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Quiet. Sshhh.
Is this it ?
Shut up ! Stop making so much noise!
But I can't see anything !
It's over there you should be looking you ***.
Rodron ! *** it Rodron !
Move over I can't see !
Is this it ?
Yes, there !
We came all this way for this ?
For this ?
I mean she doesn't have any....
That's the whole point !
It's weird all the same.
She's, she's graceless.
Graceful, you mean graceful !
I'm not sure about that.
Honestly, she's sublime.
Where are you looking ?
Well I don't really know. I'm trying to look... Well at a little of everything.
I'm watching the same spot since we started.
Argh! Brother ! Hey brother !
Hey !
Hey !
You little ***!
Rodron ! What's up ?!
I can't help it - I have a heart problem.
Better now ?
Sorry, but no.
I just don't see what is so wonderful about a woman's body.
Are you sure we were looking at the same thing ?
Well okay, she did have a pretty expression, but nothing to...
A pretty expression ? The only thing you noticed was her pretty expression ?
Well my dear swine - I don't think we were looking at the same thing you and I.
Are you sure you even like girls ?
Because I don't mind, you know you can do what you want, but...
But let me know all the same. Just so we stop *** together, right ?
Oh, that's great.
So you're saying I like men just because I'm more interested in someone's interior beauty than in their physical appearance ?
Sorry Mordred, but I'm disappointed in you.
Interior beauty ? Get serious Rodron...
Hey, you were going to tell me all about your thrilling adventures in the woods ? Go on, I'm all ears.
Nah, it was nothing, really.
Go on, tell me !
No, it's not so...
Well all right then.
I came across two bandits on the forest trail, where I just happened to be practicing with my bow and arrow...
When I saw they were trying to attack a young lady.
By sheer reflex or natural instinct, call it what you will, I didn't think twice and I jumped right in to save her.
Wow, what class !
I know.
So you took them both on and saved the damsel in distress ?
Oh no, not at all.
I jumped in...
And...
They threatened to rearrange my face.
So I turned and ran for my life.
Oh.
And the girl ?
Apparently they took everything she had.
And *** her.
Cripes. Not good...
No, that's for sure, those guys were not messing around, it didn't take long to realise that.
Well in that case...
Well, at least I tried, eh ?
Oh yes, yes. I guess that's how one learns, isn't it ?
Yeah, that's what I thought...
However, it would never have happened if you had a bit more combustion.
More what ?
Combustion, you know, like when you've confidence in yourself.
You mean conviction ?
No, isn't conviction the thing that burns ?
What ?
What I'm saying is, that if you had more combustion, then you wouldn't have been so deleted.
You mean defeated ?
Oh forget it, you always have to have the last word don't you...
It's not my fault you talk like a donkey.
The bells ? That means that...
The company of the Un-Crusaders are near.
Traduction: Ingrid Guerrier
You have to admit it, they really do have class those Un-Crusaders.
There was one of them that bothered me though, he was pretty creepy, the one with the flat eyes, like that.
No, it's because he's asian, he's from the far east.
Did you know that they drink their *** ? That's why they're yellow.
Don't be stupid.
Hey ! Its my mother that told me !
Was that before or after she abandoned you ?
You're so smart, you always have something to say.
Well, in any case, I would do anything to join the ranks of the Un-Crusaders.
Well if I could choose, my dream would be to look after sick animals...
To what ?
Well yes, look after horses with wounded hooves, remove lice from cat's ears, and perhaps I could even stroke a yellow canary !
Jesus, that's a pathetic dream.
Hey, don't make fun of me !
Everyone has the right to have a dream, ok ?
Sure, why not ?
But wanting to look after furry animals is really a girl's thing you know.
Well that's just because you have no sense of parity...
Parity ? Is that another word you've just invented ?
No, if you must know, Nabur taught me that word in my last lesson. Ha !
Oh !
Hey, I was wondering... Why do you want to become an Un-crusader all of a sudden. Isn't it the total opposite of what you wanted before.
What do you mean ?
The knights of the Round Table, the quest for the holy grail, all that stuff ?
Yes, well no.
Oh, I thought so.
All the same, it's quite something this Un-Crusader thing.
They've officially announced that they are going to hunt down all the knights.
Doesn't sound very catholic to me.
Pff - I'd rather be on the side of religious fanatics, than serve someone that's been playing around with his sister.
Do you really believe that story ?
Sure. It's the innkeeper that was talking about it the other day.
You know, the one called Gauzip.
All the same you have to admit that they're a pretty immoral crowd, total abuse of authority.
They organise hangings, they have no respect for women, especially redheads !
Nope, it stinks of revolution - a revolution I tell you !
Its rubbish, the quest of the Holy Grail cannot be conducted by those incompetent knights. At least the Un-Crusaders have a lead.
Oh yes ?
Yeah. These guys are serious.
They're looking for a prophet or an oracle or something like that.
How do you know that ?
It's Gauzip, the innkeeper that said so.
Well, I'm off.
Oh, why ?
I don't feel like talking anymore, you get on my nerves.
Oh, and...
I'm sure there are lots of wounded animals just waiting for you to come save them.
I certainly wouldn't want to interfere with your dream !
You okay ?
You okay ?
What did I do ? What did I do ?
So, feeling better my little drowned rat ?
Very funny.
Funny - I didn't know that a guy could scream in such a feminine manner ?
Absolutely. Perhaps you'd like me to slap your head around to make you cry a bit more ?
What ?
Anyway, why were you crying ?
