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Charles Kingman is dying.
He's got the cancer,
and, uh, he wants to play Lear before he dies.
I cried.
Tell him.
GEOFFREY: It's not about money.
It's not fame.
It's -- It's not about the festival.
He just needs to -- needs to play Lear.
And the problem is that it's a killer part.
I mean, physically and emotionally,
this will literally kill him.
It's terrifying.
Tell him about me, about how this affects me.
I know. Ask him about my higher purpose.
-ANDREW: Oliver Welles. -Yes?
Was he a passionate person?
Famously.
Why are we talking about Oliver Welles?
ANDREW: Well, his name has come up quite a few times.
Oliver Welles?
Yes, you've mentioned him on several occasions.
-No, I haven't. -ANDREW: Yes, you have.
-No, I haven't. -Yeah, you have.
OLIVER: [ Laughing ] No.
Oliver Welles directed you in seven plays at the festival.
Oliver Welles betrayed you.
Oliver Welles destroyed the soul of the festival.
All right, all right, all right, all right.
I mean, he's part --
He was part of my life for a number of years,
whether I liked it or not,
so, obviously, his name's gonna come up.
I mean, I had a pet dog when I was a kid.
His name was Ruffles.
He was part of my life for 11 years.
You've never mentioned Ruffles.
Do you consider, uh, him a mentor?
ANDREW: It sounds like he's haunting you.
Oliver, not Ruffles.
Haunting me?
[ Chuckling ] You know, you should listen to yourself.
ANDREW: Well, no, I don't mean literally, of course.
You know, the people who've made an impact on us --
our parents, friends, loved ones --
often linger in our minds long after they've left their lives.
They become part of the mechanism of our psyche.
I think it would be helpful
if we focused on Oliver for a while.
Oh, finally!
[ Piano plays intro to "A Walk in the Rain" ]
♫ When life takes its toll and fate treats you bad ♫
♫ You used to be king, but now you've been had ♫
♫ Alone with your fool, you think you'll go mad ♫
♫ It's nice to take a walk in the rain ♫
♫ A stomp through a storm is what I'd advise ♫
♫ When people you trust tell nothing but lies ♫
♫ And kidnap your friend and gouge out his eyes ♫
♫ It's nice to take a walk in the rain ♫
♫ You say your daughters are evil plotters ♫
♫ A pitter-patter shower will keep you sane ♫
♫ When all has been said and all have been slain ♫
♫ It's good to take a walk in the rain for several hours ♫
♫ Helps to have a howl in the rain without your clothes on ♫
♫ Nice to take a walk in the rain ♫
[ Cheers and applause ]
Subtitling made possible by RLJ Entertainment
She puts her bread in the fridge.
Who puts bread in the fridge?
Dancers, apparently.
Bread is big. Bread takes up room.
-It's an insult. -SOPHIE: Triple threat.
It's not like she eats anything, anyway.
Have you seen her?
Maybe she eats glue, maybe paste. She's an idiot.
Have you seen her with the paper.
All she reads is Entertainment and Life,
and the rest she just tosses aside -- the news part.
Oh, my God, you hate her so much.
I don't hate her. She's an idiot.
PAUL: Do you hate Charles?
He's such a prick.
God, am I that bad?
Sophe, no.
I knew you were gonna say that. No. God.
Sophie, you are an amazing actress.
He is a prick.
There is no connection between your amazing acting abilities
and his prickish behavior.
All right, look, I got an idea.
It's gonna cheer you up.
Today on our break, we're gonna *** up the musical rehearsal.
-How? Why? -PAUL: Because.
We're just gonna go.
We're gonna do something *** juvenile,
and it's gonna be awesome.
Three words. "Stink bomb."
I might be really into that.
Me too.
No, I'm serious. Let's do that.
I'm serious. Let's do it.
This is really gonna make me feel better.
I don't know what to tell you.
He was my director.
Oh, I was so much more than that.
He was, uh, you know, kind of like a mentor for a little while
and then he was sort of like a best friend for a bit there
and then he stabbed me in the back.
And, uh, the last time you spoke to him was?
On the night that he happily died.
That's right. I tried to tell you --
Did I ever mention before that he was a drunk?
I've been reading about, um, this theory.
Now, this theory says that every artist
has one person who is their private audience,
someone that they desire to please
or someone they're angry with
or want to communicate with in some way.
Is Oliver your audience?
Oh, I love that.
Last night's preview was very revealing.
