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>>> TONIGHT ON "RED EYE."
>> COMING UP ON "RED EYE" HOW
WELL DO YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR
ROOMBA?
SHOCKING EVIDENCE SUGGEST
THESE MACHINES MAY MAKE YOU
*** YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.
AND IS THE PRESIDENT FORCING
WHITE HOUSE STAFF WATCH EVERY
EPISODE OF "GAME OF THRONES"
AND MORE 2:00 P.M.
TOMORROW?
>> THESE ARE AMBITIOUS
DEADLINES, BUT THEY CAN AND
SHOULD BE MET.
>> AND WHY DID JEREMY PIVEN
HAVE TO BE RESCUED FROM A
BEACH IN CABO?
THE FIRST RESPONDERS NEXT.
NONE OF THESE STORIES ON "RED
EYE" TONIGHT.
>> AND NOW LET'S WELCOME OUR
GUEST.
SHE IS MADE OF SUGAR PLUMS AND
RAINBOWS AND CRUSHED HAMSTER
SKULLS.
HIS FAVORITE FOOD IS FANCY
FEAST GRILLED LIVER AND
CHICKEN.
HE LET THE CATS LICK HIS
SCRUFFY CHIN, ANDY LEVEY.
AND SHE IS SO BRIGHT OLD
PEOPLE ARE ADVISED NOT TO WALK
TOWARD HER BECAUSE THEY WILL
DIE.
AL ALLISON BARBER.
AND NEXT MONTH HIS LIPS ARE
MARYING A LIFE BOAT IN A
TASTEFUL CEREMONY.
WRITER AND COMEDIAN PAUL
McCURIO.
SOMEBODY BOOKED PAUL TO
PERFORM AT THE FORT LAUDERDALE
IMPROVE THIS THURSDAY THROUGH
SUNDAY.
YOU CAN PROBABLY SHOW UP AS
THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF
TICKETS AVAILABLE.
>> A BLOCK.
THE LEDE.
THAT'S THE FIRST STORY.
IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY
TIME I WOULD SEE YOU GREG, I
WOULD HAVE 5 CENTS.
>> THAT'S NICE.
THEY PUT THE ARTY IN PARTY.
SOME COLLEGE FEMINISTS FILMED
THEMSELVES CAW VOTERRING NAKED
IN COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY'S
LIBRARY TO CRITIQUE MALE
FANTASIES OF SORORITY
INITIATION.
AS YOU KNOW A CRITIQUE WAS SO
NECESSARY.
THE FILM IS CALLED
"INITIATION" AND EXPLORES THE
RISHULES OF AMERICAN IVY
LEAGUE SECRET SOCIETIES TO THE
POINT OF HIS HYSTERIA.
HAVE A LOOK, HAVE A LOOKERS.
♪♪
>> THAT REMINDED ME OF THAT
WEEKEND PARTY AT LOU DABBS'
HOUSE.
ONE OF THE CREATORS SAYS IT IS
SUPPOSED TO SHOW THE HYSTERIA
STATE AND SPEECH TO THE
STIGMATA SWRAITION AND FETISHAC.
WHAT DOES BURPING DOG HAVE TO
SAY?
I WANT TO KNOW.
>> THAT IS A MUCH BETTER
FILM.
>> YOU MOCK MY COMEDY AND YOU
ARE SHOWING A BURPING DOG?
>> IF A BURPING DOG CAN MAKE
PEOPLE LAUGH.
JOANNE, YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO
THAT.
THEN AGAIN THAT IS THE STORY
OF YOUR LIFE.
THEY ARE CLAIMING THIS IS A
FEMINIST CRITIQUE OF MALE
FANTASIES.
MY ARGUMENT IS THE MEN WON'T
CARE.
THEY WILL LIKE SEEING THEM
NAKED.
>> EXACTLY.
>> THIS IS NOT EMPOWERING
WOMEN AT ALL.
THIS DOESN'T REALLY SHINE A
GOOD LIGHT ON WOMEN IN COLLEGE
OR SORORITIES.
THEY USE THE WORD HYSTERIA A
LOT AND THAT USED TO BE A
CONDITION ABOUT A CENTURY AGO
THAT WOMEN SUFFERED FROM.
OTHER PEOPLE WOULD RELIEF THEM
OF.
AND THE MEN WILL BE RELIEVING
THEMSELVES.
IT GOES TOGETHER.
>> EXACTLY.
I FOUND IT -- YOU KNOW I FOUND
IT AS A FILM, ELLISON TO BE A
LITTLE ARCH. MAYBE THEY WERE
TRYING TOO HARD TO CONVEY AN
IMAGE LIKE SHOCKING FOR THE
SAKE OF SHOCKING.
I DON'T THINK I COULD
RECOMMEND IT TO MY CHILDREN.
>> PROBABLY NO.
I'M ALL FOR WEIRD THINGS AND
SELF-EXPRESSION.
>> I HAVE HEARD.
>> IF YOU WANT TO BE WEIRD,
THAT'S FINE.
BUT THIS VIDEO HAD NOTHING TO
DO WITH SORORITY INFORMATION,
THEN YOU NEED TO MAKE THAT
CLEAR.
I WATCHED THIS VIDEO FOR
RESEARCH.
THIS IS PORNOGRAPHIC.
THIS IS A WEIRD ***.
I REALIZE THERE IS A TENDENCY
TO TAKE BACK THE WORDS.
THE MAIN GIRL WHO PUT THIS ON
GOES BY THE NAME SHUT OR --
*** OR SOMETHING.
>> THAT'S MY ORIGINAL NAME.
>> AND THEN SHE GOT IT FROM
YOU.
AT SOME POINT YOU ARE TRYING
TO PUSH BACK ON
STIGMATIZATION.
>> I AM DISAPPOINTED IN THE
OVERALL PRODUCTION VALUE.
I WOULD HAVE LIKED BETTER
LIGHTING AND MAYBE SOME
STRUCTURE TO THE PLOT.
MAYBE I COULD RECOMMEND IT TO
MY CHILDREN. PAUL, I KNOW IT
IS HARD.
TRY NOT TO SAY ANYTHING GROSS
OR INAPPROPRIATE ABOUT THE
WOMEN IF THAT IS INDEED
POSSIBLE.
DO YOU THINK THEIR BEHAVIOR IS
WORTH WHILE OR IS IT PLAY
ACTING LIKE THEY ARE
PRETENDING TO BE SHOCKING?
>> THEY ARE PRETENDING TO BE
SHOCKING, BUT I DISAGREE WITH
YOU ON THE ART ASPECT.
IT IS A NEW, BOLD INNOVATIVE
DISCIPLINE.
IT IS HUGH HEFNER AND THE GUY
FROM "GIRLS GONE WILD."
>> JOE FRANCIS, BY THE WAY.
IF YOU WOULD HAVE RESEARCHED
YOUR JOKE.
>> IT ALWAYS HELPS WHEN
SOMEBODY IS INTERRUPTIING IT.
