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" The healthiest fun is enjoyed by children...
and whoever is ashamed to laugh at simple things is a moron. "
Socrates... (Rodriguez)
Cameron Mitchell as Moleculo, the wacky inventor
AUTOPSY OF A GHOST
Alms for the love of God.
It looks that it's going to rain cats and dogs!
Alms, please...
Alms...
Alms for this poor old woman...
Alms for God's sake.
Murderer!
Murderer!
Coward!
You killer!
Killer!
Canuto, stay with me. Don't leave.
I just have to get rid of these calluses on my feet. 400 years of walking back and forth. It's not fair.
My hooves are burning!
For God's sake, they're not hooves, they're feet!
You have feet, I have hooves! OK?
Murderer!
Friends of mine, I sincerely hope you are NOT good.
- Thanks! What's up? - Same as always.
Very well. At last we'll attend to your judgment!
Canuto Perez:
As you've dedicated your life to taking advantage of innocent maidens,
I've avoided the fact that the only woman you ever loved, loved you in return.
But you, instead of accepting the punishment for your crime of ***,
cowardly took your own life!
Sir, I respectfully remind you that I repented at the last minute.
I'm aware of that.
If you repented, it's thanks to me.
If I'd gotten the knife deep in your gut, there'd have been no chance of repentance!
That's a lie! The dagger had a blunt tip. There is no repentance.
A minor regret, but there was. Don't you dare correct me!
I've been thinking about this for 400 years!
Since there was a spark of regret,
you've earned four chances to save your soul.
Four days from now, you must win the love of one of the four women...
that will cross your "nonexistent" life.
No limits for me! Only four women after 400 years?
Shut up! Nothing is absolute. Everything is relative.
You've given yourself four stab wounds.
So, there will be four days, and four women will come your way.
But the one that comes to love you, must be willing to die for you.
We accept the penance you give us!
We accept? That sounds unionized to me! You're the brain, but I'm the lustful flesh.
Shut up! I'm not finished yet!
Ahem... now I'm done.
Hurry up! What are you waiting for? Let's grab some meat!
- Let's? That sounds unionized too. - No, don't lock me up!
Wait a minute pals! Just hear the end of this.
You may not leave this house, and I'll be the caretaker.
If you must, go for it.
But don't you dare touch their innocent souls...
or face the consequences with me!
No, please no more corniness.
Shut up or I'll shut it for you!
Ok, I'll shut up.
And where do you think you'll find such beautiful women?
Beautiful? Women?
Well, you know it's not easy to have guests in this place.
I'll find a way. Actually, many ways.
Yeah, and I think I'll have a lot of fun in the process.
And now, the first one:
Vitola... Nina... I just had a wonderful idea.
Wake up.
Nephew... I just had a wonderful idea!
A wonderful idea!
Nephew, Nephew... wake up.
Water... water. Water!
- What's this! - You wanted water, so...
But I wanted it in my mouth.
Auntie, you need a shrink!
What I need is a maestro, because I'll be a ballet dancer and model,
I'll go to Switzerland to fill up my legs, hips and *** with silicone.
- Nothing else? - That's it. - And where do you want me to get the money for it?
You're a bank teller, so steal it from the bank and pay for my trip to Switzerland.
Nah, that's against the law.
Oh, I see. If you don't steal from the bank, there's no breakfast for you.
- Did you think about it? - You're tricky, Auntie. - Tricky?
- You're going rob the bank. - No. - We'll see.
I love you so much! So you're going to commit robbery.
Saved by the bell!
- Good morning. - You have good timing. - Yes indeed.
- No coffee? - No, but we have atole (hot corn drink), do you want some?
If you insist. Serve me two cups, and six donuts.
Remember not to chew on the holes or your teeth'll fall out.
- You're always so witty, Vitola. - You must convince this idiot to rob the bank.
Well I think it's a constructive idea, then we could get away from all this suffering.
It's only necessary for him to steal enough for me to go to Switzerland...
so I can fill up my silhouette.
- Well, I'm going to fill up my entrails. - May I?
I always cross myself before eating... in the name of father and the holy spirit.
- And what about the son? - Oh, yeah.
- Lil' son, come to breakfast. - Here I am dad.
I want the same thing my dad's having, but make it double.
I shall not steal.
I'm too honorable for that.
Sure, but what if you steal only 10 bucks from your bank?
I'd be expelled like a soda bottle cap.
- And then what? - I'd look for work in another bank.
No way; in every bank there'd be a terrible sign:
The criminal Pompin has stolen 10 bucks! What a shame.
Dishonored for 10 miserable bucks?
Here they are! Too late! You're fired!
And so begins the journey from bank to bank, starving.
Your eyeballs hanging out like yo-yos.
Water... water!
- ***! I'm not hungry. - Don't worry, I'll eat it for you.
- ***, it was only 10 bucks! - Such is life.
If you steal just 10 bucks, you'll go to jail as a thief.
But if you steal $10,000, you'll go to the Mediterranean as a tourist.
