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\f0\fs24 \cf0 This... is deep talking, with Dana (clears throat) and Lucinda. Tonight
we will be discussing the topic of polar ice caps. Hello. Hello. So, polar ice caps. I
hear they're an issue. How so? Well apparently something from space... Actually it's the
politics that's making them melt. Heated politics. And spray-on tans. That IS a big issue. I
mean -. But global warming itself is caused by Chuck Norris. You can tell he's serious
about his job. Serious is one word for it. Terminator. That's not Chuck Norris. Oh, is
that, like, Arnold Swartenager? He's from MY country of origin, if you don't mind. What's
THAT supposed to mean? (pause) It means where you came from originally. What's THAT supposed
to mean?! I guess we're done with the polar ice caps. No no no no! Keep going, keep going,
so polar ice caps, there's some on Mars. Those evidently are doing just fine; the ones on
Earth are melting. Reason being, well like there's this one person who will remain anonymous,
Kevin Gruetzmacher, and he uh, he honestly believes that global warming is a hoax, honestly
thinks so. He's read so much into the poli-, cuz politicians like to say that global warming
is fake because they like to keep their own selves safe, i don't know... a lot of it is
their fault from the heated debates that cause global warming. Uh, and the fact that they
allow chuck Norris to live. So about craking your knuckles... That was- There was- That
was- There was- No no you're being- ! No there was another thing, there was a professor who
did a study. He had one hand he didn't crack his knuckles on ever. One hand he cracked
them all the time. He did this for decades to see if whether- what is that face?! Wipe
it off! I'm curious!! Okay. There's someone who got shot in the face. So... okay. Well
be having a commercial soon; continuing. Not for a while. Shot in the face what? I heard
the dinger. Pizza rolls ready. Yeah, that noise there? Yeah, so. Tostito's \'ae pizza
rolls; eat healthy, eat happy. Ugh, isn't that Cheerios \'ae ? Shut up. Cheerios- Wait!
Cheerios is the most popular cer- Wait, no I'm curious about the- It's- I'm curious about
the cracking knuckles. oh yeah, he used to crack them all the time an apparently it has
no adverse affects. HOWEVER, I have found ...that my fingers hurt.... So, i just, it's
a hhabit. I know. It just feels so good,.. When you reunite your fingers to fingers -
\f1 \uc0\u61541 \f0 Reunited and it feels so good.
\f1 \uc0\u61541 \f2 Oh, oh. I honestly cannot see right now.
Now I want all- Open your eyelids. I want everyone- Ooh, they're manual. (Pause.) You're.
so. bad at this job, where are you? I'm bad? You- You killed Barbie
\f0 \'ae \f2 !!
\f0 (Gasp) She deserved it! Okay Toy Story 3: Waste of time. Okay, that was yeah, 'cause
someone else, ohh.... Logan really thinks it's amazing. So? Now let's all talk about
Rihanna's- Don' you like this hair? Go on, Rihanna (deep breath)! Cody thinks... Rihanna's...
not... beautiful. What!?! I know. Um. At least he's, he's like, Shakira's beautiful, but
he's just, he just says, "Uh, I like Rihanna's voice, I just don't think he looks that, she
looks that good. (Deep breath)! Shakira's gorgeous! Okay Shaki-, Shakira he thinks,
but Rihanna too! She is! And her and Eminem go whoosh together. Oh Eminem... And he likes
iCarly. ... Why?! I know! And Logan like iCarly. Is there any iCarly viewers out there tonight?
(Sigh) (Sigh) Where's that cricket? What cricket? (Chirp) There it is. So let's have a vote.
Who all thinks this doll is attractive? Who thinks my bat is attractive? Yo. So. I think
you- Pizza's Rolls! This is our groupie Desiree. I'm not gonna eat half of these. Can you even
see it cuz of these? Let's check. It's pizza within a roll. Wait, do you? No, keep them.
It's for the background. Well, do we have any Italians watching this? Let's ask them
Ring ring. Hello? Oh, skinny jeans! Did i tell you about the thing in those uh, that
one boulevard we were going down, i don't know which, right before sunset. Walmart?