Me ? Crying ?
Of course you were, you could be heard for several woods away.
You're lucky that it was me that heard you, if it had been old Nabur he would have chased you off his land with his spade.
Because I'm safe with you ?
No.
But I don't have time to waste on a ***. It's dangerous.
You're probably full of diseases, the plague or perhaps even cholera. In fact, if you could just - clear off.
Hey, am I bothering you ?
Well, yes. On the one hand you're bothering me because I came here to practice in peace, away from the others and the noise...
And on the other hand, I don't know why, but just your presence really pisses me off.
What are you practicing at ?
Shooting arrows.
But didn't you break your bow ?
Yes, but I made another one. And, what the hell, who cares? Could you just clear off ?
Okay then ! Just because the little boy wants to play around with his little sticks.
Besides, you can't even aim at all.
Excuse me ?
Well you have to admit it - you're useless !
I could shoot an arrow between your eyes from 10 meadows away if I wanted to - okay ?
Sure, just like you can aim the centre of your targets ?
How odd, look, there aren't any marks ? Surely you don't miss all your shots ?
Yeah, well, actually that's because I changed them just recently.
Liar !
I spend a lot of time around here you know, I've never seen any of your targets move.
Well maybe...
But why do you insist on hanging around and annoying me ?
I'm making use of your father's orchard.
He's not my father !
And you've no right to be here you know. It's private property ? And private means out of bounds for the public. And you're public !
How do you find me ?
What ?
Physically.
No, but what kind of a question is that ?
Go on, tell me.
No, this is weird...
Well, okay, you're not bad for a boy.
Great - just what I thought. I look like a boy - super ! Thanks !
Well you have to admit it is confusing. Sure, you have an annoyingly high and screechy voice, but look at your hair ! It's cut like a boy !
Yes, well that's because I sell it.
You what ?
I sell my hair.
And why would you do that ?
Because it's magic.
Magic ?
Yep. Indestructible.
Indestructible ?
Could you stop repeating what I say please ? Really it's getting on my nerves.
Wait a minute, if it was really indestructible, then you wouldn't be able to cut it !
Well I am the only one who can cut it. Obviously !
But what fool would want to buy hair ?
Well if you really want to know, I can do loads of things with my hair.
Okay, fine. I'm delighted. Nice to have met you, er, thingy...
Eliette.
Eliette. Right. Great. See you soon.
I will wager you the purse that I stole from you, that your bow won't last two hours.
But what is it with you ? Aren't you tired of winding me up? Can't you just clear off ?
Fine, enjoy yourself, you know you're useless !
Jesus !
Right, a few more practice shots and then I'll take the ham back to Nabur.
He won't be able to say I'm not helpful, the old fella.
Oh no, the ham !
That little thieving magpie - she's stolen my ham !
No ! Hey, Eliotthingymajig ! Oh no ! I'm in deep *** ! No !
Whooo ! Yeah !
Cool !
Well then, pretending to be a priest, are we ?
I'm trying to work something out, if you must know.
About what ?
Nothing that would be of any interest to you. Never mind, I went ahead and started dinner. The carrots and the leeks are ready...
I was just waiting for the ham.
The ham ?
Oh you'll laugh, honestly it's quite funny, but...
No it's not funny ! Not at all, Mordred !
I ask you one miserable favour, one that requires no effort whatsoever...
Okay. Don't get excited. It's just that...
It's just, it's just that you're useless !
The farm is falling apart, the land is in a wretched state, there is no wood cut for the fire, and the animals are dying one after the other, but all that is of no concern to you is it ?
It's, it's that...
Stop making excuses !
Good lord, but what have I done to deserve a son like you !
I am not your son !
Well thank goodness for that ! That would make things even worse !
Do you think I enjoy this life ? These conditions every day. Cleaning up after your pigs and your filthy creatures? Having my hands in the mud most of the time? Eating the same, tasteless food. What kind of existence do you call that ? I am not a farmer's son you know !
Who in hell do you think you are the son of ? King Arther maybe ?
Certainly not, no, but one thing I am sure of, is that I'm not the son of a stupid peasant, who thinks only of hiding his education from the others, in order to hide the fact he has wasted his life.
Get out !
And don't ever come back !
Suits me.
***..
*** ! All this because of that rotten pickpocket !
Useless ? Useless ? I'll show you...
It's curious, but I have the impression I have already been witness to this scene.
Poor fools trying desperately to escape from their pathetic lives and placing all their hope on a sword stuck in a rock.
Who are you ?
I am but a mere pilgrim in search of a shelter for the night.
Go see the old man who lives up there.
Thank you young man.
The axe appears to me to be well stuck.
The axe ? Yes, or it's the gods playing a bad joke on me again to make me look foolish.
Quite the sinner I see.
Not really.
Sinners are those that believe. I don't believe in anything.
That's unusual.
These days, most youths follow the fashion of religion.
At least to resemble the Company of the Un-Crusaders.
It's the one thing that I don't agree with in their methods.
I can very well be courageous without believing in a divinity.
And you're not afraid that your ideas will get you into trouble ?
I can't see how my situation could get worse.
My life has no significance.
Nonsense.
I am sure that if you persist, and with the right resources, you will finish by removing the hatchet from that root.
It... won't... ever...
You see ?
One thing at a time.
One must always have a purpose.
That is how we get achieve our goals.
I will show you to Naburs house.
My name is Mordred.
Delighted to make your acquaintance.
You can call me Accolon.
Thanks for watching !