The show failed, and I'll tell you why.
We have become too concerned with logic.
The true power of the musical comedy
is its inherent absurdity.
People sing and dance apparently spontaneously, but in unison.
It's ridiculous.
And the common man finds this absurdity calming.
Why?
Because his own pathetic existence
is unrelentingly logical and ordered.
I know this for a fact
because I've spent many years observing the common man
at shopping malls and country fairs.
We need more focus on the absurdity of the genre.
That is why I have decided to cut three scenes
that are purely expositional
and replace them with inappropriate dance numbers.
We're cutting the story?
Yes, and replacing it with dancing.
Tap dancing, if possible.
Uh, Darren?
I'm sorry. Could I say something?
What?
Uh, I-I-I don't think this is the solution,
uh, to the problem.
I mean, I've seen a bunch of musicals, and --
That is because you are a common man.
Okay. [ Chuckles ]
But, uh, what I'm trying to say
is that what I find enjoyable about it,
you know, as the common man, is not just the --
Speak more quickly.
RICHARD: Okay, the characters --
We need to care about them,
you know, like in, um, "A Chorus Line," okay?
You know, we needed to get to know
each and every one of those dancers,
and I think we need to make the audience care
about, uh, our characters.
One of the many pitfalls of being a common man
is that you have a limited understanding
of your own reality.
You are amused by something,
but you are incapable
of understanding the mechanism of that amusement.
I pity you.
[ Chuckles ] Okay, but --
Talking to you about musical theater
is like chatting with a dog
about why it likes to lick its ***.
Okay, you know --
You're wasting my time.
Stage management, the common man is banned from rehearsal.
Exit.
I am banning yapping.
ANNA: Yes, I know what a coup is.
But what I'm asking is -- What is the new general like?
Is he a killer?
Well, how does he feel about musicians?
Is he likely to kill the musicians if I send them back?
Yes, why don't you check on that?
Hey, Geoffrey.
Can I ask your advice about something?
I wouldn't.
Thanks. Okay, there's a problem with the musical.
It's got to do with the way,
you know, the whole thing is, you know, uh, put together.
Structural problems?
Yeah. It's got to do with the segments of the story.
You know, the segments.
The beats?
RICHARD: Yeah, well, they're in the wrong order.
And, uh, because of that,
you know, the whole path that you take
with the -- in the -- in the musical, the whole thing?
The arc.
The arc. Well, it's wrong.
And -- And I think I know how to fix it.
Well, that's great.
RICHARD: Yeah, uh, it's just that
every time I bring up my ideas in rehearsal,
Darren yells at me. He says I yap.
He's banned yapping from rehearsal.
Do you yap?
[ Sighs ] He makes me nervous -- Darren.
GEOFFREY: Well, he should make you nervous.
He's an idiot in a position of power, but don't yap.
Just make your point and provide a solution.
Okay.
Rehearsal is all about arguing the material.
Of course, there's a limit to that.
And beyond that limit is grandstanding,
and that's something that actors absolutely love to do
in order to drive directors
right out of their *** minds.
I think it's a valid point.
GEOFFREY: Barbara. [ Chuckles ]
You are talking about something
that happens in the final scene of the play.
I know.
We are working on the first scene of the play.
BARBARA: But this is about who Goneril is.
If she commits suicide at the end of the play,
that makes her one kind of a person.
If she's killed by Regan,
that makes her another kind of person.
-She commits suicide. -How do we know that?
We know this because Edmund tells us this.
BARBARA: How does he know?
He doesn't see it happen. It happens offstage.
Regan could easily have stabbed Goneril
when she realized she had been poisoned by her.
Regan was that kind of a character, right?
-Sure. -GEOFFREY: Okay, all right.
Do either of you have any evidence --
any evidence in the text --
to support this "angry dying sister" hypothesis?
As much evidence as Edmund has to support his.
But he's in the scene, you silly cow.
He is a little bit more invested in the material than you.
Look, Charlie, I'm gonna play Goneril
as a cold-blooded, ruthless killer.
It's gonna be a little hard for the audience to accept
that she would kill herself.
If they can accept that Lear has a black daughter,
they'll accept anything.
***.
GEOFFREY: [ Laughing ] Okay.
This is great.
Great! Whoo!
How about we take a break?
How about a little break?
15 minutes, everyone.
The company is unifying very nicely.
Yes, just like the Balkans.
She's just passionate.