No, um Stevens Point. Emo people? Yes! Before sunset it's all these business people and
they're cool, just walking along like, we're going home. And, right after sunset going
down it' kinda dark and it's all these emo people with skinny jeans with bright multicolours
and hair all over the place, and youu could tell they're not going home. Nyah. I always
wanted to have emo hair. I feel that it's really fantastic. Eh hem. So back to deep
thoughts. The children are starving in Africa- Give 'em these. -And yet we're enjoying pizza
rolls. How is THAT fair? Some people have the belief that they can't throw aay food
because there's children starving in Afrca. First of all, there's children starving in
APPLETON. Doesn't mean that throwing away food is gonna help them. Actually, then throwing
away food would help them cuz they rummage through garbage. No, that's so ee-rational.
Well, you threw away a quarter once. Oh yeah, that- That was irrational. Let's explain the
story nd think it through. If it's-. No on'es gonna go through old swimsuits and iapers
to find a quarter. Ah, i would if i was poor and needed food. Now do you think it's bad?
I threw a quarter away once. That's bad. So that some homeless person could find it. Who
cars. Does this look weird? He he, just go like that. Half shirt every day. Hangers.
Hangars' a homophone. What she said. Whoosh, that's what she said. So. Would you like something
to drink? Okay, thank you. Would you like some V8\'ae? Do we have V8\'ae? If not, i
want milk. V8\'ae has no nutritional value. V8\'ae has MUCH nutrition. \'e7 (Sigh) No
she won't. Ugh! What else? You want, you want my Tostito's \'ae rolls? I don't think, i
don't want them. (Gasp)! Okay so, just proof: 11:11 works! I'm gonna use that example, cuz
probably no one else knows it. Oh yeah, say that. This works! Okay. At 11:11 today, Lucinda
wished that- No, that was 5:55. It was a mini-wish. 11:11 is for the big life-changing wishes.
Um, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44- has to be p.m. to work- um, are for the kind of-. Okay, so 1:11, 2:22,
3:33, 4:44, 5:55. Those are the Fantastic ive. Thosea re for mini wishes. You put them
all together, it's this huge bam wish. Okay. So at 5:55 she mad this miniwish. She wished
that we'd have these Tostito's\'ae pepperoni pizza rolls. Now, she didn't know we were
having these for dinner. These were PLANNED. Another commercial where, okay the guy, he
has a snow globe. He says it's a magic snow globe. It's the Dorrito's \'ae. No, no, no
wait. It's funny! Okay, so this is a n-, so he's like, I wish I had free Dorrito's \'ae.
(wind sound) Throws it at a vending machine. Free Dorrito's! \'ae The other guy's like
hmm. (swoosh swoosh swoosh) (Pause) What was it, oh I want a promotion. Throws it. Hits
his boss. Haiyee. Knee slapper. That was more of a thigh slapper. Do you- (laughs). Speaking
of thigh-slappers, what do you call a man with no arms or legs? Max! (Sighs.) Ha! I
saw a lady in Wal-mart \'99 once with no arms and no legs. [Word of day: Quadruped. Quadruped.]
Well she had kinda half an arm right here that was running the motorized wheelchair.
How would she get groceries? She had her id with her. How could she have a kid?! No I'm
kidding. But-. It wouldn't be that hard. Yeah I know. This is a bad subject. No no, actually
no, there was a whole thing on Discovery Health \'99 of a disa-, no of a paralyzed - I think
she was only paralyzed from the waist down - having a kid. Which would be, first of all,
Amazing cuz you don't feel the pain. But you also can't push. I think.... I think sometimes
with paralysis is just that you can't control the muscle but, it's like people who are paralyzed
from the chest, they still have their bodily functions cuz that's not --, that's smooth
muscle, which is involuntary. Well child birth is partially involuntary. Part of it is yo
have to push. But even if you didn't push, the kid's gonna come out eventually. (Sigh)
Thank you. Welcome. You never told me what you wanted. No, did you hear what she said?
Thank you? ARe you going to have more pizza rolls? Doesn't matter. She said the kid's
gonna come out eventually. It's true! I have some friends on Facebook \'ae who are under
the age of 11. SHE'S one of them. So you're gonna put this on Facebook \'ae that I was
eating pizza rolls? Yeahhh.... That's not attractive. You know what else isn't attractive?