>> MAYBE WHEN YOU WERE
DELIVERING PACKAGES YOU COULD
HAVE WORKED ON THE JOKE.
>> DID YOU COME STRAIGHT FROM
GAP FOR EXCIDES?
GAP FOR KIDS?
>> NORMALLY YOU HAVE TO GO TO
THE ART COLONY OF DAYTONA
BEACH TO GET SOMETHING THIS
GOOD.
>> WHAT IF A MAN -- WHAT IF
MEN DID THIS?
THAT IS AN ISSUE FOR ME.
IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, IF A GROUP
OF GUYS MADE A COMMENTARY ON
FRAT LIFE, IT WOULD BE ALL
OVER THE PAPERS.
IT WOULD BE CONSIDERED
DISGUSTING AND THEY WOULD BE
ARRESTED. I THINK THERE IS A
DUALITY.
>> THAT IS LIKE THE PLOT OF A
70s MOVIE.
>> JUST LOOK AT THE MOVIE
"***."
IT IS THE WHOLE FRANCHISE.
>> THE BEST THING YOU SAID WAS
OKAY, I'M DONE AND THEN IT WAS
NOT TRUE.
>> THAT'S A GREAT NAME FOR
YOUR SHOW.
>> I REALLY DO LOOK LIKE A GUY
--
>> WELL, EVERYONE MAKES
MISTAKES.
UNFORTUNATELY YOU MAKE A LOT.
LIBRARIES ARE FOR STUDYING AND
NOT MAKING ARTSY FILMS.
BUT MAYBE IT IS TIME IT DOES
BECOME THAT.
>> I DON'T THINK YOU OR ANYONE
ELSE CAN SAY WHAT LIBRARIES
ARE FOR.
ONE OF THE WOMEN IN THE FILM
SAYS THE POINT IS TRAN SENDING
THE EVERYDAY SPACE OF THE
LIBRARY, A SPACE WE TAKE FOR
GRANTED.
AND I DON'T LIKE THAT YOU SAID
THIS IS A WEIRD ***.
I DON'T LIKE THE JUDGMENT THAT
IT IS WEIRD.
I DON'T THINK IT IS YOUR PLACE
TO SAY.
IT MAY NOT BE *** TO YOUR
LIKING, BUT TO SOMEONEMAY NOT B.
>> IT DIDN'T HAVE THE DONKEY.
>> IT HAD A LOT OF EGGS.
>> SOMEBODY PROBABLY GOT THAT
IN THEIR EYE AND HAD
SALMONELLA.
>> THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T HAVE
ANY FOOD SAFETY REGULATIONS
WHICH IS ALSO TO ME PERSONALLY
OFFENSIVE.
>> I DO THINK IT IS GREAT THAT
IT IS YOUR WAY OF
PATRIARCHY TO HAVING GIRLS
KISSING EACH OTHER.
>> IT IS THE OPTION THAT
PATRIARCHY WOULD LOVE.
>> IT IS MORE THAN GOING AFTER
THE PATRIARCHY.
IT IS THE INSTITUTIONAL LIESED
SORORITIES AND FRATS AND THE
IDEA OF INITIATING PEOPLE INTO
A GROUP.
IT IS A LITTLE TOO COMPLICATED
TO CONVEY THAT POINT.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MAKE THE
STATEMENT SIMPLY RATHER THAN
WITH ALL OF THE IMAGERY.
>> YOU CAN MAKE THAT ARGUMENT
IF YOU WANT IT WITHOUT PUTTING
--
>> YOU CAN WRITE AN ARTICLE
ABOUT IT.
>> THE COLLEGE FEMINISTS ARE
ALWAYS ADDRESSING IN MY VIEW
THE MOST NONPRESSING
QUESTIONS.
THEY ARE DOING THIS --
MEANWHILE HAVE YOU FEMALE SIR
COME SESSION .
SIR -- SIR COME SESSION.
YOU HAVE WOMEN ATTACKED FOR
DRIVING.
BUT WE HAVE TO GO AFTER
FRATERNITIES.
>> I UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS
MORE OF A SELFISH MATTER. YOU
ARE GOING AFTER A CAUSE THAT
IS NOT REALLY A CAUSE BECAUSE
IT IS GLORIFYING YOUR -- I
DON'T KNOW, YOUR HOBBY.
HANGING OUT WITH PEOPLE OF
YOUR GENDER.
>> IT SHOULD HAVE INCLUDED MEN
IN IT IF THEY WERE AGAINST THE
IDEA OF SEPARATION OF MEN AND
WOMEN.
IT SHOULD HAVE INCLUDED MEN.
>> AS A COLUMBIA -- AS A
FORMER COLUMBIA STUDENT, NOT
EVEN ON THE LIST OF TOP 10
WEIRDEST THINGS I SAW IN THAT
LIBRARY.
>> NOBODY READS ANYMORE.
THE THINGS THEY DO WITH THE
BOOK ARE DISGUSTING.
>> SHOULD HE BE CURSED FOR
DISMISSING THE DIVERSE.
IN AN INTERVIEW WITH BUZZ
FEED, JERRY SEINFIELD WAS
ASKED ABOUT HOW GUESTS ON HIS
NEW WEB SERIES ARE MOSTLY
WHITE MALES.
HIS ANSWER WAS ANSWERY.
>> PEOPLE THINK IT IS A CENSUS
OR SOMETHING. THIS HAS TO
REPRESENT THE ACTUAL PIE CHART
OF AMERICA.
WHO CARES?
YOU ARE FUNNY, I AM
INTERESTED.
YOU ARE NOT FUNNY AND I AM NOT
INTERESTED.
I HAVE NO INTEREST IN GENDER
OR RACE AND EVERYTHING ELSE.
EVERYBODY ELSE IS CALCULATING
IS THIS THE EXACT RIGHT MIX?
I THINK TO ME IT IS
ANTI-COMEDY.
IT IS MORE ABOUT PC NONSENSE
THAN ARE YOU MAKING US LAUGH
OR NOT?
>> NOW YOU MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT
HE WAS SAYING THAT HE DOESN'T
CARE WHAT RACE OR GENDER
PEOPLE ARE AS LONG AS THEY ARE
FUNNY.
THE FINE FOLKS AT GAWKER SAY
YOU ARE WRONG.
QUOTE, SEINFIELD IS SUGGESTING
THAT ANY COMEDIAN WHO IS NOT A
WHITE MALE IS ALSO NOT FUNNY.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I GOT FROM
IT.
THE NEVER BEFORE SEEN EPISODE
OF SEINFIELD HAS SURFACED.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
>> IT IS WEIRD.
WE CUT OUT THE PART WHERE
NEWMAN COMES IN.
PAUL, PRETEND FOR A MOMENT ARE
YOU A SUCCESSFUL COMEDIAN.
IS SEINFIELD RIGHT?
IS FUNNY ALL THAT MATTERS?
IF SO, SHOULDN'T YOU QUIT?
>> SO PROUD OF YOURSELF.
WAS THAT A TBROWP WRITING?
>> I THINK ANDY WROTE THAT.
WE TAKE TURNS ABUSING YOU.