Malaga, my golden dream, the beach.
Bikinis. And the mono bikinis.
Even with no bikini.
But tourism is taxable!
- What's the budget? - 10,000 per head.
Agreed. 4 times 10 equals $50,000.
- But you've got to pay the taxes. - Perfect!
- Are you searching for mice? - I want to find my way out of this trap.
- I didn't give you permission. - I don't need it.
- Then you're challenging me?
4 centuries ago, I obeyed. And now here we are, mad and hating death.
I'm out of here at once!
No so fast, Canuto, or I'll lock you up.
I don't fear the skulls!
You asked for it!
Let me go. Don't push me!
Shut up! And you too!
- Somebody is calling! - Who's calling?
Someone get the door!
I smell something funny.
This gown has already been used, hand me the deodorant.
- This is embarrassing. - Dad, isn't it because of him?
Him? Let me see...
Poor guy, what happened to you?
He's rotted a bit. Let's bury him tomorrow.
I smell gas.
Even worse, it smells like the devil.
Stand back, you goats!
Now what do you smell here?
Susana, don't use that door. Use the moleculestention, I invented it just for that purpose.
The landlord!
Wait, he's come for his money.
Shall we say that we're not here?
Susana says we're not here!
Has he vanished into the breeze?
Much better.
We'll settle our account.
Damn kid!
She wants to kill me! She wants to kill me!
Fembot, don't be impertinent! Daughter of my inventive genius!
One minute please, where am I?
Ah, I see, where are you?
Daughter of Satan!
You insolent rascal.
I'll kill you. I'll kill you.
- Give me a kiss. - No, Fembot! No. - Stay away!
I'll kill you. I'll kill you.
Now I'm furious!
Here is your butcher! Don't resist. Die... die!
Help me! Fembot!
Please son, tell her to calm down.
OK, but give me a a buck.
Okay, you little bandit! I owe you a buck.
- Grandma, let's get out of here. - Let's play elsewhere.
Bold chicken, one-eyed owl, let it dissolve evil, as salt in water.
As a corpse in the ground. Bold chicken, bold...
Enough, Susana! You're driving all of us mad!
I still perceive vibes of witchcraft in this house.
Bold chicken... bold...
Help me St. Mike, grab the devil and dance with him.
Stupid!
What did you call me?
I wish we could get rid of the Fembot.
It can't, dear. She's become a rebel without a cause, but justified.
Look, if the child calls a can of sardines "Grandma" it's ugly. But when you take it as a human, it's unbearable!
- Have a seat. - I don't want to hear what you have to say.
What is it?
Either your watch has stopped, or you're dead.
- No, lemme see... - Dear...
My God, I can't hear. What's wrong with me?
Come to dinner, your bath is ready.
Let me set Caruso in the throbbing intermediate circuit and be ready here.
Now, add this new tailbone pain to my eternally aching feet.
I can see why your feet hurt, you have your shoes on backwards!
Impossible, both tips are pointing forward.
You have your right shoe on your left foot and vice versa.
No way! There is a shoe design for each foot.
Sure.
Susana, I have been suffering this illness since childhood.
What a great discovery. Please put a mark on each.
This is great. By the way, you're getting a raise,
how much is your salary?
- Nothing! - Starting tomorrow, you'll receive double that.
You're generous! Don't make me laugh!
Laughter is the quality that distinguishes us from animals,
so, have a laugh and stay different.
I want you to pay me the two months of rent you owe me!
The rent? Ah, yes. I'll pay you as soon I sell my masterpiece, come and see it.
Demosthenes Caruso will be the next big thing!
He will sing, recite...TV will pay me millions for him.
12 million to be exact.
- What do you need to complete it? - You see, I need 302 circuits,
and I require $250. Can you lend it to me?
Yes, once you have those 12 million!
Merci Monsieur. You're an angel.
I've seen a lot fools, but none like this one.
Look, have one of my specialties.
What's special about it?
This doesn't look like tobacco, it doesn't smell or taste like tobacco,
but it can cause cancer, and of better quality!
I bet you. You have my word on it.
That's another of my inventions.
That's funny, where did he go?
And how did you get over there?
You'll burn!
This is for putting a fire out with matches.
Don't sit there!
I'll sit where I want.
You'll be sorry, yeah, you'll be sorry.
Take this cross off of me! Take it off me!
What have you done?! What have you done!?
Now you must take a treatment for 32 minutes.
- Treatment for what? - To lose weight, fatso! - But I'm not fat!
It's rotating very fast. The device must be stopped!
No way! The heat will be unbearable, like in hell.
- Poor thing, he'll melt. - Even worse, his brain will drip through his ears.
- You pig! - Only sulfur can cure his dandruff!
This will rust me, yes, it'll rust me!
Shut your eyes! Shut your eyes!
So they won't be prominent, like a frog's!
Don't cut the flow! Stopping suddenly will defragment the pylorus!
I'll put it in reverse!
I saved him!
