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I’m confused, man. Woefully confused. This is an import game. It’s a Super Famicom
cart. Yet... this is no different from the Tecmo Super Bowl I remember playing as a kid.
So is it even worth calling this an import review? Y’know what, I don’t care. ‘Cuz
it’s the last hurrah for the original Tecmo Bowl style of football, before Tecmo Super
Bowl II switched it to an isometric view. It’s football, as it was meant to be on
consoles: Flat, chaotic, and... Oh, Barry Foster, what the hell are you doing.
Yes, back before Merril Hoge became a talking tie-knot on ESPN, he was in the Stillers’
backfield, and those two were taking the handoffs from Neil O’Donnell (on the multiple occasions
that putz just couldn’t remember which color he was supposed to throw to). As we’re informed
by one of the opening titles, the rosters are accurate as of August 16, 1993, though
the game allows you to play the ‘91 through ‘93 NFL seasons, thus rewriting football
history in your own image. That said, the season mode does implement an injury system,
meaning Rod Woodson’s going to screw up his knee on the first game of the season,
every time. (Though that’s not actually supposed to happen until 1995.) You can customize
your playbooks, though the selection at any given time is kinda limited, and defense can
be a right bear to play as you’re trying to predict your opponent’s play as opposed
to just running a defensive scheme.
And if this all feels like too much control to you, you have the option of taking a step
back and simply coaching the game, sending in the plays and defensive configurations,
and marvelling as the AI players perform acts of stupidity so severe, Jim Nantz and Phil
Simms would have to be restrained. I mean, look at Darren Perry standing right there!
IT’S A SAFETY BLITZ, NOT A SAFETY RUNS UP TO THE LINE AND WAITS FOR A FREAKIN’ INVITATION!
*** LeBeau cannot be happy with this brazen display of computer stupidity. Still, the
NES version of Tecmo Bowl was the first to ever sign deals with both the NFL and the
NFLPA, meaning all the teams are real instead of the “Washington Assemblage of Rhombuses.”
This 16-bit version ups the ante by expanding the on-field players to the full-and-proper
11-on-11, rather than its predecessor’s 9-on-9. And also... this rather extreme halftime
show. Which makes no sense for a Steelers-Browns preseason game. Heck, get the pierogis to
race the hot dogs. Even better, just let Potato Pete pull that cross-body splash on Bernie
Kosar. Y’know, the way he laid out Teddy Roosevelt with extreme prejudice. Show Darren
Perry how it’s done.