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Oh, are you freaking kidding me? I mean, seahorses? Come on.
You know, I just...I used to have a pretty good grasp on things. I woke up, I had this
sense of purpose. I knew what I was doing in life. But now, itís like...I donít even
have the slightest clue what to think. I canít sleep at night, I catch myself just staring
at the wall...I havenít tweeted Emma Watson in, like, a week.
I can only imagine her concern.
Look at this. Now Iím being trolled. This is just...this is Team Umizoomi.
Iíve reviewed some pretty bad stuff here on CGRundertow. I mean, someone on the Internet
has to review the console and handheld versions of Madagascar 3. Might as well be me, I guess.
But the thing about this game is...I mean, itís not bad. Itís just a game Iím not
even sure how to review, being that Iím older than five.
I mean, what makes a shape-matching minigame good? Iím honestly not sure.
For what itís worth, thatís what Team Umizoomi is. Itís a compilation of minigames, about
30 to be exact, featuring characters from what is evidently a popular childrenís show.
I donít knowóas Iíve said, Nickelodeon has been dead to me ever since they fired
John Kricfalusi. But if youíre a fan, I guess...this is a game...you can buy.
Itís rated EC for Early Childhood. Didnít even know that was a thing.
The minigames themselves are about a step away from just playing themselves. Objectives
are very simpleóthings like counting and matchingóand they usually control with very
intuitive touch commands. Drag this thing here, touch that thing there...actually, thereís
a probably a better way to describe that.
I guess the good thing is that it does engage the kids...or at least, I think it would.
The characters actually tell you the instructions, so thereís no reading or anything. Which
is good for...teaching...how to follow directions, I guess. And uh, the games help children get
acclimated with...technology...voice commands...math.
Math. I love math.
I think what weíve learned here today is my pre-k learning skills have reached their
apex, and that I have virtually nothing of relevance to say about Team Umizoomi for
the Nintendo DS.