Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
I'M GREG GUTFELD, OR AS I AM
KNOWN ON FACEBOOK, DEBORAH,
AGE 17, DANCER.
LET'S GO TO ANDY LEVY FOR A
PRE GAME REPORT. WHAT IS COMINGN
TONIGHT'S SHOW?
>> THANKS, DEBORAH.
SKY HERO, TERRAPIN HERO OR
VICTIM OF ANIMAL ABUSE?
THIS IS HOW YOU LEAD OFF A
SHOW.
AND WHY IS JOY BIDEN HEADED TO
TAMPA?
THERE IS A CHANCE HE THINKS HE
IS GOING TO THE DEMOCRATIC
CONVENTION.
AND DID ROGER CLEMENS GET
NAKED AT A LAS VEGAS HOTEL?
WE WILL STRAIGHTEN IT OUT IN
THE LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> I WANT TO POINT OUT THAT
BIDEN JOKE I DID ON "THE
FIVE."
>> REALLY?
WHAT IS "THE FIVE"?
>> THAT IS A SHOW IN THE
AFTERNOON.
>> THE 5 WHAT?
>> IT IS CALLED "THE FIVE"
WITH FIVE PEOPLE.
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> MAYBE YOU DON'T THINK AT
ALL BECAUSE YOU STOLE MY
JOKE.
>> I DON'T THINK THERE IS ANY
SUCH SHOW.
IS THAT THE SHOW YOU DO WHEN
YOU ROOM WITH THE PUPPETS ?
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING
THAT UP.
YOU ARE MY PUPPET.
GO AWAY, PUPPET.
GO.
LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
SHE IS HOTTER THAN A RED IRON
STEAK BARBECUED ON THE SUN.
I AM HERE WITH THE NEWS
COLUMNIST AND ONE OF MY
CO-HOSTS "THE FIVE" A SHOW
WHICH ANDY WAS NEVER ON.
AND IF COMMENTARY WAS TAI CHI
I WOULD DO HIM IN THE PARK
EVERY SATURDAY.
IN ICELAND HE IS CONSIDERED A
LUBRICANT.
IT IS MY SIDEKICK, BILL
SCHULZ.
AND SHE IS SO HOT THAT RUG
BURNS ARE NOW CALLED SAN BRA
BURNS.
NEXT TO ME IS SANDRA SMITH.
ON TO THE NEWS, AND THIS IS
THE BIGGEST STORY OF THE YEAR,
PERHAPS DECADE.
DID THE HARD SHELL GO THROUGH
HELL, OR WAS IT MORE THRILLING
THAN CHILLING?
IN A STORY THAT GRIPPED BOTH
THE NATION AND DARE I SAY THE
WORLD?
THEY ARE LOOKING FOR WHO EVER
TAPED SEVERAL BALLOONS TO A
BOX TURTLE AND LET IT FLY
THROUGH A NEIGHBORHOOD IN
OCEANSIDE, CALIFORNIA LAST
WEEKEND.
UPON SPOTTING THIS HERO IN A
TREE, NEIGHBORS CALLED THE
FIRE DEPARTMENT, AND THEN
THANKFULLY STARTED TAKING
VIDEO OF THE RUNNING IN PLACE
REPTILE.
LOOK AT HIM.
LET'S LISTEN AS ONE EYEWITNESS
WEIGHS IN ON THE TERRAPIN NOW
BEING HELD AT THE HUMANE
SOCIETY.
>> THAT'S ANIMAL ABUSE.
IF YOU DIDN'T WANT THE ANIMAL
TAKE IT TO A PET STORE.
THERE ARE A LOT OF ADOPTION
AGENCIES FOR TURTLE.
>> YES, THERE ARE.
THAT'S WHERE I GOT CAPTAIN
ROUGH TONGUE.
THEY SAY THE MASTER MINDS OF
THE STUNT COULD FACE CHARGES
OF ANIMAL ABUSE.
BUT WHO WILL INVESTIGATE THIS
CASE OF RECKLESS RIDING?
>> IS THAT IS A PRETTY
IMPRESSIVE STUNT THERE.
ANDREA, HOW IS THIS ANIMAL
ABUSE ?
SKY TURTLE GOT TO FLY.
HE IS A HERO TO BOTH PEOPLE
AND HIS PEERS.
>> I AGREE, GREG.
BUT I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE STORY.
WHO TAPED THE TURTLE TO THE
BALLOONS?
>> YES JIE. WHY DIDN'T PEOPLE
JUST GET ON A LADDER AND GET
THEM DOWN.
WHY DID THEY HAVE TO CALL
9-1-1?
AND MAYBE THE TURTLE REALLY
LIKED IT.
I WOULD LIKE IT IF YOU
STRAPPED BALLOONS TO ME AND
FLEW ME AROUND.
THAT IS A LUCKY TURTLE.
>> HOW MUCH DIFFERENT IS THAT
THAN SAY A FREE TICKET ON
JETBLUE.
>> OR A HOT AIR BALLOON.
>> OR A HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE.
>> I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT.
>> SOMEBODY AT HOME PUT HER IN
A HOT AIR BALLOON.
JIMMY -- I'M SORRY HE IS
SICK.
>> YOU DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE
BECAUSE MY SON IS SICK.
>> I FELT BAD.
>> JUST BECAUSE I CONTRIBUTED
TO HIS BUS EVERY TIME HE IS
ILL, IT IS ME FAILING.
>> HE DOES HAVE YOUR GENES.
>> BUT THAT IS A BIT OF A
STRETCH.
>> I KNOW IT IS A STRETCH.
WHERE YOU ARE FROM, WILL THE
MEDIA SEE THIS AS AN OUTRAGE
OR GOOD, CLEAN FUN.
>> THEY WILL SEE IT AS TURTLE
SOUP.
THE FACT THAT PEOPLE ARE
GETTING MAD HERE IS AN EXAMPLE
OF THE DEATH OF MATH.
>> THE DEATH OF MATH?
>> THE DEATH OF MATHEMATICS.
THEIR HAND ON THE SANDWICH AT
THE ACTUAL TIME PEAKING
PIGEONS SAYING SEE WHAT THEY
DO TO ANIMALS?
IT IS A TRAVIS STEY.
CHICKENS DIE EVERY 10 SECONDS,
AND THESE AMERICANS GET SO
UPSET.
OH A PUPPY.
BEEF BURGER.
YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.
YOU ARE EITHER A VEGAN OR YOU
EAT MEAT.
IT IS JUST A TURTLE FOR CHRIST
SAKE.
>> IT IS JUST A TURTLE OR
AMERICA'S NEW HERO?
>> I AM HOLDING OUT HOPE.
I USED TO BE A PROUD TURTLE
OWNER WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS
OLD.
