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♪ WHOO! ♪
GOD...
IF YOU CAN HEAR ME,
PLEASE...
SEND ME ONE REAL BASEBALL PLAYER.
THAT'S ALL I ASK.
AND IF YOU CAN'T GRANT ME THAT, THEN, WELL...
YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST STRIKE ME DEAD
[SNIFFS]
[SIGHS]
GOD?
NO.
MOSE
NO, BUT YOU'RE GETT
WARM.
[LAUGHS]
HELLO, GUS.
[LAUGHS]
OH, JESUS CHRIST.
BE CAREFUL, NOW.
YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH.
DO YOU MEAN WHEN YOU REALIZED GOD IS BLACK?
YEAH.
I TH
SHE WAS WHITE.
GHS]
I MUST'VE BEEN OUT A LONG TIME
IF IT'S HALLOWEEN ALREADY.
WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
PEDRO CERRANO, THE ORIGINAL VOODOO MAN FROM MARS,
DROP
TO FIND WHATEVER THE HELL IT WAS HE LOST.
MAYBE HIS MIND.
ANYWAY, HE'S BACK WITH A NEW PIECE OF LUMBER.
LET'S SEE IF HE REMEMBERS HOW TO SWING IT.
HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT?
CERRANO MUST HAVE BUMPED INTO
THE GOD OF ALL LINE DRIVES.
HE JUST HIT A BULLET DOWN THE LEFT FIELD LINE.
2 RUNS SCORE,
AND THE BUZZ PUT ONE IN THE WIN COLUMN.
YEAH!
Doyle: THEY'RE ON A ROLL NOW, BABY.
WHOO!
CHATTER]
JUAN!
THE LOPEZ BROTHERS PULL OFF A DOUBLE PLAY--
4 TO 6 TO 3.
HEY, AND NOT A PUNCH WAS THROWN,
NOT A DROP OF BLOOD SPILLED.
ALL RIGHT, POPS, NICE STRETCH.
ALL RIGHT.
NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE BROTHERLY LOVE.
Man: BUNT!
WHOO!
OUT!
SO THE BUZZ WIN THEIR THIRD IN A ROW.
OH, MY.
CERRANO?
YO.
CERRANO.
Sí, GUS, WHAT?
IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?
Cerrano JESúS CRISTO.
TANAKA.
DID YOUR PART TO BEAUTIFY AMERICA.
I SEE YOU'VE MADE IN THE
PEACE OF BRAIN?
PEACE OF MIND.
BASICALLY, YEAH.
UH, WHAT DOES YOUR INNER VOICE TELL YOU?
AH..
SOUN NEEDS A
I GOT JUST THE THING.
COME ON.
Cerrano: WATCH YOUR STEP.
Woman: GO, TAKA!
Man: COME ON, YOU CAN
Doyle: TAKA TANAKA, LIKE CERRANO,
LEFT BASEBALL FOR A WHILE.
HERE'S THE WINDUP AND THE PITCH TO TANAKA.
HE S
TANAKA HIT THAT ONE RIGHT ON THE SCREW.
♪ I'M TURNING JAPANESE, I THINK I'M TURNING JAPANESE ♪
♪ I REALLY THINK SO ♪
Doyl
THE BUZZ JUST PULLED OFF
EITHER SOMEONE GOT THEIR SIGNALS CROSSED,
OR THIS IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE A BASEBALL TEAM.
[CROWD CHEERING]
SAFE!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? WHAT'S HE DOING?
Man: BRAVO!
Weevils: I THINK THAT'S A--A CURTSY?
Doyle: LANCE PERE IS CURTSYING TO THE CROWD.
HUH. HE'S BLOWING KISSES AND CURTSYING.
THIS MUST GO BACK TO HIS DAYS AS A BALLADEER.
OH, HE WAS A SINGER?
DANCER.
OH.
Man: ALL RIGHT, LANCE.
Man over P.A.: NOW BATTING, CARLOS LISTON.
[AUDIENCE BOOS]
BALTIMORE ORIOLES, 8...
MINNESOTA TWINS, NOTHING!
COACH, YOU'RE DOING A FINE JOB,
A REAL FINE JOB.
GET YOUR HEADS IN THE GAME, OK?
HUH? PUT THE MAGAZINES AWAY.
PUT THE PHONES AWAY. BYE, MOM.
Man: GET AHOL
NOW.
