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presents
ON OUR LAST EPISODE
Welcome to my home and my heart
***, ***!
... or lady of the night.
You’re the only one protagonist, María
The only one!
It can only make me sick!
All women are sexy
Well, this woman has no morals nor good manners, right?
Seek an ***, which is the subject of our next episode.
I bid you welcome to my most fabulous show… The Garter
Today we’re going to talk about something that we women enjoy so much
MARÍA THE ONLY ONE PROTAGONIST
Though sadly, some of you only know it from hearsay
Of course, I’m talking about the nearly mythological… ***!
BACKGROUND YELLING: Comrades, let’s engage in battle!
CHANTING: María’s downfall means women’s rise
María’s downfall means women’s rise María’s downfall means women’s rise
My dear audience, we’ll have to make a break on force majeur.
We’ll be back in a blink.
Oh! This can’t be!
First day of fame and I’m already paying the price!
CHANTING: María’s downfall means women’s rise
THE GARTER
Here’s where the traitor’s hiding out!
CHANTING: María’s downfall means women’s rise!
May the impostor fail, may the traitor fall
May the impostor fail, may the traitor fall
MISSPELLED WORDS ON BANNERS
María’s downfall means women’s rise
María’s downfall means wo…
Will somebody explain to me what the thunder is going on here?
She will!
And of course I will!
We’ve come down demanding that you end this show of yours!
My comrades and I are outraged!
Let’s see, why are you outraged?
What’s wrong with I meaning to free us from the heavy boot of macho chauvinism?
She’s right
No, no, no, no! Just look at her!
Just look how she’s dressed!
Because of women like this we’re disrespected even in the subway
Besides, her show is on the "worldwideweb"
The what?
It means that it can be watched everywhere!
ALL AT ONCE: Ohhh!
Is that the image we want for us women?
ALL AT ONCE: No!
Of course not!
This is a liberated woman’s image, owner of her body
and attempting to record her television show!
Do you really mean to make everybody think...
... that we should all wear clothes like yours?
What’s wrong with them? I’m very well dressed, right?
Ohh! Why?! And you! Come on!
María’s downfall means women’s rise!
Give me those banners! You are no use at all!
Ladies! What I’m attempting to do on my show is helping you know...
... and enjoy your own bodies.
I want you to have fun, to stop fearing sex!
I mean for you to love yourselves and be free
I want you to respect yourselves and enjoy the magic of being a woman!
Hurray!
Harray to María! Hurray to María! Hurray to María!
Woud you mind if I asked you a few questions?
Er…no Go ahead, go ahead
Could you tell us why you came to protest in front of this TV station?
Well… I… er... to be honest, like really, really honest…
… I just came down ‘cause they promised me…
…a sandwich and a soda!
Like the political party always does!
Cut it, cut it!
We’re back with The Garter
“The” Agustina
Don Espuelas
…cking broad!
This can’t be!
My hunger’s coolin’ off
while you’re here watching the telenovela.
So, when are you planning to cook some dinner?
For Christmas?
Or you’re just gonna sit there ‘til next Thanksgiving?
Just gimme a sec, hubs.
They’re talking ‘bout somethin’ so very really interesting.
The ***.
Sheep! And what’s that?
Only hell knows!
But the lady speaking there says it’s the joy of all dames.
All righty, all righty!
You keep up with your “orgams”
and I’m gonna go get someone who’ll feed me.
Chepina! Daughter!
Go fix somethin’ for your dada’s dinner!
But move it, my kiddo!
You know no mercy, my bag-o-bones!
The little punk’s just six!
She must be some lousy cook!
No! She’s old enough to be a woman.
And besides we should let her get hardened
for when she gets to tend for her own man, no?
All righty, you got a mouthful of truth. That’s why I married you
‘cause you’re the most educated chick
from all San José de los Coyotes, howl!
C’mon, Chepina, you heard your mother!
Go fix me a cabrito!
The new TV remote!
Every woman is entitled to the *** if in a relationship.
I’m so gonna Google that!
It is the paradise where the man who loves us will lead us
as long as we tell him the things we enjoy
the ones that give us pleasure.
If we keep silent we’ll look prettier
but we’ll stay anorgasmic and go bitter.
I know many guys who are just divine
but not a single one who’s into divination.
Speak up, ladies!
We have to tell them what we like.
The *** belongs to those who work it.
I want one of them orgasms!
Don Espuelas!
Come over, hubs.
How disgusting that María woman is!
REGINA DEVOTED AND FAITHFUL WIFE
How does she dare to bandy such indecent topics?!
Everybody knows that in order for us women to really have pleasure
we have…
… chocolate.
Sweet chocolate? Oh, please… That’s for little girls.
LORENZA DIE-HARD FEMINIST
True women, women with guts prefer dark chocolate!
The darker the better, so that it scalds one's tongue!
And the rebates!
Just look at this!
What a pleasure!
This is really like going to heaven.
Oh, Regina!
I thought you were going to talk about
your heavenly encounter a few days back.
I’m sure you were taken to paradise then.
Are you talking about Ángel?
Don’t insult me, you vicious trolop!
Ángel is but a very good family friend
as I’ll have to remind you that I do have a family.
Look, lady, I wouldn’t want to expose you
but these are lollipops indeed.
What you took the other day
in front of all my audience…
… are called condoms and look like these.
The only good thing is that in spite of being sly...
... you’re rather responsible.
I’m not listening! No, no, no!
I can’t hear a thing!
Oh! I can’t hear anything!
Oh, that’s it!
Ladies, gentlemen, as a wrap up for this bumpy episode
I'll tell you that an *** isn’t only
the vital exaltation of genitalia.
It’s a compromise while in a relationship
Or a goal when alone!
But we’ll talk about that in a future show.
Applause!
No! Stop it!
I’m looking for my dog!
Applause! Applause, my little one!
Where are you?
SILVANA THE STEPMOTHER
I’m glad my exstepdaughter finally got liberated.
When we started her therapy
she even had vaginism and look at her now!
Multiorgasmic and giving advice on TV.
All right, I took her inheritance
but the freedom she got with my therapy
was worth that and much more.
Someday she’ll thank me for it
just as she’ll thank me for retraining Applause
that as well as her father tends to prefer me!
Why would that be?
Applause! My little one!
Applause!
Who loves you more?
THE PRODUCER
And now an informative sexy flash with Milah
Courtesy of Patito Televisión
There’s nothing more delicious than an *** explosion.
Which leads me to think certain ladies haven’t been to paradise
when I hear them say they prefer shopping and rebates...
... over an ***.
And guys, when you stop thinking of us...
... as mere ornaments by your side
and you finally dare to explore us...
... do your best and please us...
... you’ll see retribution will be unsurpassed.