I AGREE, THIS COULD HAVE BEEN
A TURTLE WITH TERMINAL CANCER
AND THIS WAS HIS BUCKET LIST,
RIGHT?
I AM GOING TO HOPE THE BEST
INTENTIONS WERE IN PLACE
HERE.
>> THAT'S AN EXCELLENT POIMT.
HE MIGHT HAVE SAID, FIND ME
SOME BALLOONS AND THE TURTLES
DID THIS FOR HIM.
DO YOU SEE A FUTURE IN
HOLLYWOOD OR BOOK DEALS?
>> YES.
MUTANT NINJA TURTLES HAVE
NOTHING ON THIS GUY.
ONCE THEY DO REMOTE CONTROL
TURTLES EVERY KID WILL WANT
ONE.
I WILL SAY TURTLES IN SPIRE
WEIRD THINGS IN PEOPLE.
HE USED TO CALL IT COLLIDE.
CLYDE.
OUR NEIGHBORHOOD GIRLS DUG HIM
UP AND HELD HIS CORALS --
CORALS FOR -- CORPS FOR
RANSOM.
>> THEY SEE THE SHELL AND THEY
THINK IT IS AN OBJECT.
THEY OBJECT TAU FIE THE
TURTLE.
>> I WILL DO A PSA WHERE I
JUST SLIT THE DOG'S THROAT.
RUN THE NUMBERS, PAL.
>> THAT IS A TERRIBLE THING.
>> I EAT MEAT.
>> IT IS A GOOD POINT.
>> HE IS MAKING A POINT.
THAT ALL ANIMALS ARE THE
SAME.
>> THEY ARE NOT THE SAME.
I WILL SAY THAT AREN'T TURTLES
SUPPOSED TO PULL IN THEIR
LIMBS AND HIDE WHEN THEY ARE
SCARED?
HIS HEAD WAS OUT AND ARMS WERE
OUT?
OUT.
I THINK HE LOVED IT.
>> I THINK HE DID TOO.
HE SAW THE WORLD LIKE NO OTHER
TURTLE.
HE IS THE ONLY OTHER TURTLE IN
EXISTENCE TO HAVE FLOWN OVER
AND SAID, WOW, WE DON'T GET
VERY FAR.
HE NEVER KNEW HOW SLOW HE
WAS.
HE THOUGHT THE NEIGHBORHOOD
WAS THE LENGTH OF THE TABLE.
HE GETS UP THERE AND SAYS, MY
GOD, THIS STRETCHES FOREVER.
>> UP UNTIL TODAY TREE AND
TURTLE WERE NEVER IN THE SAME
SENTENCE.
A LOT OF PEOPLE INTERVIEWED IN
THE STORY WERE LIKE, YOU
WOULDN'T DO IT TO A PUPPY.
YOU WOULDN'T DO IT TO A
KITTEN.
>> WELL, YA, THEY ARE NOT IN
THEIR OWN ARMOR.
>> ENOUGH WITH THE
ANTHROMORTIPHICATION.
IT IS A PATHETIC POLICY.
>> IT IS NOT AN ANIMAL.
IT IS A REPTILE.
>> LOOK, IF ARE YOU MOBILE,
YOU ADAPT TO YOUR ENVIRONMENT
YOU ARE AN ANIMAL.
>>> WE WILL GO TO A REAL
STORY.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
>>> FROM ONE KIND OF TURTLE TO
ANOTHER, THE VP PLANS TO VISIT
THE PARIS OF AMERICA.
AT THE START OF THE REPUBLICAN
NATIONAL CON VEPTION BREAKING
TRADITION OF STAYING LOW KEY
DURING THE OPPOSING PARTY'S
BIG WEEK.
AND JOE THINKS BEING LOW KEY
IS IN A CITY NEAR TAMPA.
YOU CAN SEE IT COMING A MILE
AWAY, THE WOMEN'S ISSUE BEATS
THE ECONOMY.
THE COMMITTEE RELEASED A LIST
OF FEMALE SPEAKERS THAT
INCLUDES THE LEADERS OF
ABORTION RIGHTS GROUPS MEMBERS
ARE MAKING THEIR WAY TO
TAMPA.
>> THAT IS ACTUALLY PRETTY
IMPRESSIVE.
>> YOU HAVE TO BE REALLY
STRONG TO DO THAT.
>> STRONG MENTALLY AND
PHYSICALLY.
THE OBAMA CAMPAIGN ARE SENDING
BIDEN TO TAMPA TO STEEL THE
SPOTLIGHT FROM THE
REPUBLICANS.
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
>> THEY TUNE IN WHEN HE DOES
THOSE THINGS.
HE KNOW WHAT'S THEY SAY.
>> YES, THEY DO.
>> THEY WILL HAVE YOU ALL IN
CHAINS AND THINGS LIKE THAT?
>> YES.
>> SOMETHING IS A MESS HERE.
WHEN I SAY BIDEN I SAY HOW YOU
FEEL WHEN YOU SAY THE THINGS
LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU ARE
DRUNK.
YOU SEE YOUR TWEET U.S. AND
SAY OH JEEZ.
9/11 AGAIN?
TAKE IT EASY WITH THAT.
>> HERE IS MY PREDICTION.
THEY ARE SENDING HIM ON A
CRASH COURSE AND THEY KNOW HE
IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.
THEN OBAMA IS GOING TO GET AND
THAT'S WHAT IS GOING ON.
>> THAT'S AN EXCELLENT --
>> IT IS LIKE IN "SPIDER-MAN"
AND THEY ARE FIGHTING AN
ELECTRICAL GUY.
THEY SAY, OH, YOU ARE MAKING
ME TOO HUGE.
I AM GOING TO KILL YOU,
SPIDER-MAN.
HE GOES, OH YES.
>> THAT IS THE POLITICAL
ANALYSIS I WAS LOOKING FOR
TODAY.
>> IN FAIRNESS, YOU STOLE THAT
FROM "MEET THE PRESS." ARE THEYT
OFF A GAP BOMB, AS HE SAYS?
AND SECOND PART OF THE
QUESTION, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION
DECIDING TO GO FOR THE WOMEN'S
ISSUES?
DO WOMEN CARE?
>> I DON'T THINK THEY HAVE THE
PLAN TO SET OFF A GAS BOMB.
I THINK THEY ANTICIPATE IT
HAPPENS NATURALLY.
I THINK HE WAS GETTING ON
THEIR NERVES.
WHEN HE SAID PUT Y'ALL BACK IN
CHAINS, HE MEANT THE
STRIPPERS.
THERE IS A SHOW GIRL
PERFORMANCE WHERE THEY USE
CHAINS.
SO MAYBE HE WILL SELF-DESTRUCT
AT THAT PERFORMANCE.
>> VERY 70s.
I LIKE THIS.