I hope you forget this incident; nothing has been defragmented, right?
I guess not... uh-oh.
Oh, I'm very sorry, sir. It won't be repeated, I swear.
You have 6 hours to get out of my house!
Get packing, daughter. I've understood your suggestion, sir.
Fine!
I don't want to sound like a cruel man.
You can go to this address and live there for free.
- Very good, Electron, you have potential! - Don't touch him.
- No Fembot! - Take care. She'll kill him!
Who, me?
Get back!
Ah, I just forgot.
- I see a tail. - We're all descended from monkeys, but we're still evolving.
- And those horns? - Don't talk about his marital relationship, that can happen to anyone.
No fatso, the goat will be you!
Fembot, what's on your mind?
- I'll sew up the door! - Leave it as it is. Take note:
I must warn Don Manuel on our change of address.
What if he sent the check to this address?
- What if? - We'd be screwed.
Indeed!
Come Fembot, and take your notebook.
OK, man.
- Let see... - Go on. - My glasses...
- No good. - Go on!
Ok, man.
You don't have a real secretary, so you must maintain the suspense of the plot!
Please Canuto, don't be stubborn; why do you want us to go to hell?
Drop dead!
I hate you, Perez.
Enjoy, enjoy!
Don't tempt me, Satan.
Don't tempt me, Satan.
Tempt me, but don't push me!
No more... no more!
No more, but okay here.
Now, to the ghost's house! To the ghost's house.
Damn! This device drives me crazy! Hold on!
The fourth one!
- Didn't you see her? - Who? - A fragrant beauty!
Sulphurous.
- Are you Manolin? - Yes? - A letter from Moleculo. For your dad.
Why not give it to my father in person?
He died a month ago.
Right, I forgot. I forget everything except the numbers.
Do you want the letter?
- What letter? - This one! For your father!
Ah, yeah, thanks. Taxi...
Come on, I mean... go on!
Canuto...!
I was just peeking.
She is hot!
Jeez, Canuto! This is a male!
I don't understand you, you said women.
This idiot is the reason. His mere presence will attract women here.
Ahoy, the first tart of the afternoon!
Here comes Fembot. Here I come!
- Which of these women would die for us? - Dead women are useless.
We must enjoy them while they're still alive, you fool.
Yes, yes, yes!
Ah, she is hot!
She looks hot in the flesh, I wonder how her skeleton is?
- Canuto! - My bones are shaking.
When you're finished, go to the truck for more.
Madame! You've been horribly injured!
Oh Lord, what's this? What's this?!
This, my sweet lady, is the grabbing hand,
also known, in popular language,
as a burglar catcher.
Un-catch me, un-catch me!
Let her go...
Manuela...
Shut it.
Keep this in mind: the bank gave us a chance,
but if the money doesn't show up within two days, they'll notify the police.
Put me through to the federal investigation chief.
Sir... sir!
I'm here to give...
You swine! Don't you feel ashamed?
People get more cheeky by the day.
- Yeah? - This is James Blondo, secret agent 7 and a half speaking.
- Yes, this is about the 500,000 bucks. - Aha.
I'll give you a description of Pompin, the suspect.
Melon-headed.
Hair... sticky.
Eyes... two of them.
Nose... just one.
Looks like an imbecile.
But don't jump to conclusions. Maybe that's just as he intended.
Don't forget that the bank has offered a reward for capturing him, dead or alive.
Sir... sir!
I'm here to surrender. But I'm alive!
Alive? But you have an expression of imbecility!
Move on!
The best way to identify him is a mole on the tip of the nose.
Sorry, this is fly poop. - Idiot! Don't rub on the photo!
Chief!
Here comes agent Zero.
Chief! These *** have spoken!
- What have you done to them? - I didn't do anything! They talked freely.
- Right, guys? - And what did they say? - That they've all stolen the money.
Right, guys?
4x5=20! Now a half million robbery has become 2 million! Very good.
No, very bad. I'm the thief.
- Release this phoney! - Compare me to the photo, have a look!
I don't... This is the thief! I've caught him, you're witnesses!
- Catch him! - Don't you move!
I'm not leaving, remember that I came to surrender.
Yes, but where's the money?
- I gave it to the poor. - A lie! There are no poor people in this country!
The house of ghosts, you're clever. - Indeed I am.
Make me a sketch of the hideout.
- Better wait a bit. - Just like that?
- No sketch! - So you distrust me?
- Sure I do. - That's the reason then. I'll get a lawyer.
The prosecutor and defense lawyer have the right to speak.
Cheers and salutations, your honor.
This is for you!
Judge...
Behold...
and you, solemn, dignified, honest and attentive jurors,
behold as well!
He has fulfilled an order from his heart, to give his bonus to anyone who's never had one.
To Santa Claus, his gift, his Christmas present.
His Thanksgiving turkey...
to those who've never had comfort.
Joy and happiness.
Beers. Candy. Refreshments!
I demand silence or empty the room!