[ Laughs ] That's one word for it.
-Okay. Okay. -Okay.
[ Song ends ]
Now...this is what I don't understand.
The song is good.
There's nothing wrong with the song.
And yet it gets no reaction.
No, it must be you, Megan.
You're doing something wrong. Let's try it again.
Paul?
This is gonna be so good.
-All right. -Like, so good.
♫ I wish an ear would turn my way ♫
-SOPHIE: Is that her? -Yeah.
MEGAN: ♫ I'm tryin' ♫
♫ Tryin' to be heard, is what I never get to be ♫
♫ Tasted and touched, that's been it for me ♫
♫ Heard is the word, and the word is what sets me free ♫
♫ I am Lulu ♫
All right, get ready.
♫ Wasn't long ago my soul was dyin' ♫
♫ Wasn't long ago I thought that life was too absurd ♫
Paul? Paul?
Shut up.
♫ Forgive me if I shout ♫
Open the damn door, Paul. ***!
-MEGAN: ♫ I'm tryin' ♫ -SOPHIE: Paul, open the door!
-♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫ -[ Pounding on door ]
[ Gags ]
-Open the door! -♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫
♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫
♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫
DARREN: Let's try it again,
only this time, try imagining you're blind.
Ugh. What's that smell?
I don't know, but it's perfect.
Use it.
BARBARA: Aah!
Knock, for Christ's sakes!
[ Toilet flushes ]
This is the thing.
Goneril is like a warrior, like a general.
So, the only reason she would kill herself would be,
you know, death before dishonor.
But what does she say just before she leaves?
She says, "The laws are mine, not thine."
She's not saying, "Woe is me. I'm gonna end it all."
She's saying, "*** you, Albany. I'm gonna do what I want."
Right?
Oh, we generally don't talk about work at the dinner table.
You know, it's -- it's not really a rule, but...
Right.
Well, that is -- that is smart,
and it's probably good for the relationship.
The only other thing, really -- and I'm gonna make this short --
is that it would make sense
that Edmund is wrong about the suicide.
People are wrong about everything in this play.
Lear is wrong about his daughters.
-He's wrong about... -ELLEN: I'm sorry.
-I hate this. -I know.
I mean, it takes every ounce of patience I have in rehearsal
not to take a Skil saw to that woman's head.
And then I come home
and she's here and it starts all over again.
Geoffrey, she cares about me.
What do you want me to do, ask her to leave?
Yes. Now. Please.
I can't.
All right, tomorrow over breakfast,
in between when she says something like,
"Oh, I have a few ideas about the set,"
or "I think Goneril should wear a helmet."
Geoffrey, she's my best friend.
-I can't just kick her out. -Well, what am I?
You're my...guy.
[ Groans ]
[ Sighs ]
You were going to say "lover."
I was going to say "guy lover," "lover guy."
Well, we haven't made love in weeks.
[ Sighs ]
I'm gonna sleep on the couch.
Oh, don't do that. This isn't a sitcom.
GEOFFREY: Oh, well, yes, actually, it is.
I have a broken ***,
and there is a lizard queen living downstairs.
Come back to bed. We can work this out.
[ Sighs ]
You can leave in the morning.
Oh, ***, this is how you -- This is working it out?
Where are you going?
Well, you're kicking me out of the house.
No, I'm not. Okay, I am.
But, well, what's the big deal?
Last year, you lived under the theater.
GEOFFREY: Okay, wait a minute.
Are we breaking up?
No, we're not.
I love you.
I'll miss you terribly.
This is only temporary.
What the hell?
Well, my baggage is now literal.
ANDREW: I see that.
Did you have a fight with Ellen?
I don't know.
Maybe.
I mean, one minute, we were talking about things.
The next minute, I was packing these bags.
And where will you stay?
There's this really nice storage room at the theater.
I've stayed there before, and I know what you're gonna say.
He's not gonna say anything.
He's just gonna make a little note.
"Wednesday, 8:00 a.m., deluded."
What am I gonna say?
Well, you're probably gonna say something
about the separation of life and work,
but I don't think you seem to understand this.
The theater is not like any other workplace.
It really is a family.
And some of them you love, and some of them you hate.
ANDREW: Well, you know that many people say
that their work is like their family,
their boss is their father, their secretary is their wife.
And then there's crazy Uncle Geoffrey.
Would you shut up?
Sorry I interrupted you.
GEOFFREY: No, not you. It's...
I'm tired.