>> VERY DOM NAY TRICKS.
>> AREN'T THE -- ISN'T IT TRUE
WOMEN ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN
WOMEN ISSUESS AND NOT THE
ECONOMY?
>> IF MOST CAN AFFORD $9 IN
BIRTH CONTROL WHICH THEY CAN
GET FROM A CLINIC, IF YOU
CAN'T AFFORD $9 IN BIRTH
CONTROL, WHAT DOES THAT SAY
ABOUT OBAMA'S ECONOMY?
>> THAT IS A GOOD POINT.
>> THERE IS A WOMAN'S ISSUE
THAT IS NOT BEING BROUGHT UP.
THEY WILL NOT FOCUS ON IT AT
THE CONVENTION, AND THAT'S THE
FACT THAT WOMEN HAVE THE
HIGHEST RISING UNEMPLOYMENT
RATE IN THE COUNTRY RIGHT
NOW.
LET'S MAKE THAT AN ISSUE.
YOU SHOULD WRITE FOR ROMNEY.
THAT IS A WAR ON WOMEN ISSUE.
ACTUALLY IT IS A WAR ON MEN
AND WOMEN BECAUSE OBAMA'S PLAN
DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE.
>> NO.
ONE THING WE WERE LOOKING AT,
THE WOMEN WERE THE BREAD
WINNERS.
THEY KEPT THEIR JOBS AND THEY
KEPT UP THE HOUSEHOLD, AND NOW
THEY ARE THE ONES LOSING THEIR
JOBS IN GREATER NUMBERS.
THAT SHOULD BE THE FOCUS.
NOTHING SAYS PARTY CRASHER
BETTER THAN VICE PRESIDENT JOE
BIDEN.
I WOULD LOVE IF HE CRASHED ONE
OF MY PARTIES.
>> BIDEN TO TAMPA IS LIKE THE
AMERICAN VERSION OF THE BOURNE
IDENTITY.
HE IS SENT THERE TO DO SOME
UNSPECIFIED THING HE IS NOT
SURE OF.
>> ARE YOU SAYING MATT DAMON
HAS HAIR PLUGS?
IF HE DOES THEY ARE
EXCELLENT.
>> THOSE ARE PROBABLY THE BEST
HAIR PLUGS EVER.
AND HE HAS THEM ON HIS CHEST
TOO.
>> HE IS BEING SENT ON A
MISSION, AND HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT THE MISSION IS.
HE IS JASON BOURNE.
>> COULDN'T IT BE HE IS GOING
TO TAMPA TO GO TO TAMPA.
IS HE AWARE THE CONVENTION IS
HAPPENING?
MAYBE HE THINKS IT IS SPRING
TRAINING.
WE DON'T KNOW.
>> MAYBE HE IS GOING TO
7-ELEVEN WITHOUT SHIRT AND
SHOES AND GETTING KICKED OUT.
>> THAT IS VERY, VERY TRUE.
>> WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HATE ON
THE FLORIDIANS.
>> I LOVE FLORIDA.
I HATE SHIRTS.
>> YOU HATE SHIRTS ?
>> I LOVE WALKING IN MY
DUNGAREES WALKING INTO 7-ELEVEN.
>> WHETHER YOU IN THE GREEN
ROOM WITH THE OTHER GUESTS, IT
IS NICE NOT TO STRIP DOWN TO
YOUR UNDERWEAR.
>> I DON'T KNOW THEM.
HERE IS THE THING ABOUT BIDEN,
YOU WROTE ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE
AWHILE AGO, AND THERE WAS
RUMORS THAT THAT WAS A TEST
BOMB, HE IS A WEIRD KIND OF
SPY THAT JUST ROAMS AROUND THE
COUNTRYSIDE AND WATCHES
REMOTELY.
>> HE IS THERE TO SEE WHAT THE
GAP DOES. IT FORCES THE
DECISIONS TO BE MADE.
>> OH YOU DIDN'T GET MAD AND
YOU ARE FOR GAY MARRIAGE?
THERE IS A RUMOR GOING AROUND
SAYING IF YOU ARE ANTI-PLANNED
PARENTHOOD YOU ARE PART OF THE
WOMEN.
SO IF YOU ARE PRO ABORTION YOU
ARE ANTI-WOMAN.
CAN WE NOT DEAL WITH THAT FOR
A CHANGING?
>> IF YOU LOOK AT CHINA, WHO
GETS ABORTED?
>> WREE TALKING ABOUT -- WE
ARE TALKING ABOUT GENDER
DETERMINING ABORTIONS.
YOU HAVE A WOMAN WITH PRO
LIFE, AND YOU SAY PRO ABORTION
IS PRO WOMAN, AND THEN IT IS A
BLOODY WOMAN THAT IS GETTING
BLUNTED.
>> THERE YOU GO.
JIMMY DOESN'T MINCE WORDS.
>> WHAT PERCENTAGE OF
ABORTIONS ARE GENDER BASED AND
WHAT PERCENT OF THAT IS
FEMALE?
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> I THINK WE WILL MOVE ON
NOW.
>>> FROM CONVENTIONS TO DO
SECTIONS.
SHOULD FORMER SEALS SHOW
POLITICAL ZEAL?
OFFICIALS ARE CONDEMNING A
GROUP OF OPERATIVES TO FORCE
THE CAMPAIGN AGAINST OBAMA.
THEY RELEASED AN AD SLAMMING
BACK FOR SECURITY RELIEF AND
HE IS TAKING TOO MUCH CREDIT
FOR WILLING BIN LADEN.
HE IS, QUOTE, DISAPPOINTED,
END QUOTE, CALLING IT NOT
USEFUL.
HE EXPLAINED IT TO JENNIFER
GRIFFIN.
>> THE PROBLEM IS, WHEN YOU
USE THE MILITARY, AND I AM NOT
SPEAKING TO THEM INDIVIDUALLY
OR SPES FINISHINGLY, BUT IF
SOMEONE -- OR SPECIFICALLY,
BUT WHEN EVER -- BUT WHEN EVER
SOMEONE USES THE UNIFORM, I AM
DISAPPOINTED BY THAT.
IT DOES ERODE THAT BOND OF
TRUST WE HAVE WITH THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE.
>> I KEEP THINKING HOW
COMFORTABLE THAT CHAIR IS.
THE GROUP OF SOLDIERS AND THE
FORMER SEALS DISAGREE.
SCOTT TAYLOR, THE FORMER SEAL
SAYING THAT AS VETS THEY
FOUGHT FOR FIRST AMENDMENT
RIGHTS AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO
SO.
YOU KNOW WHO HAS TAKEN THIS
ALL IN STRIDE?
COOL CAT WHO SLAPS GOODBYE.
THAT IS ONE COOL CAT, I HAVE
TO SAY.