- Go on. - Distinguished gentlemen of the jury...
allow him...
This isn't fair! Don't ignore me!
I'm the thief! I'm the thief!
Everything went according to plan, right, partner?
I don't know you, sir.
- And what about me? - What about you?
Pompin has the money. Release him and follow him back to the money.
- This isn't fair! Not fair! - Get ready! The agent will follow you, you must lose him. Go to London, to the fog.
- You're free, now go sign the visitor's golden book. - Thanks a lot.
Go sign, and then let's collect the money.
It's my duty to communicate with you, I'm out.
- How come? - Just like this. You take the cheers, and I take the money.
I've been robbed. My gun!
- The only plan is to follow the skinny woman. - We must follow the skinny woman!
We must follow the... why dad?
Because she'll follow her nephew. The nephew knows where the money is,
and if we follow her, we'll get the money. And so to a deal!
- Ok Dad, shall we go? - To where?
Oh, yeah, right!
Hello.
Where have I seen your face before?
Does it matter?
Do you know me?
Your name lives in my soul. Your name vibrates in my heart like a golden bell.
Galena!
This is madness!
The madness of love.
It is. I tremble and I am yours.
I suffer with you.
Your words intoxicate me. And I long to be loved by you.
- There's only one thing. - What?
Let's kiss each other's lips...
despite your nose?! Would a rose be as cautious?
Don't laugh at me. As a ghost I can still love you.
As a man I can... hurt you.
I'm not afraid of you. My dad can reduce you because, scientifically,
you're nothing but an equation, a logarithm, a useless formula. Get lost!!
Old man... get out of here!
- Canuto! - What's up?!
- You scared me! - This is terrible!
This is impossible! This is ridiculous!
Roxana made fun of me.
Oh boy, talk to the chubby one. Maybe she'll accept.
Time is ticking, my heart tells me.
I know it, Canuto.
I know...
Since I'm banned, nobody wants to give me any credit.
I'm on the *** list.
Then what will the child eat?
We can plug him up with some watts, just like Fembot.
I'll enjoy a delicious overload. Like some watts?
- We're saved! - From what?
I've invented food pills.
The air is charged with food-like substances. I've captured them with the supercapacitor.
And they'll become our food!
- What's the red one? - Jam, my sweet.
- And the green one? - Chicken. - Purple: grapes.
Orange: oranges White: eggs
Cream: all flavored ice cream. Ismael, I want a smoke.
Thanks.
Alright, Ismael...
- 40 laps so far, where is he? - Don't ask me.
I suspect he's trying to throw us off.
- Keep on running. - Let's go. - Let's go.
- Dad? - Here, sweetheart.
- 20%... - This man is looking for you.
My son, what can I do for you?
Let me see... 4x8... 24...
I guess the metabolism batteries are almost dead.
I see! I'm a mathematician.
The son of your business partner.
The son of my partner... Manolin! Come into my arms!
How is your dad doing?
He's dead.
Oh, no! The checks didn't reach the mailbox!
Manolin, I'm deeply sorry, I'm sorry...
Come with me. I want to show you my greatest invention, it's cute!
- What an invention... - No, this is also mine, but...
I meant the other one. Come with me.
Quick! Where is he?
- I didn't see him. - You stupid blind man.
No matter. We'll catch him on the next round.
Have a look.
The problem is I need money to buy the "multi-phone"
I have 4,000 bucks, but I forget what it's for.
Lemme see... Thanks for the shakes.
I didn't shake you, I just removed the curse from you.
- So, I was cursed? - 3,500 for the multi-phone,
- And 500 for you, Manolin. - Thanks a lot. - You're very welcome.
Susana, the bells are ringing!
I remembered what the money is for - the funeral of my father. Give me the money back!
- What's given doesn't get returned! - And what if I get my father's body back? What shall I do with it?
Doesn't matter. I'd invent something to prevent him from smelling fishy.
Tomorrow is the great day, Caruso, it's going to make us wealthy men!
- Fine, but in case it doesn't work out, we might have to sell all of this off! - Fine, this is all yours, you're the master.
The cab driver wants to have a word with you.
- Did you ask for a cab? - Nah, you brought it, pal.
I don't drive.
You came in that taxi, remember?
- Where did I come from? - From here, I brought you!
- Ah, what do I owe you? - 361 pesos.
361 is... the square of 17!
- Square, your ***! - And my change? - The change is the interest accrued.
And now I have no money to pay the hotel!
You stayed in a hotel? Never!
- You'll sleep here. - Thanks.
And this guy is your uncle?
- Just a model. - It's used for scaring people.
- Electron, don't play in the lab! - Is that your little brother?
- My son. - Ah. What about his dad?
How would I know? Everything was so sudden.
In a blink, little Electron was already running up and down.
So you didn't feel anything?
- What happens is that I always keep myself busy. - Right. She's devoted her entire life to science.
Maybe the father was a patient.
Or maybe just an impatient, who knows?
- Who's that? - It's us, my dear.
