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[police siren blaring]
-Shut up!
-Hi, kids. Sgt. Anous here.
There are two types of people in this world:
good-for-nothing criminals
and officers of the law,
so that's why I'm here to show you how to become a police officer.
[ding!] Let's go.
Get-get up, get up, get--
Step 1: Parking Enforcement.
[siren blares]
One important thing is to always remember to--
Sir, you are illegally parked there!
That spot is for handicapped citizens only!
-Sorry, I'll just move my car then.
-He's resisting arrest!
[gunshot]
-[screaming] My leg!
-(man) Handicap'd!
-Step 2: Problem Solving.
If you're having a problem with something,
shooting it usually helps.
No cash? [gunshot]
-(man) Soda pop'd!
-(Sgt. Anous) Hate the channel? [gunshot]
-(man) Smart!
-(Sgt. Anous) Got a ticket?
[grunts]
[gunshots]
-(man) F--k meter maids!
-Step 3: Speeding Violations.
One of the perks to being a cop
is women always flash their *** to get out of tickets.
-Officer... [chuckles]
Is there I could do to... get out of this ticket?
-[shrieks]
-(man) Saggy flapjacks!
-Step 4: Stay Hydrated.
[slurping]
-(man) Healthy!
-Step 5: Have Fun.
It's always fun to prank call other departments.
-We got a report of someone with exploding diarrhea!
Who is it?
-It's your wife!
-Oh-ho-ho, good one, Anous! [laughs]
-[chortles] But really though, how is your wife?
-You know she's dead, right?
-Cool, mine too!
-(man) Single ready to mingle!
-Step 6: Law Enforcement.
No matter what anyone says,
jaywalking IS a crime.
Jaywalking!
-Sorry sir, I just needed to cross right here.
-Well, you should've used the crosswalk,
you good-for-nothing criminal.
-But, there's not even any cars coming.
-[growls]
[wind whistles]
[growls]
[wind whistles]
Bulls--t!
[multiple gunshots and groans]
[gunshots stop]
We have laws for a reason.
If I didn't stop you from jaywalking,
you could've just been killed by a car just now, you stupid crim--
[tires screech, groans]
[groans]
-(man) Irony'd! ...***.
-(announcer) To see bloopers
and another important step on how to be a cop,
click the link in the description below!
-Yay.
-(announcer) Thanks for subscribing!
-(Sgt. Anous) Stop right there, criminal ***!
Stop begging for subscribers!
-(announcer) But I wasn't begging, I was just thanking for--
-(Sgt. Anous) Bulls--t!
[gunshots, announcer groans] Captioned by SpongeSebastian