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she actually taped two episodes.
She had a regular set- I say "she"-- Yeah.
and then she had the "bonu" set, where we said, basica,
do whatever the hell you wo do, have as much fun as yo-
I don't even think she wore shoes on this episode.
No, no, no, no. She couldn't no more.
No, she was tired. Her feet... Yeah, yeah, yeah, .
Anyway, you're about to see what the hell she did.
She's crazy, she's lovable, you're gonna enjoy her--
Ms. Thea Vidale. Check her out.
IGLESIAS: Put your hands together, show your love
for Miss Thea Vidale..!
♪ ♪
How the *** are you?
(cheering, whooping)
Yay, I get to say "fuc"
'Cause, you know, people, they don't want me
to tell the truth about sh.
Now, Martin can talk about women,
be
(women whooping)
You need to stop lying about your *** prowess.
You need to stop lying abo,
"I'm gonna ***
"I'm gonna *** you, I'm gonna *** you,
"I'm gonna give your *** a black eye,
"that's what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna *** you,
I'm gonna *** you."
Stop lying!
This is what you say.
"Look, I'm-a do the best I,
and afterwards I'll take you shopping"
That's what you say.
(women cheering, whooping)
You force us to fake.
Yeah, you do.
You force us to fake.
You faked with him.
You fake with this motherf?
Don't lie, 'cause you look
a little bit too young to be with him.
I know his *** is jusa prayer, ain't it, baby?
You're just, like,
"Oh, here he come, Mr. Drippy ***.
Just doing the best he can"
Maybe one of these days, he'll be like the Jeffersos
and move on up.
(people groaning)
I like Latin men, though.
'Cause Latin men, they have that bravado.
You know. I like the way they look at me
wom,
"she would not talk to me like that.
"If she was my woman, she would know her place
"because I am a man!
I am machismo!"
Eh, *** you, go get me an orange.
it.
*** you.
That's my song: "*** You and *** Her, To"
*** you.
Child, please, I done had my heart broken before.
I had my heart broke by a *** so bad,
he made me want to join the ***.
(laughter)
I had the hood...
the robe...
I got gloves on...
"We
I said, "I know where one "
Is this too real for some of you?
whoopi)
This is America-- I'll say what the *** I want to sa.
(cheering, whooping)
People talk now about Arnold Schwarzenegger.
You dirty ***, yo!
Oh, you is a dirty motherf.
See, Maria Shriver,
see, the only reason they got married,
a Kennedy married Arnold Scharganeg...
Schwarzenegger is in hopes of producing a Kennedy
that could take a bull, and I'm just say...
(audience jeering) (laughing)
(cheering, whooping)
*** you, you know it's fu!
But I'm gonna tell you,
he... he did her a dirty t.
See, this is why I say white women,
Latina sisters,
get you a black woman frie.
'Cause, see, we'll tell you how to boil some grits.
You pour some grits on a ***, they'll ge.
'Cause grits make you see .
(whooping)
Ask Al Green.
(shouting)
I knew the band would get ,
you little sexy ***.
You ever just want to go up to a man and *** him?
(laughter, whooping)
Just, I think...
I think it would be fu,
like, just that little drummer over there.
That little sk... that one right there.
(whooping)
I just look at him sometim, I just want to go,
"Come here, boy."
Boy, I'll *** you, make your knees explode.
I'm a grown-*** woman.
Ain't nothin' fake about me, bro.
Ain't nothin' fake
about me.
See, you young, I... ha-ha!
I'll *** you, make you watch cartoons.
(laughter) That's how...
good.
Not only does it snap,
it gives subliminal messag. I'm not lying!
I'm just telling you what I heard.
Now, I'm not gonna keep you long,
'cause I got to go.
(audience groaning)
'Cause I got *** to d.
Dicks to suck...
men to ***, you know what I'm saying?
'Cause I'm gonna tell you, you little thin girls,
you think you special.
See, you think-- I can take your man from y.
See, 'cause anybody
can suck your ***, but can you fry a chicken?
That's what I'm talking ab!
You get your *** sucked and a meal, ***!
Got to take your man!
You be walking around, "Where is Carl? Where's Ca"
I know how it is.
I know how it is to be in love...
and you want your man to be everything he's supposed t.
Walking around wearing pink shirts,
looking all ***-tastic and whatnot.
I'm sick of that ***.
That's some old soft ***.
Let me tell you something.
I met this man-- I ain't ga .
He was a ex-Marine.
And I was mad at him and Is in love with him, I wanted,
I loved him, but he pissed me off.
And you know how we get when we get pissed off.
And I said, "I'm not talking to you,"
and I hung up on him.
Well, he came to my house one day
and he knocked on my door,
this black silk shirt and the black leather pants
and the... black iguana lizard boots
and a black soft baby calf leather jacket,
and he got that *** hair
on his chest like Isaac Hayes had
when he was Black Moses and Hot Buttered Soul.
And I got on my jogging pas
and my *** was every which-away.
All I need is a booger in my nose
and a Kenmore box, I'd look homeless.
And he said, "I want to talk to you for a minut"
I said, "I don't want to talk to you."
.
You got any more like it?" I said, "Yeah. Why?"
And this... this *** toot a knife and cut my T-shirt
straight down the middle, Gabriel, and I don't have n
no brassiere-- my *** is every which-.
I wear a bra like a shelf--
I'm just trying to keep sht out the way.
(laughter)
And... and I...
and I... and I... and . and I try
to take a swing at him.
And-and he...
he flips me around and he handcuffs me
and he bends me over the s,
and he *** the *** out of me.
(whooping)
*** like tht
anywhere, girl!
Thank you for letting me be myself, y'all. Thank yo.