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Girl, I just got up off a REM cycle.
I'm feeling so refreshed and renewed in the Lord Jesus Christ.
So shoutout to you, uh, your auntie, your uncle, your cousins and them,
for helping my video on Facebook reach 2 million views. The Beyoncé one, the Buzzfeed one.
Uhm, that's great.
There's something I should clear up right now.
Views [blows air]
That a view does not equal a dollar.
Amen? Okay?Just letting y'all know.
Hey YouTube world, it's me, Evelyn.
I've been doing this for years. Like, if you are my OG Internet cousin,
you've seen me move into this apartment. You've seen me in a dorm room, ya know what I mean?
So, like I've been out IN THESE STREETS!
So yes, views get your video in front of more people. And, uh, more of the right people, I guess.
But we're all precious in His sight, okay?
If I had a dollar for every view I have on the Interent, [kenyan accent] I'd be a millionaire.
If I had a quarter for every view I have on the Internet, [kenyan accent] I'd be a millionaire.
But that got me thinking-- Evelyn, what would you even do if you had a million dollars?
I'd definitely be that person buying $500 white tees, the finest cotton,
made and sown by hand. By, uhm, craftsmen. Not slaves, you know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't want nothing made in Indonesia. I'm off that, okay?
I'd pay off my student loans. I'd pay off my father's student loans. I'd pay off my brother's student loans.
I'm putting the whole village on my back, nawwmsayin'?
I don't even know if I would move honestly. I might just buy, uh uh uh, a better mattress, maybe, ok?
If I had a million dollars, I still wouldn't purchase groceries from Whole Foods.
Who actually gets complete groceries from Whole Foods?
Even if it is organic, it's not even the best value for the organic-ness.
I would try to be court side for all San Antonio Spurs games.
And before you try to shade me, talking 'bout-- "What's the point of being front row for the boring a--"
WE ARE A DYNASTY. WE ARE A DYNASTY.
I would go to Kenya, finally. Like, when am I gonna go? Like when?
Ya know what I'm sayin'?
Who are my people? I don't know.
[nervous laughter] I'm so lost in this world.
If I had a million dollars, I would probably still walk around with busted hair color.
Probably still walk around with no eyebrows, nawwmsayin? Money can't buy eyebrows.
You know the scary thing about this is that it's not a lot of money.
That's not a lot of money, gurl.
I would try to help the youth in my community. Like, there are people in Austin, TX--
there are kids who don't have computers. Like...
What dimension do we live in?
And Internet connection, because I mean what good is a computer if you don't have Internet.
At the end of the day, I make these videos because my brainwaves just do too much.
I need cheering up. Your comments are GOLD.
Lemme, lemme let y'all in on a little secret. A Youtuber is only as good as their comment section.
And I truly believe that I have one of the BEST comment sections on YouTube.
And you can fight me. Oh my god, you can fight me.
[kenyan accent] Every once in a while there is a rabble-rouser,
but they're a stranger. Like, who-- who are you? Like, who are you even?
So thanks for watching my videos. I don't make a dollar for every view. Girl, if I did...
Would you see me on the Internet somewhere? Girl, I don't know.
In the comments below, I wanna know who else you watch on YouTube.
And I'll see you on the Internet somewhere, BYE!