IF ANYTHING, SHOULDN'T WE WANT
THE OPINION OF THE FORMER
SPECIAL OPS GUYS WHETHER WE
AGREE OR NOT?
>> THE KEY IS THAT THEY ARE
FORMER THEY ARE NOT CURRENTLY
UNDER THE DIRECTION OF THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES.
THE GENERAL WHEN HE WAS
CRITICIZING SAID HE BELIEVED
THEY SHOULD REMAIN A PLATE
KL.
A POLITICAL.
IF THEY SAW WHAT THEY SAW,
DON'T THEY HAVE AN OBLIGATION
TO REPORT THAT?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THEY ARE NOT ACTIVE DUTY.
THEORETICALLY, THEY COULD RUN
FOR OFFICE.
WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
EISENHOWER AS PRESIDENT.
>> I DON'T THINK THIS IS
POLITICAL AT ALL.
THEY WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME
THING IF A REPUBLICAN
PRESIDENT WAS DOING IT WHICH
THEY WOULDN'T BE DOING THAT.
HE HAS A POINT.
IF YOU LOOK AT WHAT SEALS AND
WHAT MILITARY MEN AND WOMEN
ARE DESIGNED TO DO, THEY ARE
TRAINED TO PROTECT THE
COUNTRY.
THE POINT IS LEAKING THIS
INFORMATION TO TRY AND MAKE
PRESIDENT OBAMA LOOK BETTER
AND STRONGER ON NATIONAL
SECURITY, IT PUTS OUR SECURITY
AND INTELLIGENCE AT RISK.
AND IT PUTS AMERICANS AT
RISK.
THAT'S THEIR JOB.
THEY ARE STILL DOING THEIR JOB
THE SEALS TO THE DAY THEY
DIE.
I APPLAUD THEM.
IT TAKES COURAGE TO DO THAT.
>> JIMMY, HOW WOULD YOU REACT
IF THIS WAS YOUR COUNTRY AND
THEY WERE YOUR SOLDIERS?
>> IF THIS WAS MY COUNTRY?
LET'S CUT THE CRAP AND GET
EVERYONE OUT OF EVERYWHERE.
HOW MANY PEOPLE DO WE HAVE IN
ITALY?
15,000 TROOPS, 70,000 IN
GERMANY AND NORTH KOREA.
LET'S CUT THE CRAP.
MIDDLE EAST, OUT.
ISRAEL, LOOK, WE WILL HELP YOU
IF THERE IS A MAJOR THING, BUT
YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.
EVERYONE IS PULLING OUT.
SORRY, GUYS, COMING HOME.
THERE IS A REASON RON PAUL HAS
A HUGE FOLLOWING WITH MARINES
IN THE FAMILIES.
LET'S GO, CUT THE CORD.
SORRY, GUYS.
SORRY JOHN BOLTEN, LOVE THE
STASH.
>> I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU
JUST SAID.
>> SOMETIMES YOU DRESS AS A
NAVAL OFFICER WHEN YOU HIT THE
CLUBS.
>> I SAY IPPITY-BOPPITY BOP.
THEY CAN SAY WHATEVER THEY
WANT.
THEY ARE OUT OF THE MILITARY.
THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THE
GUY IS A LOONEY TOONS.
HE IS A BIRTHER AND HE USED TO
CALL AS COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF AND
IT ISN'T EVEN CLEVER.
HE IS A LITTLE RACIST AND HE
SAID OBAMA HAD BAD TAN LOTION,
AND HE LOOKED LIKE AN OLD
BRUISED BANANA.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE RACIST,
BE COHERENT ABOUT IT.
>> HARRY BELEFONTE IS A HUNK.
>> MAYBE HE WAS BORN
INCOHERENT, BUT HE IS A LOONEY
TUNES.
>> I THINK THEIR OPINION IS
MORE AVAILABLE THAN MINE.
THEY RISKED THEIR LIVES.
I GET THE FACT THE GUY WANTS
TO PROTECT THE BRAND, ABOUT
YOU AT THE SAME TIME THEY CAN
SAY WHATEVER THEY WANT.
I THINK I SAID THE MOST
INTELLIGENT THING.
BUT I WASN'T LISTENING TO
ANYBODY ELSE.
>> SHOULD ALL LIBERALS BE HIT
INTO A WOOD CHIPPER?
SEEMS A LITTLE EXTREME, BUT
WHAT DO I KNOW?
FIRST, NUDE PHOTOS OF PRINCE
HARRY?
WELL, I THINK I JUST DIED A
>>> THEY KNEW BIEBER, BUT NOT
BUBBA.
THEY KNOW THE POP SINGER, BUT
BILL CLINTON IS SOME DUDE WHO
DID SOMETHING ONCE IN THE OVAL
OFFICE.
THIS REMINDS PROFESSORS THAT
THEIR STUDENTS BORN IN 1994
VIEW THE WORLD IN A DIFFERENT
WAY, MEANING THEY ARE
IGNORANT.
THE COMPILATION HAS BECOME,
LIKE MY THIGH THAIS, A
NATIONAL PHENOMENON.
OTHER CRAP ABOUT THESE BRATS
IS THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN AN
AIRPLANE AND NEVER LISTEN TO
MUSIC ON THE CAR RADIO.
IF THEY SEE DUMB BLONDE, IT
HAS BECOME TWO DUMB MALES,
UNTALENTED CLUB AND --
[INAUDIBLE] AND NIGHT TALK
SHOW HOST SEEN AS SEX SYMBOLS
OR WHATEVER ISEN URNING
CKING.
WHILE THE CLASS OF 2016 IS
JUST STARTING COLLEGE, LET'S
CHECK IN WITH THE CLASS OF
2032.
>> ROBOT POOP LOOKS LIKE
MUSTARD.
THE CLASS OF 2016 IS USED TO
SEEING WOMEN IN POWER.
SAD, ISN'T IT?
>> GROSS, I HATE IT.
I LIKE THE DAYS WHEN WOMEN
COULDN'T VOTE.
ITEM 20 HERE, GREG, EXPOSED
BRA STRAPS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A
FASHION STATEMENT AND NOT A
WARDROBE MALFUNCTION TO BE
CORRECTED.
LADIES, BRA STRAPS SHOWING IS
ALWAYS A WARDROBE
MALFUNCTION.
CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU
WRECK YOURSELF.
I FEEL SORRY FOR THEM, GREG.
>> THEY ARE MISSING OUT ON
AMAZING THINGS.
THEY LOST THE SINCE OF
JUDGMENT.
DID ANYTHING GRAB YOU FROM THE
LIST?
>> I HAVE CRACKED THIS CASE,
ACTUALLY.
I SPOKE AND SAID CAN YOU NAME
ONE CLASS SONG?