Did you fail to look for the money, or are you playing peek-a-boo?
Take me out of the tube, morons!
If we help you out, will you give us a share?
I swear!
- Choose your share! - Share of what?
- Of the tube! - You see, my son?
You can't even trust your own father!
- We meant the money. - I meant the tube!
- The tube is all yours. Should we get everything? - Sure, dad!
- Let's cover her with earth. - Let's bury her with her feet up!
I surrender! I surrender! I surrender!
The money is in the water tank. Up!
Son, bring me the small ladder!
Mr. police officer, those burglars want to rob my home! They're on the roof! Bust them!
Bust them? You're coming with me!
I think he's out of breath.
- No more... please dad! - More! Find it!
This is pure mud, dad!
- There they are! - What the hell are you doing there?
- We're fishing. - No we're not!
Get down here! You're arrested for poaching and trespassing!
You filthy guys, you rejected the tube and now you're getting the police baton.
The baton's for you, ***!
Add insult and injury to their charges!
No more please!
- No overreactions. - This actually isn't so bad.
Neighbor, neighbor... neighbor
Look granny, a giraffe!
I'm not a giraffe, I'm a gazelle!
- Electron, calm her down! - Easy, granny!
OK, boy.
Miss, they told me that you could use a maid.
Ah, if we had the money for it, that'd be sensational.
- What's the pay, 400 bucks?
- 200? - Nah. - 100?
- For free! - OK, you must pay your own expenses and meals. - OK!
No, for God's sake!
Damn tarantula!
Canuto!
Forgive me.
Don't worry, it was nothing.
Another girl has arrived, just in time!
She's a strange and exotic beauty. Well formed.
Oh boy!
A male, a male in disguise!
- What's happened to my lawyer, he's not here! - I don't care. - He must bring the bail money.
- It doesn't matter. I'll write a check. - Lady, the bail must be made with cash.
- What if my lawyer doesn't know that? - Then resign yourself to your sentence, ma'am.
- This is an outrage! - No ma'am, this is a jail.
- What about us? - Cancel your schedule for the next 6 months.
The liar who accused us won't come forward to support the accusation!
That woman, the mistress of the house that we robbed...
So you admit to the crime?
No, we were just fishing in the water tank.
And what if Vitola doesn't come to testify?
If tomorrow at noon, upon completion of 24 hours,
the accuser hasn't shown up,
then you're free to go. In the meantime, make yourself at home.
Chief, I've got this filthy degenerate for you.
What have these bums done?
- They entered a bathroom for women. - Raunchy guys!
- What were you doing there? - Trying to avoid a beating.
I don't understand why the women were so angry?
What were you doing there, Little Red Riding Hood?
Hunting wolves, were you?
Nah, running from them!
- So, catching butterflies? - No, we played at racing. - A fine of 50 pesos per head.
No problem, that'll be paid. You, give me some cash.
Here's my fine, also for this genius, and that hipster girl.
And who told you that I intend to leave here?
Me! This is not a hotel, young man.
There's no way to get me out of here.
- No? - No. - Want to bet?
Sure, place the bet.
Not.
Go.
Should I stay?
Lock up this haircutter!
Lock him up! Shoot him!
He won't see the light of day, until my beautiful mustache grows back!
Wait here for the skinny woman, she knows where the half million is.
We'll go one step back, to catch them red-handed. Got it?
Great!
See you then!
Listen... listen to that rhythm.
He'll sing just like Caruso, so he'll be called Demosthenes Caruso.
I will transfer the vinyl to his throat-phone, right here.
So you're embedding the voice.
Tell me what I'm looking for, or you'll swallow DDT.
Stop, I have a allergy to extreme heat.
- Then talk. - Sure.
I'm seeking a treasure of half a million, that my nephew has hidden around here.
If you help me find it, you'll receive the bigger half.
Deal!
If someone doesn't comply, their meal will rot!
- Granny, what are you doing to Caruso? - Breaking him!
If this sees the light of day, they'll make junk out of me! No way!
Here is your super-robot!
Canuto, take a seat!
***! Your indecision is making me remain in the bones.
Which woman should I choose, the stout one or the thin one?
In time of war, any hole is a trench.
OK, for the record: I'll do this for you.
Whether for me or for you, open up a bottle tonight and dance the go-go.
Caruso?
Granny, please stay with me.
Take me to the bathroom.
What a nightmare! I just dreamt that Caruso was polarizing me!
Take that for being too popular!
What do you want, punk?
No... I better not.
- Then, drop dead. - No!
No, I want you to know, that from the minute I saw you,
I just experienced a weird sensation, a shiver of passion
and love, I'm losing my mind for you!
Can I call you my darling yeah-yeah?
- Hush-hush... - Yeah-yeah... -Hush, hush...
Let me go! Kid, I'm very sorry I don't feel the same.
I'm not an adult, I must get permission...
In case they grant our relationship, I'll let you know by wearing a blue ribbon around my waist.
