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Peace and blessings and mercy of Allah
Onto all of you
Ladies and gentlemen welcome
I seek refuge with Allah
from the Shaitan, the stone.
With the name of Allah
most gracious, most merciful.
The topic is What Al Quraían
says about Husband and Wife Relationship.
All of the mankind as human
beings know something about
themselves as men and women
also know something about
themselves as women - because
of her creation.
We are born under the
certain rules and regulations
which we are like that,
men and women separately.
At the same time we are
being programmed by various Muslims,
non-Muslims, men and women
schools of thoughts - about
how a woman should
behave and about how a
man should behave in the
society as well as interaction
as husband and wifes.
There are books and there
are literatures in the world,
that this are the duties and
the rights of the women
and these are the duties and
the rights of men,
how to know what exactly
who re we. So we know
something, by our creation
and something we know
by programming. Today youíre
going to hear what
Allah has said, has
spoken about men and
awomen in general as well
as in relationship. So
this lecture will of course
be mostly important for the
men and women who are
married already and who
are intending to get married.
They can benefit out of it
if they believe and practice.
The topic was
What the Qurían says
about Husband and Wife.
It should be wives from the
beginning. It creates a difference
what we are programming to,
as men and women,
to what we believe as
husband and wife.
The whole world believes that
man should take up
as a single wife.
I wrote the topic
What the Qurían says about
Husband and Wife Relationship -
singular wife and husband, singular.
But if, when we read the
Quraían, the Quraían speaks
about one husband and plural
wife as well. So generally in
the concept of the world,
people know as men and
women as singular wife.
They do not believe in plural
wives as a general.
So from the beginning it creates
a difference. From by nature
we know but what we have
been programmed we all know
that it should be one
husband and one wife.
You know this. So youíll
be hearing certain differences
and certain what Quraían has
exactly said about relationship.
One relationship between husband
and wife or one husband
relations with many wife
would be the same.
There wonít be any difference
so that is why I have readÖ
I have written down
What the Quraían Says about
Husband and Wife Relationship.
Whether 2 or 3 or 1,
the relationship will be the same.
Whatever the behavior husband will
have towards the wife and
whatever the behavior the
wife will have towards the
husband will almost the same.
Before I discuss the direct ayahs,
I would like to give you
2-3 words of Arabic -
like for example the word
used for husband is baíal - baíal -
which means husband.
And for the wife the word
generally sued is imrat,
imra or the nisa - women.
Women or nisaa. In the
Quraían if youíll note,
the ayahs that are referred
to as wife the word is
used as imra or nisa.
But they are used as non-married
women as well as married
women But the word is used
zauj also.- as pairs. So I am -
remember this - 3 words are
used for women . Nisa is
women, Imrat is referred as
wife as well as woman.
And the third is the zauj.
Zauj means pairs - pairs, pairs -
and also as wife and also
as a, also as husband,
vice versa. Zauj is used
for both sexes, for men
and for women. My wife
is a zauj to me.
And I am a zauj to her.
In Arabic would be the
same. So it is like this.
These are the 3 words used
for women but for men
generally is used as baíal -
or rijaal as man.
Man is just a man.
Not a husband. It is
also a husband but is referred
as rijal as man.
So the ayahs that I will
read the word will occur
as rijal as man or nisa as
woman or some time baíal
if it is required for.
Why I am saying this because
ayahs does not definitely say
husband and wife in the Quraían,
the ayahs that I will
read to you today.
But you can understand,
it is referring to a husband
wife relationship by the context
and the text when I will read.
You will understand that inshallah.
Surah Rum 30: 21.
Now - if you look
into this ayah, the word,
another word I will forgot
to tell you ke nafs.
In Arabic nafs means psyche
or the soul or the self,
nafsiat, psychology. So in this
ayat if you note the pairs,
look again
Arabic
that among His ayahs is
that He created you -
for you - pairs. Zauj,
I told you zauj means pairs.
From your souls, from your
psyche, from your psychology.
So before I go further you
must understand the ayat is
not referring to man because
the man is translated as rijal.
I told you the beginning rijal
means man. Baíal means
husband. And wife means
nisa or imrat. Nisa means
the woman, imrat means
the wife. But in Arabic here
is azwaj can be used for man,
husband and wife but the
word is nafs
Arabic
that in our psyche,
in our psychology there are
masculine and feminine in our
psychology. So Allah has made
pairs within our psychology -
not men and women, masculine
and feminine means masculine
character traits, feminine character
traits that are, that is the
behavior by virtue you can
understand this is a
masculine character trait.
This is a feminine character trait.
It is to be found in
both sexes, men and
women both. It is within
our psychology. Where did
we get it? I referred this
is in the booklet,
I just referred to a verse,
you can note down the reference.
