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-Wish they'd fill that in, it give me the creeps! Keep expecting to see Owen crawling out of here.
-Oh, Christian...my nightmare's sorted out for the next month! -Did ya hear about Denise?
-Did I! I called Chelsea and asked her why the hell she hadn't been at work. How bad do I feel..
Christian, I need to stop!
-No, come on! Just one more circuit and then back to mine to work on that pelvic floor! -I'm gonna have a heart attack!
-No pain, no gain.
-If you say that one more time and I'm going to smack you! -Yeah well, you'd have to catch me first, wouldn't you, fatso! -Oi!
-Come on lard-ball! Let's move those abs! -You are so dead! Oi! Watch it!
-Woah, careful! Slow down!
Turn the right way, you could hurt someone. -Sorry!
-It's not me you need to apologise to, it's Adam. Are you okay, mate? -Yes, thanks. Sorry to have got in your way.
-Look, just eh, watch where you're going in the future, yeah?
He's all yours.
-That was weird!
-I am not a lard-ball! -Babe, I was only motivating you.
-Christian, if this is how you treat your clients then I quit! You can find yourself another guinea pig, alright!
-Oh, come on, don't be so soft. I'll take you back to mine for a massage and a foot-rub, yeah? And make up for it..
with my pomegranate and vanilla oils.
-Excuse me, Roxy. I just wanted to check that we're all set for tomorrow? -Set for what?
-The surprise party...
for Ina, in the Vic? It's her birthday! -It's not in the book. -I know, but it should be. I didn't write it down, I'm sorry.
-Oh, Christian! -Look, I'll sort it. -But how! We've got no food.
-But I've paid money and everything! -Don't you worry, you will have your party, I promise. Now how many people are coming?
-Well, um...everyone!
-Oh, come on Ian. You can throw something together for tomorrow!
-Firstly, I am a gourmet chef, I don't just don't throw things together. And secondly, and more importantly,
Ben's in court. Me and Jane and going to be supporting him, okay? -Well get Marie to do it?
It's Ina's birthday. -Oh, lovely Ina?! Who hasn't ever given me a discount on any flowers I've ever bought!
-And do you give her a discount on your coffee? -No, but I don't ask her to host my party, either!
Zainab will do it, Leo's with her. It's a 'catering' job, but don't let him talk you into a discount. He's desperate!
Not after what I paid for his shares. -It's a buffet in the Vic. That's the budget.
-I'll let you know. -Can we go now? Please. I'm bored, I'm tired, you promised me a massage. -Come on!
-Oh yes! Yes! Oh god, yes! Christian, you should just hire yourself out for this, my god!
Where you going, you can't just walk away in the middle of a client's..
-A non-paying one, I can. -I have paid, alright, in insults. And you still owe me for that 'thighs' comment, mate.
-Orange-peel! -Oi! Oi!
-Hi!
-Hey.
-I need to go over the, eh, the menu for this party-order. Ina's birthday. Hey Rox!
-Alright!
-So we were thinking, three different curries, beef, chicken, vegetarian. Usual pickles, naan, rice.
-Does Zainab know you're here?
-No, why? -Well don't you think she's going to have an opinion on it?
-Yeah, of course. She'd be really proud of me. Dad too. In fact, I'm going to tell them later,
after I've seen my therapist of course. He thought it was too soon but I knew I was ready... -Just back up a minute!
Therapist? -The one I'm seeing to cure me.
-To cure you? -Yeah! Re-orientate my thinking, to stop me having these 'gay' feelings. It's worked.
I've completed the transition. There, shake my hand!
-What? -Come on, shake it!
See? Nothing.
I don't feel anything. I'm not attracted to you anymore. I'm cured. It's over!
So you're okay with the menu, yeah? Great. Sorry, I've gotta dash. I'll see ya, Rox! -Bye.
-Being gay is not a mental disorder. You can't just re-orientate your thinking and get cured. It's impossible!
-Yeah, well someone has obviously convinced him. -Yeah and I'll bet he's paying through the nose for it as well.
-How do you think Syed even found him? -You mean, "How did Zainab and Masood."
They'll be the ones who'll have forced him into this.
What is it with that family! They can't understand or just accept: he's gay!
-Syed is going to have to accept it first. -He has! He did, to me.
And now they have dragged him away, locked him back in that closet, and they won't let him out now, will they?! Not ever!
-It didn't work.
That stuff you told me about, those techniques. They didn't work.
-Which techniques do you mean? -Well the visualisation stuff.
-The covert sensitisation? -Yes. I tried it twice but it didn't work.
-Tried it where? -Well, on him, of course, who else? -Christian?
-I...touched his arm in public, in the middle of the market. And I'm thinking about all the things you said, like...
he's covered in lice and pus and, and I could see it. It was gross, but...the effort of keeping those images in my mind -
-Syed, those techniques are merely aides.
Emergency tools, if you like, to help you deal with difficult, non-expected situations.
You can't find true success without deep analysis of your childhood.
Which is something, I've warned you, is going to take years.
-I don't want to spend years talking....hurting like this. I want to be cured now, or least to feel like it's working.
That after weeks of talking and hypnosis and these tricks that you give me,
that I can wake up feeling something other than despair! -You will. -When?...When?
When....will I look at him and not feel my heart bursting?
Not feel like I can't breathe unless I touch him?
-It's not him you want to touch. What you're reaching for is a sense of your own masculinity, which has been taken from you -
-No. No, it's him.
It's Christian that's the problem.
I mean earlier in the market, and later...
shaking his hand, it was like this electric shock bursting through me.
It's a physical reaction, and it's natural and instant and I will never ever not feel like that!
-It's not natural. We've discussed this, it's an abnormal response. -Which you promised to change!
Look...you're taking my money so do it.
Change me. Please!
I'll do anything just as long as it works. Just please, please...
Three words to describe my father:
Devout... Egotistical... Perfect.
-And your mother?
-The same.
-And Christian. What three words would you use to describe your feelings for him?
-Oi! Dull your aching heart.
-Pathetic, isn't it? You'd think I'd be over it by now.
-Will you just stop it, alright?! Stop doing this self-indulgent 'queen' thing!
It's time to move on, you've got a business to build. -I'm a roaring success with no clients.
-One client. I'm going to hire you.
Listen. On one condition, alright?
Syed is in the past. From now on you look to the future.
And all of those boyfriends are gonna be way more buff than he ever was, okay? Deal?
-Deal.
-You've been standing out there ever since? That's ridiculous!
-Nobody said I had to. It's just everyone's bothering you.. -Yeah well everyone knows that now, okay?
Hiya, how did the therapy session go? -Great, thanks. Really good.
-Well I've got all the ingredients for Ina's party. We'll take them over to the unit tomorrow morning.
-What a day! You know, if this is what being part of a well-respected family means, then I'd rather just not.
You know, we're not better than anyone else. We're not worse, we're just normal.
Are you alright, what's up?
-I can't do it. I can't not love him. Christian. No matter what I do, or what my god says, I just can't!
Must pray harder, just make him hear!
-Uh, you know, we were just going to pray. We won't be long. -No, it's okay. I'll join you.