I didn't sleep last night.
Well, you don't have to talk if you don't want to.
GEOFFREY: I don't want to.
It's your time.
[ Sighs ]
I suppose I always have thought of myself
as the father in the festival family.
And the actors were my children --
well, some of them --
the principles.
Apprentices, swings, members of the Young Company --
I never felt a connection whatsoever.
I mean, that's why I could have sex with the odd apprentice --
because, well, he wasn't my child, in a sense.
Oh, God, that sounds terrible.
If you really want to understand the way I feel about family,
we have to talk about my childhood.
My father was a brute, an absolute brute.
That's why mother and I drank.
Good morning.
Not really.
All of our fire extinguishers failed inspection.
They have to be recharged today,
when I have the health-and-safety survey
and the quarterly financial reports to generate.
Is there a record player in this building?
'Cause I just fished out all my old Broadway musicals,
and I want to kick back in my office and listen to them.
Have you heard a single word that I said?
Yeah, you got a lot of work.
So, do you have so much work
that you can't answer my question?
ANNA: Yes, actually.
Anna, this is work, too, you know.
The musical is in trouble. I'm doing research.
Okay, so, it's enjoyable work, but --
You should try that. You should do some enjoyable work.
Thanks. I'll try and remember that tip.
Hey, listen, I tripped over some Bolivians on the way in.
I'm aware of that, but if I send them back, they'll be shot.
Do you want me to send them back to be shot?
No, Miss Sarcasm.
It's just that they can't live in the hallway.
It's a fire hazard.
I'll try and find them temporary accommodation.
Okay. So?
Is there a record player?
OLIVER: Are you committed to this?
Well, what choice do I have?
I love Ellen. I hate Barbara.
I'm talking about Charles, about his playing Lear.
Do you understand how important this is to me?
Explain to me again how this is your ticket out of here.
Oh, it's karma.
You're alive. You wouldn't understand.
So, Charles plays Lear, you go to gay heaven.
I do not appreciate the levity of your tone at the moment.
What if he dies, mid-run?
Well, it's death with dignity, something I never had.
-¡Hola! -¡Hola!
Oh, great.
I guess it's the green room.
Geoffrey, please.
Oliver, this isn't about one guy.
I have a responsibility to the entire company, to the festival.
This is about theater ethics.
Theater ethics?
That's like saying "*** morals."
We're doing the storm scene today.
We'll see, uh -- We'll see if he's got it in him.
CHARLES: Blow, winds,
and crack your cheeks!
Rage! Blow!
You cataracts and hurricanoes...
I can't hear him.
...spout till you have drench'd our steeples, drown'd the ***!
I can hear him fine.
CHARLES: You sulphurous and thought-executing fires...
All right, hold it!
Just for a moment. Thank you.
Maria, let's take it again,
but scale the wind down a couple, please.
I can do it on my own.
Lear is the storm, remember?
GEOFFREY: It's just a little aggressive texture.
It's a *** excuse!
Thank you, Charles. Please continue.
[ Wind rushing ]
[ Thunder crashing ]
Court holy-water in a dry house --
Geoffrey!
[ Beeping ]
Hold it!
Turn it off, would you?
Just leave the thunder, please!
All right, Maria, cut the wind.
[ Beeping ]
From the top, Frank.
Blow, winds,
and crack your cheeks!
Rage! Blow!
You see?
You cataracts and hurricanoes,
spout till you have drench'd our steeples, drown'd the ***!
Lear is the storm.
[ Weakly ] You sulphurous and thought-excluding fires...
Uh, Maria.
Hang on.
All right?
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
GEOFFREY: Uh, we'll take 10.
CHARLES: That's what it should be.
It should be a battle.
GEOFFREY: Here you go.
Let's get these bags out of the way.
You're leaving?
Things aren't going that badly, are they?
Oh, no, no, no, it's just a little problem at home --
an uninvited houseguest.
CHARLES: It's that cow Barbara, isn't it?
[ Growls ]
-Where are you gonna stay? -GEOFFREY: Here.
Here? The theater?
No, here in this room -- on this couch, actually.
That's disgusting.
I have a couch in my apartment. You can sleep there.
No, Charles, I'd be in your way.
CHARLES: Look, I know you're hesitant
to go through with this.
My death wish, I mean.
Spend a little time with me.
Maybe you won't care so much whether I live or die.
That's some offer.
Hi.
It's my bread, my cheese, my tomatoes.