Time is running out; I'll confide to you a secret:
I'm a ghost; in order to help myself, someone must die for me.
Oh, yeah? No way, kid.
The day I submit to love it must be with a being of flesh, not one filled with air.
- Oh yeah? Then take this... - Take this!
I just want to dance, I love the riot, oh boy!
The time has come!
Caruso, my sweet child!
My greatest work!
My son, this is your father.
You're part of me, flesh of my flesh,
part of my batteries, I made you!
Precious, come... speak! Go on!
Speak to me. Sing, even a silly song.
This is a great moment in time! Sing with your own voice!
A frog went a-courtin' and he did ride, M-hm, M-hm.
Please my son, the world wants to hear you!
Go on son, sing! A potpourri or a popular song! How about "Singing in the Rain"?
Sing a song!
Sabotage! Sabotage!
My spokesman for the United Nations!
What they have done to you? Let me hear your golden voice.
That nasty sound! It hurts my ears!
Child-oh-mine. We'd better go.
I wasn't me! It was Caruso.
I don't even have enough money to go to Rochester and get a brain operation.
That's not a problem, my son. Put yourself in the hands of Galena.
- Do you trust me, Manolin? - I have a blind trust in you.
If you haven't any money, why not rent out the dungeons?
- What dungeons? - The ones you call suites.
* SUITES FOR RENT BEATNIKS PREFERRED *
Suites for rent!
- We're already here. - We don't have to dynamite the house.
- Dynamite what? - No, he said "mate".
- We'll become mates. - ***!
Luggage!
You'll have to return on Saturday, ma'am.
I'm not here to beg, I want to rent a suite!
- Are you able to pay? - I have just one million pesos, and I can give them a stab.
- I want a suite. - So do we. - We too.
- We first! - We first!
- Just a minute, we only have 3 suites. - I have mine guaranteed! - Mine too!
I came with my father.
100 dollars a day, all inclusive.
We demand a room!
No, sorry, we're oversold!
Come in, please.
- A step back. A step back. - We've not yet made it in.
We will!
Well, we need to get down to work.
Canuto! Canuto!
You're like an old woman. Damn Satan!
Who does he take me for? Oedipus?
Susana, Vitola! Come help our guests!
Don't forget that I'm a doctor,
and that everything in this house is at your service,
and my services are also included.
Hold on, kid! The work of a doctor is listening, not to be listened to.
Look, that guy just pinched me! Take care of him!
- They're here just for the money. - Yuck! Greedy people.
Keep the plan in mind, and take care of that treacherous skinny gal.
How are you, Vitola? Getting bigger, ah?
Glad you came here.
Well, let's get to work.
We'll let them search, and give this to whoever finds the money.
You're skilled with that. You just gave me chills. Keep it off me!
Caruso, my poor Caruso. The older I get, the more wrong I am.
How can I shift the bulbs? The capacitors aren't condensed.
The resistors aren't resisting.
The power source is leaking.
What a mess of nuts and bolts!
* Cosmic rays xx * (ICE COLD)
This proves Dr. Templeton's theory on silliness.
- Then, what's wrong with my brain? - It has a tilted side. A non-centered center.
And the hard region is quite smooth.
So my brain is pasty, like a raw egg?
- No. - Then like a a boiled egg?
- Like scrambled eggs. - To this I owe my amnesia, right?
The human brain is just like a camera.
- Your's can take pictures, but it's very... - So-so?
Yeah, so-so! That's the reason for not revealing any photos.
What you see, hear, smell, taste or touch,
is printed on your brain cells.
Galena, can I take a picture of you on my brain cells?
Yes.
- Can I take a picture of your mouth? - But what if it gets out of focus?
I could amplify it, or at least retouch it.
OK, but don't over-expose it.
No problemo!
Thanks my boy, I haven't been kissed since childhood.
I mixed up the chemicals!
- Yes, dad? - I've been thinking there are too many of us in this business.
We must eliminate someone.
- Agreed. - Don't you think we should send Pinedo to the carbonic center of the earth?
Sure dad, charcoal him! Charcoal him!
Is this a fight or what?
Give up?
You're too weak. You haven't got a nucleus!
What kind of Zorba are you?
- I've been looking for you anxiously. - Here I am, my dear Halloween.
- At last! Kiss me, girl! - Simple as that? And for immediate delivery?
We've no time to lose. Kiss me!
Not so easy. I don't know what kind of toothpaste you use.
Or what flavor of gum you prefer.
No, my dear penitent. I don't even know which foot you limp on.
Chin up, partner.
There is still the old lady left, ah.
That's enough, you've won.
- Why you have given me useless hopes? - Because I love it! Hell isn't so funny anymore.
But torturing men in the world is the ***, hip thing to do. The new wave.
Granny! Granny! He wants to kill me!
Abuser! You coward!
I'll tear you to pieces!
Oh boy, This one has the embrace of a bear!
You have before you a magnificent train, loaded with good food,
and that doesn't stop at the border.
This will be the only way to eat in the near future.
