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Thank you very much. Nice to be here. I was uh, I was exercising today,
and there was a man on the machine next to me
listening to a Discman. Today.
Today. This happened today. I didn't recognize it, initially. They're much bigger
than you remember. Much, much bigger.
I thought he was listening to a pizza. Huge!
Huge! And then, don't get me wrong, I had a Discman. This is how long ago
I got my Discman: I paid $188.
for my Discman. $188. I can go over to Rite Aid right now,
with 188 dollars, and bring back a Discman for
everyone in this room. In fact, if you'll go ahead and reach under your seats...
For $188, though, it came loaded.
All the best features. All the... Bass Boost?
You betcha! You bet it had bass boost. If at any time you thought to yourself:
Is that all the base? Boost!
Oh! False alarm everyone! Plenty more base where that base came from.
And anti-shock?
Anti-shock? Indispensable! Get the anti-shock, because
if you are strong enough to jog while carrying this manhole cover,
this Olympic discus, then
then the disk would not skip for the minute the batteries lasted while
in anti-shock.
Pivotal! The sweetest feature on the Discman, though. The "must get".
Beg borrow and steal my friends, but get the shuffle.
Get the shuffle! You do not know what in the Sam Hill
is coming up next when you hit shuffle
on a disk every time a song ends Oh, cliffhanger!
Which one of these songs is gonna pop up next?
Which one of these 10... songs...
If it's Rocketman again, I will lose my (mind)!
and it's Rocket Man! Oh my lord, what are the chances?
What are the chances? 10 percent. 10 percent.
I shouldn't make fun of the guy. He's just
trying to make ends meet. The economy is bad.
Sometimes I go to the mall. I can't believe certain businesses are still
open. Best example: "Things Remembered".
How do they stay profitable?
They'll etch your initials in an eighty dollar letter opener.
I don't know about you guys but the first thing I cut into when times got tough
Engraving.
My engraving budget is a skeleton
of what it was last year. Yes, last year we were all
loosey-goosey. we were engraving everything
we could drag into Things Remembered, but now
when I wake up in the morning and I go over my "to engrave" list, I say Gary,
do you have to engrave this
today? Today!
Does this money clip, with three ones and a bus pass, does it need
monogramming today?
No? Put it off! Discipline. But, I'll tell you who's doing well, though.
The "a" with the circle around it. The at sign? The abbreviation for "at"?
Its on Twitter. Separating, its on your email address...
and I when I was a kid the only time you saw it was when Charlie Brown swore.
Lucy would pull away the football and he would let loose with a vulgar string
of pound signs (#), asterisks (*) and @ signs
that would make a *** blush. It was ribbled.
And now its everywhere. It's the abbreviation for "at".
We're shortening 2 letter words. Who is that lazy? Oh!
If I have to cross one more damn T,
It's sucking the life outta me. I love
crossing a "T". I love... It's so empowering...
and, and, confession time,
when I was a kid I wanted my parents to change my name to Scott
because there are two "T"s at the end of a properly...
and by cursive law, if you have two Ts, you get to sign them both
with a flourish. It's not, eh...eh. It's whoosh!
and and that's why Scotts
are always very well-adjusted confident men, because since they're little kids
they get to sign their name like their baseball star. I'm Scott!
I'm Scott. Who are you? I'm Scott! I'm six years old and I'm Zorro!
I'm Scott!
Thank you very much everyone!