YOU ARE LIKE THE GOAT THAT
PROVIDES THE MILK.
>> I HOPE YOUR BUS TIPS OVER.
>> LOOK, PEOPLE ARE WONDERING
WHY THERE AREN'T -- LOOK, I
WATCHED "FAT ALBERT" AS A KID
AND I ASKED MYSELF DOESN'T HE
HAVE ONE WHITE FRIEND THAT
WANTS TO HANG OUT AT THE
JUNKYARD?
REALLY?
PEOPLE KNOW WHO THEY KNOW AND
HANG OUT WITH WHO THEY HANG
OUT WITH.
>> THAT WAS A CARTOON.
>> CAN'T YOU JUST NOT TALK FOR
A MINUTE?
>> I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU FROM
YOURSELF.
>> THE TOON WORLD IS VERY
SEGREGATED.
>> THE FLINSTONES HAD NO BLACK
FRIENDS.
>> PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY KNOW,
OKAY?
HE IS A JEWISH GUY, A WHITE
JEWISH GUY FROM LONG ISLAND
AND THAT'S WHO HE ASSIMILATES
WITH.
IT IS LIKE BEING UPSET WITH
HIP HOP MAGAZINE BECAUSE THEY
ARE NOT FEATURING MICHAEL
BUBLE.
CERTAIN PEOPLE HAVE CERTAIN
PLACES IN HIS WORLD.
IT IS NOT SAYING BLACK PEOPLE
AREN'T FUNNY OR ASIANS AREN'T
FUNNY.
BUT I THINK WHAT HE IS SAYING
IS YOU ARE GOING TO WATER DOWN
THE PRODUCT IF YOU DON'T GO
FOR FUNNY IS FUNNY FIRST.
IT IS LEGITIMATE ON SOME
LEVELS.
>> ALL RIGHT, WHATEVER.
BOY, THAT WAS TOUGH.
I THINK FIRST 11 GUESTS HE HAD
10 WERE WHITE AND ONE WAS
BLACK.
IS THAT A PROBLEM?
>> NO.
I HAVE RUN INTO ISSUES BEFORE.
THERE IS ALWAYS QUO TOES THAT
UH -- QUOTAS BEFORE AND I
HAVEN'T GOT A JOB BEFORE
BECAUSE I WAS TOO WHITE.
>> YEAH, YOU TRIED FOR THE
LEAD AT FOREST GUMP.
>> AND IT IS NOT BECAUSE I AM
NO
T TALENTED.
I CAN EAT CHOKE -- CHOCOLATE
LIKE ANYBODY AND I UNDERSTAND
BRACES.
>> YOU WOULD HAVE MADE A GREAT
MADEA AND I DON'T KNOW HOW --
IT BOGGLES MY MIND.
>> THANK YOU.
>> HE IS SAYING EXACTLY WHAT
PEOPLE IN THE INDUSTRY ARE
THINKING.
I APPLAUD HIM FOR SAYING THAT
OF THE.
>> ELLISON, WHAT DO YOU MAKE
OF THE GAWKER'S TAKE THAT
THERE ARE NO GOOD ETHNIC
COMEDIANS.
>> HE IS AN IDIOT.
I THINK IT WATERS DOWN THE
PRODUCT, BUT IT IS TRYING TO
REACH FOR SOMETHING THAT STIRS
UP CONTROVERSY WHEN THERE IS
NOT ONE THERE.
THE IDEA THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE
A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF PEOPLE OF
THIS RACE OR THAT RACE TO BE
PUTTING OUT A QUALITY PRODUCT
IS RIDICULOUS.
I DO THINK WHEN EVER OFF OF
YOUR POINT WHEN EVER YOU ARE
LOOKING AT JOBS THE THING
EVERYONE SAYS IS IF I DO WELL
IN MY FIELD I WANT TO DO WELL
BECAUSE I AM DOING THE BEST
AND NOT BECAUSE I RIGGED THE
PLAYING FIELD.
PUTTING OUT YOU NEED THIS AND
YOU NEED THAT, IT DOES
PRESIDENT PRESIDENT -- IT
DOESN'T BENEFIT THE PRODUCT OR
ANY INDIVIDUAL TRYING TO BE
SUCCESSFUL BY PUTTING THESE
STANDARDS OF DIVERSITY ON
ANYTHING.
>> ANDY, WHAT IS THE EL FPT
-- ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM HERE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> YOU PROBABLY HAVE THE
ANSWER.
>> I COULDN'T THINK OF A
QUESTION.
I WILL GET TO THE ELEPHANT IN
THE ROOM.
IN THE EPISODE OF COMEDIANS
AND CARS HE SAID HIS MOUNT
RUSHMORE WOULD BE RICKLES
RICHARD PRIOR AND BILL COSBY.
THAT IS 50% BLACK.
FOR THIS IDIOT GAWKER WRITER
TO SUGGEST IF YOU ARE NOT A
WHITE MAN YOU ARE NOT FUNNY IS
STUPID.
SECONDLY, IT IS ENTIRELY
POSSIBLE TO DISAGREE WITH HIS
TAKE ON DIVERSITY AND TO AGREE
HE SHOULDN'T BE COLOR OR
GENDER BLIND AND IT IS
IMPORTANT TO SHOWCASE PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T JUST WHITE MEN.
TO MAKE THEM OUT AS A RACIST
MONSTER IS TOTALLY
RIDICULOUS.
BUT THELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
IS AS ALWAYS, GREG, THE JEWS.
APPARENTLY WE ARE LUMPED IN
WITH WHITE PEOPLE.
WHICH IN COMEDY IS NOT FAIR.
WHEN SOMEBODY WHO IS NOT BLACK
OR JEWISH DOES COMEDY YOU END
UP WITH A PAUL McCURIO.
>> I KNEW IT WAS COMING
AROUND.
>> JEWS AND BLACKS AND
EVERYONE ELSE STOPS.
>> CAN I JUST MAKE A STATEMENT
IN DEFENSE OF SEINFIELD?
>> IT IS GOING TO BE REALLY,
REALLY NOT FUNNY.
>> THE SHOW IS COMPLETELY
DIVERSE.
THEY HAD ELAINE AND A FAT GUY
AND SO IT WAS DIVERSE AS 1953
AND THEY HAD THE SOUP NAZI.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> SORRY TO SAY NAZI.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING
ABOUT?
HE IS TALKING ABOUT TWO RECENT
THINGS AND SNL LOOKING FOR A
BLACK FEMALE COMEDIAN.
THEY PUT TWO THINGS WITH
FUNNY.
AND THEN GIRLS.
REMEMBER GIRLS?
IT WAS THE FIRST SERIES AND
THEY WERE UPSET THERE WEREN'T
BLACK CHARACTERS IN GIRLS.
NOBODY WRITES A COMEDY KNOWING
WHAT YOU KNOW SAYING I NEED TO
PUT A BLACK PERSON IN.
THAT'S RACISM.
>> I BELIEVE THERE WILL BE A
WHITE COMIC IN A MOVIE, BUT
THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN.
