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I do feel bad about a lot of things. I feel guilty on a lot of things. It is like I cannot
get rid of that feeling. I have gone through a lot of different therapists
and different therapy types and have gotten a lot of lectures. I think that for me right
now it is still important to kind of keep that. I want, how can I say it?
They will say that spirituality is important because you build up your God. Everyone has
their higher power and ask for forgiveness. I still have never been able to ask anybody
for forgiveness because I am really not ready to be forgiven yet.
Because it is like I have played back just about everything, and I know when I made the
right decision and when I made the wrong decision. I know that there is still probably just me
being my own worst critic and *** myself. I know that. I know I hold a lot more importance
to decisions that I made then. Some people would say that I mean to, but that is just
not. I feel like I have not got to that point where I am ready to be forgiven for the wrong
that I have done.