NO.
CAN YOU -- CLASH SONG.
CAN YOU NAME ONE SEX PISTOLS
SONG?
NO.
I KNEW ABOUT ALL OF THE BANDS
FROM WAY BEFORE ME, AND THEN I
CRACKED IT.
WITH NAPSTER THERE WAS A HUGE
WAVE OF INFORMATION, SO THERE
WAS NO REASON TO DELVE BACK.
THEY HAD EVERY BAND FROM THEIR
BLOCK.
THEY HAD ALL OF THEIR MP3'S.
SO THEY ARE A UNIQUE
GENERATION WHERE IT WAS A WASH
BEFORE THEM.
WHAT THEY LIKE FROM 18 AND UP,
THAT'S THE WHOLE UNIVERSE.
YOU AND I HAD TO GO BACK AND
THE HISTORY IS A THING IN THE
PAST.
THIS THING IS A THING OF THE
PAST.
I'M USING THAT TOMORROW ON
"THE FIVE."
>> I THINK THAT WAS ONE OF THE
MOST INTERESTING ONES FOR ME
IS THAT THESE KIDS NEVER -- I
MEAN, YOU KNOW, I WENT THROUGH
HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE WITH
THE INTERNET, BUT THESE KIDS
NEVER LOOKED AT AN
ENCYCLOPEDIA LIKE IN GRADE
SCHOOL.
THEY NEVER OPENED A BOOK.
I THINK THAT'S LIKE MIND
BOGGLING TO ME.
>> YOU KNOW, BILL, THE MIND
BOGGLING THING IS IS YOUR LIFE
IS OVER, BUT THEIRS IS JUST
BEGINNING.
>> IT IS.
THEY ARE CONSTANTLY REMINDING
ME OF THAT BY EXISTING.
AND I LIKE HISTORY IS SO OVER
IF BE ARE MAKING T-SHIRTS.
AND THEY HAVE NEVER KNOWN A
FOOTBALL CLUB IN LOS ANGELES,
BUT ALWAYS KNOWN ONE IN
JACKSONVILLE.
THEY DON'T KNOW A TIME WHEN
THERE WASN'T AN INTERNET, AND
THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ALIVE
WHEN KURT COBAIN HAS BEEN
DEAD.
THIS IS MIND BLOWING.
IF THIS STUD DOOY WAS MADE TO
DISTRESS -- MADE TO SHOW ME
HOW OLD I AM GETTING MISSION
ACCOMPLISHED.
>> CAN I SAY LET'S NOT
GLORIFYING THE DEWEY DECIMAL
SYSTEM.
[INAUDIBLE]
>> I WANT TO SAY YOU KNOW WHY
THIS WHOLE THING -- WHAT ARE
THEY CALLED?
THE MINDLESS -- IT IS SO
PROFESSORS CAN PICK UP ON
THEIR STUDENTS.
SO THEY CAN SAY, OH YES, YOU
ARE INTO NICKY MA NAG -- NIKI
MINAJ?
>> ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE
SONG SHE DID WITH EMINEM?
>> NO.
>> I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
>> I HAVE PICTURES THAT CAN
PROVE SHE HAD A *** JOB.
>> IT IS ABOUT BEING ABLE TO
QUOTE THE TITLE OF A SONG TO A
16-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
>> THEY MISSED ONE THOUGH.
YOU KNOW HOW WE GOT TO
APPRECIATE GOOD MOVIE THERE
ROWS LIKE BRUCE WILLIS AND
JOHN WAYNE AND BIG, STRAPPING
MEN?
THEY HAVE JONAH HILL AND SHY
YAW LAW BUFF.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MEN IN
HOLLYWOOD?
THEY ARE ALL A BUNCH OF
WIMPS.
JOHN WAYNE IN HIS PRIME WAS
84.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
IT IS TRUE.
WATCH THE MOVIE.
HE IS OLD.
WILLIAM HOLDEN HAD TO PULL HIS
PANTS UP HERE.
>> BATMAN WAS FAT.
>> HE WAS FAT.
SUPERMAN WAS FAT.
AND EVERYTHING WAS TIGHT ON
HIM.
DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT ON THE
SHOW?
E-MAIL US.
IF YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF AN
ANIMAL DOING SOMETHING CUTE OR
INTERESTING, NO FLYING TURTLE,
PLEASE.
GO TO TOKES NEWS.COM SLASH --
GO TO FOX
>>> WELCOME BACK.
LET'S FIND OUT IF WE HAVE
ANYTHING WRONG SO FAR.
HI, ANDY.
>> HI, GREG.
>> WHAT IS THAT?
>> NOTHING.
>> DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO
SAY TO ME?
GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.
>> I THINK YOU SHOULD SAY IT.
>> I AM NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
IT IS POINTLESS AT THIS
POINT.
>> YOU DON'T CARE.
>> I CARE.
>> NO, YOU DON'T.
WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT IT.
>> JUST SAY IT.
>> FORGET IT.
>> FINE.
MAYBE AFTER THE SHOW.
>> THERE ARE PEOPLE AT HOME
WONDERING WHAT YOU ARE GOING
TO DO.
>> NOT ANYMORE.
>> GREG, YOU CALL THIS A STORY
THAT HAS GRIPPED THE NATION
AND DARE SAY THE WORLD.
I THINK THIS WAS JUST A LOCAL
NEWS STORY.
>> IT WAS THE GREATEST NEWS
STORY I HAVE EVER SEEN.
IT WAS AMAZING.
AND NOW IT IS A STORY.
WE SHOULD ADOPT SKY TURTLE.
AND I WANT TO TELL PEOPLE,
DON'T CREATE YOUR OWN SKY
TURTLE.
>> ISRAEL HAS A SKY TURTLE,
AND IT WILL CREATE A WAR.
>> DIDN'T IRAN SAY IT WAS LIKE
USING SHARKS -- WHERE EGYPT
CLAIMED IT WAS USING SHARKS ?
>> YES, BUT THEY ALSO HAVE A
PROGRAM THAT WILL START AFTER
THEY ARE ALL GONE, AND IT WILL
CONTINUE TO FIGHT IRAN FROM A
COMPUTER.
I'M PRETTY SURE IT IS SKY
TURTLE.
>> I DON'T THINK IT IS.
>> SKY NET?
THAT WAS FROM "THE
TERMINATOR."
SOME KIND OF SKY.
>> ANDREW, YOU SAID WHY DIDN'T
PEOPLE JUST GET ON A LADDER
AND SAVE THE TURTLE?
I AM ASSUMING THAT IF THEY
TRIED SOMETHING AND THE TURTLE
GOT HURT, THE TURTLE WOULD SUE
THEM.
>> THESE DAYS YOU YOU CAN'T
--
>> IT COULD TAKE YEARS.