I'm not doing anything wrong, okay?
I just said hi, that's all.
So, how you liking your room?
It's a pretty cool place, eh?
Somebody put a rubber snake in my bed.
And last Saturday there was Jell-O in my shoes.
[ Scoffs ] It's like grade 2 around here.
Sorry.
For whoever did that.
I apologize to you, from them.
Whoever.
Hey, um, I heard you sing the other day.
I was on break, and I guess I passed by your rehearsal.
You're -- You have a beautiful voice.
Thanks.
-What did you hear? -PAUL: Sorry?
What was I singing?
Oh. Um, something about wanting to be heard and...
♫ I'm tryin' to be heard ♫
♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫
♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫
It's a pretty song.
-[ Chuckles ] -Ah.
We're having problems with it, actually.
I thought it sounded great, really.
Thanks.
So, did you always want to be a singer or --
Hey. You missed "Trailer Park Boys," so I taped it for you.
PAUL: Thanks.
Why are you so late?
Oh, I was watching them rehearse the storm.
[ Gags ]
Oh, my God, what is this?
-Soy milk? -It's mine.
Why don't you look first?
Why don't you eat anything normal?
Wipe the spout before you put it back.
Wipe your own spout.
There's the bathroom, balcony if you want to end it all.
[ Alarm beeping ]
A chime for every pill.
Three blue ones in the morning, and one white one...
every two hours afterwards.
I'll call Mrs. Landry and order you a cot.
No, no, don't. I'm -- The couch is fine.
You sure?
Yeah, I like couches, you know?
You sit on a couch, you work. You lie on a couch, you sleep.
You can eat?
I can eat.
CHARLES: Tortellini tonight.
No sauce, just olive oil.
I can't tolerate spice anymore.
That's another curse.
Well, I actually welcome simple food because Ellen --
Well, Ellen tends to cook beyond her means.
Geoffrey...the illness is not a pleasant thing to witness.
I don't sleep well.
I have trouble keeping down my food.
And my body makes vulgar sounds that I can't control.
Well, I have lengthy conversations
with an invisible companion.
[ Chuckles ] Oh.
Shall I set three places for dinner?
Tortellini in olive oil? Don't bother.
Hi, Anna. Is Geoffrey still there?
Oh.
Uh, no, it's not important.
I just called to say hi.
I just found four bottles of Cloudy Bay.
Thanks, Anna.
Try to relax. Bye.
I just found four of the most amazing bottles
of sparkling wine from New Zealand.
We are gonna have a girls' night in.
I've played Lear before, you know, Geoffrey.
GEOFFREY: I know.
Yeah, and I was terrible.
I was 25,
and I was the only one in the company who could grow a beard.
And I'm sure you were brilliant
because you've always been brilliant.
And as you know, it was you that inspired me
to this life in the theater.
I am the personification of that particular cliché.
And like the theater,
I'm boldly fighting a slow, undignified death.
Oh, Charles.
CHARLES: All right, I'll lay off the gallows humor
till you've finished eating.
No, no, keep it coming.
You are going to let me play him, aren't you?
Don't feel pressured just because you're in his house,
eating his food.
You know, I have a lot of other responsibilities.
I've got a board.
I have an entire company of actors.
Well, that's ***.
That's ***.
You just don't want my blood on your hands.
All right, let me ask you this question.
Is this really how you want to die?
Wouldn't you?
You're how much in debt?
$27,000.
$27,000 in debt, your boyfriend's crazy,
and your career has ground to a halt.
Well, I wouldn't put it that way.
Well, you're the best actor you've ever been.
It's true.
You're fabulous and I love you and I want you to be happy.
But you're a wreck.
Ah! I don't think I like these girls' nights in.
Hey, did you follow up with Chris?
He's doing a show for some network somewhere in the States.
You see? This is what drives me crazy.
You've never known how to take care of yourself.
ELLEN: Never?
I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life.
Oh, I think you are, actually.
No, no, no. All I'm saying is,
isn't it possible that you've grown out of this place?
I mean, give yourself a chance.
Call Chris in the morning.
Promise me you will.
I will. I will.
Now, can we stop talking about my miserable life
and watch Denzel?
I just yell at you because I love you.
And you want me to be happy. I know.
Mm.
What do you see when you look at him?
A lawsuit.
Come on. Really.
I don't know.
Childhood hero, an actor.
An old actor.
Your father.
