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They're back.
Oh,yeah.
Jim and pam.
How was puerto rico? Was it so romantic?
- It really was.
- Really was.
I'm so happy for you.
Puerto rico was awesome.
Oh,my gosh,the honeymoon was great.
We met this other couple at
the resort,frank and benny.
We hung out with them a lot.
Frank and beans.
Always makes her laugh.
Frank and beans.
Is there someone there? Who is there?
- I hear voices,is somebody there?
- Yeah!
Is someone here? I can't see you.
Because i'm blind.
It's jim and pam,michael.
- It is?
- Yeah.
They're back?
- Oh! Oh! Oh,pam!
- Nope.
- And oh,jim
- hi,michael.
Oh,i haven't seen you
since my accident that i had
when i fell--i fell into
the pool of acid,eyes first.
Blind guy.
Blind guy mcsqueezy.
How do i describe it?
It is a character i've been workshopping
whose lack of vision gets
him into all sorts of trouble.
The women in my improv
class absolutely hate him.
So what'd you bring us?
- Some candy.
- What else?
That's it.
Oh,'cause you spent
so much on the wedding.
It's good to be home.
the
office us s06e06
This conversation has
two items on the agenda.
Do we have a conversation scheduled?
Number one,do not leave
your things on my desk.
It's not some kind of personal
pen receptacle for you.
I don't care how high they promote you.
Which brings me to item number two.
I never formally congratulated
you on your promotion.
So i'd just like to say
"con quack ulations.
" wow,that's-- really thoughtful
of you,dwight,thank you.
You're welcome.
I inserted a listening device
into the belly of the mallard.
Now i can observe jim,trap
jim,and destroy jim.
Just like in the bavarian fairy tale.
Only this time,the mallard
skins the toad alive.
And of course in this version you lose the
whole veiled critique of the kaiser thing.
I'm sorry to have been
bugging you all these years.
It's a real handsome duck.
Mallard.
Okay,i'll get out of your hair.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Uh,we brought back
some puerto rican candy.
Coco leche.
That's my favorite.
Awesome.
I'll leave it up
here so everyone can enjoy it.
Oh,um,let me just check
with michael first.
I think it'll be okay.
I think it will too,but i'll
just check with him,though.
Great.
Oops.
Sorry.
Oops.
- I have recently taken a lover.
- Well,that's great.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations.
- Who's the lucky lady?
- Pam's mom.
- What?
- Pam's mom helene.
Remember from your wedding?
- You're messing with me.
- About what?
- You did not have sex with pam's mom.
- Oh,big time.
- What kind of car does she drive?
- She drives a green camry.
And the seats go all the
way down.
All the way down.
Oh,my god.
Oh,my god.
- What?
- Okay,never tell pam.
****
Okay,good,a pact.
A pact.
Although i may have to break it tonight
when helene and i tell pam over dinner.
- You all right?
- Oh,my god.
- Hey,jim.
- Not now,toby,my god!
- Oh,jesus.
- Get the hell out
of here,idiot.
- What did i do?
Okay,as far as dinner
tonight,cancel that.
And please,for both of our sakes,
never,ever,ever see her again.
I think you're underestimating pam.
I think more than anything,she
wants me to be happy.
No,not more than anything.
- Okay,i have a good thing with
the mom-- - don't call her "the mom.
" she's right on my way home from work.
Then take a different way home,man!
I di--all
right.
I'll take surface
streets,it's--
the last thing in the world i
would want to do is upset pam.
- Okay,so we're good.
- Yeah.
Can you change my dinner
reservations from four people to two?
Sure.
Oh,is it okay if i put out some candy
that pam brought back from puerto rico?
Sure.
Thanks for asking.
Pam,we're all set.
Yum.
- Frank and beans.
- Frank and beans.
So what'd we decide for michael?
The bottle of rum,or
the seashell alarm clock?
You know what? Can i have
the weekend to decide?
Bottle of rum it is.
All right.
Shall we?
You know what,i am really slammed
trying to catch up on everything here.
And i know that michael's slammed too.
So maybe we should do this when
things are a little less crazy.
Come on,it'll take two seconds.
No,it--
oh,wow.
That is amazing.
I feel like a real puerto rican.
Michael,you're all set at botticelli's.
I changed the reservation to two people.
Erin,look.
- Fun.
- Yeah.
Wow.
Botticelli's,that sounds
like a special occasion.
Yeah,no,it's nobody.
I don't know,i think michael has a date.
No.
- I think you have a date.
- I don't.
I don't.
- Come on.
- Uh,i think we should just drop it.
'Cause obviously he doesn't
want to talk about it.
- I don't deserve this,guys.
- Yes,you do.
- No,i don't.
- Just take the parrot.
Okay.
Back to the old grind.
I was probably gonna
break up with her anyway.
Oh,that's too bad.
- Don't-- - pam,it
is very complicated.
There are a lot of moving parts here.
- Sounds complicated.
- It is.
