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Miguel: Now that I had been pushed away by the champions of the "Pro-Living" side of the debate,
I decided to approach the leaders of the "Alliance for Zen Zombies," Daniel Hayes and Travon Jackson.
So, Mr. Hayes, you believe that the zombies deserve the same rights as uninfected students? Why is that?
Please don't use the term "zombie."
Zombie was originally used as a term to describe the recently deceased who were reanimated through Voodoo rituals
who were used to do their master's bidding.
It has since been perverted by the Live Man into a pejorative term used to demean his unliving brethren.
Um... okay... So what should I call them?
We refer to them as the "Living Disabled."
Okay... So Mr. Hayes, you believe that the "Living Disabled" deserve the same rights as uninfected students?
And that's another misconception,
there's no evidence to support that the disorder of the Living Disabled is a disease, much less a contagious one.
[Sigh]
Miguel: Obviously I wasn't getting anywhere in this debate.
I decided that if I wanted to get the true story of what was happening, I had to research something more objective
The reaction of the students toward the zombies.
So, you're a student here at Troy High School?
Um, yeah...
Uh, have there been any changes since the recent zombie outbreak?
Uh, not really... The only thing I can really think of is that teachers don't really give passes to the bathroom as often.
even if it's an emergency.
So, have there been any other changes, besides teachers not giving you passes to go to the bathroom?
Um, not really... uh that's about it.
Really?...
Hey look, there's one of 'em right now.
This could be my big break! Come on, let's go interview him!
Student: Be careful, he's gonna eat your brains.
Um, Mr. Zombie, how does it feel to be dead and alive at the same time?
...Braaiiins...
Don't you realize that you're just confirming all of the stereotypes about your kind?
...I never really thought about it like that...
BRAAIIINNNSSSS!!!
AAGGHHH!
[No Signal]
Well, that's the end of our program for you tonight, folks.
If you take one thing away from this investigative report, let it be this:
Whether we're living or dead, we're all human. And when dealing with human beings, one should always exercise the utmost of caution.
In our world, we can only be certain of one thing: there is nothing more dangerous than what is Man.
Remember folks, be wise, be safe, be aware.
Goodnight.
["When the Man Comes Around" by Johnny Cash Playing]
Mr. Dunn: They like to hide in the stalls and susp-- ambush the... uh...
Oh, you're not gonna ask me the question? Reporter: No, I am gonna ask you --
Oh, I'm sorry, hehe. Alright...
CUT!
Reporter: You think that zombies should be treated the same as uninfected students? Why is that?
Travon: Please don't use the term zomb--
Mr. Hayes: Sorry, I goofed.
[Laughing]
Student: There's one of them now...
Sal: We should cut...
Miguel: Cut?
We should cut?
Miguel: Oh, I'm so hungry, I've been in this desert for days.
Ohhh, I'm gonna die of starvation on this alien planet.
Oh can't someone help me please?
Wyatt: I am an alien genie, here to grant you one wish.
Miguel: [Gasp!]
Wyatt: What is your wish?
Miguel: Oh man, I wish I could have some taco salad right now.
Miguel: [GASP!] Taco salad!
Travon: Zombie was originally used as a term to describe the recently deceased who were reanimated through Voodoo rituals...
Yeah!...
Mr. Dunn: I don't get it, how many times do you have to be attacked and have your brains, you know, ambushed --
NO, THAT WAS HORRIBLE!