>> THEY DON'T CARE.
>> WORK ITS WAY TO SUPREME
COURT, BUT THEY ARE NOT IN
MIDDLE AGE YET.
>> YOU SHOWED A CLIP OF A
WOMAN SAYING THIS WAS ANIMAL
ABUSE.
I THINK AS ALWAYS I AGREE WITH
CHANEL WRIGHT.
SHE MAKES SENSE.
SHE ALWAYS MAKES SENSE.
JIMMY, YOU SAID SOMETHING
UNINTELLIGIBLE ABOUT CHICKENS.
IT WAS NOT UNINTELLIGENT.
I JUST COULDN'T UNDERSTAND
IT.
YOU SAY YOU ARE A VEGAN AND
FINE OR YOU EAT MEAT AND YOU
SHUT UP.
YOU DON'T SEE A DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE FOOD CHAIN AND
TAPING BALLOONS TO A TURTLE?
>> NO.
THE THING ABOUT THE ACTUAL
SUFFERING AND THE PAIN THE
ANIMAL ENDURES, THERE IS NO
EVIDENCE THAT THE TURTLE WAS
UNHAPPY.
THAT IS MUCH WORSE.
I PERSONALLY WOULD PREFER TO
BE AIRBORNE.
>> THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
>> BUT DON'T YOU THINK THERE
IS -- IT IS THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN HUNTING ANIMALS FOR
SPORT AND HUNTING THEM FOR
FOOD?
>> WE ARE IN A SITUATION WHERE
YOU KILL MILLIONS.
YOU DIFFERENTIATE AND YOU
SAY -- THE REAL DEAL IS THEY
LIKE THE ONES WITH BIG EYES.
BABY SEALS, DON'T KILL ME, I
HAVE BIG EYES.
THE SNAKE POPULATION IN CHINA
HAS BEEN DEVASTATED.
NOBODY CARES BECAUSE THEY HAVE
WEE EYES.
>> GOOD POINT.
THE TURKEY VULTURE.
>> IF YOU ARE GOING TO KILL A
RAT, GO BANANAS.
>> I HAVE LARGE EYES, AND I
GET BEAT UP ALL THE TIME.
I AM LIKE A GUNNED ANIMAL OVER
HERE, AND PEOPLE USE MY FACE
AS AN AMUSEMENT PARK.
>> AND ALSO BRAIN SIZE.
>> THAT WAS POINTLESSLY MEAN
AND I APOLOGIZE.
>> THANK YOU FOR APOLOGIZING.
>> SANDRA, YOU SAID IT IS NOT
AN ANIMAL, IT IS A REPTILE.
A REPTILE IS A TYPE OF
ANIMAL.
>> THERE SHOULD BE NO
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HUNTING FOR
SPORT OR HUNTING FOR FOOD.
IF YOU ARE HUNTING FOR SPORT
--
>> GOOD POINT.
BUT ARE YOU USING IT FOR
FOOD.
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO KILL
ANIMALS AND THEN WEAR THEM
LIKE SHOES OR HANDBAGS AND
MOUNT THEM ON THEIR WALL.
>> IT IS OKAY WITH ME.
I AM NOT ONE OF THE ECHO
FREAKS.
BUT I AM FINE WITH IT.
>> DEER ARE JUST ELEGANT
RATS.
IF I SEE A DEER ON THE ROAD,
WHAMO.
ALL THEY DO IS EAT MY BLOODY
GARDEN.
>> WHAT DO THEY EAT IN YOUR
GARDEN?
>> EVERYTHING.
I LET WEEDS GROW AS AN
EXPERIMENT, GONE.
>> I DON'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE A
GARDEN.
>> I DO.
AND YOU SAID THE TURTLE DIDN'T
REALIZE HOW SLOW HE WAS UNTIL
HE WAS ABLE TO FLY?
BUT HERE IS THE THING NOW THAT
HE KNOWS HE WILL BE DEPRESSED
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
>> NO, I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.
IS THE FOR TIES GOING TO BE --
IS THE FOR TIES GOING TO BE
DEPRESSED OR THROUGH A PERIOD
OF GENERATIONS INVENT A WAY TO
FLY.
>> HE WILL BE DEPRESSED.
>> THAT'S HOW HUMANS WALKED UP
ON A CLIFF ONE DAY AND SAID,
WOW I WANT TO GET UP HERE.
THEN THEY INVENTED BLINDS.
>> EVERY TIME YOU GET OUT OF A
CAB YOU ARE DEPRESSED BECAUSE
YOU CAN'T MOVE AS FAST AS THE
CAB.
IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING?
>> YES.
>> OKAY.
THAT EXPLAINS YOUR LOOK.
>> HE LIKES TO GO AROUND ON
CRUTCHES, AND HE IS NOT
INJURED SO HE CAN PUT THE
CRUTCH DOWNS AND WALK.
>> IT IS THE HAMMER IN THE
HEAD THING.
>> IT IS WHY I SIT ON MY COUCH
A LOT.
AND THEN WHEN I WALK TO THE
KITCHEN IT IS LIKE A FIELD
TRIP.
>> WOW, YOU ARE WEIRD.
>> ARE WE JUST LEARNING THIS?
>> SANDRA, YOU SAID THE WOMEN
HAVE THE HIGHEST RAISING
UNEMPLOYMENT RATE.
>> THAT WAS REDUNDANT.
THEY DON'T HAVE THE HIGHEST,
BUT THEIRS IS RISING AT THE
FASTEST PACE.
I AM LOOKING AT YOU.
>> BY THE WAY, I HAVE NO IDEA
IF WHAT YOU SAID WAS TRUE OR
NOT OF .
>> IT IS TRUE.
>> WHY DOES JOE BIDEN WANT TO
PUT STRIPPERS IN CHAINS?
>> WHY NOT?
>> I DON'T THINK ANYBODY HAS
ASKED THAT QUESTION BEFORE
THINKING THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE
ANSWER.
WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT
QUESTION?
YOU DON'T LIKE THAT IDEA?
>> I, AGAIN, I AM NOT ONE OF
THE ECHO FREAKS.
I AM ALL FOR IT.
I LIKE TO CHECK THESE THINGS.
>> THEY CAN'T STRIP IF THEY
ARE IN CHAINS.
>> CAN'T THEY?
>> WELL, MAYBE.
>> I DON'T KNOW THE LAW OF
STRIPING.
THINGS HAVE CHANGED WITH THE
IMAGINE WILL CAY STRIPING --
WITH THE MAGICAL STRIPING.
>> WE -- WELL, MAGICAL
STRIPING?
IT IS NOT EVEN A GOOD ACRO
ANYMORE.
>> THAT'S WHY IT WAS NEVER
SUCCESSFUL.