[SIGHS]
18 MILLION OVER 3 SEASONS,
SN'T EVEN BALL.
E
THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW. THE BUZZ WON AGAIN.
THAT PUTS THEM IN SECOND PLACE.
REALLY?
WELL, MAYBE I'LL TAKE A TRIP DOWN THERE,
WATCH SOMEBODY WHO'S INTERESTED
IN PLAYING BASEBALL.
THE NEXT GAME IS NOT U
THEY'VE GOT 2 DAYS OFF.
Dorn: HEY, GUS.
HEY, I KNEW YOU COULD TURN THAT BUNCH INTO A BALL TEAM.
THE FIRST COUPLE OF WEEKS WERE PRETTY ROUGH,
BUT WE'RE STARTING TO COME TOGETHER.
GUS, LOOK, YOU'VE GOT A COUPLE OF DAYS OFF.
WHY DON'T YOU HOP ON A PLANE, COME UP HERE,
AND LET ME WINE AND DINE YOU MINNESOTA STYLE?
I CAN'T.
I PROMISED MAGGIE I'D SPEND THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS OFF
UP THERE WITH HER.
ALL EXPENSES PAID,
FIRST-CLASS TRIP TO MINNEAPOLIS.
IN FACT, MY ASSISTANT IS CALLING THE HOTEL
AS WE SPEAK AND BOOKING THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.
I DON'T BY THE T
WE GOT TO TURN AROUND AND COME BACK.
I'LL SEND MY JET FOR YOU.
VERY SEXY. NICE VACATION FOR YOU AND MAGGIE.
LEAR JET.
OK.
OK, YOU'RE ON.
[LAUGHS]
YEAH.
Gus: SO, UM...
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH CARLOS?
WELL, CARLOS IS IN A LOVE FEST...
WITH CARLOS.
WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF YOUR TEAM?
WELL, ONE OF THEM WANTS TO BE TRADED TO NEW YORK,
SO HE CAN GET A LITTLE MORE PRESS COVERAGE.
MY CENTER FIELDER IS THREATENING TO QUIT
'CAUSE HE WANTS TO BECOME A MALE MODEL.
[LAUGHS]
AND MY SHORTSTOP AND SECOND BASEMAN AREN'T SPEAKING
BECAUSE ONE OF THEM'S GOT A BIGGER SHOE CONTRACT,
AND THEY HAVEN'T TURNED A DOUBLE PLAY IN OVER A MONTH.
SO, OUT OF YOUR 25 PLAYERS,
BASEBALL IS A PRIMARY CONCERN FOR HOW MANY?
14...
MAYBE.
[BAT HITS BALL]
[AUDIENCE BOOS]
AHH.
[LAUGHS AND MUTTERS]
OH, GOD,
.
WHAT? I LIKE IT.
HUH.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU THIS, ALL RIGHT?
IF I HAD A GOOD SHORT RELIEVER,
I COULD TURN THIS TEAM AROUND.
Gus: [LAUGHS] IN HIS WILDEST DREAMS.
WHAT'S THAT?
NOTHING.
NO, NO. COME ON, GO AHEAD.
Maggie: GUS.
I'M JUST SAYING THAT A SHORT RELIEVER
IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS.
WHY'S THAT?
YOU GOT NO UNITY.
IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF. NOBODY'S PLAYING FOR THE TEAM.
WELL, THAT'S RIGHT. WE GOT A FEW BAD EGGS
WHO ARE SPOILING IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE.
WELL, YOU SEE,
WHEN YOU HAVE MAJOR TALENT,
YOU GET MAJOR PERSONALITIES.
MAYBE YOU GOT TO AND NOT ENOUGH T
UH-HUH.
SEE, THIS GAME IS ABOUT 9 GUYS WORKI
NE.
THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE THE BEST 9 GUYS WHO EVER LIVED.
THEY JUST GOT TO WORK TOGETHER.
OH, THAT'S SWEET.
THAT REALLY IS. THAT'S--THAT'S SO SWEET.
TOGETHER
COME ON, EVERYONE.
RAH, RAH, RAH.
HAT,
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TRUST ME ON THIS.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
IS THAT SO?
THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO GET THE CHECK.
LY IS SO.
SEE, LET ME EXPLAIN, OK?
THERE ARE 2 KINDS OF BASEBALL, RIGHT?