George W. Bush. If I had a milk mustache it'd be attractive, and you're so right! So you
know, did you know Barack Obama's presidency is illegal? He was born in Hawaii, which is
part of- Africa. He was born in Hawaii which is- Africa. He was born in Hawaii- Africa.
How do you know? I saw it on People \'ae magazine. I saw it on his BIRTH certificate. Yeah, so
did I! He was born in Africa. So, Mormons. They suck. So. Why did you?! It popped in
my head when you said Hawaii! Okay, let's talk about Amish people now. They suck. See,
they're not going to see this. Poorer than a TV repairman in Amish country. Hahaha. GEt
it? Yeah. I don't get it. When they originally- She doesn't get it! You know the "Got Milk?"
\'ae thing? Yeah. K, when they originally translated it into Spanish for Mexico, cuz
you know those Mexicans, they need milk, umm originally they kinda mistranslated it into
meaning Are You Lactating? \'ae Does everyone out there know what that means? You don't?
No, I know what it means. Oh okay, well if they don't they can look it up. Who's gonna
look THAT up? Logan would be like Mom Mom! What's blah blah blah mean? She'd be like,
Look it up. I don't mind. That's what he'd do. Like what? Give an example. Like for example,
this is mine, and I don't know, it's in Boston Legal. Best show ever. Umm, they said something
about friends with benefits. Ha. I was young; I didn't really know what that was. So it's
like Mom? yeah? What's a friends-with-benefits? Look it up. It wasn't in the dictionary. you
have internet. They have EVERYTHING on there! Okay, if you're bored and want some entertainment,
go to wikianswers.com. Me and her went there one time, got a bunch of questions and the
most dumbest answers on Earth. This one person asked 'What's going on if a sow's getting
a wee bit aggressive to her young husband lass' or whatever. She was obviously Irish.
We answered in her Irish heritage. How do you think SHE felt? Fun. What? Like um, that
wedding. Her groom was from Scotland, like not just Scottish. He was from Scotland, the
country of. And he had such a cool accent. And he wore a black kilt. Haha why?? He had
a white shirt, and a little black bow-tie. Those are dumb; I hate bow-ties. I like bow-ties.
No cuz this once i wore a pink one, and I was embarrassed cuz you wanna know why? Why.
I... got BLUEBERRY juice on it. Well then it saves your shirt. Ugh, I dropped my thin.
Cinda, wanna try this? What is it? a certain mixture- No, you have germs. -Called Guess.
No one saw that! ...Broke. ...Aww.... WE reunite families on here Let me try it! No! Beats
that one show where they have a lie detector. And try to guess the flavor. That was a horrible
show. Thank you . Have you ever seen that show? The one where they gotta ask those questions
like, Have you ever had an affair? Lucinda's barely in here. Well then move it to they
side. Only half her head is in. Here you go. What type of juice is this? Lemme try. Wait
wait wait! Lemme try! Here you go. Thanks you. Sorry, it- She backwashes! No I don't!
Now no one's ever gonna share me their milk again; it's all your fault! Why do you share
milk with people? Oh no! My pants! They're washable. I don't want that anymore. Wait,
wait. It that isn't backwashing- \ \
[cut]\ \
So peace, love, and chocolate. This has been Deep Thoughts with Dana and Lucinda. Okay
wait, let's do my Depression Song. K do your Depression Song. Have it aimed on just her.
When you're in... Depression,... You better finish my drink. Your feeeeling you're suppressin.
(indistinct) Ugh! You deserve that. What am I gonna do about my face? Wash it. Shoot it
off. I'm still not singing my song ( snortle sniffle wheeze) I think if you were REALLY
worried about being attractive.... I love... people. They're my favorite. People are the
best. Wait.... So. We're gonna leave now. We've recorded for like 20 minutes. And whoever
says they didn't watch the whole thing, you're stupid. This is a heart. And this is my heart.
It's been broken. You wanna now why? Cuz you ran into a tree. (pause, nod) Turn off the
camera. That's your cue. }