATING IN AMERICA IS
BROKEN. AND MANY PEOPLE, THE WAY
THAT THEY'RE DATING IS BREAKING
THEIR HEARTS, IS BREAKING THEIR
BODIES, AND IT'S BECOMING
RECREATIONAL, IT'S BECOMING WAY
TOO ***. AND YOU'RE GOING
THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE
ACTUALLY NOT PREPARING YOU FOR
MARRIAGE. THEY'RE DOING
THE OPPOSITE, THEY'RE BREAKING
YOUR HEART. SO THE BOOK,
"THE RIGHT ONE," AND ALSO
THE WORKBOOK, "FINDING THE RIGHT
ONE," BOTH ADDRESS THE ISSUE OF
HOW TO DATE AND MARRY
SUCCESSFULLY. AND IT'S FOR HIGH
SCHOOL, COLLEGE, SINGLES,
DIVORCED PEOPLE, ANY AGE. IF
YOU'RE SINGLE WANTING TO BE
MARRIED, THIS BOOK IS TO HELP TO
EQUIP YOU TO BE MARRIED. SO,
KAREN, WE ACTUALLY HAVE SOME
QUESTIONS FROM SOME OF OUR
VIEWERS CONCERNING "THE RIGHT
ONE."
KAREN: MM-HMM. THIS PERSON
SAYS...
JIMMY: NO, THERE'S NOT JUST ONE
WOMAN FOR HIM. AND THIS IS
A REAL DAMAGING TEACHING THAT I
BELIEVE. FOR EXAMPLE, THERE'S
7 BILLION PEOPLE ON THE PLANET
RIGHT NOW. AND TO THINK THAT
THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON OUT
THERE FOR ME, THAT'S PRETTY
DISCOURAGING. WHAT IF SHE DIES?
YOU KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT IF SHE MOVES? WHAT IF
SOMEBODY ELSE--IF ONE PERSON
MARRIES THE WRONG PERSON, WE'RE
ALL MESSED UP. AND SO, NO.
THE BIBLE TELLS US TO MARRY
A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
THE BIBLE TELLS US TO MARRY
A BELIEVER. AND THAT'S IT. AS
LONG AS THE PERSON'S OF MARRYING
AGE AND, YOU KNOW, WE LOVE EACH
OTHER AND WE WANT TO GET
MARRIED, GOD WILL BLESS IT, OK.
KAREN: SO IN OTHER WORDS, IF
SOMEBODY GETS AHOLD OF THIS AND
THEY'RE ALREADY MARRIED AND THEY
READ IT AND THEY THINK, UGH, I
MARRIED THE WRONG ONE.
JIMMY: NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO
READ THIS MARRIED. I MEAN, THIS
IS NOT FOR MARRIED PEOPLE TO
READ. AND YOU MIGHT GET SOME
HELP OUT OF IT BEING MARRIED,
BUT THIS IS FOR SINGLE PEOPLE
WHO ARE LOOKING FOR
A RELATIONSHIP. BUT NO, IF
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A PERSON TO
MARRY, THERE ARE COMPATIBLE
PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN MARRY WITHIN
YOUR CIRCLE OF RELATIONSHIPS OR
CERTAINLY WITHIN, UH, THE REALM
THAT YOU CAN LOOK AT, EVEN
ONLINE. THERE'S ONE CHAPTER IN
HERE ON THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR
ONLINE DATING BECAUSE A LOT OF
PEOPLE ARE DATING ONLINE. AND WE
DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT OR WRONG.
WE JUST THINK THERE'S A RIGHT
WAY TO DO IT. BUT I CAN PROMISE
YOU THERE'S SOMEONE AROUND YOU,
UH, WITHIN YOUR CIRCLE OF
RELATIONSHIPS OR GEOGRAPHICAL
REGION OR WHATEVER THAT GOD
WOULD BLESS IF YOU MET THEM AND
DECIDED THAT YOU WANTED TO GET
MARRIED. LET ME READ THIS
QUESTION, KAREN.
KAREN: OK.