Did you get that off "Dr. Phil"?
You're a lousy therapist, Oliver.
This would be talking to your invisible friend, right?
I did warn you.
Geoffrey, would you mind helping me into the bedroom?
I think I overdid it today.
I think it was the storm.
Probably trying to impress you.
You did.
I can see your Lear, Charles, very clearly.
The problem is the cancer, I know.
But, you see, I manage by day.
And by night, to help me sleep, all I need is my medication.
And your medication is...
***.
-***. -CHARLES: Mm.
Okay.
CHARLES: Oh, God!
God damn it!
That's why there are so few aged junkies.
All this fiddling work.
Would you...
Oh, for God's sake, Geoffrey, where's your humanity?
Help him.
Help with the ***?
CHARLES: Yeah, please. Do you mind?
[ Laughs nervously ]
Now, just make sure you keep the needle parallel to the vein.
GEOFFREY: Jesus.
I can feel that now.
[ Quietly ] It's wonderful.
Really.
I think I just said yes.
I shot him up.
Shot him up?
GEOFFREY: With ***. I stuck a needle in his arm.
How did you feel when you shot him up?
Well, I felt like I was contributing
to the delinquency of a senior.
[ Chuckles ]
-But it was an act of mercy. -OLIVER: Of course it was.
-Tell him about your father. -No!
It wasn't?
GEOFFREY: No, yes, it was, but he had nothing to do with it.
So, no, I'm not gonna talk about my father.
Well, that says something, doesn't it?
You don't have to talk about your father.
The fact that you're so reluctant to even broach the subject?
ANDREW: I find it strange
that you would say that out of the blue, though.
You see?
It's not exactly out of the blue.
I got this whole sort of -- Okay, look.
I saw Charles sleeping there in that chair,
and I started to think about --
Oh, ***.
Huh? Huh? Huh? Come on.
Why do you find this difficult to talk about?
Because...
Because you're trying to find your father.
-You're trying to relive -- -Okay!
Because Charles expects me to give everything,
everything that I have ever worked for,
for him, just like Oliver -- I mean...
[ Exhales heavily ]
...my father.
Oh, that was so satisfying.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait up.
Hey.
Boy, dancers walk fast. Must be your legs.
Uh, 'cause they're long -- dancers' legs.
-You going to rehearsal? -Yeah.
-Me too. -Oh, what are you in?
Uh -- What, are you serious?
"King Lear."
Oh, right. I forgot.
Ah. I play the heroic Edgar.
Oh, I don't know the play.
"King Lear"?
Mnh, I never saw it.
Is Edgar a big part?
Pretty big, yeah, yeah.
You never read it in high school or --
I'm not much of a reader.
But I was in "West Side Story"
at the Etobicoke School of the Arts,
and that was based on "Romeo and Juliet."
Right. Yeah, I know that.
Uh, but we're talking about "King Lear."
Well, they were both written by the same guy.
Right.
Look, I'm just saying I'm not much of a reader,
but I was in "West Side Story."
No, I got it. I know what you're saying.
So, you liked my song?
I -- Yes, I really did, yeah.
MEGAN: Oh, I like it, too.
Like, Lulu feels like nobody is listening to her.
Right.
And then there's a key change, and she finds her voice.
[ Laughs ]
And it's totally in my belt range, so I can really let go.
I mean, they're talking about cutting it.
[ Sighs ]
Well, I hope they don't.
Do you want to go for a drink with me?
Well -- [ Laughs ] Well, I thought we were the enemy.
Ah. Um, honestly, I love the way you sing.
Well, I'll think about it.
[ Mid-tempo piano music playing ]
♫ Look at Lulu ♫
♫ Lulu's stopped her cryin' ♫
♫ Look at Lulu ♫
I know what's wrong.
Darren, can I just have five minutes?
Not now.
♫ I've made a brave new choice ♫
It's Lulu, Darren. It's Lulu.
It's -- It's who she is. It's the beats.
You see, it's Lulu.
Stop it! Stop your hissing.
I cannot think with you hissing in my ear.
I'm sorry.
It's just I know what the problem is.
I -- Look. I made a flow chart.
Ugh.
The entire first act is about Lulu trying to find her voice.
When she sings, "Give my -- my heart a voice,"
she's actually realizing for the first time
that she's not just a ***.
-She has a soul. -Yapping.
No, I'm not.
Everything you're saying is pathetically obvious.
This is not a second-act song.