THERE ARE --
>> SOME ARE YOUR FRIENDS.
>> NOT ALL OF THEM.
>> IT IS MAKING SOMETHING THAT
EXCLUDES MINORITIES?
>> IT SHOULDN'T BE VIEWED
DIFFERENTLY.
NOW IN 2014 WE SHOULD BE IN A
PLACE WHERE IF SOMEBODY WHO IS
WHITE LIKE IN SIGN FIELD'S
CASE HE HAD THREE FRIENDS WHO
WERE WHITE LIVING ON THE UPPER
SIDE OF MANHATTAN, AND IT
SHOULDN'T BE RACISM LIKE AN
ALL BLACK SITCOM HAD ALL BLACK
FRIENDS SHOULDN'T BE RACISM.
I DON'T KNOW WHY THERE IS A
SEPARATE ANALYSIS.
>> WHAT ABOUT THE McDONALD'S
COMMERCIALS WHERE EVERYBODY IS
ONE RACE.
>> THIS IS WHERE YOU DON'T
HELP.
>> I THINK SOMETIMES WHEN YOU
HAVE A MAJORITY IT IS NOT
NECESSARILY INTENTIONAL.
HE HAS ONLY DONE 11 EPISODES.
YOU MAYBE GIVEN HIM MORE TIME
HE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE IF
YOU WAITED IT OUT.
>> BLACK COMEDIAN FRIENDS,
LIKE TRACY MORGAN, THEY WILL
USUALLY HAVE A BLACK COMEDIAN
OPEN FOR HIM.
DOES THAT MAKE HIM RACIST
BECAUSE I CAN'T OPEN FOR HIM?
>> IS THAT WHAT THEY TELL
YOU?
>> DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM.
>> SORRY, ARE YOU NOT BLACK.
>> I HAVE SEEN TOM SHAW LIEU
OPEN FOR TRACY MORGAN.
>> HAVE I SEEN DAVID DUKE -- I
HAVE SEEN DAVID DUKE OPEN FOR
HIM.
>> OH MY GOD, I HATE BEING
RIGHT ALL THE TIME.
>> THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
>> WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A
BREAK.
PAUL McCURE YOW DIES FROM
THE DRUGS I PUT IN HIS WATER.
THERE YOU GO.
IS OBAMACARE USING PETS TO GET
WOMEN TO SIGN UP?
IT IS A STORY WE ARE NOT
DOING.
>>> AS I MINUTESSED LAST NIGHT
JOANNE -- ACE MENTIONED LAST
NIGHT JOANNE JOINED THE
PERMANENT PANEL.
BUT WHERE DID SHE COME FROM
THIS HERE IS A SHORT
INTRODUCTION.
>> JOANNE WAS BORN IN OCTOBER
OF 1929.
IT WAS JUST TWO DAYS AFTER THE
GREATEST STOCK MARKET CRASH IN
AMERICAN HISTORY.
MANY AMERICANS INCLUDING FDA
BLAMED HER FOR THE GREAT
DEPRESSION.
JOANNE STRUGGLED TO TEND HER
PARENTS' FARM.
THEY COULD ONLY AFFORD A
SINGLE HORSE.
DURING WORLD WAR II JOE APP
WORKED AT A -- JOANNE WORKED
AT A FACTORY.
YEARS LATER AFTER A SHORT
STINT WORKING ON THE WORLD'S
FIRST NUCLEAR SUBMARINE, ?EE
BRIEFLY DATED -- SHE BRIEFLY
DATED SAMMY DAVIS JUNIOR, BUT
SHE MOVED TO NEW YORK CITY AND
FOUND HER TRUE TALENTS.
AFTER MURDERING A DRIFTER IN A
BATHROOM AT STUDIO 54 SHE
SPENT THE NEXT 35 YEARS IN
PRISON AND LEARNED ABOUT
BEAUTY PAGEANTS AND UPON HER
RELEASE WAS PROMPTLY NAMED
MISS NEW YORK.
"RED EYE" CAME CALLING A FEW
MONTHS LATER.
>> THAT WAS NICE.
>> WHAT A TRIP DOWN MEMORY
LANE.
EVERY TIME IT GETS ME.
>> ARE YOU STILL ONE OF OUR
FAVORITE MURDERERS.
>> THIS IS PROOF THAT
REHABILITATION WORKS.
>> ONLY IF YOU ARE HOT.
IS FACEBOOK ABOUT TO FACE
PLANT?
THE COMPANY TURNED 10 YEARS
OLD ON TUESDAY, BUT WILL IT
LIVE TO SEE 20?
PRINCETON RESEARCHERS CLAIMED
THE POPULARITY IS PLUMMETING
AND THE SITE COULD LOSE UP TO
80% OF USERS BY 2017.
A NEW SURVEY REVEALS 10% OF
PEOPLE ARE SHARING DETAILS OF
THEIR LIVES EVERY DAY THAT
SUGGESTS MUCH OF FACEBOOK IS A
ONE-WAY CONVERSATION CARRIED
OUT BY OVERSHARING INTERNET
[BLEEP].
TO MARK THE ANNIVERSARY WE
LOOK BACK AT OUR FAVORITE
MEMORIES FROM THE PAST
DECADE.
>> SEE, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
WE HAVE NO MEMORIES WHEN YOU
ARE ON FACEBOOK.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
>> IT IS SOMETHING YOU DO, BUT
YOU DON'T SAY I HAD GREAT
TIMES ON FACEBOOK.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND, PAUL?
>> LOOK, I AM NOT A BIG FAN OF
FACEBOOK, BUT I UNDERSTAND
SOME PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO HAVE
NO REAL CLOSE FRIENDS THIS IS
THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN REACH
OUT TO PEOPLE AND HAVE A
CONNECTION.
>> YOU ARE VERY ACTIVE ON LIP
BOOK.
>> IT IS A A TRUE.
>> HE HAS OVER 500 STORES.
>> AND MY COMEDY IS BEST.
>> AT LEAST I GET A LAUGH.
>> THEY DON'T EVEN PAY -- YOU
DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY TO COME
IN HERE.
THEY DON'T HAVE TO LAUGH.
>> YES, THEY DO.
IF THEY WANT A JOB, YES THEY
DO.
>> LIKE I CONTROL THEIR
LIVES.
THEY WOULD DUNK MY HEAD IN A
TOILET IF THEY WANTED TO.
IN FACT A COUPLE HAVE, BUT I
WAS TOO DRUNK TO KNOW BETTER.
ELLISON YOU GREW UP ON
FACEBOOK -- WELL GREW UP WITH
BEING ONLY 13.
HAS IT BEEN A BENEFIT OR A
CURSE?
>> A BENEFIT FOR SURE.
BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE
PRODUCT THAT EXISTED BEFORE MY
TIME, MY SPACE.
EVERYONE SWITCHES TO OTHER
STUFF.
THEY ARE DOING THESE THINGS,
BUT ON TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM.