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. AND I
THINK IT'S PROBABLY VERY HIGHLY
THAT MOST PEOPLE, WELL, NOT
MOST, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL
THIS WAY. UM, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE
LIKE YOU JUST SAID, WE LIVE IN
A SOCIETY THAT SEX IS
EVERYTHING. AND, UM, BUT YOU'RE
NOT DAMAGED GOODS, YOU KNOW. IN
GOD'S EYES, YOU KNOW, YOU NOT
ONLY CAN BE FORGIVEN, BUT, YOU
KNOW, YOU CAN EVEN BE HEALED
FROM WHATEVER YOU'VE DONE IN
THE PAST. AND THEN, YOU KNOW,
JUST ASK THE LORD JUST TO TAKE
WHAT YOU'VE DONE IN THE PAST AND
TO REMOVE IT. I MEAN, THAT'S
THE POWER OF THE BLOOD OF
CHRIST. I MEAN, HE REMOVES ALL
THE THINGS WE'VE DONE WRONG IN
THE PAST. AND, YOU KNOW, ASK HIM
FOR THE FORGIVENESS, AND THEN
TRUST HIM FOR YOUR FUTURE. AND,
YOU KNOW, MAKE IT MORE ABOUT,
YOU KNOW, NOT WHAT YOU'VE DONE
IN THE PAST, BUT WHAT GOD CAN DO
FOR YOU IN THE FUTURE, WHICH CAN
BE SO AWESOME. AND THEN MAKE
A DECISION THAT I'M NOT GONNA
HAVE SEX UNTIL I'M MARRIED. AND
IT'S NOT GONNA BE THE WEEK
BEFORE WE GET MARRIED WE'RE
GONNA HAVE SEX. IT'S NOT
UNTIL WE'RE MARRIED. AND, UM,
YOU KNOW, JUST MAKE
THE COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF AND
THE LORD AND, UM, HAVE SOMEONE
AS A FRIEND PRAY WITH YOU AND AS
AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER OR
SOMETHING. BUT, YOU KNOW, GOD
CAN RENEW ANYTHING AND MAKE
ANYTHING NEW.
JIMMY: YEAH. AND WHAT
WE ABOUT TALK IN
THE BOOK, SEVERAL THINGS. ONE OF
IS FEAR-BASED DATING.
KAREN: MM-HMM.
JIMMY: A LOT OF TIMES, A WOMAN
DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX, BUT
SHE IS FEARFUL IF SHE DOESN'T
GIVE HIM SEX THAT HE WON'T MARRY
HER.
KAREN: THEN SHE DOESN'T WANT TO
MARRY HIM.
JIMMY: WELL, BUT THE POINT IS,
IF A MAN MAKES YOU HAVE SEX
BEFORE HAVING TO MARRY YOU, HE
DOESN'T LOVE YOU.
KAREN: MM-HMM. I AGREE.
JIMMY: SO IF HE REALLY LOVES
YOU, HE WON'T PUT THAT PRESSURE
ON YOU AND HE'LL STAY AROUND TO
MARRY. THE OTHER THING WE TALK
ABOUT IS INTENTIONAL DATING.
NOW, FRANK IS MY CO-AUTHOR ON
THIS, FRANK MARTIN. AND HIS
DAUGHTER IS ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
AND THEY'RE DOING INTENTIONAL
DATING. AND YOU'RE DATING TO
DISCOVER. YOU SEE, A LOT OF
PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BRING UP
ANY ISSUES THAT CAUSE ANY
PROBLEMS FOR FEAR THAT THEY'RE
GOING TO BREAK UP. YOU WANT TO
BRING THOSE ISSUES UP. SO HIS
DAUGHTER AND HER FIANCE, THEY
DON'T GO INTO EACH OTHER'S
BEDROOM. THEY'RE NOT PLACES
ALONE TOGETHER WHERE THEY MIGHT
BE COMPROMISED. AND THEY TALK.
THE PURPOSE OF THEIR
RELATIONSHIP IS TO TALK AND TO
DISCOVER EACH OTHER AND TO
DISCOVER ANY ISSUES THEY MAY
NEED TO TALK ABOUT. AND THEY'LL
HAVE THEIR FIRST KISS ON THEIR
WEDDING NIGHT. THEIR
RELATIONSHIP--AND HE CAME TO
FRANK--HE INCLUDED THE PARENTS.
HE CAME TO FRANK, ASKED FOR
PERMISSION TO DATE HIS DAUGHTER,
AND TOLD FRANK, THIS WILL BE
TOTALLY NON-***. I WILL HONOR
YOUR DAUGHTER. AND THE PURPOSE
OF US COURTING IS TO DECIDE IF
WE'RE COMPATIBLE TO GET MARRIED.
SOME PEOPLE SAY, WELL, HOW DO I
DATE THEM IF I DON'T KNOW THAT
WE'RE COMPATIBLE? IN GROUPS. IN
A CHURCH GROUP OR IN A GROUP OF
PEOPLE. HANG OUT TOGETHER. GO TO
A COFFEE SHOP TOGETHER. AND THEN
JUST IF YOU LIKE EACH OTHER WELL
ENOUGH, BEGIN TO DATE MORE
SERIOUSLY, INTENTIONALLY DATE.