THERE'S BIG LEAGUE...
AND THEN THERE'S LITTLE LEAGUE.
AND YOU, MY FRIEND...
YOU ARE IN THE LATTER.
THAT SMELLS A LITTLE BIT LIKE A CHALLENGE.
ENOUGH
ONE,
YEAH, IT IS.
ANY HOUR, ANY DAY, ANY WEEK,
MY GUYS WILL BE ON THE FIELD READY TO GO.
WAITER?
WAIT A SECOND. SAY WHAT?
YOU WOULD ACTUALLY STEP ONTO THE SAME FIELD
AS MY TWINS?
IS THERE AN ECHO IN THIS ROOM?
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
DON'T POKE ME.
IF YOU HAD THE FIRST IDEA--
I SAID DON'T POKE ME.
IN FACT, IF YOU HAD ANY IDEA OF WHAT--
OW! OW! OW, OW, OW, OW!
I TOLD YOU NOT TO POKE ME, YOU LOUDMOUTH MORON!
YOU ARE BREAKING MY FINGER!
SON OF A ***!
Huff: LET GO OF MY FINGER, YOU PUTZ!
STOP!
[YELLING]
ONE MINUTE, YOU'RE TELLING ME ABOUT
THE NEW, IMPROVED, RESPONSIBLE GUS CANTRELL
AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW,
YOU'RE ROLLING ACROSS A BARROOM FLOOR
PUNCHING AND BITI
I DIDN'T BITE HIM.
BESIDES, IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT?
NO. HUFF ASKED ME TO HIT HIM.
THAT'S FUNNY. I DON'T REMEMBER HEARING HIM
REQUEST A PUNCH IN THE NOSE.
IT'S, LIKE, A SECRET GUY LANGUAGE.
WHEN SOMEBODY POKES YOU WITH THEIR FINGER
MORE THAN ONCE, THEY'RE SAYING,
"COME ON AND HIT ME."
A SECRET GUY LANGUAGE.
I MEAN, I KNEW ABOUT THE HANDSHAKE
AND THE DECODER RING,
BUT THE LANGUAGE THING IS NEW TO ME.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
YEAH, HE'S RIGHT HERE.
IT'S ROGER.
LISTEN, ROG, I'M REALLY SORRY.
UH, RIGHT NOW?
OK.
OK.
ON MY WAY.
GOOD MORNING, MR. CANTRELL.
FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.
Roger: NO, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
I THINK THAT'LL WORK OUT GREAT.
Roger: UH-HUH.
BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY, SIR.
THANK YOU.
I'LL TELL HIM YOU SAID THAT.
OH, MY GOD.
OK, GOTTA GO. TALK TO YA. BYE-BYE.
ARE YOU OUT
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE THE FIFTH PERSON
THIS MORNING TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION.
WE CAN'T PLAY THE TWINS. WE'RE A MINOR LEAGUE CLUB.
YOU SAID 9 PLAYERS PLAYING TOGETHER.
I KNOW WHAT I SAID, DAMN IT.
DON'T THROW IT BACK AT ME.
YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT?
WELL, OF COURSE I BELIEVE IT. IT'S...
COFFEE, SIR?
YEAH.
UM, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT, UH,
ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT STAFF,
GO BUZZ. KICK ***.
UM, THAN
BY THE WAY,
THAT WAS HUFF ON THE PHONE JUST NOW.
UT.
HE SAID THAT?
YEAH. BLOWIN' SMOKE OUT OF YOUR BUTT.
THOSE WERE HIS WORDS.
AND GUTLESS. I THINK
HE--I FORGOT HOW HE USED IT.
BIG TWINS VS. THE LITTLE TWINS.
D WAY
TO PUT SOME BUTTS IN THE SEATS, HUH?
DO YOU REALLY THINK SELLING TICKETS
IS MY SOLE MOTIVATION?
OK, MAYBE IT IS, BUT NEVERTHELESS,
FOR YOUR BOYS TO SEE THE SHOW UP CLOSE, PERSONAL.
IT'S--IT'S DICEY.
WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR TEAM WHAT THEY WANNA DO?
HUFF'S FINGER BROKEN?
FRACTURED.
GIVE ME 24 HOURS. LET ME TALK TO MY TEAM.
YOU'RE THE MAN.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
GOTTA GO.
HELLO?
YEAH, IT'S FOR REAL.