Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Welcome to my first impressions of Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn.
When we begin, we have character creation. You can choose between five races.
Because this is a Final Fantasy online title, the most popular is, of course, Mithra. I'm sorry--Miqo'te.
They're so popular that even if you, for some crazy reason, decide not to create one,
you can still make it known that you wish you had.
It just doesn't get old.
Nope, I still think I'm hilarious.
There are, however, some good face paint and tattoo options, and the colors can be chosen for each one.
Are you familiar with Moogles? Do you remember these creepy, winged albino cat fetuses?
This is your fair warning that Moogle horror is incoming.
I warned you. Yes, the Final Fantasy series, renowned, amongst other things, for their music,
is using THAT as trumpeting Moogles in one of their opening cutscenes.
Also, as you can see, Moogles are awesome and mature, and... drunk.
That isn't its alcohol, by the way. He's stealing it from your fellow traveler.
Speaking of mature, you can choose your... underwear!
Also, gratuitous *** shot.
Okay, so, down to business. Time to step out of town and save the world from ladybugs!
...and squirrels!
...and strange death mushrooms of doom.
Well, I finally made it through my starting class level 10 quest, and I don't really care for the class I started on,
so I'm going to change to conjurer, and go through their guild quests. Let's see where we begin.
Ladybugs, and squirrels, and strange death mushrooms of doom. Are you serious?
Well, moving along. I roll into an outpost, pick up a quest to talk to some people around town.
Upon completing the objectives, I'm informed that I am too low of a level to turn it in.
No, really, this happened.
On the plus side, gathering isn't nearly as asinine as it used to be.
Upon activating a gathering point, you're given a list of potential items to harvest, and choose the one you want to attempt.
You then either do or don't get it. No more struggling through a mini-game just to get another *** feather.
So, it seems I acquired a consumable item because this helpful tutorial popped up to tell me
that I can use items! Let's see... Using an item is as simple as selecting "Use" from the item's subcommands?!
That's not simple. Double-clicking is simple!
Okay, moving on. Pick-up/gather/drop quests. We all know these, right?
You go out, gather the required items, then talk to the NPC again to turn it in.
Well, SE doesn't really know how this works, because for some unfathomable reason,
they chose to build a manual "hand over" process in order to turn these quests in.
Right-click the item, then choose "Hand over," which puts it into another window
which you THEN click "Hand over" on. Yeah.
But if you want to do it the easy way, you can just drag from one window to the other
and then you only click "Hand over" one time. Yeaaaaaaah.
Sheep: Still look ridiculous. Who keeps putting legs on these cotton balls?
Aren't you supposed to be known for gorgeous graphics, Square Enix?
Well... Okay... I turned in a plank of maple for my level one carpenter quest. Pretentious much?
Oh, finally, my first tell from a gil seller! I'll just click the name to report--
What? I don't want to invite him to my party, I want to be able to report him.
You know, like I can in any other game by clicking on the name? Way to go, Square.
"This [invisible] pass serves as proof of your privilege."
No, really, just tell the airline ticketing counter it's the emperor's new pass. They'll let you on.
Well, now that you know what the game is like once you log in, let's talk about the game you'll actually be playing.
Notice how the "Start" button is grayed out?
Oh, hey, it did eventually show up. Yay, let's go!
...or not. Let's relaunch and try again.
Well, I actually got to the screen where my characters should be this time. Let's relaunch and try again.
Ah, yes, 1017. If the Final Fantasy fanbase were still large enough to popularize a meme of their own, it would be "1017."
Well, there are my preliminary XIV impressions. I now leave you with this little bit of translation gold.