>> I HAVE TO SAY THAT I FIND
THAT TWITTER IS MORE
SUCCESSFUL, BUT IT IS MORE
ABOUT SHOWING OFF.
FACEBOOK IS MORE LIKE
INTERACTION.
IT IS FOR OLDER PEOPLE WHO
WANT TO CHECK ON THINGS.
THAT'S NOT SO BAD.
>> AND TOO ON FACEBOOK PEOPLE
ARE NOT SHOWING OFF, BUT THEY
ARE GIVING THEIR SCHEDULE AND
WHAT THEY ATE FOR LUNCH.
>> I HATE THAT.
>> AND WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE
WHEN IT CAME OUT OF THEM.
>> SOCIAL MEDIA HAS ALLOWED
EVERYONE A MOMENT TO BE A
STAR.
THAT PLAYS INTO IT.
>> NO WONDER YOU LIKE IT.
>> SO PROUD OF YOURSELF,
AREN'T YOU?
YOU LITERALLY CAN'T WAIT TO BE
A COMIC.
YOU SEE MY NAME ON THE BOARD
AND JUST START A MONTH AHEAD.
>> HE IS ON TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY
MORNING THAT IS.
I CAN'T WAIT.
>> THE USUAL CONVERSATION IS
SHOULD WE BUMP HIM?
NO, LET'S JUST HAVE HIM ON AND
MAKE FUN OF HIM. LIKE WHAT YOURE
SAYS.
>> OH.
>> WOW!
>> IT WOULD BE BETTER IF THERE
WAS A RACIAL MINORITY HERE.
DON'T YOU THINK IT WAS ODD
THEY DID A SURVEY ON THE PHONE
TO SEE IF PEOPLE -- WHY DO
THEY DO THE SURVEY ON
FACEBOOK?
>> THAT A IS A GOOD JOKE.
>> I AM NOT DONE.
AM I STUCK TO THIS CHAIR?
I AM GOING TO TAKE THE WHOLE
CHAIR AND I'M GOING OVER
HERE.
>> YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY DO
THAT.
LAST WORD, YOU LEFT FACEBOOK A
COUPLE YEARS AGO AND MADE A
BIG STINK ABOUT IT TELLING
EVERYBODY.
>> I MADE NO STINK ABOUT I
WHATSOEVER.
I MADE -- NO I DON'T WANT TO
GET INTO IT.
FACEBOOK WAS NOT FOR ME.
I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST IT IF
PEOPLE WANT TO KEEP UP WITH
THEIR LIVES.
THE STUDY IS RIDICULOUS.
>> WHY?
>> THEY ASKED PEOPLE -- THEY
DID IT BASED ON GOOGLE
SEARCHES FOR FACEBOOK.
THEY SAW THAT WAS REALLY
DOWN.
PEOPLE WHO USE FACEBOOK AREN'T
GOOGLING FACEBOOK.
>> YOU ALREADY HAVE THE TAB.
>> IT IS AN APP ON THEIR
PHONE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE STUDY.
>> WE SHARED A FLOOR WITH THE
GUYS AT MY SPACE WHEN THEY
OWNED OWNED -- WHEN FOX OWNED
MY SPACE.
WHAT A BUNCH OF DWEEBS.
>> THEY HAD A FOOZ BALL
TABLE.
>> AND A SIGN ON THE
REFRIGERATOR THAT SAID WE
COULDN'T HAVE THEIR FOOD.
>> REMEMBER WHEN HE WORKED AT
MY SPACE?
>> PAUL?
PAUL WORKED AT MY SPACE.
HE WAS THE SOLE REASON THEY
WENT UNDER.
>> THIS IS KIND OF NICE
ACTUALLY.
>> IT IS NICE.
IT IS GREAT.
>> WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
DO YOU LIVE NEARBY?
>> DON'T YOU THINK THE
GOVERNMENT IS BAD?
>> IT IS MAKING ME MISS PAUL
PRIVENZO.
>> WHERE IS DINO?
>> COMING UP, ICE CREAM
SUNDAYS FOR EVERYBODY EXCEPT
PAUL.
FIRST, DO CONSERVATIVES DRINK
MORE THAN LIBERALS OR DO
CONSERVATIVES DRINK MORE THAN
LIBERALS?
I GUESS THAT ANSWERS YOUR
>>> CAN CHICK FLICKS SAVE
RELATIONSHIPS?
A STUDY FOUND WATCHING A FILM
ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND
DISCUSSING IT CAN HELP REDUCE
DIVORCE RATES.
RESEARCHERS FROM THE
UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER, GO
SPRAY BUTTER, SAID TALKING
ABOUT MOVIES CAN BE AS
EFFECTIVE AS MARRIAGE
COUNSELING CUTTING THE
THREE-YEAR DIVORCE RATE IN
HALF WHICH IS ABOUT 70%.
SOME MOVIES USED INCLUDE "AS
GOOD AS IT GETS,"" STEEL
MAGNOLIAS," "FATHER OF THE
BRIDE" AND ODDLY" JAWS 3-D."
JOANNE, ARE YOU OKAY OVER
THERE?
>> YEAH.
>> YOU ALREADY WATCHED THESE
FILMS ALONE AT HOME ON FRIDAY
NIGHTS. IF YOU DO MEET
SOMEONE YOU WON'T HAVE TO
CHANGE YOUR SCHEDULE MUCH.
>> NO, EXCEPT THE TEARS I CRY
WILL BE OF.
>> INSTEAD OF DESPAIR.
>> CAN YOU TELL THE
DIFFERENCE?
>> ONE IS SWEETER.
GUESS WHICH ONE.
>> DESPAIR.
>> I HAD A 50/50 SHOT.
>> WE LOVE WATCHING THESE
TRAIN WRECK MOVIES BECAUSE WE
FEEL BETTER ABOUT OURSELVES IN
OUR RELATIONSHIPS.
>> THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
IF YOU CAN SEE KEVIN JAMES
HOOKUP, I HAVE A SHOT WITH MY
WIFE.
THAT'S HOW I LOOK AT IT.
>> TAKE IT AWAY, PAUL.
>> I JUST SAID AT THE BREAK
YOU DIDN'T GANG UP AND NOW YOU
ARE STARTING.
>> I AM OFFERING.
>> THAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.
>> OH PAUL, IT IS AMAZING HOW
YOU CAN GET EVERYBODY AGAINST
YOU.
YOU ARE LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF
THE PIED PIPER.
YOU ARE THE PIPE POOPER.
>> WHAT ARE YOU SIX?
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID
THAT.
WHY DON'T YOU PLAY WITH YOUR
LITTLE BUS.
>> I AM BRINGING OUT MY BUS IN
A MINUTE.
>> HERE IS THE THING.
>> QUICKLY.
>> DIVORCE?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
GIVE UP HALF OF YOUR SAVINGS
AND RUINS YOUR FAMILY.
AND IF IT MEANS I HAVE TO SEE
A MATTHEW McCONAGHEY AND
KATE HUDSON MOVIE I AM WILLING
TO GET A DIVORCE.
I AM NOT WILLING TO SEE THESE
MOVIES TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE.