Lulu's ballad has to end the first act.
Look, then -- then --
then we cut the restaurant scene completely.
And we would open the second act
with the dance number at the crack house.
-Can't you see? -DARREN: That's it.
You have undermined my authority for the last time
with your flow charts and your yapping.
You are banned from rehearsals!
Darren -- Darren, I think he's right.
Oh, my God!
It's a whole different show.
Really, we got to try this.
Okay, we will try it once, this afternoon for the preview.
But if it fails, you are banished forever.
Thank you, Darren.
DARREN: Yap, yap, yap.
Uh, Megan? The triple threat?
[ Chuckling ] Yeah. Yeah.
Are you surprised?
Yeah.
MARIA: We're back, everyone.
Act one, scene one.
We'll pick it up where we left off.
You said I should ask her out.
Oh, no, no, no, I-I-I didn't say you should ask her out.
I said that she was your type.
Yeah. What?
No, no, it's great. I'm glad, you know?
You're dating a really cute idiot
who happens to live in our house.
It's great.
I should go.
Charles is waiting to rip me apart.
Uh, good luck.
Goneril, our eldest-born, speak first.
Sir, I love you more than word could wield the matter,
dearer than eye-sight, space, and --
Where do I look?
Well, uh, you look at your daughter.
Who?
GEOFFREY: Oh. Sorry. You look at Barbara.
Yeah.
Beyond what can be valued, rich or rare.
Of all these bounds --
MARIA: Cordelia has a line, Charles.
What?
Cordelia has a line.
And what shall Cordelia do?
Love and be silent.
Where -- Where are we?
What shall Cordelia do?
Look, don't start on me, young lady.
If you hadn't jumped all over my line.
I didn't.
[ Laughing ] Oh, oh, you didn't?
I...
Then -- Then -- Then --
You see, I can't understand you when you do speak.
You mumble your cues.
This has nothing to do with me.
You see? And that's why you'll never be any good.
It's the job of an actor to be --
[ Stammers ] -- to be involved, every minute.
You're Goneril when you come into the rehearsal hall
and you're Goneril when you leave it and you constantly --
I'm Cordelia.
I'm playing Cordelia, okay?
If you're gonna blame someone else for your own senility,
at least figure out who the *** they're playing!
God.
I didn't mean to swear like that, not in front of Charles.
It's okay.
He had it coming.
Charles --
CHARLES: I can't think.
My mind is all muddled.
[ Grunts ]
I didn't take my haloperidol this morning.
It gives me constipation, so I skip a day sometimes.
-Oh, God, it's halo-- -Okay, okay, okay. Shh.
-I -- -Charles, just breathe.
Breathe. Close your eyes.
Breathe deeply. That's it.
Oh, my God.
All right, Maria, just calm down.
It's just a man breathing, all right?
Now, get Nahum. We're gonna take him home.
I'm so sorry, Geoffrey.
Apologize to the girl for me.
GEOFFREY: Yes, I will.
Maria, for ***'s sake.
Right.
That was nothing. That was just chemicals.
What now?
Okay, well, we can work on Edmund/Gloucester,
and then -- I don't know -- I guess I send everyone home.
What are you gonna tell them?
"Sorry, everyone, our Lear's gone mad"?
No, I'll say that he's, you know, got the flu or something.
The flu? He was staggering around the stage like a drunk.
All right. What, then?
-Tell them he's a drunk. -Tell them he's a drunk?
Look, this will not be the last such incident, Geoffrey.
You better lay the groundwork for deception now.
Theater's full of drunks. It's an easy sell.
You're a drunk.
Some actors need a whipping boy.
There are dozens of them. Petty tyrants, the lot of them.
It's Alzheimer's. I've seen it before.
Uncle Pete used to wear a hat with his name on it.
But this is the theater, not a mental ward.
This theater?
[ Clears throat ] Hello, everybody.
Um...well, obviously, Charles is not having a good day.
This is not uncommon for people in his situation,
and, uh, he would like me to apologize to all of you.
Most specifically, he would like to apologize to you, Sophie.
I will endeavor in the future to be more vigilant,
and Charles has agreed --
[ Clears throat ]
He has agreed to attend a meeting.
All right, let's get started.
Act one, scene two.
He's a drunk. That was my alternate theory.
-Are you okay? -Ah, I'm fine.
-Can I help? -Mm-hmm.
You can get that lizard queen out of our house.
Geoffrey.
