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So I�ve been trying to do more PC gaming. There seems to be a greater democracy of ideas
there, combinations and permutations that any of the major console players would just
balk at. Take, for example, the frantic, super-gory tale of a new enrollee at the Lafcadio Academy
for Troubled Young Ladies, who happened once upon a time upon a book covered in blood...
that turned her into a weird, pincer-armed killing machine, and trapped her in a hellish
dreamscape of Lovecraftian horror, with the goal of collecting pages of that fell tome
and finding her way out before the inevitable tide of Edgar Allen Poe references does her
in. And it�s an action platformer. And it�s really freaking awesome, even if you find
the �jam gothic fiction tropes into freakin� everything� trend of the last couple years
a little overwrought. (Much like said prose.)
They Bleed Pixels - which, as you can plainly see, they certainly do, all over freakin�
everything - is a heavily stylized platformer with an evolved, adaptable combat element.
Think of it as N+ meets The Shadow Over Innsmouth meets Oneechanbara, rendered lovingly in an
oldschool pixel-heavy style. Your path to the exit in each massive stage is impeded
by any number of shambling horrors, flying cephalopod ***, diminutive villains with
huge knives, and other such evils... not like you�re much better. After all, you�ve
got two huge pincer-things for arms. While they�re not that useful for picking up delicate
objects, they ARE good for impaling the hell out of zombie-looking things, delivering upward
and downward slash attacks, and for latching onto walls. But while you can certainly wear
down enemies with your natural weaponry, it�s much more efficient - and unmistakably badass
- to instead kick them either laterally or vertically, using the terrain�s natural
proclivity toward blood-stained spikes to your immediate advantage. Man, do they love
their spikes.
Getting through each stage is rather a huge task, and you�re stuck with just 3HP. But
with every blob of eldritch floating blood you collect and each sanity-reducing horror
you dispatch, you begin to fill the gauge in the top-left of the screen. Once it caps
out, a purple aura envelops our heroine; stand still long enough in a stable, safe area,
and she�ll automatically generate a checkpoint and refill her health. It seems like a novel
idea at first - literally dropping save points wherever you wish, like it�s some kind of
hyperextended North Crater and you�re about to spar with Sephiroth. But it flows exceptionally
well with the run-and-gun-and-kick-into-buzzsaws gameplay that�s all pixel-precise platforming
one moment and merciless, blood-soaked carnage the next. And just to mix things up, a couple
bonus levels are included; one such stage offers candy for offing monsters in interesting
ways, turning this monstrosity from mere hardcore action platformer to hardcore action PUZZLE
platformer. �lolHorror� games of this quality make me think I might owe the Hot
Topic crowd an apology for things I�ve said in the past. But then I�d be in a mall,
and I wouldn�t think twice about using them as zombie bait.