And that references is
Surah Huurat 49; 13.
Write down the reference
on this pag.
Surah Hujrat that is 49:13
Zakar means muazakkar.
That means masculine.
Unsa means muannas, means feminine.
Allah has created all of us,
men and women both with
masculine and feminine in
our psychology. Allah has
created us, men, men means
rijal women means nisa,
both of us, all of us, in the
psychology as masculine, muzakkar,
and muannas. In Arabic, zakara,
Arabic
so that is the reference that
you can get from this ayah
which I have given you that
in the Quraían Allah has created
masculine and feminine. So we,
men and women both,
have masculine and feminine
character traits. Sometimes the
masculine trait within a woman,
within a woman I start from,
if the masculine trait with
a woman is more you can
see the masculinity in her,
you can see the face,
hair on the face or some two
times sheís aggressive.
Thatís the masculine trait now
I am talking about.
Sometimes males are behaving
like a feminine. So what I am
referring to you must understand
what I am describing.
So masculine trait and feminine
trait is to be found in
both sexes. Thatís based on
the Book. Allah has said
And from His ayahs is that
He created for you
(Arabic text)
from your souls, nafs,
psychology, azwaj means pairs
(Arabic text)
so that you take satisfaction
towards them.
(Arabic text)
And He has pit love and
mercy between you.
Between within you - between
within you what? - between
your masculine and feminine He
has made love an affection,
in individual - in one individual
I am talking about.
Within myself there is a masculine,
within myself there is a feminine.
And I am a man, Iím a man.
So I must know what is
the masculine trait described
in the Quraían, the male
behavior, the rijal And I
must know the feminine trait
within the Quraían, female
behavior, the woman behavior.
I must know both.
That is how I will govern
myself and that is how
I will govern the female.
The female should also know
what is the masculine trait
or what is the male
described in the Quraían
and what is the man
described in the Quraían and
what is the feminine described
or a woman described in
the Quraían. So she can
have love and satisfaction until
and unless she know
the both. And that is a
love affair that he has
put love and affection
between you. within one
person so generally in psyche
they say the intelligence is
the masculine and emotion is
the feminine of both male
and female - of both sexes,
the man and woman both.
Itís not referring to women only -
women are only emotion,
no, no., no. The women have
got intelligence, the women have
got feelings. The man has
got intelligence and the man
has got feelings. But they are,
Allah put love and affection
between them. They are
combinedly interactively, they
are interasactively and they are
combined together and you
are a human being, a rijal,
a manor a nisa, a woman.
So you must know this.
So this is how first of all you
must know the pair in notÖ
the people are referring to this
verse as the pairs are made
in Garden, Jannat. I have
selected a woman, I got married
to her and they say this
pair was in theÖin the
Garden, Jannat. Itís not like
that, it is within you if you
know the masculine person,
if you know the right woman,
the right feminine character
traits and the similar whom
you married, she must also
know both, but they can
never be same because of
the Öbecause the both you
are with carrying the how
much the masculine trait
you have got, how many,
how much feminine traits
she has got so it is unevenly
balanced in both people so
they give you medicine
___________ or oestrogen to decrease
or increase the masculinity or
the femininity of the
both sexes. So now this is
the firstÖfirst I will discuss
the ayahs that are related toÖ
since itís the topic is husband
and wife relationship,
and we all know thereís a
topic in the Quraían, parent
and children relationship,
that is a psychological relationship
But in husband wife relationship
there is a *** aspect also.
We all know this.
So I will discusas few ayahs
that are very important
surfacely about the ***
relationship as husband and
wife. An we are all adults
sitting here, married and
non-married. For married itís an
education and for unmarried
they can take lessons to
know what the actual situation.
But before I discuss that,
I would like to tell you the
ayahs that we are reading
and it is for the believers
who believe in the ayat,
they can take guidance.
Otherwise if you wonít believe,
you can read it, read the
ayahs, you can have the
knowledge of the ayahs and
if you donít believe and practice,
you can lead your life as
you are leading. So what
happens, the Quraían says
before we go further you
have to know this.
Surah Mumtahinah 60:12
O prophet, when believing
women comes to you,
to have a deal with you,
that they will not associate
anything with Allah, and
they will not steal and
they will not commit adultery
and they will not kill their
children and they will come
with a slander/a false charge
inventing which is between
their hands and the legs
and they will not disobey
you in that which is known
/acknowledge, then have a
deal with them and for
them seek forgiveness from Allah.
Surely Allah is oft Forgiving, Merciful.
So you must understand,
I told you, it is for
the believers - believers, ayahs
and the message. So
in the Quraían
Allah says to the prophet,
that he should, when
believing women
Arabic
means believing women comes
to the prophet so he
must have a deal with them.