Yeah,but i mean,if you
really like this person,
then you should see where it goes.
- You want me to be happy?
- Of course.
Part of the problem is she is the
mother of a close friend of mine.
Oh.
More than a friend.
A coworker.
Oh.
Gossip.
Who is it?
Who is it?
Who is it,michael?
Who?
It's okay.
No,no,no,no,no.
Oh,no.
Oh,my god! Oh,my god! Nooo!
I honestly thought that
could've gone one of two ways,
but i never expected her to get upset.
You seem tense.
Hey,you want me to give you the chills?
Okay.
There's an egg on your head
and the yolk is running down.
- The yolk is running down
- mm,feels good.
There's a knife in your back
and the blood is gushing down.
I'm sleeping with pam's
mom.
Sometimes dinner.
The blood is gushing down,the
blood is gushing down.
You know,i really would've appreciated a
heads up that you were into dating mothers.
I would've introduced you to mine.
How could you do this
to me? He's my boss!
How many times have i
complained about him to you?
No,i am not being
dramatic,you are being crazy!
Who wants a hot chocolate?
Thank you.
Oh,so dwight gave me this
wooden mallard as a gift,
and i found a recording device in it.
Yes.
So i think if i played it just right,
i can get dwight to live out
the plot of national treasure.
You need to be more upset about this.
She's your mother too now.
Your mother is sleeping
with michael scott.
Andy,can i talk to you for a second?
Sure thing,tuna boss.
DWIGHT PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO
PUT A WOODEN MALLARD IN MY OFFICE.
How may i be of service to you?
I am gonna need your advice.
I was thinking of getting this opera
for dwight's birthday.
What do you think?
I think he's really gonna like it.
I think it's one of his favorites.
This aria is a joke.
Really?
What are you thinking?
- I was gonna go with this one.
- Let me tell you something.
If you respect him at all,you
will get him something better.
Bernard dog,what was that
all about? I know,right?
What were you guys
talking about in there?
Trust me,it would only make you mad.
Due to a certain recent incident,
corporate has asked all the
branches to come up with ideas
as to how we can better
communicate with our communities.
Is this because of
the 60 minutes segment
about working conditions
in our peruvian paper mill?
That was a hit job.
If you read the dunder
mifflin press release,
it clearly states that
they had absolutely nothing
to do with that
particular cancer cluster.
So if there is a lesson
to be learned here,
and i'm not sure that there is,
it is that in order to
help our communities,
we need to put other peoples'
needs ahead of our own.
And whoever comes up with
the best idea gets a $50 gift
certificate to the restaurant
of his or her choice.
Good,good.
Okay,who wants to help the
world one step at a time?
- All right,good.
- Volunteerism is important.
Every weekend i volunteer
at the local animal shelter,
and they need a lot of help down there.
- Last sunday i had to put down
over 150 pets all by myself.
- All right.
That's--
- paint a mural of chicano leaders.
- All right.
I have a way to make scranton a
better place.
You could leave it.
Okay,i'm outta here.
See you later,guys.
And stay out.
Promise to write.
Oh,no,here's an idea.
Conservation.
I love it.
Conservation.
Let's start by conserving our time
and stop having these stupid meetings.
No more meetings!
Anybody else? Who else has an idea?
I have some ideas about conservation.
- Angela.
Please.
- Thank you.
Hold down the fort.
Hey,boo.
First of all,i think that
what's--why are you crying?
What--what did she say to you?
Yes,and i think we
should look into that.
**** Speak up louder.
- Well,our profit and
loss-- - No,i'll talk toer.
I will--no,nobody talks
to my baby that way.
Yeah,i'll let you know how it goes.
Alright.
Bye,pickle.
Who's "pickle"?
Pamela morgan beesly,you need to
apologize to your mother right now.
- I'm sorry,i was told i had the floor.
- Yes.
Whoa,hold on.
What's going on?
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
It'sll good.
I'm not apologizing to anyone.
Michael owes me an apology.
For trceying to find happiness
in the arms of a lover?
Don't call my mother your lover!
Ooh,es!
That is not okay,dude.
- All right,in my defense
- diusting.
- That'sessed up,man.
- Yes,thank you.
Welcome to my personal hell.
You have no sense of boundaries,micha.
Shut up,oscar.
He all
right,you know what?
Clearly i'm outnumbered here.
But
could i just say e thing? Please?
What is so wrong about me?
I'm caring.
I'm generous.
I'm sensual.
Is it real so horrible that i could
possibly go out and find happiness?
Good luck,michael.
I hope y
find what you're looking fo
- maybe you're right.
Who
are we to-- - shut up,oscar.
What is wronwith all of you?
He is sleeping wh my mother!
I don't think there's a whole
lot of sleeping going on.
Let's get back to the matr at hand.
Whatever.
You know.
Sleep with my mom,sleep
with everybody's mom.
- No,no,no,no.
- Wh,that's my mom you're talng about.
I don't like the tone here.
Th is a place of business.