>> THE PROBLEM WAS IT WAS MSN
THAT WAS TAKEN OVER BY
MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
>> BY THE WAY, NBC, ABC AND
CBS ARE NOT AIRING THE
REPUBLICAN CONVENTION ON
MONDAY WHICH IS WHEN ANN
ROMNEY IS SCHEDULED FOR THE
KEYNOTE ADDRESS.
I AM WONDERING WHY THEY WROTE
THAT.
>> WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
>> I TYPED IT ON THIS PIECE OF
PAPER.
EITHER GO TO SCHOOL OR SHUT
UP.
>> I PREFER TO TAKE THE LATTER
BECAUSE IT IS EASIER.
I HAD ABORTION STATS, BUT THAT
SEEMED DEPRESSING.
I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT
THIS.
I THINK MAYBE WHERE I DISAGREE
WITH YOU IS I DO THINK THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS AND
OTHER VETERANS IS THAT THIS --
THEY SAY IT IS ISSUE DRIVEN,
BUT IT SEEMS AIMED AT A
PARTICULAR PERSON, AND MAYBE
THAT IS WHAT IS BOTHERING THE
GUY -- THE GENERAL.
>> BUT WE HAVE NEVER HAD A
PARTICULAR PERSON WHOSE NAME
RHYMES WITH I'M GUESSING
MOBAMA LEAK OR ALLEGEDLY LEAK
OR HAVE A DEMOCRAT LIKE DIANNE
FEINSTEIN COME OUT AND
QUESTION THAT THEY ARE THE
LEAKING ON THE LEVEL.
LIKE THE NEW YORK TIMES AND
TRYING TO CAPITALIZE ON A KILL
AS BIG AS BIN LADEN.
I THINK IT IS A FIRST.
MY POINT IS, HE IS THE
COMMANDER IN CHIEF.
>> THEY DON'T LIKE SHOOTING IN
THE AT THE PRESENT TIME.
WHAT ELSE IS HE GOING TO SAY?
>> EYE EISENHOWER RAN FOR
PRESIDENT, THAT'S POLITICAL.
>> YOU DON'T LISTEN TO
ANYTHING I SAY.
>> THAT'S THE THING, ANDY.
MOST OF OUR PRESIDENTS HAVE
HAD SOME KIND OF MILITARY
SERVICE.
WHAT DID PRESIDENT OBAMA DO?
HE ORGANIZED BARBECUES IN
CHICAGO.
BUT GIVE HIM A BREAK.
IT IS HIS FIRST JOB.
>> AND GENERAL ROMNEY WAS OUT
THERE ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE.
>> WELL, HE WASN'T IN THE BAND
LIKE BILL CLINTON.
I --
>> I HAVE TO WRAP.
>> YOU HAVE TO WRAP?
>> I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THAT.
>> I CAN'T DO IT HERE.
IT IS A LITTLE THING I DO FOR
THE NEWSROOM.
CHEERS THEM UP.
>> COMING UP, DO ROBOTS FEEL
LOVE, AND IF SO WILL THAT LOVE
LAST FOREVER?
IT IS NOT A STORY, JUST
SOMETHING BILL TEXTED TO ME
LAST NIGHT.
WOW.
OF AVILLE -- AVRIL LEVINE IS
GETTING MARRIED.
TH
>>> SHOULD WE CARE THAT HIS
BUTT IS BEAR?
PHOTOS OF PRINCE HARRY
PARTYING IN LAS VEGAS.
THE THIRD IN THE LINE TO THE
THROWN MET GIRLS IN A BAR AND
INVITED HIM UP TO THE SUITE
AND THEY PLAYED STRIP POOL.
ONE PICTURE SHOWS HIM
HAPPENING OVER A EQUALLY NAKED
DAME AND SHOWING HIS RUMP.
WE HAD TOM O'CONNOR RECREATE
THE IMAGES.
LET'S BRING HIM IN NOW.
TOM, I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE
BEEN WORKING ALL DAY ON
DRAWINGS OF THESE PHOTOS OF
PRINCE HARRY NAKED?
>> AS YOU KNOW I HAVE ROUGHLY
11 PEOPLE WORKING ALONGSIDE ME
AS I DO MY SKETCHES.
AND I THINK YOU WILL BE AMAZED
AT THE LEVEL OF DETAIL WE
COULD CAPTURE WITH THIS ONE.
AS YOU CAN SEE PRINCE HARRY IS
IN GREAT SHAPE.
>> HE IS IN GREAT SHAPE.
BUT IS THAT A SWORD IN HIS
HAND?
>> YES, THAT'S A SWORD IN HIS
HAND.
WHAT DO YOU TAKE WHEN YOU GO
TO VEGAS?
>> I SAW THE PICTURES.
THERE WAS NO SWORD.
DO YOU HAVE A SKETCH OF THE
OTHER PICTURE?
>> HERE IS THE THING.
YOU SAID YOU WANTED
PROFESSIONAL QUALITY, AND THAT
TAKES TIME.
I CAN COME BACK TOMORROW NIGHT
WITH THE PICTURE.
>> AGAIN YOUR SKILLS PROVED TO
BE A MASSIVE WASTE OF MONEY.
>> A TERRIBLE PICTURE.
>> ESSENTIALLY THIS IS THE
STORY OF THE YEAR OR PERHAPS
THE DECADE.
>> I WANT TO KNOW HOW DO YOU
GET AN INVITE TO THE PARTY?
IT KIND OF LOOKED FUN.
>> IT LOOKED AMAZING.
I DO WANT TO BE THERE WHEN THE
QUEEN -- WHEN HE MEETS WITH
THE QUEEN TO HEAR WHAT SHE
SAYS.
>> I WONDER IF SHE ACTUALLY
CARES.
YOU MUST BE DEEPLY
EMBARRASSED.
THIS IS YOUR COUNTRY.
>> THIS IS NOT MY COUNTRY.
THIS IS ENGLISH.
I COULD CARELESS.
>> MAYBE WE CAN SAVE A FEW
WELSH, BUT TIP IT INTO THE
SEA.
TYPICAL THOUGH.
LIES.
>> FIRST, PRINCE HARRY HAS
THREE PUBS.
PUBES.
SECONDLY, THIS MAN IS MEANT TO
BE BRITISH AND WHAT IS THE
HELMET?
THAT LOOKS LIKE AN ELEPHANT
TONGUE.
THIS IS ABOUT THE
AMERICANIZATION OF BRITAIN.
THAT GOES BACK TO THE
CORNFLAKES GUY.
HOW IS HE GETTING INVOLVED IN
BRITISH PENISES?
>> I JUST -- HOW DID WE -- WE
WERE TALKING ABOUT ROYALTY,
AND NOW WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
NUDE MEN.
>> HOW DID WE GET TO PENISES?
I DON'T KNOW.
