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Ahem.
Now, girls, I know that this is your first year at Hogwarts, and I know that some of you might be nervous, or frightened.
But, girls, I'm here to make your time at Hogwarts as 'totally awesome' as possible.
Because girls, I'm not just a teacher, or "security officer." In fact, I like to think of all of you
as my daughters! And that makes me your mama. And a very loving and caring mama I am.
So, for all of us girls to get along in the girls' dormitory this year,
there are just some very simple rules that must be obeyed.
Rule number one: no boys... unless they're cute!
Rule number two: no alcohol ... unless there's plenty to go around! Stop it, girls, I'm bad.
And rule number three: no parties ... unless Umbridge is invited!
Girls, girls, girls, you keep me young, girls! You keep me young.
But seriously, girls, if I do catch you with any boys or alcohol-- I'm gonna rip your perky little *** off!