Means they contract. A deal
or a contract with the
believing women. And the
contract is that they will
not associate anything with Allah.
The first, meaning they will
give the highest priority to
Allahís ayats - when He says
do not associate anything with
Allah means highest priority
to Allah and what the ayah,
what He says in the ayahs.
Thatís the priority. You cannot
associate anybody else, whether
your husbandís feelings or your
childrenís feelings of wherever
your emotions are stuck
up with Allah. So highest
priority is Allahís ayat.
So do not associate anything
with Allah. The first priority
she must - thatís a contract.
The deal between the prophet
and the believing women.
They must have this contract
or the deal with the believing -
with the prophet. The second is
Arabic
Meaning they will not steal.
Arabic
And they will not fornicate
or adultery - do adultery.
Arabic
And they will not kill children.
You mustÖone by one
you must understand - first is -
do not men steal?
There is ayah in the Quraían
that the men and women they
both steal so Allah say do
not steal. There is ayat in
the Quraían, if you steal your
hands will be cut off.
For men and women both.
But this is a specific deal
between the women and
the prophet. So that means
in general when Allah says,
for both sexes He says,
do not steal. Both sexes -
do not go near the adultery -
both sexes. But this is
a deal specifically to the
women. So you must
understand why Allah is saying
it because there are chances
that these women are more
inclined to these kinds of
mistakes in comparatively to men.
That is why generally he said
it and specifically he said
it to the women.
I donít put in a false
allegation that I am
trying to conclude this.
Allah has said it in
general to both sexes and
here he specifically says to women.
So we have to understand is
that the deal that has
been done between the prophet
and the women is that
they will not steal.
So thereís a sickness among
the women, many, many
women who are very,
very rich - rich women - kleptomania -
I know if I am pronouncing
correctly or not. They go
to visit any shopping centres,
theyíve got lots of, huge
amounts of money with them
but they are like to steal.
So this is a sickness.
Then the husband is giving
money for the wife to
maintain the house so the
amount they spend there is
something that is left over
so they take it as their
own money They wonít say
to the husband, look this
amount of money has been
left over, this is yours,
I give it to you back.
They think itís, this is ours.
He has given it to us.
It doesnít mean you have to Ö
look you must understand
what I am trying to convey
is that there are times when
women are getting money
from the husband, they are
getting money from the fathers,
they are getting money from
the sons, they are getting
money from the brothers,
they are getting money from
so many places so it becomes
a habit of - you know -
getting this, getting this, all
the time getting Öthora bohat
weíll put in Öthis is
also mine. It may not,
you understand why, because men
are always giving, giving,
giving, as the son is giving,
the husband is giving, and
the father is giving, as a
brother is giving.
So it is difficult for men
to steal. Rather than women
getting so many things to
put in the pocket.
So that is why Allah has said,
do not steal - specifically to
women. Then specifically to fornication,
adultery. Zina. And do not
kill the children. First of
all there are two types of killing.
One is a psychological killing.
And one is a physical killing.
In the ayahs when you
read a killing of the son,
killing of somebody, itís a
psychological and physical both.
In this context when you read
(Arabic text)
Do not kill your children.
How the women can kill
the children , first I discuss
the psychological killing.
The child, when born from
the woman, of course they
are more attached to the
child themselves, they are
attached to the children.,
whether son or the daughter,
as compared to the father.
And all the time blaming
you donít give time to
the children because in
their way of love and
affection they can provide,
itís so natural, the husband
cannot. Non husband can
compete with the wife.
Or the mother. The father
cannot compete with the
motherís love and affection
to the child so they always
complain that you are not
giving time to the children
because the women are giving
so much time, so much,
day and night, love and
affection to the child they
cannot. Thatís natural. So
your objection about the
husband, you donít give time,
of course IÖwe cannot.
We donít have that feelings
of love. And that much as theÖ
So they are more attached
to the child so anything that
goes wrongÖanything that
happens in their mind,
whether they are hurt,
whether they are happy,
whether they are angry,
they donít notice that the
child is listening with her.
So they convey those emotions
in the childhood when the
child is young. So the mother
unconsciously, women in the
world unconsciously are hurting
the child from a very
childhood. And the child is
hurt so heís emotionally -
heís killed. Because the correct
thing he can, if the mother
gave him or her the
emotions, certain wrong
principles, because of the
attachment to the mother
he cannot change.
So we say in the world,
the women are asking for
liberation from men.
My understanding from the
Quraían is that we want
liberation from you.
From the very childhood we
are stuck up by our mother,
they control us, unconsciously,
we cannot go against the
mother, so the mother,
as the woman controls us.