HOW DID WE GET THERE?
>> I HATE TO CALL YOU AGAIN ON
THIS, BUT THE ANGER OVER THE
SIR COME SESSION IN THE PHOTO
WAS ON "MEET THE PRESS."
>> I AM GOING TO WATCH THAT
SHOW NEXT TIME.
>> FOR GOOD PREPARATION.
THE PALACE IS IN A FURY.
SHOULD THEY BE?
>> I THINK THEY WILL PRETEND
THEY ARE.
THEY ALL KNOW HARRY WELL
ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT HE IS IN
VEGAS AND PARADING AROUND A
LITTLE BIT.
HOWEVER, I HAVE THIS SWEEP
IMAGE OF PRINCE HARRY.
I AM A LITTLE LET DOWN.
I WAS A LITTLE LET DOWN BY
IT.
AT THE OLYMPICS IN THE
AUDIENCE HE LOOKED SO CLEAN
CUT AND HANDSOME.
>> HE IS A KID.
HE LIKES TO PARTY AND GET
NAKED.
>> THEN AGAIN THERE IS NOTHING
WRONG WITH WHAT HE WAS DOING,
RIGHT?
>> I AM NOT SO SURE.
>> DOES HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
HE DID FOR AWHILE.
>> HE HAD ONE THAT NIGHT.
>> YOU HAVE BEEN STUDYING
THESE PHOTOS AND FOLLOWING
HARRY SOME SAY TOO CLOSELY THE
LAST FEW YEARS.
>> YES, THE SECURITY WAS TOO
CLOSELY.
THESE WOMEN YOU KNOW HE BOUGHT
THEIR DRINKS THE ENTIRE
NIGHT.
I'M SURE IT WAS HIS SUITE AND
HIS POOL TABLE.
THEY WERE HAVING A LOVELY GAME
OF NAKED POOL, AND WHAT DOES
ONE DO?
TAKE A PICTURE?
THIS GUY WOULD BE -- WAS BEING
VERY NICE.
>> YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE
CAMERAS.
OR MAYBE BE NICE TO YOUR
HOST.
>> IT WOULD BE GOOD IF YOU
WERE NICE TO YOUR HOST.
IF THEY ARE NOT, TAKE THE
CAMERAS.
IF THEY -- THERE IS A BASKET
AND JUST PUT THE CAMERA IN THE
BASKET.
>> EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IS NOT
PRINCE CHARLES' KID ANYWAY.
>> A CAMERA BASKET?
>> I AM GOING ON SHARK CAGE OR
WHATEVER THAT IS CALLED.
SHARK HUNT?
>> I AM SITTING HERE WITH
THREE GUYS SAYING HE SHOULD
HAVE BEEN FOCUSED WHEN HE IS
SURROUNDED BY NAKED GIRLS WITH
GETTING THEIR DISPOSABLE
CAMERAS.
OKAY.
>> NAKED GIRLS, GROSS.
>>> "I AM THE SEXIEST WOMAN
ALIVE" AND AVRIL LEVINE AND
CHAD KROGER ARE ENGAGED.
I REPEAT.
THEY GOT TOGETHER IN FEBRUARY
TO CO WRITE A PRESUMABLY
AWESOME SONG FOR HER UPCOMING
ALBUM.
THE 27-YEAR-OLD QUOTE SAID, HE
MAKES ME LAUGH EVERY DAY.
HE TAKES CARE OF ME AND IS
EXTREMELY ATTENTIVE.
SO, MY GOODNESS, YOU LIVE IN
CANADA.
>> I MOVED QUITE RECENTLY.
>> THIS IS YOUR ROYAL
WEDDING.
>> THIS IS CANADIAN
CELEBRITIES KEEPING IT CLEAN
AND KEEPING IT AMERICAN.
THEY ARE MAKING MORE HOSERS.
>> YOU HAVE A BORING CULTURE.
>> SHE HAS BEEN MARRIED
BEFORE.
>> SHE WAS GOING SPREAD HER
SEED DOWN SOUTH.
WHAT ABOUT A CANADIAN
IDENTITY?
>> ARE YOU A NATURALIST.
>> I AM AN AMERICAN
XENOPHOBE.
>> YOU DON'T LIKE HIM, DO
YOU?
>> I LIKE HIP JUST FINE.
>> WHAT HAD TO BRODYJENNER?
AND BY THE WAY THE THINGS YOU
SAID -- SHE SAID ABOUT HIM,
SHE SAID DID BRODY TOO.
>> SHE LOVES BEING IN LOVE.
WHO DOESN'T?
>> I WONDER IF SHE WILL GO
DOWN THE AISLE IN A SKATEBOARD
1234*.
>> SHE IS A SKATER CHICK,
RIGHT?
SKATER GIRL.
>> I BELIEVE THEY ARE SKATE
BETTIES.
>> SKATER BOY WAS THE NAME OF
THE SONG.
>> THEY ARE SKATE BETTIES.
>> WOMEN DON'T SKATE.
THEY ARE SKATE BETTIES.
>> I HAD NO IDEA.
>> I WANT TO ASK BILL, WILL
YOU WAIT FOR CHAD SOME.
>> NO.
I LOOKED AT THEIR UNION AND I
SAID WHAT A HUGE COMBINATION
OF SUCK.
EVEN WHEN THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO
LOOK HAPPY THEY ARE FORCING A
SMILE.
THE WHOLE THING MAKES ME
UPSET.
>> WHAT WITH THE CANADA
BASHING?
>> IT IS HORRIBLE MUSIC
BASHING.
I WILL SAY SHE MISSES BRODY.
BRODY IS AN AMERICAN.
ONLY AMERICANS CAN HAVE THE
WORD BRO IN THEIR NAME.
CANADA IS NOT COOL ENOUGH.
>> AND NOW
>>> HERE IS ANDY LEVY.
>> ARE YOU HOSTING THIS WEEK?
>> YES, 5:00 P.M. EASTERN
TIME.
IT IS A SHOW CALLED "MONEY."
5:00 P.M. FOX BUSINESS
NETWORK.
>> COOL.
A ANDREA, WHAT IS GOING ON?
I HEAR YOUR SON IS GOING TO
THE SURF CHAMPIONSHIPS?
>> IT IS GOING TO BE THE OLD
INTERVIEW -- [INAUDIBLE] CHECK
IT OUT.
>> DOES HE SURF?
>> NO.
HE TRIED.
HE CANNOT DO IT.
>> I CAN SURF.
>> PEOPLE ARE SURFING RIGHT
NOW.
>>> GOODBYE.
>> BACK TO YOU.
>> SPECIAL THANKS TO ANDREA,
BILL SCHULZ, JIMMY McGINESS,
SANDRA SMITH.
I'M IMREG GUTFELD.