AND INTENTIONALLY DATE MEANS YOU
INVOLVE THE PARENTS, ASK FOR THE
PARENTS' PERMISSION. YOU INVOLVE
THE FAMILY, 'CAUSE THERE'S SOME
ACCOUNTABILITY HERE. AND THERE'S
THE BLESSING. IF A PERSON--IF
YOU'RE MARRYING SOMEONE WHO
DOESN'T CARE ABOUT AUTHORITY,
THAT'S THE FIRST RED FLAG. OK. I
CARE ABOUT--YOUR FATHER IS YOUR
AUTHORITY AT THIS POINT, OR YOUR
MOTHER. I WANT THEIR BLESSING ON
THE RELATIONSHIP. AND TWO, IT'S
NON-***. AND THREE, IT'S FOR
THE PURPOSE OF SEEING IF WE'RE
COMPATIBLE. AND AS--AND IF WE
FIND OUT WE'RE NOT COMPATIBLE,
WE'RE NOT ALL SEXUALLY
ENTANGLED. WE HAVEN'T
COMPROMISED OUR SELF. WE CAN GO
ON TO THE NEXT RELATIONSHIP AND
GO FORWARD PROPERLY. SO THE BOOK
AND THE WORKBOOK, "THE RIGHT
ONE," ARE TO HELP EQUIP YOU. AND
THERE'S SO MUCH INFORMATION IN
HERE TO HELP TO EQUIP YOU TO
DATE AND MARRY SUCCESSFULLY. SO
WE HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION'S
HELPFUL TO YOU. AND BY THE WAY,
WE'RE ABLE TO COME TO YOU RIGHT
NOW BECAUSE OF THE SUPPORT OF
OUR DEAR PARTNERS THAT STAND
WITH US FINANCIALLY.
THE INFORMATION'S THERE ON YOUR
SCREEN. THANKS FOR TUNING IN
TODAY. WATCH THIS INFORMATION.
Karen: I'm really excited about
sharing my side of the story.
And one of the reasons I wrote
this book is because I think
it's so important for women
to hear my side because I don't
sugarcoat anything. I really say
it the way it is, and I think
it helps women to identify with
someone else that is going
through hard times that they can
see that there really is hope.
I'd experienced a lot of verbal
abuse growing up, and so I was
already down on myself about
just the way I was raised, but
then when Jimmy would start, you
know, using his mouth, it was
devastating. I really did
believe that there was something
deeply wrong with me.
The title is "From Pain to
Paradise." 'Cause there's so
many women who can relate to
just having pain in their
marriage. Or pain in their life.
And when I look back, all the
pain that we've gone through
cannot even begin to touch the
beauty of what God has done in
our family.
WOMAN: LIFE IS A JOURNEY, ONCE
FULL OF HOPE, TO MAKE THIS WORLD
A BETTER PLACE, TO LEAVE A
LEGACY TO THE ONES WE LOVE.
BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THAT
JOURNEY, WE'VE LOST OUR WAY,
FORGOTTEN WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
JIMMY EVANS: WHEN MARRIAGE IS NO
LONGER RESPECTED, COUPLES BEGIN
TO SEPARATE, AND THEIR CHILDREN
BEGIN TO SUFFER. MARRIAGE IS THE
FUTURE. WE MUST BUILD MARRIAGE.
AND WHAT WE LOVE TO DO HERE AT
"MARRIAGETODAY" IS GIVE PEOPLE
HOPE. BECAUSE MARRIAGE WORKS.
MARRIAGE WORKS WONDERFULLY.
GOD WOULD NEVER CREATE ANYTHING
FOR FAILURE.
MAN: THE WORLD WAS TELLING US TO
GIVE UP. PEOPLE AROUND US WAS
TELLING US TO GIVE UP. BUT
"MARRIAGETODAY" WAS A....
A LIGHT IN A DARK PLACE
FOR US AT A DARK TIME.
WOMAN: HEARING JIMMY AND KAREN
EVANS JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW GOD
COULD RESTORE ANY MARRIAGE,
IT STARTED TO BRING HOPE BACK
INTO ME.
MAN: THEY CHANGED OUR LIFE AND
THEY CHANGED OUR FUTURE.
JIMMY: WE LOVE HELPING PEOPLE IN
MARRIAGE, BUT WE HAVE TO HAVE
SUPPORT TO DO THAT. IN
EVERYTHING THAT WE DO, WE KNOW
THAT WE'RE TOUCHING MILLIONS OF
LIVES EVERY YEAR AND MILLIONS OF
FAMILIES. WOULD YOU STAND WITH
US AS WE BUILD MARRIAGES IN
AMERICA AND AROUND THE WORLD?
THE FAMILIES THAT WE HELP AND
THE CHILDREN THAT WE KEEP
TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE
BECAUSE OF YOU. PLEASE CONSIDER
GIVING YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT
TO HELP US HERE AT
"MARRIAGETODAY" LIFT THE STANDAD
AROUND THE WORLD FOR MARRIAGE
AND FAMILY.
ANNOUNCER: THANK YOU FOR
WATCHING "MARRIAGE TODAY WITH
JIMMY AND KAREN." SUPPORT
"MARRIAGE TODAY" WITH YOUR BEST
GIFT AND EXPERIENCE "THE RIGHT
ONE." BECOME A ROCK SOLID
PARTNER TODAY AND CONNECT WITH
THE MISSION OF "MARRIAGE TODAY."
TOGETHER, WE CAN HELP COUPLES
SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE.
THIS PROGRAM IS MADE POSSIBLE
BY THE GENEROUS SUPPORT OF OUR
FAITHFUL PARTNERS.