>> YOU ARE SUCH A DUDE.
CHICK FLICKS ARE SO UNDUDE
LIKE.
>> YOU ARE SUCH AN ***.
>> ALL RIGHT, ELLISON, COULD
THIS BE A CORRELATION AND NOT
CAUSATION?
PEOPLE WHO GO TO MOVIES
TOGETHER SIMPLY DO A LOT
TOGETHER.
>> SPOIL ALERT, IF YOU HANG
OUT TOGETHER YOU GET ALONG
BETTER.
IF YOU SEE A MOVIE FOR THE
NEXT SIX MONTHS YOU LIKE EACH
OTHER.
I DON'T LIKE STUDIES LIKE THIS
BECAUSE LIKE YOU SAID THEY ARE
TOO BROAD AND THEY PROVE A
BROAD CORAL LAGS.
CORRELATION.
I DON'T THINK IT PROVES MUCH
AND I DO THINK IF YOU ARE
WATCHING A MOVIE AND HANGING
OUT YOU REALIZE THEY ARE NOT
THAT TERRIBLE.
IF YOU ARE HANGING OUT ALL THE
TIME WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO
DO?
IT WILL GET BETTER.
>> IT IS LIKE SAYING TW NIE
KIES LEAD TO CAN CUSTOMER.
LEAD TO CANCER.
>> YOU JUST HAPPEN TO BE
EATING TWINKIES.
>> THAT'S A SMART ASSESSMENT.
YOU KNOW WHAT IS INTERESTING?
LOVE ACTUALLY IS NOT ON THE
LIST.
THAT MADE ME HAPPY, BUT IT
BOTHERED ANDY.
>> I AGREE THE STUDY IS
[BLEEP].
IT IS LIKE YOU WERE SAYING.
WHAT THIS STUDY IS SAYING IS
IF MEN AGREE TO WATCH MOVIES
THEY WILL MAKE THEIR WIFE
HAPPY AND THEY WON'T GET
DIVORCED AS MUCH.
>> YES.
>> DIDN'T WE COVER THAT AT THE
TOP OF THE SEGMENT?
>> NO.
AND I'M GUESSING IF MEN WATCH
MOVIES WITH KATHERINE HEIGL IN
IT IT WILL MAKE THEM
APPRECIATE THEIR WIFE MORE.
>> WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?
REMEMBER SHE WAS KNOCKED UP
--
>> DIDN'T SHE HAVE A BABY?
>> SHE DID.
>> SHE IS TRYING TO GET ON
JERRY SEINFIELD'S COMEDIAN
CALL BACK LIST AND SHE CAN'T.
>> IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL IT?
>> A REFERENCE TO EARLIER.
>> I WOULDN'T CALL IT A CALL
BACK.
>> I THINK "12 YEARS A SLAVE"
SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THAT.
>>> NEXT TOPIC, A COLUMBIA
UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR HAS BLOWN
THE LID OFF SOMETHING CALLED
MICROAGGRESSN.IO
DR. SUE DEFINES IT AS, QUOTE,
AN EVERYDAY SLIGHT AND PUT
DOWN INDIGNITY OR INVALIDATION
AND UNINTENTIONALLY DIRECTED
TOWARD A MARGINAL LIESED
GROUP.
PEOPLE OFTEN DON'T KNOW THEY
ARE DOING IT AND THINK THEY
ARE COMPLEMENTING THE OTHER
PERSON.
IT INCLUDES A WHITE STUDENT
ASKING AN ASIAN STUDENT WITH A
MATH PROBLEM AND A WOMAN
CLUTCHING HER PURSE WHEN A
BLACK MAN WALKS BY.
OR BOOKING PAUL McCURIO ON
THE SHOW BECAUSE YOU FEEL BAD
FOR HIM.
>> SEE.
I LIKE THE MEAT AND POTATOES
AGGRESSION.
YOU SUCK GREG.
THAT'S MY KIND OF AGGRESSION.
>> THAT'S NOT A
MICROAGGRESSION.
THAT'S A CHARITY.
>> PAUL, YOU ARE USED TO
MICROAGGRESSION WHEN PEOPLE
POLITELY LAUGH AT YOUR JOKES,
RIGHT?
>> HERE IS THE PROBLEM WITH
THE WHOLE CONCEPT.
IF THIS IS TRUE, YOU DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU CAN SAY.
I PROBABLY -- I'M SORRY
BECAUSE PINS AND NEEDLES IS
DERIVED FROM THE PARATHESIS.
THAT WAS THE SMART POINT OF
THE NIGHT FOR ME.
I'M DONE.
ANYBODY NEED A PACKAGE
DELIVERED.
>> I WAS CHEERING FOR THE I'M
DONE PART.
>> WE ALL WERE.
>> NOW THEY ARE GETTING THE
PICTURE.
JOANNE IN PANELING GENTRY
WHERE WE FOUND -- PAGENTRY
WHERE WE FOUND YOU WALL LOWING,
MICROAGGRESSION IS THE
LANGUAGE.
>> AND WE KNOW WE ARE DOING
IT.
#W WOMEN IT HAPPENS ALL THE
TIME.
OH YOUR BOYFRIEND TOOK YOU OUT
FOR AN ITALIAN DINNER?
I HAVEN'T HAD CARBS IN A
MONTH.
OH YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE
CHILDREN?
THERE GOES YOUR SEX LIFE.
YOU ARE COMPLIMENTING, BUT IT
IS THE BACKHANDED AND THAT'S
HOW WE TALK.
>> IT IS TRUE.
AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL, ELLISON
BECAUSE YOU DO IT.
MEN CAN'T PULL IT OFF.
DO YOU THINK MICROAGGRESSORS
ARE A SECRET NAME FORAYSISM OR
IT IS A NEW WORD TO DESCRIBE?
>> SOME OF THE WORDS THEY SAY
THEY ARE REFERRING TO WHAT WE
WOULD TYPICALLY CALL STEREO
TYPING.
THE FIRST EXAMPLE YOU GAVE OF
A WHITE STUDENT ASKING A ASIAN
STUDENT TO HELP ON A MATH
PROBLEM, IF THAT IS
MICROAGGRESSION I WOULD LOVE
FOR PEOPLE TO DO THAT TO ME.
IT IS LIKE YOU ARE SMARTER
THAN ME AND I DON'T THINK THAT
IS A MICROAGGRESSIVE THING.
I AM NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND
WHAT THE DEFINITION OF
MICROAGGRESSION IS.
>> THE PART OF THAT EXAMPLE IS
NOT --
>> IT IS THAT YOU ARE STEREO
TYPING THAT AN ASIAN PERSON
WAS SMARTER.
SO THAT IS STEREO TYPING AND
WHY GIVE IT A NEW TERM?
>> BUT GOD FORBID WHAT IF THE
ASIAN PERSON JUST WAS THE BEST
PERSON IN THE CLASS?