- Let's have pills! - I want to eat! I want to eat!
- Take care, take care. - Why? Why?
- Your father wants to kill you. - My dad? You're nuts, old man.
Watch his poisonous eyes on you.
I want to eat... I want to eat!
My sonny? No way! He's an inborn fool.
Watch his poisonous eyes on you.
You're nuts!
I'll have a green steak.
- With vegetables. - I'll have frog legs.
I'll have...
Goat.
I'll eat anything... except pork!
I want some eggs.
- And does it taste like eggs? - Just like them.
The meat tastes like meat, And the hell ham tastes like a bunch of devils!
Rats!
Cute skeleton!
You little piece of...!
What a lovely kid. He´s very handsome, right?
The TV taught you to be a little gunslinger. I would give him this as a reward.
We can use this, thanks.
Granny have a look. A lot of cards.
Let's play Poker.
- Teach me to cheat. - Sure, the only way to play.
See how I deal the cards, from the top, but also from the bottom.
My head is upside down! Canuto, march forward!
- These cards have a lot of zeros! - My boy! I have the same!
- Let's play for real! - You're a real cheater.
Granny... would you keep my cards in your box?
Sure my boy! I'll keep them safe for you!
Haven't I seen you before?
- Your face looks familiar to me. - I... do you believe in love at first sight?
Not love at first, nor at second, or in reverse.
- Then, you're at the point of death? - Dead and buried in the grave.
Because of the callous indifference of men, I'm just dried up.
Jesus! That's a shame, because I just fell in love with you.
Yes, I believe you. In the emptiness of your eyes, I see deep sincerity.
We are destined to always be together, always together.
An eye with an eye, a tooth with a tooth, bone to the bone...
- Oh boy! - You're just cute, daddy!
- Canuto! - Hello!
I believe I told you to stay put!
Take it easy, a woman is in love with us!
We're saved! Now we're going to heaven!
Not so easy, bony!
The punishment reads: "A woman must fall in love with Perez."
not the marimba.
Don't do that to me!
- Skinny! - And you...
this is getting worse than Vietnam, Canuto.
I guess this isn't working out well, partner...
Well, since you don't like girls, I'll give them the pleasure my bones.
You stay there!
You're not coming out again, understand?
Why!
- Because you... - What?
- You'd spoil our last chance. - The old lady? Count me out.
I have an idea on how to get rid of our enemies.
We should dress as ghosts.
Your dad is very clever.
Nobody would think of something like this.
- Now to scare them. - Damn, that's mine.
- Let's switch costumes. - Nah, I want to show my legs.
Oh no! No, my god!
No Galena, please, don't use the hammer on me!
- Do it faster! - Behind the picture... damn!
Canuto!
Canuto!
Fembot! Electron!
Don't play so loud! Can't you see I'm working here!?
This is a real ghost!
Chubby... baby!
- Vitola... Vitola. - Canuto!
Oh lord!
Canuto!
Hey, where are all the people? They won't let us scare them.
You're cold, chubby.
Can't you see, sonny? You're underage.
A *** is a ***, even if it's a ghost.
How did you get in here?
I just fell in.
Sonny come... come! The money must be there.
Don't explode! Don't explode!
- Huh? - Don't explode.
This can't be. This can't be!
- What a stupid dad I've got. - This can't be!
It did explode.
Granny, did you fire a cannon?
No, it was just some thunder because it's going to rain soon.
Yes, it's just some thunder, don't be afraid.
Get some sleep, my boy.
You fool! You fool! You fool! You fool!
I hope you learned your lesson and don't come back here.
- Who is our mystery helper? - I've no idea.
Oh, run sister!
You're stubborn! You girls are masochists!
My boy...!
Please don't go away. I don't have a hug for you, but something else.
What kind of man are you?
A lost soul, damned to eternal torment.
What does it mean? What does it mean?
- A loveless being. - I can't understand you.
Do you understand that I don't understand?
- You don't understand what love is. - I know what hate means.
Granny!
Everyone hates me except him. He's my boy.
How much do you love me, my boy?
A whole, whole lot.
What will you do when he grows up and leaves you?
Help me! Take me out of here!
- What are those cries? - Please! - What's happening here?
- What happened? - I guess I took the wrong floor!
The house is different, dad.
Yes my dear, they've changed it considerably.
This is a factory of holes!
Who of you put on the air conditioning, and selected the interior decoration?
- It was the ghost. - Yes, the ghost!
Then we have to kill it.
- But take your breakfast first, dad. - You're right, my dear.
Canuto!
Canuto!
- Yes, sister? - What time is it?
- Let me see. - Quick, I'm in a hurry!
It's...
In a hurry, indeed!
- Who knocked, my dear? - A nun with a very manly voice,
but she just disappeared.
- Inward or outward? - I just don't know.
I'm not hungry.
Funny thing, neither am I.
- Neither am I. - Not me.
Oh, your underwear. I love you, dear Vitola!
