Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Well, Victoria and I actually had to break up. I broke up with her! Really? Did she just
break up with me? I had to break it off with her, though, truth be told. Come on, I was
there. If we're gonna make this work, we need to go therapy. There's no chance in hell that
I'm going to therapy with a cat. Well, I'm just lookin' for a little heavy petting. With
Mike Weaver. I just–I just find that he interjects himself into my personal life.
Woah, woah, woah. I have the talking mug, Lee Majors! I have the talking mug. As an
example, if I bring a date home and things start to get frisky, I don't wanna be upstaged.
Okay, okay. When I hear something like that, you know what it makes me feel? A little insecure
and undervalued. You just have to pick your spots. Mike. Mike, you have to look at me.
But this guy… You have to look at me. This guy… You have to look at me. Grand standing
around, like some sorta 'Johnny-come-lately!' Where's this coming from? I have closed deals
for you, Mike. Big deals. It was one deal. One deal. The Brazilian with the cat fetish.
And how did that one work out, Lee Majors? What happened there? She a–peed in the litter
box. She peed in the litter box, yes. And? She pooped in the litter box. Took a s***
in the litter box. I think we can all agree these aren't the types of deals I should be
closing, yes? Yes. Can I get a little more milk over here? See that tone? Today on Heavy
Petting: Jimmy Buffett and parrots–what the hell? Up next. Oh man, I'm fired up for
this show tonight. Who sent you the flowers? How nice. Wow. Secret admirer? You're agent?
Wow, they're very proud. They're very proud of you. Yeah, that's good. Just gonna call
my agent. We got Safari Steve back in the studio. Safari, it's summertime soon. There's
gonna be some hikers and some campers preppin' their gear to go out into the wild. But chances
are, they may encounter a bear. What can you tell our viewers, as far as safety tips, as
they enjoy Mother Nature? Well, Mike, as you know, my thing is education. But the first
thing you wanna do when you're going on your hike is you wanna be as quiet as you can.
Because if the bear hears something unusual, it's gonna wanna figure out what it is. So
what do you do if you actually encounter the bear? Well, if you see a bear, you wanna lock
eyes with it. And then you walk slowly up to it, repeating the phrase: Whassup up bear?
Whassup bear? Whassup bear? Whassup bear? Then the bear will know you just wanna be
friends. Wow, okay. Is there anything the hikers should do differently if, say, the
bear is with one of its baby bears? Baby bear is called a coob. Coob? But with coobs, you
wanna run up to them as fast as you can and give them a good, loving hug. And then the
mama bear will know that you're good with its young. That's some sound logic, Safari.
Let's move on to our campers that are gonna have supplies and foodstuffs. What are some
safety tips for them, as far as setting up their camp? Well, I think it's extremely important
to stake your territory. So what I would do is encircle the tent with your food. No kidding?
Yeah. Oh, okay. So what I would is I would have my BBQ chicken thighs–I'd put probably
right there. Oh jeez. I'd like to have my sweets right here. Absolutely, yeah. Desert,
chocolates. Were would we put the bacon? I'd put bacon over here. Yeah. Because then you
got your salty and your sweet. Ah, I wish we had some sorbet over here to cleanse the
pallet. Jeez, Mike, I got sorbet over here! No kidding! Oh man, am I hungry right now.
Hey, you wanna grab some supper? Yeah. As informative as ever, Safari Steve. Thanks
for coming in. Thanks, Mike. Up next: The kid from Old Yeller says he was framed. Hey,
Mary. Hey, you want some food? Hey, you know how cranky you get when you don't eat. Hey,
Safari, great show today. Well done. Safe trip back, alright? Hey, Mike, thanks. Thank
you. Thank you, so much. It was really great for–thanks for having me. It's just–thanks.
Thank you. Thank you, I was–just great being on the show. Okay, you're gettin' a little
clingy now, Safari. I gotta go to lunch. Hey, you need somebody to join you, or…? Sorry,
what's that? Can I come with you, you wanna…? No. Okay. Bye, Mike. Ah jeez, Mary! You nicked
me! Bad snake! Go to your time out bag! Yeah, you nicked me. You sure nicked me. Ohhh. Ah,
that's actually quite nice, Mary. Ah, yeah. Ahhhh. It's Yo Soy Safari Esteban.