>> WHO ASKS FOR HELP WITH A
MATH PROBLEM?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
ASKING FOR HELP IS SAYING
WOULD YOU DO IT FOR ME. IT IS
LIKE WHEN YOU ARE DOING A MATH
PROBLEM, SOMEBODY SAYS I DON'T
UNDERSTAND IT, YOU DO THIS.
THAT'S GIVING THEM THE
ANSWER.
IT IS WRONG.
ANDY, AREN'T THE JEWS BEHIND
MOST MICROAGGRESSION?
THAT'S WHAT I READ ON YOUR
BLOG.
>> I AM NOT GOING TO SAY
THAT.
I HATE TO DISAGREE, BUT I
DON'T THINK ANY OF THE
EXAMPLES WERE WHAT YOU GAVE.
THAT WAS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
BEHAVIOR.
>> I THINK THEY ARE A REAL
THING.
I HAVE EXPERIENCED THEM.
IT IS EASY TO FORGET IN NEW
YORK AND L.A.
THE JEWS ARE A MINORITY.
IT IS NOT SO EASY TO FORGET
AND YOU HEAR AND PEOPLE SAY
THINGS AND THEY DON'T MEAN
IT -- THEY DON'T NECESSARILY
MEAN IT IN A BAD WAY.
YOU SIT THERE AND YOU SAY WHY
ARE YOU SAYING THAT A?
>> I DO THINK THEY EXIST.
I ALSO THINK --
>> WHAT, I DON'T GET ONE?
>> I CAN'T GET ONE?
>> WELCOME TO MY WORLD.
>> GOOD, WE WILL TAKE A
BREAK.
>> DON'T BLAME THAT ON ME.
>> I HAVE A NEW BOOK COMING
OUT.
IT IS CALLED "NOT COOL" AND I
MAY BE COMING TO A CITY NEAR
YOU IN A COOL BUS.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THE BUS
WILL LOOK LIKE.
>> WHY ARE YOU CARRYING THAT
BUS AROUND EVERYWHERE?
>> I WAS WAITING FOR THE BUS
JOKES.
I WILL BE IN 31 CITIES IN 11
DAYS.
HERE IS A LOOK AT SOME OF THE
PLACES I WILL BE AT.
I WILL BE ALL OVER.
>> IF YOU LIVE THERE, MOVE.
>> HE IS HECKLING MY BOOK
TOUR.
I WOULD LOVE TO MEET SOME OF
YOU.
GO TO G GUT FELLED.COM.
THE ENTIRE TOUR SCHEDULE WILL
BE THERE.
IT IS GRUELING AND I WOULD
LOVE TO MEET ALL OF YOU AND
HAVE YOU BUY MY BOOK.
>>> DID IT CAUSE YOU TO
PARTY?
LIBERALS DRINK MORE *** THAN
CONSERVATIVES.
RESEARCHERS AT DUCANE
UNIVERSITY UNIVERSITY --
[BLEEP] BY COMPARING -- I
DIDN'T KNOW I WAS ON CAMERA.
BY COMPARING ALCOHOL SALES --
YOU WILL HAVE TO BLUR THAT.
IT IS AGAINST THE POLITICS OF
A STATE MEMBERS -- OF THE
STATE MEMBERS OF CONGRESS.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE UP
NOW.
TALK ABOUT THE BUS.
WHY DO LEFTIES HIT THE BOTTLE
HARDER THAN RIGHTIES?
THE LIBERALS ARE MORE OPEN TO
TRYING NEW THINGS LIKE AN
EXPENSIVE BORDEAUX.
I HAD MY LIVERY MOVED SO I
WON'T HAVE TO FAIL AT ANYTHING
EVER AGAIN.
REMEMBER TO BLUR MY FINGER
THERE.
IN THE D BLOCK PEOPLE.
PAUL, YOU CAUSED PEOPLE TO
DRINK HENCE THE 10-DRINK
MINIMUM AT YOUR GIG.
>> WOW.
THAT WAS ANOTHER ONE.
A LOT OF WORK WENT INTO THAT
ONE.
>> NO, IT WAS SIMPLE.
I HAVE BEEN TO YOUR SHOWS.
>> YOU ASK A CLUB OWNER WHY
ARE YOU BOOKING McCURIO.
SALES ARE WAY UP.
>> FIRST I TELL HIM THERE IS A
DANGEROUS GANG AND THEY RUN
IN.
>> ACTUALLY, SHUT UP.
I HAVE A HIGH DRINK AVERAGE.
THEY CALCULATE -- THEY LAUGH
HARD AND THEY BUY MORE BEER
AND *** BECAUSE I AM MAKING
THEM LAUGH.
>> THEY CAN CALCULATE THAT.
>> THEY CANNOT CALCULATE
THAT.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, SERIOUSLY.
I AM GOING GO LOOK AT THE
TRAFFIC.
>> AT LEAST YOU DON'T MILK A
JOKE.
>> I WL COME OVER HERE AND BE
RIGHT OVER HERE.
>> JOANNE, YOU ARE A BARTENDER
AND YOU MET WOMEN FROM
NUMEROUS STATES, 54 TO BE
EXACT.
WHICH WAS THE SLOPPIEST?
>> THAT IS A TOSS UP BETWEEN
MYSELF AND MISS ILLINOIS.
THEY ARE LIGHT WEIGHTS.
WE ARE NOT THE ONES WHO WELL
HOLD THEM BACK.
>> THROW UP A LOT?
>> A LOT.
>> EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T DRINK.
>> REALLY WITH THIS STUDY WHAT
IS VERY IMPORTANT ESPECIALLY
WITH STATES IS RELIGION PLAYS
A LOT INTO YOUR POLITICAL
BELIEFS.
YOU ARE VERY CONSERVATIVE AND
A LOT OF THESE RELIGIONS DON'T
ALLOW.
>> UTAH FOR ONE EVEN THOUGH
THEY DRINK I HAVE BEEN THERE.
>> THAT IS COMMON SENSE.
>> PERHAPS.
ELLISON, SHOOY RUINED THE --
SHE RUINED THE STUDY.
>> THEY ARE LYING.
>> YOUR PACKAGE IS HERE.
JAY ARE YOU RUINING MY
MOMENT.
>> SORRY.
>> I THINK CONSERVATIVES ARE
LYING.
THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
>> BACK AT HOME WE HAVE A JOKE
BECAUSE I AM FROM THE SOUTH
AND I AM A PRESBYTERIAN AND WE
HAVE A JOKE AND THAT IS THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
PRESBYTERIAN AND BAPTIST.
THEY WILL SAY HI IN THE LIQUOR
STORE.
BAPTISTS ACT LIKE THEY DON'T
KNOW THEY ARE THERE.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> SURELY MORE PEOPLE ARE
LYING.
>> ANDY, WHEN YOU DRINK IT IS
USUALLY OUT OF A BOWL ON YOUR
KNEES NEXT TO YOUR CAT.
>> OKAY.
>> I THOUGHT THAT WAS CUTE.
>> I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
>> THEY ATTRIBUTE IT TO RISK,
RIGHT?
>> I AM NOT SURE I BUY THIS
STUDY.