All right, failing that,
why don't we rehearse act one, scene two?
Maria, please.
Geoffrey, did you hear about this afternoon's preview?
No.
It was fabulous!
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
-Do you want to know why? -No.
Because Darren Nichols made some substantial changes
to the structure of the show.
Do you want to know why he made those substantial changes?
No.
Because I suggested them, just like you said.
You know, I-I thought it through,
and, um, I-I made a flow chart.
No.
Yes. Yes, and he's -- and he's keeping them for tonight,
for the opening.
You're coming, right?
Oh, it would take an act of God to keep me away.
All right. All right!
-Whoo! -[ Thunder crashing ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Charles?
Where is he?
Oh, Geoffrey, Charles has run raving into the storm.
-The irony is heartbreaking. -Why didn't you stop him?
OLIVER: Is there a heath nearby?
GEOFFREY: Shut up!
♫ It's a beautiful day on East Hastings ♫
♫ I didn't wake up on the floor ♫
♫ It's a beautiful day on East Hastings for a *** ♫
♫ It's a beautiful day on East Hastings ♫
♫ Profits are starting to soar ♫
♫ It's a beautiful day on East Hastings to want more ♫
♫ And what in the world is East Hastings? ♫
♫ A patchwork of kindness and pastings ♫
♫ It's a beautiful day on East Hastings ♫
♫ To want more ♫
♫ For a *** ♫
♫ Let me score ♫
♫ Look at Lulu ♫
♫ Lulu's stopped her cryin' ♫
♫ Look at Lulu ♫
♫ Lulu's not a frightened little bird ♫
♫ I've made a brave new choice ♫
♫ To give my heart a voice ♫
♫ I'm tryin' ♫
♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫
♫ Gotta open up ♫
♫ And quit my lyin' ♫
♫ I'm sick of shutting down ♫
♫ And letting all the lines get blurred ♫
♫ I've got something real to say ♫
♫ If an ear would turn my way ♫
♫ I'm tryin' ♫
[ Thunder crashing ]
Charles! Charles!
♫ I am Lulu ♫
♫ Whoa ♫
♫ Wasn't long ago my soul was dyin' ♫
♫ Wasn't long ago I thought that life was too absurd ♫
♫ Now I've got it figured out ♫
♫ Forgive me if I shout ♫
♫ I'm tryin' ♫
-♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫ -♫ Be heard ♫
-♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫ -♫ Be heard ♫
-♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫ -♫ Be heard ♫
♫ Tryin' to be heard ♫
That was crap.
Oh, come on. That was great crap.
It was crappy crap. You're just blinded by ***.
Possible.
Whoo-hoo!
[ Groans, sighs ]
[ Thunder rumbling ]
Great. Great show.
Oh. [ Chuckles ] Thank you.
-Oh, watch yourself. -You saw it?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course.
Felt pretty good.
Yeah.
We got a standing ovation.
I know. I started it.
-[ Chuckles ] -Can I make a suggestion?
I think I should walk you home.
I don't know if you've heard about this,
but there are crazy people walking the streets tonight.
I'm serious -- total psychos.
[ Chuckles ] Why are you being so nice to me?
I told you. I'm your biggest fan.
♫ Wasn't long ago my soul was dyin' ♫
♫ Wasn't long ago I thought that life was too absurd ♫
♫ Now I've got it figured out ♫
♫ She's got it figured out ♫
♫ Forgive me if I shout ♫
[ Thunder rumbling ]
Subtitling made possible by RLJ Entertainment
[ Piano plays intro to "Call the Understudy" ]
♫ Call the understudy, I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ I'm drinking with my buddy, I'm getting good and tight ♫
♫ Before they raise the curtain, I'll be higher than a kite ♫
♫ So, call the understudy, I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ Tell the cast and crew to break a leg ♫
♫ Break a leg ♫
♫ Roll me out another bloody keg ♫
♫ Bloody keg ♫
♫ I need to ease the pain that life can bring ♫
♫ Life can bring ♫
♫ And liquor is what will hit the spot ♫
♫ The play is not the thing ♫
♫ So, call the understudy, I think it's only right ♫
♫ My diction will be muddy, I'll never find my light ♫
♫ Before the intermission, I'll be *** on a sprite ♫
♫ So, call the understudy ♫
-♫ I can't go on ♫ -♫ He can't go on ♫
-♫ I won't go on ♫ -♫ He shan't go on ♫
♫ I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ Damn right ♫