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I have a very rocky relationship with sleep. Those who can, can. Those who can't are repeatedly
told by those who do 'how to get to sleep'. I've been told that I need a routine. I've
been told maybe I shouldn't. I've been told that my dinner / midday coffee / breakfast
is to blame. I've been told to drink water before going to bed. I've been told not to
do that. It seems that whatever I do the day before is responsible for me not getting to
sleep, as if I'm an IDIOT who hasn't tried these things.
Perhaps I have a 28 hour day! But no, it doesn't seem to work like that. I'll slowly shift
my cycle around until I'm completely out of sync with everybody else, and then it will
go totally crazy where I begin having several hour-naps in my day. One day can seem like
three or four and I lose complete track of where, who, when and what I am.
It's always been like that. I go whole days not feeling tired then the evening comes,
and I'm suddenly wide awake, or worse still, am tired but can't get to sleep. I look at
the clock. 1 in the morning. 2. 3. I think of what I could have done with that time instead
of wasting it here in bed. I like the night for getting things done.
There are no distractions, no incentive to go outside and seemingly limitless time that
other people spend sleeping. Several years ago I had one week where I thought
I had the flu. Every evening at about 9 I'd get horribly tired and sore, and I'd have
amazing nights of sleep. I'd wake up fully refreshed at 5 in the morning and would be
able to function properly throughout the day. I was more motivated to socialise. I could
actually concentrate in lectures. It lasted for about one week... before I went back to
'normal'. I can't think of another period of my life like that and I can only dream
of how different my life would be if I didn't have these problems.
So here I am now, at 10 in the morning, typing this up. I can feel tiredness creeping up
on me again. I know I'll be spending the day asleep, and I know the scorn and hatred people
will feel towards me. I'm a slob. I'm lazy. I get a few hours at night where I'm properly
awake. But it's better than the alternative, where I go to bed and wake up at normal times
and spend my entire existence as a zombie. I'm now off to sleep. Good day.
It's hardly worth not eating lots of sweets and doing exercise!