IT HASN'T BEEN MY EXPERIENCE,
AND THEY SAY THAT STATES WITH
MORE LIBERAL REPRESENTATIVES
LIKE NEVADA TEND TO CONSUME
MORE ALCOHOL.
IS THERE MAYBE ANOTHER REASON
THAT ALCOHOL IS CONSUMED IN
NEVADA?
I CAN'T THINK OF ONE OFFHAND,
BUT MAYBE IF I THINK ABOUT
IT.
>> AREN'T THEY HAVING MORE SEX
IN NEVADA?
>> DIDN'T YOU LEAVE?
>> AND OTHER FACTORS LIKE NEW
HAMPSHIRE SUPPOSEDLY HAS THE
HIGHEST ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION
RATE IN THE NATION.
IT IS DOUBLE THE NATIONAL
AVERAGE, BUT THERE IS A NO
LIQUOR TAX IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
WHICH MEANS PEOPLE FROM
MASSACHUSETTS, VERMONT AND
MAINE MIGHT BE GOING THERE AND
BUYING THE *** AND TAKING IT
BACK.
>> SOMEPLACES HAVE THE
DRIVE-THRU.
>> AND IT IS COLD.
>> I WILL SAY THOUGH I THINK
BEING DRUNK WOULD ALLOW FOR
CONTRADICTORY THINGS LIKE KEEP
YOUR HANDS-OFF MY BODY AND YOU
SHOULD HAVE TO PAY FOR MY
BIRTH CONTROL AND MAYBE THAT'S
WHY THEY DRINK A LOT.
>> A LITTLE POLITICAL POINT.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO POUT?
I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY POUT
ON TELEVISION.
>> THAT MAKES ONE OF US.
>> WHEN WE COME BACK, I AM
GOING TO --
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST
REALIZED?
YOU LOOK LIKE A REALLY OLD,
AGING ERIC NEES.
>> ERIC BUM NEES. E-MAIL US.
DO YOU HAVE VIDEO OF YOUR
ANIMAL DOING SOMETHING?
CLICK ON IS SUBMIT A VIDEO.
COMING UP, OUR LAST STORY.
>>> ANDY WILL BE ON "THE
INDEPENDENCE" WEDNESDAY AT
9:00 P.M. ON FOX BUSINESS
NETWORK.
I THINK THEY ARE GLAD TO VOW
AFTER WHAT HAPPENED LAST
NIGHT.
>> THEY DON'T EVEN WANT US TO
MENTION THAT ACTUALLY.
>> I WAS ON LAST NIGHT.
>> YEAH, WE HEARD.
>> WHAT?
>> COMING UP TOMORROW ON THE
NEXT "RED EYE" WE HAVE MICHAEL
MONEY GNAW HAN.
>> HOW DO YOU RAG ON ME IN THE
PAST?
THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
>> THEIR CANS ARE GETTING
PANED.
IT IS DAY 95 OF --
>> TERRORISM REMAINS A MAJOR
CONCERN AT THE SOCHI OLYMPICS,
BUT STILL WE WOULD RATHER
FOCUS ON TOILETS.
A WRITER FOR YAHOO! SPORTS
TWEETED THIS PICTURE WITH THE
CAPTION, PEOPLE ASKED ME WHAT
SURPRISED ME THE MOST HERE IN
SOCHI.
IT IS THIS WITHOUT QUESTION.
IT IS THIS.
THE SIGN SAYS DO NOT FLUSH
TOILET PAPER DOWN THE TOILET,
BUT IN THE BIN PROVIDED.
THE SPORTS WRITER ZOOS
SURPRISED SURPRISED -- WRITER
WAS SO SURPRISED HE TOOK
EVERYTHING IN THE BIN HOME.
THAT IS DISGUSTING.
I HAD THAT PROBLEM, BUT I
CURED IT WITH THERAPY.
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU CAN'T
FLUSH THE STUFF?
>> IT LET'S NOT ATTACK THE
GAMES.
THERE IS A LARGER ISSUE IN
RUSSIA WITH THEIR PLUMBING
SYSTEM BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE
THROWING THEIR OWN SELVES INTO
THE TOILET TO GET OUT OF THE
COUNTRY.
THAT'S A GOOD JOKE, PEOPLE.
IT MAKES A POINT AND IT IS
STRONG AND BOY THAT'S A
RECYCLING PROGRAM.
COME ON, EVERYONE.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
>> THAT'S THE TITLE OF YOUR
MEMWIOR, "WHERE YOU FROM."
>> NO THE TITLE IS "WHY ARE
YOU WALKING AWAY"?
>> I IMAGINE THIS BATHROOM IS
A STEP UP FOR YOU.
BUT ARE THESE CONDITIONS
SUITABLE FOR OUR OLYMPIANS?
>> I SAY WHEN IN SOCHI, DO AS
THE RUSSIANS DO DO.
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T
THINK OF THAT.
I WILL BE IN FORT LAUDERDALE.
>> WOW, IT ONLY TOOK HER TWO
ACTS.
>> THE BEST PART OF THE JOKE
WAS A COUPLE HOURS AGO WHEN WE
WERE IN THE OFFICE AND SHE
STARTED LAUGHING AND SAID I
JUST CAME UP WITH A GREAT
JOKE.
>> I THOUGHT WAIT FOR IT.
>> WHAT WAS YOUR TALENT IN THE
PAGEANT?
>> WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT
THAT ANYMORE.
>> WAIT A MINUTE!
>> THERE IS A AVAILABLE
WEBSITE CALLED WHERE DO I PUT
THE PAPER.COM.
DO YOU SHARE JOKES?
CAN YOU E-MAIL ME THESE?
I WAS WORKING BEFORE THIS
EXPRI NO NOTES.
IF SOMEBODY COULD CC ME ON
ONE.
JUST ONE.
>> JOANNE GNAW WAS RIGHT, SOME
RESEARCH WOULD HAVE STOPPED
THE SPORTS WRITER FROM BEING
SURPRISED.
THEY SAY YOU WILL BE BENDING
IT IN MOST RUSSIA STATES AND
RUSSIA IS NO DIFFERENT.
AND PAPER GOES IN THE TOILET
AND NOT THE BOWL.
>> LAST WORD BECAUSE I KNOW
YOU ARE DYING TO COMMENT ON
THIS.
>> WHAT IS THIS WEBSITE
CALLED?
>> TOILET PAPER GURU.COM.
>> WHERE DO I PUT THE
PAPER.COM.
DO THEY SAY IF IT IS BROWN
FLUSH IT DOWN?
>> NO.
>> EVERY PIECE OF PAPER HAS TO
GO IN THE BIN?
THAT'S GROSS.
THAT'S GROSS.
>> IT WILL BE A PROBLEM IN
AMERICA AT SOME POINT.
>> THAT WAS PROLIFIC.
>> THANK YOU.
ANYWAY, THIS WAS FUN.
>> LIKE, YOU KNOW.
YEAH.
>> FORT LAUDERDALE THIS WEEK.
>> BY THE WAY, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT PROLIFIC MEANS.