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Sorry, it's been a while. I've just been really caught up in getting back to school and stuff.
Yeah, lots has been happening. That's for sure. Things got pretty out of hand when I
went back to school. I was in such a knot because I was so nervous about seeing everyone.
Like I hadn't done any study, and I hadn't seen anyone over the holidays, and I knew
they were going to ask all these questions that I didn't want to answer, and I didn't
want to look like an idiot. So, I just didn't get out of bed. God, I must sound really ridiculous
but, at the time it was the only thing I could do. So, Mum took me to that psych that my
doctor talked about. It was really different from what I expected. Firstly Mum didn't come
in with me; she just dropped me off. And then when I walked in there, it wasn't all like
formal, and stuff, like there were no couches, and she wasn't sitting behind a big desk.
It was just two chairs and a coffee table, pretty casual actually.
The first time I was in there for about an hour, but it felt like five minutes. Yeah,
I was really nervous to start with, but she made it really easy to talk to her, like she
wasn't judging me or anything. I don't know if it would've been better or worse if Mum
had been in there. It didn't feel like I talked about a lot, but I must have, because the
next time I went in there she asked me all these questions about things that I hadn't
even realised I had told her. We talked about the holidays and what happened. And she agreed
with my doctor and said I must be having panic attacks. Like when my heart races and my hands
get sweaty and I can't breathe, it's a sign that my central nervous system is being over-stimulated.
It took me back to bio class, the flight or fight response. It's weird how you learn all
this stuff, but you don't realise what it means until it happens to you. I get how when
I panic, it's too much adrenaline in my body, or how when I start to panic, it just makes
it all worse, and it's kind of like a cycle.
So yeah, it was good to talk to her. She said she wants to talk to me about learning to
manage my panic attacks and stuff. Yeah, like I don't feel like, "Hey! I'm cured, I'm never
going to have a panic attack again", but I understand it, I think. Yeah, so I'm gonna
learn to manage all that stuff which I guess will help. I just feel like I have to re-program
my brain. Anyway, I was on a bit of a high when I left, but now I'm home, it's kind of
like nothing's changed. I mean it's 2 AM, and I'm still up. Alright, I'm gonna give
it another go.