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Theme music - "Royalty"
Welcome to another edition of The Film Bowl.
I’m your host, Gillbert C. Weed.
And I’m your other host, Finley Fitz-Potter!
Would you stop that!? What is that thing, anyway?
It’s my magic wand, of course.
Finley, put away your little bubble toy.
We all know it's not a magic wand.
"Not a magic wand," is it? Can “Not a magic wand” do this? –- Floatato!
Do what?
Can't you see? We're magically floating!
We’re fish, Finley.
All we can do is float, not blink, and swim around in our own filth.
Oh yeah. Maybe I’m not saying it right – Float-A-to!—
Give-Me-That! If you’d like to see an impressive display of magic,
You need look no further than this week’s film.
Harry Potter.
The boy who lived.
Come to die.
(Unintelligible yell)
In this eighth and final chapter of the famous fantasy franchise,
Daniel Radcliffe returns as Harry Potter,
the teen wizard who must find three mythical weapons – the Deathly Hallows.
Emma Watson and Rupert Grint reprise their roles as Harry’s best mates,
Hermione and Ron, who must help Harry
destroy the horcruxes of the evil Lord Voldermort.
Director David Yates returns us to the wizarding world,
complete with dragons, Death Eaters and all of those magical spells,
like Disappartatio!
Yes, the wizarding world that has never attempted to make sense.
If these horcruxes are so important to Voldermort,
why doesn’t he put one in a safety deposit box in Indonesia?
I could write a better script with my eyes closed,
which is how I suggest you view the antics at Hogwarts.
Hogwarts – there’s a school that could stand to lay off a few teachers.
I suppose endangering the lives of children one semester after another is
what passes for quality education these days.
I'm afraid I have to give this film a big fin down.
And what brilliant words of wisdom
do you you wish to enlighten us with, Finley?
I’m a magic fish!
Oh FINLEY, stop stalling and give your asinine review.
I give it a fins up.
Shocking.
Way up!
-How do you like that, GILLBERT? -Well, I must say.
-I know, right? -That’s quite impressive.
-Didn't think I could do it, did ya'? -No, I really didn’t.
-Pretty sweet, huh? -Bravo. I am quite surprised.
-How about this? -I did not believe you could do that.
-Over here. -Alright, that's enough, Finley.
-And here? -That's quite enough of this tomfoolery.
-Eh, Gilbert! -(Inaudible grunt)
Stop that! We still need to plug next week's film.
Music: "Suspense"
(Screams)
-We're doomed. -Wait, it's him. We're saved!
Music: "Heroic"
His magic ring can make anything, like a...
-Bottle of *** -Or...
-***. -Or a...
-Call girl. -Or...
The end of network television?
-This summer... -How about a green ladder!?
Prepare to go Sheen.
It's not easy being Sheen.
Maybe a green rope!? (Screams)
-That's enough of that! -The rocks are out of the bowl...
-Give me that wand! -The rocks are in the bowl!
-I'm getting very cross.
-The fish are out of the bowl... -I mean it, Finley! (Gasp)
The fish are in the bowl!
I'm not fooling around. Hand over that wand, Finley!
The water's out of the bowl.
(Splash!)
You can have it now.
Theme music - "Royalty"
Are you happy now?