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Hello, everyone! I'm gonna tell you a short story. It's called the Odyssey. So, Odysseus,
the protagonist, and the rest of the Greeks are heading home after they won the battle
of Troy with their giant toy horse. Odysseus especially wants to get home fast so he can
get back to his smoking hot wife, Penelope. Little does he know that everyone and his
Centaur has been hit on her why he's been gone. So Odysseus starts sailing home, but then
lands on an island where he and his crew find a sheep herding Cyclops named Polyphemus that
eats half of them. Odysseus gets them out of there by getting the Cyclops really really
drunk and then stabbing him in the eye while he's sleeping. So the Cyclops prays to Poseidon,
the God of the sea, who happens to be his father. "Daddy, will you please mess up Odysseus'
life, cuz he's a stupid son of a-" Bad things happen from this point forward. Odysseus finds
a witch named Circe who turns all of his men into pigs and holds him as a brainwashed sex
slave for a few years.
Bow-Chika-Bow-Wow
Get Out
He escapes from there and then has to go past the Sirens,
To imagine sirens, picture Ariel from the Little
Mermaid meets Jack the Ripper. He goes into Hades, where he talks to a prophet lady and
finds out about the crazy *** trying to steal his wife back at home.
Not in my House!
On his way out of Hades
he has to fight the sea monster Scylla, and then escape from the nymph Calypso with the
help of Hermes and his flying shoes. After all of that, he lands on an island where these
people say they'll bring him home if he tells them his story. They return him home to Ithaca,
where he disguises himself as a beggar to avoid attention, but Penelope sees through
his costume, and she devises a plan, cuz she's a strong, independent woman! She holds a contest
that requires the men to shoot Odysseus' super strong, impossible to shoot
bow. All of the guys look like fools trying to shoot the bow and Odysseus fires it like
it's nothing. Odysseus is kind of a bad sport though, so he kills every last suitor. Hahaha
I win! After the massacre, Odysseus takes his family to see his dad, but they're attacked
by the families of the dead suitors. Luckily, Odysseus' dad is the most badass old man ever
and he kills everybody. Zeus, who has been watching all of this like the Hunger Games,
congratulates Odysseus. And they all live happily ever after!