You are to listen to others,you
are to give others respect,
and you are to keep your
personal issues out of it.
Oh,my god,you are ridiculous!
Do not talk to me that way!
I am your boss,and i may
someday be your father,so t out.
You are never gonna
bealy father.
You geout.
I hope that you are willing to
die in this oice,because i am.
Me too.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Pam,how's your day going?
Pam,just for the record,i thk
you're overreacting a little bit.
Your mom's old enough
to make her own decisis.
Oh,well,thanks,oscar.
I was just wondering,how would you feel
if michael was sleeping with your mom?
My mother' in a whechair.
Well,he could still
i'm sorry about that.
Oh,couli just get you to
sign this second page as well?
Ryan,have to ask you
a personal question.
Do you think that i should get a fedora?
Uh,i don't think so,no.
Why? I think i'd look really hot
in one.
Where'd you get your fedora?
I'd rather not say.
You thk i'm gonna get
the same fedora as you?
Hey,dwight.
- I think i would look really cute
- it has to go with the peona that you aeady have.
But i i think i have that persona.
Where did you get that mallard?
- What the hell is a mallard?
- That!
Oh,professor damon d.
Duck.
Jim gave him to me.
Okay,i gave tha to him as a
gift.
I'm taking that back.
If you take it bk i'll scrm.
- I'll give you five bucks for it.
- 20.
- ten.
- Deal.
Yore so cool.
Ob this reminds me,you
owe three bucks for gas.
- Hey,toby,could talk to you for a minute?
- Yeah,sure.
What's up?
Um,i just wanted to apologize for
taking that tone with you earlier.
That was uncled for.
I'm sorry.
Uh,yeah,that means a lot
thank you for saying it.
- Can i sit wn for a second?
- Yeah,pull up a chair and sit.
Or on the shredder.
This is gonna sound weird,
but i think i may be the victim
of a htile work environment
with this whole pam situation.
Should probably deal with
that outside of the workplace.
She brought it into the worlace,so i
feel like it has to be dealt with here.
Yeah.
Okay,well,i
mean,i could talk to her.
- Really? Would you do that?
- Ll,yeah.
That's why--that's why
they pay me the big bucks.
You're a good,good guy.
Um,okay.
You know,i always knew if michael just took
the time to get to know m we'd bece friends.
Hey,pam.
Could i talk to you for a sec?
Sure.
What up?
Well,i was hoping that maybe in light
of everything that's happened day
it'd be a good idea
for you and and michael
to head into the conferenc
for so conflict resolution.
What's the matter,can't
fight your own battl?
No.
That's
i think you should just
take the rest of the day off.
Oh,would that make you feebetter?
I dot--i'm-- i cat
hear your convertion.
You can tell michael that i'm not lving.
- Buddy,i think that we can't make her leave,so
- yeah,yeah,you're-- okay,you're a ***.
Hey.
Hey,yoknow what?
Ur just as stubbn as your mother.
When you don't want to do
something, you just don't do i
michael,you'reust her rebound!
You were rht,jim,i should've listened
to you.
Should never have told her.
What? You knew?
Barely.
I i don't have all the facts.
Frank and beans
okay.
Do you want me to stop dating your mom?
Is that how we're gonna
get past thi 'cause iill.
Mmm yes.
Well,that is not gonna happen!
Then why'd you evenffer?
Because i assumed that
you wt me to be happy
because i want you be happy.
Michael,let me make
this very easy for you.
I could give a about your
happiss! Stop dating mother!
You know what? I'm gonna
start dating her even harder.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You knowhat it means.
*****
I don'need to be friends with pam.
I ha plenty of female friends.
My mom,pam's mo my aunt-- although
she just blocked me on i.
M.
What's her face fr quiznos.
I see her fourimes a week.
Dwight,u brought the mallard back.
- Well,i had .
I mean,kelly
was not-- - hi,buddy.
- I'm sorry.
- A oden duck?
Mallard.
I put it in your
office in order to surveil you.
I was jealous that you
got the promotion ov me.
Okay,just to be clear,you're terrible at
this, and you're not equipped for espionage.
- Oh,i'm equipped.
I can es-- - nope.
Don't tell michael.
I won't,but you will
wash and bufour car.
Punishment fits the crime.
I accept.
Good night,everyone.
Good night,pam.
Thks again for the rum.
- Night,michael.
- Good night,erin.
Hey,pam,can i see you for a second?
So dwight heard you were
having a really rough day,
so he geneusly offered to wash our car.
- Aww,he did that for me?
- Yes.
He did.
You know what was nice?
Night swimming in o bay.
Remember that older coupl whose
kids were also named jim and pam?
Yeah oh.
Say mo nice things.
- Well,we went on a segway tour.
And we're awesome at it.
- Yes,we are.
And frank and beans.
- Maybe i'm overreacting.
- Yeah.
Maybe.
- But i don't think i am.
- You're not.
Nope.
- *****
- ****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
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******
the
office us s06e06