- Canuto! - Damn! Here comes the unbearable!
Canuto!
15 + 6 = 21
6 +7 = 13. Fire! It means "to burn matter"
The matter is the skeleton and it must be destroyed!
Before that the spirit, AKA the ghost, could leave here,
in that case it will be safe. Do you understand?
We must find the skeleton, if the ghost is still around the house.
Exactly! That is the formula! And I have the ingredients.
We'll do an autopsy on the ghost.
I just left it here! I left it here.
Here's the paper I used.
What does P.M.A. stand for?
" Phosphorus magnetic absorber "
You'll see, Neofilio.
So tell us where the money is, or stinky here will be very upset.
I told you, I left the money in the potty! Someone must have used it!
Prepare the barbs! Now!
Don't bother that poor creature! I'll confess. I will.
The money is in the possession of...
- Who! - Pinedo.
My bone-seeker will find the skeleton, go on my boy...
On your way!
- You'll sing or not? - That's a lie, a lie. I demand a lawyer!
- You are a lawyer! - Then I need one!
- Give him the "cute rat" treatment! - Okay!
Not the cat, please.
No, please! No more! Enough!
I confess! I confess!
- She has the money! - Don't look at me!
If you don't confess, you'll end up locked in this box.
I confess! I confess!
Susana has the money! She's the one!
Hey, Mister. Mister!
Leave this place! Leave this place!
You're in great danger!
I can't leave.
I have to make Satiana fall in love with me. But I don't know how!
Leave here! You're in danger! I don't want anything bad happening to you.
I don't want anything bad happening to you.
- She's the one! - No, she's the one!
Confess! Or you will die, surrounded by music!
- But make it soft music, please! - No! It will be a toccata!
Overwhelming!
Confess!
- I'll confess! No! - Who is it, then?
- My mom! - Eureka! We found him!
Perez! Perez! Something is sucking the calcium out of me! Help me!
1... 2... 3...
She's the one! She's the one!
- My stomach is turning upside down! - Who has the money? Who?!
When you turn this contact on, the bones will be reduced to dust.
- Reduce it to dust! - Finish it!
But first, we must consult the yellow pages.
The father has it!
Get the cats out of here!
- Sonny... I'm your dad. - Yeah, but you told me that I can't even trust my dad!
- Where's the money? - I don't know... I don't know.
Don't you know? Don't you know?
- Where's the money? - I don't know!
Then get ready, I'll erase your navel.
I'll confess! I'll confess!
- Who has the money? - You, sonny!
Me?
No way!
There's nobody left to blame.
You swines! So you have left me alone!
So I'm to blame? No way!
You're all to blame! You're all history!
You're all going to die!
Gas, yeah. It's all I need.
- Gas! - Take it easy, kid.
What is it, Daddy. What is it, Daddy?
You're history too!
From the first moment I saw you...
I remembered my granny.
I loved my granny.
There's enough left for me!
Dad... Dad... let me use your lighter!
You know I don't smoke.
I hate you. I hate you.
For being a father with no vices.
Who'll give me a light?
Gimme a light!
I need a light. Who'll give me a light?
Go on kid!
Bravo!
The ghost will vanish as soon as the last bone turns into dust.
* DANGER *
Look everywhere, quick!
Don't cry, my boy. Dad will make you another fembot.
- But it must be identical. - Sure. - I'll improve it; it won't be so bad.
I'm sorry for you, son. This was a failure. Failure after failure.
- Just like you, Caruso. - Don't yank me, I'm fragile.
***. They wanted to transform you into baking powder!
Canuto... little Canuto.
She was pure, lofty and generous.
Yes, she was a woman, and she loved you. You're saved.
You can go to heaven now, Perez, if you want to.
No, Canuto, no.
She died for me. We'll be together for eternity.
Vitola! So long, my girl.
Wait for me, Perez.
Soon! The electric chair! I want his bones and mine to shake forever!
- Loving like romantic xylophones. - Don't talk about music, I have a phobia of pianos.
- What happened here? They're going to Alcatraz.
For real? I'll see the sea! My wet dream!
- I can't swim! - You can float, fatso!
I hate cats. I hate cats. Woof!
What's this?
A tiger!
I hate cats!
- What's happened to us? - You're not going to take her, boss.
My hand... my hand!
Does this cutie belong to any of you?
I don't remember, let me check.
Are you mine?
Yes, I'm your doctor. Come with me.
You're going to recover your memory. I promise you will.
Pick up that money.
Rooster, here's your hen.
You and I can still rock the henhouse.
Lizard!
I like the same dolls you do.
I'll teach them to beg. We're going to be rich!
Caruso, my god! You're moving.
You walk like a charm!
What is it?
What is it? What do you want, Caruso?
No, you're not a Frankenstein, I didn't made a monster!
Don't kill me, Caruso!
Don't kill me, please!
Don't say that, or I'll short circuit. I love you. Please give me a kiss.
This is the end...
This is the end...!!!
English translation by Spinal Proofing by Antonio